17, Transgendered, Desperate, Help?

[Guest Ayanna Little]

As the topic says, i'm 17 and i'm new to the forum. (Yay, go me!)

My point in creating this thread, was to get a few opinions on what I should do as far as coming out goes. Now, I know, this subject has been covered many times over. But, I felt like i'd be able to get more accurate responses if I posted one myself.

First off, I know for fact that I am transgendered, and I do have gender issues. I've been professionally tested, ontop of having some of my earliest memories being about pretending to be a girl. I've been caught "Acting out" more than once, or some people call it "Cross dressing" (It doesn't feel like cross dressing to me, it's not sexual in any way. It makes me feel better about my skin, anyway.) I'm out to one person, my best friend. She supports me, and accepted my transition with open arms, she's even helped me save money to buy the things that I will need, like estrofem and other various pills.

But, how do I tell my family? My cousin and I are very close, but he has a tendancy to be extremely homophobic. Mind you, i'm not gay. I love men, but I love men the same way a straight female would but that has a very slim chance as far as registering with him goes. He's a manly man, likes to work, never shaves, likes to sweat and wrestle. I on the other hand like to talk on the phone, shave my legs, do eye-liner and other small make ups and I don't have any real male friends. He's seen some things, had some hints that i've purposely laid out. But, now that i've set everything up. When is the best time to tell him? Especially my mother.

My father lives in a different state, and i've never had any relationship with him, so he's not valid. But, my mother is really into the "gender roles." Men do things one way, women do things another way. That said, her morals bend easily. She's usually pretty open minded, but doesn't seem to work well when there are homosexuals around her. Not out of hate, but because she's uncomfortable. How should I tell her?

I'm willing to listen to anything you guys have to say! So don't be shy.

[Sakura]

then i wouldnt call her open minded if she has a problem with homosexuals i maybe able to help your situation sounds almost like mine i came out when i was 20 to every one in my family and friends

was really close to my cousin more like my brother than a cousin sounds alot like your cousin my mom sounds about the same as well the best method is to be as up frount as possible set her down and tell her she may not like it you will find out quickly that no one takes this at all they way you think they will i kept ppl that i thought would disowne me and lost ppl i thought i would have for ever my mom took it about the roughest out of them all me and here didnt talk at all for amonth which was hard since she lived with me.....to becontinues have to go

Jennifer

[Guest Michelle M]

Well simply, if you're going to transition while still living at home, you have to come out, unless you're VERY discreet. Yes, I'd highly suggest getting on at least puberty blockers now so testosterone doesn't ravage your body and your voice and give you an adam's apple. There is no easy way to come out, but try to educate her first, show her that ice breaker transition letter, and tell her your feelings. Ask her for a vow of silence, to not tell anyone else in the family until you are ready. Nobody has a right to know about you unless you want them to. Let your mom know that you are NOT homosexual, and that gender identity and sexual orientation are 2 completely different things. Hope that helps.

[Guest Rika-chama]

Michelle is right in saying that you need to establish with them that you are not gay but in fact a straight girl. I made the mistake of coming out as a lesbian first and then a year later as trans so my parents went through that confusion. I feel that all your mom needs is a little education. She sounds like my dad. He's not homophobic but due to not understanding them he sometimes comes across as one. My mother has become extremely open-minded since I told her. Who knows, you might be suprised at their reactions

Ni-paa~

[Guest Ayanna Little]

All of these responses were amazing to read so far.

I've really decided that I should probably wait until i'm 18 to tell her, even though our relationship is becoming strained because of her ignorance towards it. My moods swing, especially when she talks about the things a "man" should do, and my future.

I've done my best not to tell her, but she's picking up on something. She asked me if I had some "Self loathing" going on, and if we should go to counceling for it. At first I thought, going to a therapist would be a good thing, but i'm second guessing that option.

What do you guys think?

[Guest o0tg0o]

therapist, i would say totally yes. I'm doing decisions on my own right now and I'm even going to a therapist on my own. That would probably be a good first step.

Sometimes though, they aren't trained in the gender issue...so, hopefully they'll be understanding of gender issues.

[Guest Ayanna Little]

Well, as far as my cousin went.

He seemed very accepting. He'd still confused, even though he says he isn't. You know, it's easy to tell when someone thinks they understand completely, but they really don't. Anyway, yeah, he wasn't surprised and actually knew a little bit more about me than I thought possible.

I guess i'm not hiding it so well after all.