Hi Everyone!

[Guest changeinatt]

Hi everyone . I've been on these pages for a few months and talked to a lot of great people.

I am a MTF who is starting to really address how I feel about things. Though I've always felt female, so many things held me back from transition.

I am finally at a point where I want to make this journey. I'm waitng to hear back from a therapist, because I can't take hiding anymore.

I don't know how things will pan out, but I'm determined now more than ever to become the woman I feel I am .

[Guest Shane_82]

Welcome

~ Shane

[Guest Donna Jean]

Welcome to the Playground, Honey.....

I realize that you've been around for a bit ...just not posted too much....

I'd like you to post more if you could because starting out like you are, people can be a comfort with answers to so many of your questions.

I know how you feel....you reach a point that you just have to take action...you're going to find out a lot of things about yourself.

And we're all here to help and support you.....OK?

Huggs...

Donna Jean

[Guest viv]

Hi Hun,

Welcome to Laura"s . You will get plenty of advice here re you transition .

Take care hun and post again real soon. viv

[Guest sarah f]

Welcome to the site. I agree with Donna that you should post more so that you can get your feelings out in the open not just for you but mainly for yourself. I know because I am in the same situation that I don't want to wait any longer. I have to know if this is the right thing for me at this point in my life. Posting helps you feel better about yourself by knowing there are others just like you out there.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Amanda joan]

Hello Miss C,

I am so glad that you have come out of the shadows and in to the light. I am in much the same place as you. A few steps ahead but, not many. It is difficult journey and the first few steps take allot of courage to make. The therapist will be a good experience for you, so get there as soon as you can.

Please tell us more about yourself we really want to know. We all like to help our fellow transgendered friends.

So now that you are here tell us your story.

Peace & LOve Amanda

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Hee hee

See you watching!

You are starting a journey of self discovery. Share it with us!

We do understand - unconditionally

Lizzy

[Guest changeinatt]

Ok, since a few asked to know a little more about me, I'll tell .

As long as I can remember, I have felt like a female. When I was little, I would go to my grandma's house in the summer, and I'd dress up all day long. At the time, everyone thought it was cute, maybe a phase. My mom even encouraged it a little bit...or maybe it was supposed to be humiliation...I don't know.

She would catch me putting on pantyhose the next few years, but then one night she said she didn't want to see me putting them on again. A few years ago she even reminisced about that and said "I could've killed you when I caught you wearing pantyhose." I think we were watching a show with cross-dressers at the time.

Through high school and college, I'd wear my sister's clothes when no one was home. She had a few outfits I absolutely loved, and wanted to wear as much as I could. One time, while I was on summer break from college, my dad almost caught me dressed...he stopped at home unexpectedly and I bolted upstairs, only to realize I had left a pair of heels in the living room. I got to them before he saw them and hid them.

Over the years, I have never once felt like "one of the guys." People have even made comments to me that I should be a woman because of the way I think about things, and I guess how I act...I can't hold a relationship, and that's the biggest reason for the comments I think.

I'm 34 right now, and really wish I'd have transitioned 15 years ago...maybe I wasn't ready...my biggest hurdle has always been my family, and how they would react. I'm willing to lose friends, but not them. Most of my friends notice something is "off" with me right now, and i know a lot of them are concerned.

The reality of things is, right now, I have no kids, I'm not in a relationship, but am talking to someone...so technically if I'm going to transition it should be now. Unfortunately, I want to make a clean break from my area to do it, and I dont' have the money to relocate. And starting HRT here would be disastrous given all the "good old boys" who hate anything different.

But I have decided, it is time for me to change...finish losing the weight I want to lose, and do what I have to. I don't think I can live as a male anymore...going to work as one and putting on men's clothes in the morning makes me sick...I'm starting to acquire a female wardrobe, and when I wear it, I feel so happy, so comfortable, so me.

I don't know where this road will go, and I hope I can start therapy soon, although the psychologist I found isn't a gender therapist, but it's a start.

I wish I wasn't this way, but I am, and to be honest, if a therapist says I'm not transexual, I won't be happy...odd as it seems.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well, Sweetheart....

You are on the right track...looking for a gender therapist...

And, almost every MTF on this site started out wearing mother/sister/aunt/grandma's clothes..

That is one thing that so many of us have in common....But, some people realize that they are a cross dresser and are happy with the occasional time to dress..many of us realize that it is the tip of the iceberg...and we have to go the distance...we've always been a woman...

And don't forget that you can go a very long time on hormones without coming out if you have to..

I live in "Good 'ole boy" land, too...I've been on HRT 11 months and work in a very macho field.....

I can be done if you have to...

Keep posting and we'll all work together....

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest changeinatt]

I agree with you Donna. It's funny, because the more I read about this, I find so many more things about myself that I hadn't realized...like I had any idea when I was little the signifigance of little things, like liking mermaids, and being fascinated by them. Even how when I dressed when I was younger, how I progressed in dressing, from dressing like a young girl to giving myself breasts when I dressed in my teenage years.

When I'm dressed these days, I feel like just walking out the door and not caring what anyone thinks about it.

I've always gravitated towards women, whether it be in the family, at work, whatever.

I'm just dreaming of the day when I can walk around feeling like me.

[Guest van-na]

Hi changeinatt,

<<hug>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have MTF meetings-Mon & Sat 9pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna