Very Scared

[Guest Emily H]

My mother and I have been talking for a while about telling my father about crossdressing.

Of course, I always agreed with her, that it was not a good idea to be keeping a secret like this from him for so long, her being his wife, me being his child.

But when she called today while they were out, and asked if she could tell him then, I nearly broke into tears, my pulse skyrocketed...oh God....

I dread him finding out. i dread the way he will look at me every day. I fear him completely denying this, telling me its some phase.

I fear him being home alone, finding my stash and junking it all.

But I don't know. He isn't a harsh man, but he isn't too open to ideas. I know that my mom will be telling him about me, all that will be going through his mind is something like "Oh God my son is a queer how did that happen".

Ughh! But.... she is right. He has to find out, before its been years and years of this family secret.

~Andrea

[Carolyn Marie]

Andrea, you didn't say whether you agreed that your mother could tell him. I hope that if she does, it is with your permission, and not against

your wishes. That would be very wrong.

I believe that your father should hear it from you. You know best how you feel, how dressing en femme makes you feel, and all of the other

details of who Andrea is. Your mother can give him the bare facts, but that's all. You don't know how she might slant the story. It will be hard,

no doubt about it, but if he is going to find out anyway, I do believe you should be the one to tell him. Then you are able to manage it, explain

it properly, and he can ask you questions, rather than your mother.

I hope it all goes well for you, honey. Please let us know.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest van-na]

Hi Andrea,

<< hug>>

I know coming out to anyone can be scary, especially someone like your Father.

But being honest to yourself, and about yourself, is one of the most important things to be in life.

I lied to everyone including myself for so many years, and it hurt me more that I can ever tell anyone.

I see that you listed yourself as a cross dresser, and I can tell you that the line between being a cross dresser and a transsexual, is often a very fine one. By letting your father know about how you really feel, you are one step closer to finding out more about yourself.

Maybe afterwords your parents will allow you to see a gender therapist that can help you explore your most inner feelings about your sexuality. Also once your whole family knows how you truly feel, maybe you can quit worrying about your stash, and you can live more openly at home being the way that maybe you feel more comfortable being.

You are never given a problem with out their being a gift for you in it's hands.

Look for the gift, and you will surly find it .

with love from,

vanna

[Guest ricka]

Andrea---I think telling family can be the toughest, most traumatic step for transgendered people. Some are lucky to have open, understanding and supportive family but many of us are not. I agree, telling your father needs to be your decision, including the when and how and where. I have to say the rule of thumb for telling anyone is self-preservation and survival and it gets down to that on a physical and emotional level. We all have a deep need to be open and honest about ourselves with the people whom we love, but sometimes the aftermath is devestating. Every person's circumstances are different, there is no rule of thumb other than self-preservation, because the folks that ultimately reject and hurt us were never worth our sacrifice to be open and honest with them.

Ricka

[Guest MissAmy]

If my dad were still alive I'd probably stay in the closet forever to my parents. But be glad you have at least one accepting parent.

If you don't want him throwing awa your stuff, I'd suggest very clever hiding places, a foot locker with lock, or a safe with a code.

[Guest Emily H]

Thanks everybody.

Ij sut owke up from a nap, and my mom informed me that she told my dad.

The first things he said were "I didn't want to know."

He would have been just fine if we never told him.

Now i wish we hadn't. Nothing bad has happened. He's not angry or upset, at least not openly. I dread talking to him still. I wish this had been kept a secret.

A couple of things.

I already do have a gender therapist, my dad has just never know why I had a therapist.

My mom does not ever treat me like a girl, so I simply can't deal with crossdressing around her. Im certain it would be the same with my dad.

~Andrea

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hi Andrea,

If your dad is like most men, his comment, "I didn't want to know" meant that he already knew, at least somewhat. I'd expect him to be a bit upset for a while but then go back to the same way as before. Hopefully all will be okay when the dust settles.

I assume that your therapist can help you with this better than I can... in the meantime, hang in there, girl!

Love, Kat

Kat is right, Andrea...

Many men stick their head in the sand when something like this happens...so many men aren't good at talking things out and getting them into

the open...

It will probably simmer for a while....

Your therapist will help you here and maybe have some ideas on how to handle it!

Good luck, Honey...Get back to us...OK?

HUGGS! & LOVE!

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

I know you don't want to hear this but maybe you should sit down with your dad sooner than later. It will help get things out to one another and you can explain your side of it not just what your mom told him. Good Luck

Love,

Sarah F