Hi All

[Guest SamIThinkIAm]

Hi,

In advance excuse my lameness at introductions, okay?

I guess there's not much for me to say except that for the past decade or so....and probably my whole life (all of 19 years--I know--I'm still a baby almost)...I've just felt different. Out of place. Just completely and utterly alone, seperate from all other human beings---no one 'gets' it--not even my family. Depression has been a lifelong issue. I frequently had the notion growing up that I had to have been adopted.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching the past two year or so and definetly in the past six months realized that---in some way---I was transgendered (I had reached that rock bottom in the summer and knew that it was face myself or suicide). I came out to my family in november---which probably rocked their little close-minded world I'm sure. I'm still so new at this but I know I've always been---at least a large part of me--for better or for worse---was always very male. I stuck out like a sore thumb compared to the other girls my age, was frequently told by my family/these girls 'you just don't get it---you're not like a real girl etc.' and I'm trying to figure out what that all means for me. I've just always had that jarring 'heart dropping into your feet' sensation when someone used my birthname or said 'she/woman/girl/sister' etc. Which is why I've juuust recently started going by Sam---it leaves me wiggle room because it's applicable to all genders as I'm not sure if I'm FTM or gender fluid or....

There are a lot of compounding factors that are making my journey a little confusing---I was recently diagnosed with chronic/complex PTSD and a dissociative disorder. I've suffered from cerebral palsy my whole life as well. So it's hard to figure out what is what. Which is why I came here---hoping all of you can help me along ---plus--well---my family is unsupportive and my black-sheep status since coming out has only quadrupled in their eyes. I'm living in veeerryy transgendered unfriendly/unknowledgeable surroundings so---well it's nice to have people who understand.

I'm just hoping that one day I'll look in the mirror and recognize myself---mirrors are jarring and I *hate* them with a passion---I'm always thinking 'just let me out of this corpse pllleaasse please please'.

-Sam

[Guest Robin Winter]

Hi,

In advance excuse my lameness at introductions, okay?

I guess there's not much for me to say except that for the past decade or so....and probably my whole life (all of 19 years--I know--I'm still a baby almost)...I've just felt different. Out of place. Just completely and utterly alone, seperate from all other human beings---no one 'gets' it--not even my family. Depression has been a lifelong issue. I frequently had the notion growing up that I had to have been adopted.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching the past two year or so and definetly in the past six months realized that---in some way---I was transgendered (I had reached that rock bottom in the summer and knew that it was face myself or suicide). I came out to my family in november---which probably rocked their little close-minded world I'm sure. I'm still so new at this but I know I've always been---at least a large part of me--for better or for worse---was always very male. I stuck out like a sore thumb compared to the other girls my age, was frequently told by my family/these girls 'you just don't get it---you're not like a real girl etc.' and I'm trying to figure out what that all means for me. I've just always had that jarring 'heart dropping into your feet' sensation when someone used my birthname or said 'she/woman/girl/sister' etc. Which is why I've juuust recently started going by Sam---it leaves me wiggle room because it's applicable to all genders as I'm not sure if I'm FTM or gender fluid or....

There are a lot of compounding factors that are making my journey a little confusing---I was recently diagnosed with chronic/complex PTSD and a dissociative disorder. I've suffered from cerebral palsy my whole life as well. So it's hard to figure out what is what. Which is why I came here---hoping all of you can help me along ---plus--well---my family is unsupportive and my black-sheep status since coming out has only quadrupled in their eyes. I'm living in veeerryy transgendered unfriendly/unknowledgeable surroundings so---well it's nice to have people who understand.

I'm just hoping that one day I'll look in the mirror and recognize myself---mirrors are jarring and I *hate* them with a passion---I'm always thinking 'just let me out of this corpse pllleaasse please please'.

-Sam

We'll do what we can, hun. Welcome to the Playground

*Hugs*

[Guest AmyB]

Hi Sam,

Welcome to Laura's! It's good to have you here. I'm sure you'll find lots of friends and support!

Amy

[Guest sarah f]

Welcome to Laura's Sam. I think you will find this is the best site for you to be on as I did when I signed up last month. It makes you feel at home with all of the wonderful and loving people on this site.

I am sorry that your family doesn not accept you as your are. Maybe they will start to come around after some time to let it all in.

We are all family on this site so keep on posting as their is nobody that is going to make you feel like the black sheep of this family.

Love,

Sarah F

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi, Sam, and welcome to the Playground!

It sounds like you've already overcome a lot of obstacles in your life. Being transgendered isn't so much an obstacle, but something to embrace and

accept, because there is no reason to feel anything but proud of who you are, wherever you fall on the gender spectrum.

I'm sorry that your family is not supportive, but keep working on them and educating them, and hopefully at least some of your family members

will come around. Please don't give up on them. Sometimes it just takes a while to gain that acceptance and understanding.

I hope you find the answers that you're seeking in these forums. The Chat Rooms are also a great place to talk things over and make friends.

Please take a minute to read the Forum Rules when you get a chance. There is a link at the top of most of the pages. We are a moderated site, and

all posts are reviewed to ensure compliance with Laura's rules.

I look forward to reading your posts, hon.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest SamIThinkIAm]

Ah gee thanks all feeling better already! You all seem so nice .

Just looked over my post and thought I'd give ya all a warning---I'm one of those artsy poet types so I can be a wee bit dramatic-like----just give me a good cuff to the back of the head and it'll straighten me out

[Guest viv]

Hello Sam,

Honey you are so welcome here , this is our little corner

of love and friendship ,,away from the mad mad world ,so , relax

hun, have a look around and see whats in the forum . After you

draw breath post in , we are all looking forward to your opinion

and input,,luv,viv

[Sally]

Welcome to the forums Sam.

Would you like to come in and have some home made chili?

I don't have a recepie for one so I always make too much - I am a Texas girl so it is a bit spicy!

But I have plenty of iced tea for you too.

I am sorry that your family is not accepting, mine isn't either but the good news is now you are in a very accepting and understanding family.

Welcome to the family and if it will make you feel better you may call me Momma Sally, a lot of the younger ones do. (even a couple of the ones older than me - although they are rare)

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Sam!

Welcome to the Playground, Hon...

It's nice to have you!

I hope that you enjoy your time here!

Please enjoy yourself...

Huggs!

Donna Jean

[Guest SamIThinkIAm]

Would you like to come in and have some home made chili?

I don't have a recepie for one so I always make too much - I am a Texas girl so it is a bit spicy!

Sounds great Sally no worries the spicier the better for me (especially living up here---brrrr it's cold out)!

[Guest Robin Winter]

Ah gee thanks all feeling better already! You all seem so nice .

Just looked over my post and thought I'd give ya all a warning---I'm one of those artsy poet types so I can be a wee bit dramatic-like----just give me a good cuff to the back of the head and it'll straighten me out

Hehe, of course you are, you're Canadian I think it's something in the water.

[Guest Shane_82]

Welcome

~ Shane

[Guest SamIThinkIAm]

Hehe, of course you are, you're Canadian I think it's something in the water.

Haha--I thought my tap water tasted funny

[Guest Jenifer Turner]

Welcome. Im new here too, I hope we can all find the help were looking for.

Jena

[Guest van-na]

Hi Sam,

<<curtsey>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have FTM meetings -Mon & Fri 8pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna