Wife Overheard Brief Conversation With Gt

[Guest sarah f]

Well I finally had a GT call me back today but it was after I was home and so was my wife who doesn't know about me. I tried to go to the other room but when I came back she questioned me about the call. I tried to play it off as it was the security people at my work but she then asked about something I said to them. She asked me why I would say they don't know about it yet to the security people. So I tried to play that off. It is really getting hard to hide from her now. I just want to visit with the GT for a couple of sessions at least before I come out to her. The GT was very nice and asked me if this was a bad time and I asked if she could call back tomorrow during the day while I am at work. She said she would try.

My wife seems upset now and I don't want her to be upset. I don't know what to do. Do I go ahead and tell her or wait until I have a couple of visits with the GT first. Any suggestions would be helpful.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Donna Jean]

Oh my, Honey......

I would recommend you have a couple of sessions with the GT first...They can help you in ways to come out that you may not think about...

But, you're in a dicey situation now...she heard something and you don't know how much...

The problem is that a lot of times these secretive things make the spouse think there's an affair going on.

If you talk with the therapist tomorrow, you might tell her that something was overheard and see if she has any recommendations for how to handle it.....

Good luck, Honey....

Donna Jean

[Guest Victoriaf]

I am sorry that you are in this situation. Unfortunately without knowing your wife it is hard for me to say.

I will tell you that for me I told my wife before i went to the GT. I knew that she would want to know and yes i was scard to death that she would be so upset that she would leave or ask me to. So i picked a time that we were alone and on a day that was to stressful and i told her. I had already decided that i would not push her to talk about it but that i would just tell her and answer any questions. She was upset and it did take a little bitfor her to get what i told her threw her head but she was happy that i told her and she is my strongest supporter now.

She did tell me that if i had not told her first then she would have been alot more devistated and she might have left. Unfortunately i dont know if this helps you but this is my experiance.

If you want to talk about it feel free to PM me

Huggs and good luck

Victoria

[Guest yvonne]

Sarah,

I can't tell you what to do and I certainly don't know your wife, but I told mine first, before I did anything else. We've been together many years and my logic was that I wanted her to be the first one to know and the therapist was to help me deal with an issue I'd told her about first.

I picked an evening where I knew we had at least 2 hours without any interruptions. I simply started at the very beginning. I told her where I first felt different and when I first knew and went from there. I went on to detail the pain and suffering that had resulted from my previous lack of action.

I vote for telling the wife first. Your best results may be different....

Yvonne

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Sarah hon,

Your wife senses that something is afoot. She can tell that you are hiding something from her. The poor dear may think that you are having an affair or something. I cannot tell you to come out to her because that is not my place.

This one is your call hon. It is your life.

Brenda

[Carolyn Marie]

Sarah, every situation is different, of course. I didn't come out until I had seen my G.T. for over a month, and then mostly because my wife was getting very

suspicious of all the time I was spending on line here at LP.

You need to weigh the risks of delay vs. the benefits of talking with your G.T. first. You could hope that after a day or two your wife will forget about it, but

then again she may not. Tough spot.

I hope it works out for you, hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest sarah f]

Thank You all for you comments and support. I think I am going to wait until I have at least one or two visits with the GT first. I am so scared to tell her and I hope the GT can help me with that. Thanks again.

Love,

Sarah F

[Sally]

Sarah,

I have no idea of how your wife will react so I am not going to tell you when to come out to her but I will give you two options.

The first is to wait untill you have had the opportunity to talk to your therapist a couple of times to get suggestions on how to do it.

The second being to tell her that you are having an issue that you feel the need for a little professional help to sort out, if she questions you about what issue tell her that it has to do with your identity and that you would like to get things sorted out a bit before delving into any issues that might not be real - leaving you as the sensitive, somewhat open but very cautious of her feelings type rather than an out and out liar - which is so often their first reaction.

I talked to my therapist first but my wife had never over heard any conversations - I will say that my advice should be taken with the knowledge that I am single again - enough said?

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Unfortunately you are now in a position where if you dont come clean with her she is going to mistrust everything you say from here on out. The other side to that is even if you do come clean with her there is now little guarantee that she will accept it as willingly as she might have in the past. I made that mistake with my partner and I am dang lucky to still have her by my side. It's taken her 10 months to come to full acceptance of me and my transition.

[Guest viv]

Sarah,

Its pretty evident to see by your posts your a good and kind person, if I

can see this then you can bet your bottom dollar your wife can. Yes she will be

shocked but I recon she will stick by you. Get the best advice possible re how

you approach your wife and what you say, those first words will imprint more

than something said later ,,, fingers crossed, viv

[Guest Roberta1]

Sarah,

I am no professional, and I have no practical experience in advising others how to handle thier relationships, BUT:

Honesty is always the best policy, always. If you value your relationship, then a simple "I'm going to see a therapist" should suffice for a

start. "The therapist may want to see you at some time in the future" may be a good second, and "Believe me when I say I Love You, because

I am doing this for us" may be a way to smooth the way for future discussions.

I know that this subject sometimes tears the world up, but lies and stories are no way to proceed. Be calm, honest, and straight foward,

answer any questions to the best of your abilities, but by no means push your new self onto anyone even after testing the waters. I'm a

believer that sensitivity and cool heads make for a lasting relationship.

Only you know your spouse, however long or short the time together, and if you have a good trust with no secrets heretofore, then this too

shall pass.

Sincerely

Roberta

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

My concern would be that if she suspects you of having an affair or something else underhanded, she is going to be in a state to be confrontational and angry, she'll see this as you lying to her and will consider it as much of a crime, because she will already feel hurt even tho she only had suspicions. and that's not what you want if you're going to try and explain something like this to her.

so yeah, i think, telling her it was a therapist, and that you have some issues that you need to work out, and you don't feel like you can discuss them yet, but you promise you will tell her everything soon, and she'll just have to trust you in the mean time, and that she shouldn't worry and you love her.

[Guest Chandra]

Dear Sarah,

Now that the cat is out of the bag, honesty is your way out.

Remind her that this condition has always been a part of you, and affects what makes you, you.

When you and her first connected, this condition was present and she fell for you.

If this condition was not present, you would have been a totally different person, and you and her might have never connected.

Hopefully she is open minded enough to love you for the real you.

If she does, it could make you and her closer than you have ever experienced before.

My wife agrees with this statement and we have a blast. I personally have no secretes with my wife, and my favorite thing to do

is staying home with her and having fun beyond your wildest dreams.

I sincerely hope this is the case for you.

Good Luck and Best Wishes, Love Chandra

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Sarah,

I am no professional, and I have no practical experience in advising others how to handle thier relationships, BUT:

Honesty is always the best policy, always. If you value your relationship, then a simple "I'm going to see a therapist" should suffice for a

start. "The therapist may want to see you at some time in the future" may be a good second, and "Believe me when I say I Love You, because

I am doing this for us" may be a way to smooth the way for future discussions.

I know that this subject sometimes tears the world up, but lies and stories are no way to proceed. Be calm, honest, and straight foward,

answer any questions to the best of your abilities, but by no means push your new self onto anyone even after testing the waters. I'm a

believer that sensitivity and cool heads make for a lasting relationship.

Only you know your spouse, however long or short the time together, and if you have a good trust with no secrets heretofore, then this too

shall pass.

Sincerely

Roberta

I tried all of those and more when I came out to my wife, and none of the headed off the war that ensued. Finally 10 months in we are back to being a couple and planning things the way that a couple should plan things, that is 10 months post diagnosis, 7 months RLE and 5 months HRT. My transition has hit one of those periods where most of the major work is done and now I am coasting to the next major event (surgical assessment sometime in the middle to late portion of this year).

[Guest Roberta1]

I never mentioned that war could be averted, but better to be a war of honesty, than one of deception. There are many mots, such as: "no good deed goes unpunished" to

which I now plead, so, let me excuse myself, and first take ye olde left foot out of my mouth, before I bite down on the right one.

Sincerely,

Roberta