How Important Is Passing?

[Guest Sally Stone]

I thought I'd get a little discussion going about how important passing is to each of us.

I can remember back when I first stared venturing out in public. I worried about how well I passed as a woman all the time I was out. Thinking back on it, I realize that those concerns limited the enjoyment I was getting out of actually expressing my feminine side in public. As I learned not to dwell on whether I was passing, my crossdressing became more fulfilling. I also realized that the less I concerned myself about passing, the less conspicuous I became.

I think what happened, was that I relaxed. When that happened and I didn't worry so much about whether I was passing, I didn't look so out of place. As my confidence grew, I realized fewer and fewer people were staring at me.

For me, passing is more a state of mind then a physical presentation. I believe all you need to pass as a woman, is to wear clothing with styles that are appropriate for your age and for the situation, and to possess feminine self-confidence. What are your thoughts?

Sally

[Guest Michelle/nuckles]

need less to say i didnt get any thing at the store be cause i was embareist and ashamed

i guess I have to spend the extra money buying off the internet but i will first try the goodwil for dress and cloths .

Edited July 20, 2007 by Michelle/nuckles

[pennyjane]

hi sally. well, i pass perfectly. i pass for exactly what i am, a woman with hbs. i wouldn't have it any other way. i am, like you, entirely comfortable in public. i am treated as a woman everywhere. i have not had even an uncomfortable moment for a very long time eventhough my origin as a woman comes into question immediately. i find i am really troubled by my friends who get themselves so caught up in passing. they spend so much time trying to look like a girl they lose out on what it means to be a girl. it becomes so often an obsessive behavior and in my humble opinion that's just not healthy. if we gather so much of our validation from how we look, we forget that the true and lasting validation comes from how we are. trading in one closet for another was not in my plans when i stepped out on the road to transition. just my opinion, but what do i know? i'm just a girl.

[Guest Sophie Jean]

I think passing is important for me. I have just started going out the past few months, and was incredibly nervous at first. But you're also very right about the attitude. I have noticed that if I have done what I can to present myself, and then relax knowing I "have every right to be here," as quoted from Ehrman's Desiderata, I get less or even no comments.

When I do overhear comments or sniggers, I pay attention to the detail of the comment and keep going. The next time I go out, I'll try to adjust my wardrobe or presentation accordingly. I first went out in San Francisco 2 months ago. I went out in a skirt and top, and found out the better looking women were wearing dresses at the club I went to. I went to Ross the next day and got a little black dress. Being a tall girl, it's hard to find decent women's shoes to fit, so I was wearing these black ankle high boots with my dress. Of course, I heard someone behind me say, "Look at her shoes." I was embarassed a little, but made it a point to go to Payless the next day before venturing out again. Finally, at home I took a photo and asked for comments. Naturally, people pointed at my hairy forearms and I had to shave them.

I have been out four times now in the late afternoon to evening to attend groups and restaurant afterwords, and have gotten no comments or sniggers, and I am feeling more free. It is becoming really pleasurable.

Love,

- Sophie

[pennyjane]

oopppss. i'm not sure i was very clear in my last post. i was speaking from the perspective of a woman with hbs. of course passing is another matter to crossdressers. that very well may the the focus of their behavior, so our attitudes would most certainly vary. at any rate, how one presents and precieves is so individual as to render generalities moot anyway. lotsa love and hope, pj

[Guest Alex]

I actually just wrote a thing about passing on the forum, and reading this made me want to change what I wrote, or atleast add to it.

I don't really care about passing, I don't even really think about it when I'm out, it's usually when I'm at home or thinking about it when I have nothing better to do. I walked home today wearing boy pants and a boy shirt and I walked like a proud boy, since I was trying to be more boy so people wouldn't try to steal my laptop and camera I was carrying XD. It was good to be thought of as a boy and to feel that I am one, as I don't get it all the time. When school was in I only binded 2 or 3 times maybe and I felt like a total fake when I did, I felt more boy when I wasn't binding and just being myself.

Edited July 21, 2007 by Alex

[gennee]

Passing is not that important to me. I try to look my best whenever I'm out. For the most part I have passed. I have been read a few times but it doesn't bother me. I just keep doing what I'm doing.

Gennee

[Guest Adalia]

Passing is very important to me my goal is to "become" a woman temporarily and go back to being a man I want to look sound and act the part and fool others into thinking I am a woman but I have a long way to go before store clerks call me ma'am