With Regards To Passing

[Guest Thorndrop]

Am I the only one here who has this opinion or am I mistaken?

No offense, but it seems to me like practically every discussion I've started on here has turned into 'you'd pass better if...'. I know you all have the best intentions and that, but it bothers me. I had to mention this sometime. First, you should know, if you don't already, that I don't feel as strongly as a lot of people here do. I was never one to say 'yes I am male!', but it was more something I questioned as I became a teenager and my self-consciousness with my body came into play.

I do not see 'passing' as the be all and end all of what I'm trying to do. Sure, it would be nice if I passed, but I don't go out of my way to do it. Specifically, the way I look and dress now is exactly the same as how I would want to dress if I was a bio guy. I'm perfectly cool with the fact that I don't look macho. Androgyny is fine by me. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a guy, and I don't really care what the rest of the world has to say about it because I know myself better than anybody. So yeah, not every aspect of how I present myself is designed to make myself pass better. I dress how I like. I have my hair how I like it. It's more about feeling comfortable with myself than presenting a characature of male.

I apologise in advance to all I may have offended. I justh had to make my point.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Thorndrop, many of us look at this path we are on differently. For many of my MTF sisters it is about the passing, not just physical but mental and unfortunately that sometime informs our choice of words and our thought patterns. I do understand that for someone who is looking more at being androgyne rather than male or female our words can be problematic; however many of us don't know any other words to describe what we are talking about.

Many of us didn't have the classic macho aura and persona, as a matter of fact I think most of us were quite ordinary men (it may have been our inner woman that kept that macho thing from happening). The bottom line is that if you are doing well enough to be happy with who you are and where you are in your personal transition that is all that matters.

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

From the MTFs perspective, not passing can put us in serious physical danger, so I guess it's generally at the forefront of our minds. I will however remember this about you and endevour to be more appropriate in future.

[Guest sarah f]

I am sorry if I ever offended you with writing about passing but like Joanna said, it is all I think about. It is the most important thing for me when I decide is the right time for me to come out.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest viv]

Hey Hun,

I agree generally with the other folk here re their replies .

AND ,,,you are right to put us in the picture . I think its proof

of the love and respect we have for one another here that you

can let us know your feelings . And yes hun, appropriate answers

in future , luv,viv

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

Some transgender people put a lot of emphasis on passing. Others do not. For those who do passing is a serious concern and there is an assumption that all transgender people want to pass. I get what you mean though. I sort of go in the middle of trying to pass and not caring if I pass. I make an effort to pass but if I really like doing something feminine I'll continue to do it even if it makes it harder for me to pass.

[Guest nymphblossom]

Apparently our gender dysphoria can be put into three different categories. From http://www.hemingways.org/GIDinfo/notgid.htm :

Physical (Body, Somatic) Dysphoria- this refers to the amount of unhappiness an individual has with their physical form or appearance.

Social Dysphoria- refers to the amount of unhappiness an individual has concerning their social interaction (i.e., "gender role").

Identity Dysphoria- refers to the degree of a person's self-perception is that of the opposite gender, including emotionally and cognitively, as well as their beliefs concerning how others perceive them.

A person can have any combination or intensity of these factors, which will shape the nature and intensity of that person's overall Gender Dysphoria. It is believed that these three variables explain the diversity of gender dysphoria expressed within the Transgender Community - for example, why some people are comfortable with just crossdressing in private and have little or no unhappiness with their identity, while others have great unhappiness about identity and are driven to change their bodies and social role.

Blossom