Stop Looking For Love And It Might Fall In Your Lap

[Guest Katrina Reann]

I have the greatest blessing in my life I think I could ever have in having a beautiful, loving, and accepting wife. We have only been married for four and half years and before I met her I was going through the horrors of feeling so alone. I had been in a few other relationships with women but they only lasted a few months. For the most part I kept my secret of feeling like a girl to myself and didn't share I liked to dress up as a girl. Because that caused me to be very insecure about myself and they couldn't deal with my insecurities. About age 30 I decided I would come clean with anyone I dated because I was wanting acceptance. I found out very quickly that there was degrees to acceptance but at the time it was heartbreaking to have someone say I accept you for who you are only to have them use who I truly was as the reason for leaving. Actions do speak louder than words. After having my heart hopes broken a few times at age 43 I decided I was done with relationships. But wow, was I ever wrong.

At that time I was a member in a couple of chatrooms and I had met a girl from Tulsa OK. We would talk for hours both on the internet and by phone. So after a few months of this we decided it was time we meet and drove down from Illinois. The funny thing is though that this isn't the woman I ended up marrying. I got down there to met this gal that I will simply refer to as T. She was standing on the porch and looked nothing like she did in her picture and I felt no physical attraction or chemistry at all. But being the person I was I decided to give her a chance and get to know her. I spent 2 weeks there and we did have the connection we had over the phone and internet and I loved her personality. She did have 2 roommates at the time and she often invited other to come live with her. It was almost like a group home for battered women and minorly ill people. Which didn't really bother me because I am bipolar myself. So I thought it was kind of a neat thing. After that first two weeks thing were going so well she asked me if I wanted to move in and without thought I said yes. I came back to IL got my stuff and was back down there in a week. But right away I noticed she was acting different and basically giving me the cold shoulder. She new I cd'ed and struggled with GID but hadn't seen me dressed and I was sure if that was the problem so I didn't ever dress in front of her. I would try to get her to talk to find out why I was getting the cold shoulder but she would never open up. Well this went on for a month and at the same time another woman was calling from Tennessee who was living in an abuse center and her name was Debi. I only talked to her briefly a couple of times. She seemed nice but at that point in her life she was scared of guys and was very timid with me. Well T talked her into coming to live with us and she drove out to pick her up while us guys stayed behind. Come to find out the guy was not only bipolar but he too was a crossdresser. He said he wasn't cd'ing anymore but he wore shorts all the time and his legs were always shaved. Not to mention the bathroom always smelled of lavender after he would come out from taking a bath. So I am pretty sure at that point there is 2 closet cd's in the house...lol

Anyway, The girls call when they are a feww blocks away and want us to come and help carry everything in. So we are standing on the porch they pull in. Well they get out of the car and I see Debi, she turns and sees me. I don't know how long we were just kid of staring at each other but it must have been a while cause T says very snidely, I am going to the bathroom. The guy beside me was laughing, and the other girl that lived there was doubled over in pain from a kidney stone. So we all snapped out it and got the stuff out of the car, but there was no denying there was a real connection between me and Debi.

Well the third girl in this party needed to go to the hospital. T and the guy neither one wanted to take her and I didn't know where the hospital was but I said give me the directions and I will take her. Debi piped up and said I'll go too, which brought a smile to my face that was a lot bigger than I would have admitted at the time. Because you see for some reason I still felt committed to T and I am just not the cheating type. But I also have to admit when Debi first got out of that car and ain't gonna' tell you what I was thinking..lol...Well we got to the hospital and got who I now refer to as satan's child into an ER room all safe and sound. It didn't take long for me and Debi to strike up a conversation and it quickly went from how was the trip to beliefs, values, morals, and more personal stuff. Trust me when I say it was non stop chatter...lol..After acouple of hours we decided to go out have a cigarette since we both smoked. It was cold, windy, and rainy so we found a little covey hole to get out of it. But she was shaking like a tree and asked if she could snuggle up me to keep warm. At that point I am becoming very confused about my feelings for T and what I was already feeling for because I really felt something much more for her that I did for T. And I really liked having her snuggle up to me..hehe... I forget what we was talking about at the time but the opportunity arose for me to tell her I was a cd'er. To my surprise she didn't miss a step or bat an eye, she simply leaned over to me and said, "nothing wrong with that! I use to an escort!" And with that she giggled and said we all have our dark secrets. And the thing not what she said but the way she said it that shouted I accept you to me. She was believable. After a couple more hours we got back home. Satan's child was in her playground and out of it from all the drugs they gave her. T was asleep, the guy was gone, and me and Debi where on the couch talking when the sun came up.

Over the next couple of days me and Debi talked, joked, tickled and just enjoyed being together and everyone could see it. But I was SO confused. T still wouldn't talk to me and tell me what was going on with her. So I am frustrated and talked to Debi about it. Well she informs me that on their way back she asked about us guys and if there was anything going on she needed to know about. T's answer was no. So now I am not only confused, frustrated, bewildered, but now I am ticked to put it nicely. So Debi takes T out on the porch to sort things out. Well they have their little talk and Debi comes in and says she wants to talk to you next and smiles. So at this point the anger leaves and a smile pops up...lol...I go out and sit down and T tells me that she just hasn't made that connection with me but that there is a girl inside that has fallen head over heels in love with you! To make a long story short she ended with the comment if you pass her by you are a lain-brain!! She stands up to go in the house and I ask her to send Debi out. She comes over to the steps and sits down beside me. Lain brain me asks her, "how do you feel about me?" She let out a laugh that could and should have been heard around the world. And at that moment we shared our first kiss and our lips have been locked ever since.

Over the next few days we fell deeply in love and their was shall we say some very heated moments with our passion. I had slept with other women before but truth be told because of my Christian upbringing I had felt very guilty about those times. And before I had ever left Illinios I had made a vow to God and myself to never sleep with anyone until the day I got married. That may have been the problem between me and T because there is no doubt when I first arrived there that she wanted me but I simply could not give myself to her. Now Debi wanted and wanted her but I wasn't about to break that vow. But T had an answer, the state of OK had a common law marriage and all you have to have is a witness. Debi looked it up on the internet and sure enough they recognized it and had it on the books. And T is sitting at her desk saying do it Rob, you know you love her, do it! Ask her to marry you and say vows to each other. Me and God are your witness! Do it!...lol

We met on September 9th, 2005 and that day was September 15th, 2005. While I am nervously kneeling down I am not worried one bit about a white piece of paper that says you are married, I just wondering if I am having another bipolar moment and if so how this one will work out...rofl... On bended knee, her hand in mine, I asked her to marry me and she said yes. We said our vows of commitment right there on the spot. None of us a lot money but we had enough to go out and eat. And although I couldn't afford an engagement ring I did buy us wedding bands that day. We couldn't even afford a motel that night and all we had was a couple of air mattresses that we put in a big utility room because the bedrooms were all taken and we spent our first night together as husband and wife.

We may not have had the fairy tale wedding that so many dream about but we do have our very own fairy tale to tell. There are other stories in this story as to why I refer to T as T, the guy as the guy, and then there is satan's child's story but which I am not going into detail about. Because the truth is we all had issues and I only hope they got the help they needed as me and Debi did. And if that was a bipolar moment it is the irrational decision I ever made...lol

It took Debi time to accept me as Katrina and we have both had to make compromises and rest boundaries from time to time. But now she totally accepts me as Katrina and I spend most of my time as Katrina because I am her. And I am here to tell love and acceptance is out there. I looked and looked for it hoping to find my happiness in that special someone. It was only when I stopped looking and found happiness in my own skin that someone walked into my life. You ask what about T though weren't you still looking? All I can say to that is that I do believe in a higher power and I made a vow to Him to never sleep with anyone and He tested me. I guess I passed the test because he gave me the greatest blessing anyone could ever have. And with that I will say.....THE END...Huggsss...Katrina

[Guest Katrina Reann]

Oh gosh my fingers can't type..lol...they were putting words in there that didn't belong while skipping over other words...BAD HANDS...lol...BAD HANDS...where's the edit button??

[Guest Donna Jean]

Wow!

What a story, Katrina!

It just goes to prove that there is love and acceptance waiting out there for everyone...

This story made me smile....

Nice....

Love

Donna Jean

[Guest Katrina Reann]

TY Donna...All it takes it two people with a heart of love to give one another The past doesn't matter, the luxuries of life doesn't matter, not even time matters. All that matters is unconditional love, a bipolar moment, and a dad who married who married his one true love 5 days after they met. He is probably up in Heaven asking God why it took me so long....lol...9 days!! Didn't I teach that kid anything lol

[Guest Mila]

wow... this is such a nice life story... the best part of it is - it is real

[Guest Kitsunenene]

Beautiful story.

You're a very lucky girl and I'm so happy for you and your wife

May life only grace you more as time goes by.

Ariel

[Guest Ryles_D]

I've had the same sort of thing happen to me, with a few differences on the specifics. It does seem like love waits until you aren't looking for it to show up.