Do Cisgenders Ever Come In Contact With Their Gender Identity?

[Guest DisDwarf]

I think that most transgenders come in contact with their gender identity in a way not experienced by cisgenders.

I mean:

I'm a biological male, I was brainwashed into thinking I was a boy, until when I was 28yrs old when I experienced gender dysphoria and came in contact with a powerful sense inside my head that was telling me that I'm female in the wrong body. That was my core gender identity, my inner nature, me! It was just masked all these years by what society was telling me.

Cisgenders seem to grow up and live all their life without ever coming in contact with a sense in their head that they belong to their gender. They just accept what society tells them, it just happens by chance that it's correct!

I wonder whether it's possible for a cisgender person to come in contact with their gender identity, past what society tells them, in the way transgenders do.

Just as we experience gender dysphoria knowing we're in the wrong body, can a cisgender person experience gender euphoria knowing they're in the correct body? Or they just live without thinking much about it?

[Guest Soph]

I don't think they can ever have as intimate a relationship with their gender identity as we do.

I mean, a lot of why we feel gender euphoria is that we no longer feel the dysphoria.

Gender identity is such an abstract that even I can't fully understand it's ontology (I mean, a cultural solution to a biological problem? Being a female varies in meaning from culture to culture; how could a subjective cure be objectively successful?).

Just like a cisgendered person will never feel gender dysphoria, they will never feel gender euphoria. Theres no reason for them to; sure they're in the right body, but they can't understand how it feels to be otherwise.

But maybe I'm just a gender elitist

[Sally]

No, only transgendered can experience gender euphoria because only we experience gender disphoria.

By that I mean that if you hit your thumb with a hammer you know the horrible pain that goes with it and only after feeling this can you truly appreciate the exquisite feeling of normality that comes when the pain subsides.

Not a gender elitist - just a gender realist.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Ryles_D]

I think that's like asking if heterosexuals come in contact with their sexual orientation- I'm sure that they do, just not in the same way as non-heterosexuals. Cisgendered people may question their gender, but they're generally comfortable enough wehre they are, so their questioning might not be as indepth or have such a massive effect on their life as ours so often do.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I am a woman and understand myself and my life that way; however to come into that knowlege and acceptance I had to go through 50 years of h.ell in the wrong gender. That taught me just how bad it felt in my old body.

[Guest Soph]

Well, I think the answer is circumstantial.

I think usually it is uncommon, but it does happen for some. A close friend of mine is a cisgendered women, but she happens to be really tall and has a deeper than normal voice, and she commonly has people calling her "sir" on the telephone and occasionally has kids refer to her in male pronouns. It hurts her when it happens. So yeah, I think cisgendered people can and sometimes do encounter dysphoria as well.

I didn't really think of that.

Actually that scenario is quite similar to what we go through; we are referred to as the wrong gender constantly.

So, yeah, I suppose it can happen, but probably not often.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Thinking about things, maybe this is why it is so hard for our partners to stay with us through transition. Our transition forces them from that comfortable acceptance of who, what and how they are and makes them look at their own gender identity and sexuality. Two things that most of our partners were not ready to have to face. On some level all of us transsexuals knew that someday we would have to face those questions so we were somewhat ready for them.

Our partners, bless them, never thought they would have to face that kind of questioning and it maybe only those who can handle doing that kind of deep self evaluation ever survive married to their trans spouse. What do y'all think?

[Guest CharlieRose]

I can think of a lot of ways cisgendered people come in contact with it: For women, dressing up either in a pretty dress and makeup or even lingere, for men, I dunno, engaging in "guy time," hanging with friends and watching football, or if they're not into that maybe spending time with a significant other, like a gay boyfriend if they're gay or a girlfriend if they're straight... Lots of little things. And dysphoria, too. My college had an event with a lot of drag performers, and some of them had been talked into it by their friends. I distinctly remember seeing a very uncomfortable guy in a tutu or something complaining to his female friend, "Ugh! This feels so weird!" She was like, "It's ok, look, everyone else is doing it! You look great!" and he'd be like "AUGH! It's TOO WEIRD!" Pretty much sums up how I felt in dresses. It's different in ways, sure, like I felt that way when I was a child and my protests weren't taken seriously, plus the forced drag act went on for years, but still, it's possible for them to glimpse their gender identity. They do have one.

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

Cisgenders seem to grow up and live all their life without ever coming in contact with a sense in their head that they belong to their gender. They just accept what society tells them, it just happens by chance that it's correct!

I disagree with this, I think Cis people know their gender just as we do. A Cis man just knows that he is a man, if you gave him a sex change against his will, he would still know he was a man even if he was now in the body of a woman.

I think the problem is that they never really understand that basic knowledge they just take it for granted, and when they're asked what makes you a man or a woman, there response is your body or genetics or sterotypical traits etc. They never had to face a contrast between what they're told / what they see and what they 'just know'.

I'm also aware of Cis people who really enjoy being the gender that they are, and will revel in it, perhaps not all the time, but women will buy a really nice dress and a pair of shoes and think, dang i love being a woman. and guy's check out her assets and think dang i love being a man.

perhaps that's not gender euphoria in the same way we experience it, but there are certainly times when cis people like or dislike their gender.

[Guest DisDwarf]

women will buy a really nice dress and a pair of shoes and think, dang i love being a woman.

I've seen this in women's magazines, adverts for clothing "to make you look super-feminine" etc, but I wonder: is this the same as sensing your gender inside or is it about feeling happy for displaying feminity so that you can attract a mate? Do they focus on their inner psychology/gender or in the dating potential their new clothing gives them? or both?

[Guest ricka]

I think what we transpeople experience is that joy (euphoria) when there is a convergence of our inner nature and outward expression and the sense of wholeness that this engenders in us. Cisgendered were born and mostly just grew up with that convergence. For us we have all lived without that convergence and experienced the resultant dysphoria in whatever form that took. For me personally that convergence means on a most basic level that having female breasts expresses my inner self. Cisgendered women probably enjoy having breasts but for me the joy I experience I also believe is on quite another level.

Ricka

[Guest ricka]

DisDwarf, I reread your posts and had more thoughts to add. If you accept the binary definition of gender then yes you were born a biologically a male. But if your definition of gender is indeed a spectrum and in reality I believe that is the reality of it. We were born somewhere between the poles, despite our chromosomes and our genitalia. That said some of us then are born to march to the beat of a different drum than the binary societal gender framework. And for many of us the din of the societal drum drowns out that different drum we felt on the deepest level, at least for many years. And understandibly for many they go from the cradle to the grave never following that different drum which calls to them to walk a different path.

Ricka