Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Day Two Of Wife Knowing


Guest Sarah Michelle

Recommended Posts

Guest sarah f

Well she talked to me yesterday and we went to go get pics of our kids at the mall. That is the good news but she still didn't bring up our conversation. I could tell it was still eating at her. Hopefully with time we can discuss what happened and come to some kind of understanding. I will let you know more as it unfolds.

Love,

Sarah F

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

Well, she's probably processing it all right now...

I think the best thing to do is let her be for a bit and she'll probably say something to you to open up the conversation...

It's tough, Sarah...I feel for you and her right now..these are difficult times for you both...

Give her space....

Huggs

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest Chandra

Dear Sarah,

I think it will take time, but love is a very powerful thing. And as I said before, this is the real you, the one that shaped your personality into the person that connected with her when you first got together. You would not be the same person she fell for if this was not in you.

I think she will come to terms with this, my wife did.

Best Wishes Love Chandra

Link to comment
Guest Katrina Reann

Sarah,

I agree with Donna just give her room right now and don't force her to talk, she needs time to process this and find a way to try and deal with this. Too often when we reveal our inner feelings we expect acceptance to come quickly. But truth it has taken most of years to come to terms with our own feelings. And prepare yourself because once the shock wears off she may fall into a grieving stage or something similar where their is a whole range of emotions she will go though. My only advice to you would be to not push too hard and maybe get some plate armor so that things don't get to you...Huggsss

Link to comment
Guest Joanna Phipps
Well she talked to me yesterday and we went to go get pics of our kids at the mall. That is the good news but she still didn't bring up our conversation. I could tell it was still eating at her. Hopefully with time we can discuss what happened and come to some kind of understanding. I will let you know more as it unfolds.

Love,

Sarah F

I took the tactic of making the subject taboo for me to bring up but if my partner did then I was ready to talk about it and answer any questions she had. I think it was two or three weeks before we had that convo

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

It took my wife about two weeks to fully digest what was going on. But I had been to therapy and had just been diagnosed transsexual. I was also trying to understand what was going on!

Unfortunately her reaction was guarded. Not the immediate support I hoped for.

A married woman has an agenda that you as a transitioning partner need to understand. Her unconditional love can become conditional.

She worries about herself an her children. She is reevaluating what this means to her - you may take second place. Issues? Security, embarrasment, changes in your lovemaking, and importantly, you intent - how far are you going?

She will then ask for a time table - and how you will feel about her after transitioning.

Tough questions, especially if you are unsure of the answers yourself.

I hope this helps.

Lizzy

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

Sarah dear,

Let your wife take the lead at this time on further discussions. Give her time to let everything to settle in and let her come to terms with the previous conversation.

When she is ready. You will know.

Brenda

Link to comment
Guest sarah f

Thank each of you for your advice. I am just riding it out now. I will give her time and space like each of you had suggested. I just can't help to feel bad for her right now. I don't even get on the computer at home so that it gives her time to digest this. That being said, I guess I will post during the day at work at least for a while.

Love,

Sarah F

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean
Thank each of you for your advice. I am just riding it out now. I will give her time and space like each of you had suggested. I just can't help to feel bad for her right now. I don't even get on the computer at home so that it gives her time to digest this. That being said, I guess I will post during the day at work at least for a while.

Love,

Sarah F

Sarah......

We all care.....

And I know that you're getting pretty good advice on this because every response you've gotten so far is from an MTF who has been through what your doing right now with their partner....

There's a lot of experience there.....

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

Link to comment
  • Admin

All great advice so far, Sarah. I'm glad you're taking it all in.

My heart goes out to you, hon. I know how much gult you're dealing with, as none of us ever wanted

to hurt the one we love most. Unfortunately, its unavoidable for those of us with spouses and children.

You never know how things will turn out. Your wife may surprise you, and it could either be a nice

surprise or a terrible one. You just cannot tell. I was sure my wife would totally freak out and gave

our marriage less than 50 per cent chance of continuing. Yet, six months later, we have found a way

to make it work and move forward. I have real hope that things will work out well for us. My wife has

offered support and encouragement that I never would have imagined. She turned out to be far more

resilient and understanding than I gave her credit for.

I hope things turn out as well for you, Sarah. Good luck to you both.

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
Guest nymphblossom

Sarah, you and your wife are in my thoughts & prayers. As hard as sharing our trannsexualism is on us, it has a HUGE impact on our wives. I came out to my wife about 8 months ago. She is in therapy and has always done her best to try to understand, but acceptamce is a process, one step forward and two back. I wrote a poem a few months ago to try capture what she must be experiencing:

For My Wife

A candlelight dinner holds no romance

Sitting across the table from the androgynous effigy of the man she once loved.

Harder still to repress her urge to vomit when she sees me wearing makeup and women's clothes.

Even in the blindness of the night

There is no escaping what I have become.

Her fingers cringe at the touch of the hairless boney frame of another woman laying beside her.

And there is no way to keep from wondering

How long it will be before her husband becomes her roommate,

Her heterosexual mind desperately grappling with the uncertainty of whether she has been having a lesbian relationship for the last 20 years.

I wonder whether she is reveling in her own ecstasy

Or repulsed at the thought of touching me.

Our passion is only a memory now.

But somehow she desperately clings to the piece of me she needs to keep our marriage alive.

Blindly going through the motions so we can make it one day at a time.

And I love her more than I love my life itself.

Blossom

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 194 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Betty K
    • VickySGV
    • Timi
    • Birdie
    • Karen Carey
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      769.8k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,081
    • Most Online
      8,356

    brightmom
    Newest Member
    brightmom
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Ben1868
      Ben1868
      (22 years old)
    2. Charity
      Charity
      (41 years old)
    3. EagerBeaver
      EagerBeaver
    4. Nagato
      Nagato
      (33 years old)
    5. Star
      Star
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      My condolences to the people of WA.  A huge warning about that type of politician though, those who broadcast the Anti-Trans message rarely if ever attend to any important legislative issues to benefit their constituency.  They are mostly single trick dogs, whose trick is to empty their food bowl and whine for more food.
    • Ivy
      This stuff seems to be the major talking point for "conservatives" these days.  Just shows that they don't know what they're talking about, and don't particularly care.
    • Jani
      You are both beautiful.  Have fun.
    • Willow
    • Mirrabooka
      Mother's Day, so I thought I'd do the right thing and cook. So, we got Chinese takeaway! 😆   Actually, we planned it days ago, just thinking that tonight we would treat ourselves. Complete with a lovely bottle of Cab Sav.
    • Mirrabooka
      Exactly.   A plain old "Good morning" should always suffice, for example, whether the recipient expects a gender specific greeting or not.
    • Ladypcnj
      Hi awkward yet sweet, yeah, I tried dumping her but my current health insurance keeps directing me back to her as my primary, yet there are other doctors to choose from, but they are far away.
    • Ladypcnj
      Hi Birdie, I can relate to that.
    • Mirrabooka
    • Mirrabooka
      This sort of stuff makes my blood boil. A prospective state politician has gained approval from his party's state council to run in their state election next year.   He once stated that the + part of LGBTQIA+ is where pedophiles are categorized.   For clarity, in Australia the Liberal party is our main conservative party. They have lurched further to the right over the past 10 years or so. Our main progressive, union backed party is Labor.   WA Liberal party approves Dr Thomas Brough, candidate who linked LGBTQIA+ community with paedophiles - ABC News
    • Willow
      Happy Mother’s Day    I have to be at church earlier than normal for a mic check.  I have been going over what I am to say, both silently reading and reading it aloud.  My concern is that my voice will freeze as it sometimes does.     I felt I was honored very highly yesterday by my minister and supporter on my journey.  He and another minister are Standing together to become the next co-moderators of the Presbyterian Church (USA).  They included me to receive an advance copy of their initial submission.  I was one of only 6 people listed on the email to receive this.  Later this week it will go out to all the voting commissioners that will be in Salt Lake City for the meeting.  I have asked to be allowed to attend the meeting to support him and Rev CeeCee Armstrong, whom he is standing with.    We’ll time to get ready .   Willow
    • Mirrabooka
      Nup. Not an option. You need to keep going and keep us all in the loop, and we need to keep seeing your beautiful smile!   Party, schmarty. I'm 61 and haven't had a birthday party since I was 30. Even that was just a crummy meal at the pub with a few friends who we have since lost contact with. Don't sweat it.
    • Mirrabooka
      On behalf of everyone reading your entries here @Sally Stone, THANK YOU for creating such an informative thread. But there is one thing you might have neglected to say at the end, and that is, "And they all lived happily ever after!" ❤️   Reno sounds like a pretty good place to call home. I understand the attraction of living in a place that is not too big but not too small.   I look forward to reading your subsequent posts about specific aspects of your journey.
    • Betty K
      Hi and welcome. A few things...   1. You're right, you can't trust your friends w/r/t the question of passing. How would they even know if you pass or not? My sister used to do the same thing, telling me that no-one knew I was trans and that to her I just looked like a cis woman. I still don't know if she was serious or just trying to make me feel good, but I learned to not listen to her on that topic.   2. Buuuut, having said that, I thought I looked good, and I think that is all she was really trying to tell me, that she liked how I looked as a woman. Maybe this is obvious, but I feel it gets overlooked: passing and looking good are not the same thing, not even remotely. Your friends (I presume) are trying to tell you that you look good as you are.   3. Having said all that, I think non-passing transmascs have a harder time than us non-passing transfemmes. All I have to do to get gendered correctly 95% of the time is wear a dress and makeup and only a few seriously ignorant folks and diehard transphobes misgender me. For you, it's much harder to find signifiers powerful enough to send the same message.   So in short, I don't have any answers, except that you're right, it sucks, and I hope the situation improves over time. But passing isn't everything. Maybe you're right, and in a less conservative state it wouldn't happen so often, because you'd have more people like you surrounding you. I know that where I chose to live while transitioning has been a big part of making the process a positive experience. I'd hate to be in Texas atm.
    • Mirrabooka
      Thank you, ladies.   At the time I went from euphoric (my normal state) to not euphoric in an instant, and the lingering thought was one of self-doubt, manifesting itself with the unsolved question that maybe I never really felt like I had the soul of a woman, I just thought I did. I know I'm not the only one to ever feel this way. All part of the ride on this roller coaster I guess.   Yep, and yep. Makes sense now.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...