Day Two Of Wife Knowing

[Guest sarah f]

Well she talked to me yesterday and we went to go get pics of our kids at the mall. That is the good news but she still didn't bring up our conversation. I could tell it was still eating at her. Hopefully with time we can discuss what happened and come to some kind of understanding. I will let you know more as it unfolds.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well, she's probably processing it all right now...

I think the best thing to do is let her be for a bit and she'll probably say something to you to open up the conversation...

It's tough, Sarah...I feel for you and her right now..these are difficult times for you both...

Give her space....

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Chandra]

Dear Sarah,

I think it will take time, but love is a very powerful thing. And as I said before, this is the real you, the one that shaped your personality into the person that connected with her when you first got together. You would not be the same person she fell for if this was not in you.

I think she will come to terms with this, my wife did.

Best Wishes Love Chandra

[Guest Katrina Reann]

Sarah,

I agree with Donna just give her room right now and don't force her to talk, she needs time to process this and find a way to try and deal with this. Too often when we reveal our inner feelings we expect acceptance to come quickly. But truth it has taken most of years to come to terms with our own feelings. And prepare yourself because once the shock wears off she may fall into a grieving stage or something similar where their is a whole range of emotions she will go though. My only advice to you would be to not push too hard and maybe get some plate armor so that things don't get to you...Huggsss

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Well she talked to me yesterday and we went to go get pics of our kids at the mall. That is the good news but she still didn't bring up our conversation. I could tell it was still eating at her. Hopefully with time we can discuss what happened and come to some kind of understanding. I will let you know more as it unfolds.

Love,

Sarah F

I took the tactic of making the subject taboo for me to bring up but if my partner did then I was ready to talk about it and answer any questions she had. I think it was two or three weeks before we had that convo

[Guest Elizabeth K]

It took my wife about two weeks to fully digest what was going on. But I had been to therapy and had just been diagnosed transsexual. I was also trying to understand what was going on!

Unfortunately her reaction was guarded. Not the immediate support I hoped for.

A married woman has an agenda that you as a transitioning partner need to understand. Her unconditional love can become conditional.

She worries about herself an her children. She is reevaluating what this means to her - you may take second place. Issues? Security, embarrasment, changes in your lovemaking, and importantly, you intent - how far are you going?

She will then ask for a time table - and how you will feel about her after transitioning.

Tough questions, especially if you are unsure of the answers yourself.

I hope this helps.

Lizzy

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Sarah dear,

Let your wife take the lead at this time on further discussions. Give her time to let everything to settle in and let her come to terms with the previous conversation.

When she is ready. You will know.

Brenda

[Guest sarah f]

Thank each of you for your advice. I am just riding it out now. I will give her time and space like each of you had suggested. I just can't help to feel bad for her right now. I don't even get on the computer at home so that it gives her time to digest this. That being said, I guess I will post during the day at work at least for a while.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Donna Jean]

Thank each of you for your advice. I am just riding it out now. I will give her time and space like each of you had suggested. I just can't help to feel bad for her right now. I don't even get on the computer at home so that it gives her time to digest this. That being said, I guess I will post during the day at work at least for a while.

Love,

Sarah F

Sarah......

We all care.....

And I know that you're getting pretty good advice on this because every response you've gotten so far is from an MTF who has been through what your doing right now with their partner....

There's a lot of experience there.....

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest viv]

Hi Sarah, hoping things go well hun, viv

[Carolyn Marie]

All great advice so far, Sarah. I'm glad you're taking it all in.

My heart goes out to you, hon. I know how much gult you're dealing with, as none of us ever wanted

to hurt the one we love most. Unfortunately, its unavoidable for those of us with spouses and children.

You never know how things will turn out. Your wife may surprise you, and it could either be a nice

surprise or a terrible one. You just cannot tell. I was sure my wife would totally freak out and gave

our marriage less than 50 per cent chance of continuing. Yet, six months later, we have found a way

to make it work and move forward. I have real hope that things will work out well for us. My wife has

offered support and encouragement that I never would have imagined. She turned out to be far more

resilient and understanding than I gave her credit for.

I hope things turn out as well for you, Sarah. Good luck to you both.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest nymphblossom]

Sarah, you and your wife are in my thoughts & prayers. As hard as sharing our trannsexualism is on us, it has a HUGE impact on our wives. I came out to my wife about 8 months ago. She is in therapy and has always done her best to try to understand, but acceptamce is a process, one step forward and two back. I wrote a poem a few months ago to try capture what she must be experiencing:

For My Wife

A candlelight dinner holds no romance

Sitting across the table from the androgynous effigy of the man she once loved.

Harder still to repress her urge to vomit when she sees me wearing makeup and women's clothes.

Even in the blindness of the night

There is no escaping what I have become.

Her fingers cringe at the touch of the hairless boney frame of another woman laying beside her.

And there is no way to keep from wondering

How long it will be before her husband becomes her roommate,

Her heterosexual mind desperately grappling with the uncertainty of whether she has been having a lesbian relationship for the last 20 years.

I wonder whether she is reveling in her own ecstasy

Or repulsed at the thought of touching me.

Our passion is only a memory now.

But somehow she desperately clings to the piece of me she needs to keep our marriage alive.

Blindly going through the motions so we can make it one day at a time.

And I love her more than I love my life itself.

Blossom