10 Weeks Later

[Guest NatashaJade]

Hello, dear ones. So I can't believe it has been 10 weeks of HRT already. It doeshhn't seem such a long time and yet it's not very long at all. Physically and emotionally there are no significant new developments. I wish I could tell y'all that there was more to tell. I think my life outside of being trans has become so tumultuous that this is the least of my worries at present. Stopping and smelling the roses just doesn't seem to be an option at present.

I have learned not to cry...or at least how to stop fast. I get clinical. I feel it coming on and then think, "oh, I'm getting emotional. Fascinating." I'm like a Vulcan. Can't have emotions in front of the students.

Oh, on Friday, one of my actors noticed my hair is flipping up in back when it is not in a pony tail. She says, "Mister, you look like a girl." Made me smile (but not too much!). It is the little things that keep me going.

More to.. come...

Luv

Gin

[Guest NatashaJade]

I did want to say a little more, but I wrote the last post on my phone (hence the weird typos...). I've been getting this strange itch on my hips that has been fairly persistent for the last month or so. At first I attributed it to the band on my underwear, but then I tried new underwear and it persisted. I am wondering if this is a reaction to the hormones. I haven't read about this at all anywhere, so it could just be a me thing. It is probably a me thing. I thought I'd mention it, though.

Also, I've been reading Julia Serano's Whipping Girl and, jut a few chapters in, I am not sure what to think of it. While I agree with a lot of what she says and, in some ways, it depresses me a bit, I also am not sure I wholly agree with her, either. For one, she seems to have real disdain for transwomen who choose to express their femininity through clothes and make-up. I think it is mostly because she perceives society as seeing us as mostly occupied with the trappings of be being female rather than accepting us as the women we are (or at least accepting that our motives are not all tied up in being pretty). I agree with her as far as this goes and the way she frames her argument about media portrayal makes it hard to deny her point. However, I think she has to allow that, as women, we want to be able to express our femininity as we choose to...because women have options. She may be happy in a tshirt and jeans and I am sometimes as well. But I should be able to wear what I wish without being tagged as trying to be something I am not by people outside or inside our community. As we move forward into uncertain times where legislators are specifically targeting us in a way that denies who we are to the core. As we are both more and less accepted (which may have to do with advances in treatment that make it harder for people to "clock" us and, therefore, scared that they might be talking to a transwoman or transman and not even know it (gasp! shock!)) we should be more free to become who we are, not less. I am not sure how we have turned so far around as a society from the opening of things in the 60's-80's to the neo-puritanical craziness that seems to exist today. How can we get back on track to a society that allows its members to be as they need and want to be rather than to conform?

I think after 10 weeks I am finding myself recognizing more and more that I am part of a very marginalized and persecuted minority (as if being a humanistic Jew wasn't bad enough!). At some point in the future, I hope to have the courage to be an out transwoman working for our community. I don't want to live in fear or in the closet.

luv

Gin

[Guest Kaitlyn88]

The changes mostly just seem to come slowly over time, other people tend to notice before you do. I'm a little over 9 months on HRT and I only have to hold back tears when it's something very emotional. When I was talking to my ex fiance, telling her about me being trans and when my brother in law and sister in law both won't let me see my nieces and nephews because I'm trans. I would reach points where I would start to choke up but I managed to get through everything without tearing up. So I guess that 'll never be one of those girls that cries about random things. I feel more emotional about things but just don't cry.

People used to tell me when I was a kid that I was such a girl, I would pretend to be offended but it felt like a huge compliment lol. I never got how acting or looking like a girl could be an insult. Women are some of the nicest, beautiful and caring people out there. It was the same thing when I was in the Army and they would call us ladies and girls. Thinking back those drill sergeants were the first people to recognize my gender identity and use the right pronouns.

[Guest NatashaJade]

People used to tell me when I was a kid that I was such a girl, I would pretend to be offended but it felt like a huge compliment lol. I never got how acting or looking like a girl could be an insult. Women are some of the nicest, beautiful and caring people out there. It was the same thing when I was in the Army and they would call us ladies and girls. Thinking back those drill sergeants were the first people to recognize my gender identity and use the right pronouns.

You never know how your words will affect others. My wife called me a girl for years before I can out to her. When I finally came out, she said, "It figures."