What A Tumultuous Day!

[Guest Soph]

Well, I suppose it makes sense to start at the beginning.

So, my 8:00 class is Health. Today in health was a fitness day! That means that I have to do physical activity with a short sleeve shirt on (I'm still self-conscious about my shoulder width >_<). Physical activity, however, is very difficult when you've been eating 0-1000 calories a day for 5 months. Especially jogging: GOD that was painful. 12 minutes on a treadmill... 12 MINUTES! Is that not obscene?! I also learned my body fat percentage, which is not a good thing for an anorexic to know >_< (6.2%, which is somewhat below the necessary. However, it also means that I have fat to lose)

Thing is, I was incredibly upset before, during, and after that class. So I went straight from there to Econ, where Ben Stein droned on about allocative resources or whatever he was talking about (he seriously sounds exactly like Ben Stein, its ridiculous!), while I held back tears. Same thing for Ethics (excluding Ben Stein).

After ethics class, I went to the professor (who I respect a great deal, is a really nice person, knows a lot about philosophy of science (turns out I'm a rationalist, which probably isn't the most fulfilling viewpoint on reality) and is part of the Safe Zone) and told her that I needed to talk to her about the crap going on in my life (forgot to mention: anorexia is getting worse, started cutting (well, not cutting, but scratching) again, crying often. All this on top of me being FT for the first time. This is a stressful time in my life).

So we go to her office, where I finally let the tears I had been holding in for two days go. I talked about how much I hate how I look, how difficult my life is right now, and how I'm not sure that I can deal with classes while presenting at this time (especially without any support network). Well, shes a great person. She told me that she was extremely proud of me for dealing with what I've been dealing with, and that I was very brave (shes definitely a role-model of mine: female philosophy professor--just what I aspire to be!). Since she had a colloquium to get to (Kirkegaard on the Generation of Anxiety. I had intended to go), she called up the counseling center on campus and helped me set up a walk-in session there.

So I went to the counseling center. By now I had calmed down enough that I had stopped crying (its 14 degrees here (with a windchill factor bringing it to 1 degree). Any moisture on you in this weather is pretty unbearable)--my phil prof walked me through a brief calming exercise that I didn't expect to work, but surprisingly did. So the counselor I saw there honestly wasn't able to help as much, since the real crisis had passed. However, I was able to talk to her for a while about my anorexia, and she told me about a Mindfulness Group that she had set up (sort of like introspection and emotion labeling, the latter of which I have trouble with), and also promised to get me information on when the Pride group meets on campus (I tried to find out on my own, but its like they're a secret society), so I now have three total engagements (with one pending) on campus--philosophy club, mindfulness group, and the pride group. This means I can start to build up a support network, which means that I will have people to talk to (maybe even friends up here!), which means that I will be able to handle my emotions (since a lot of what I cry about is how alone I am up here).

So, while it was a very down day, in the end it turned around (and the day isn't over yet!).

I'm feeling pretty good right now

[Carolyn Marie]

Pretty good post, Sophie. Started out bad and by the time you (and I) got to the bottom, things were looking up (OK, sorry about that, really ).

I'm glad you're feeling better, and that you seem on the road to getting that support you so badly need on campus.

Good for you!

I'll leave you with this quote from Socrates:

"Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior." No offense to any FtM's.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Soph]

I'll leave you with this quote from Socrates:

"Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior." No offense to any FtM's.

I rather like that quote

Socrates was a GD genius (although I must admit I am more partial to Zeno).

[Guest cjnoble71]

I rather like that quote

Socrates was a GD genius (although I must admit I am more partial to Zeno).

I'm more of a Socratic myself. Though I do think Zeno's problem is people took him too literally. I am think perhaps he was trying to develop a healthy skepticism in others just as Socrates did.

And I don't think there is anything wrong with being a rationalist. It does not necessarily lead to a moribund view of the universe that people believe it does. But I could be full of it

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

It's good that you are getting a support network. Being transgender can be very hard and it's important to have people there for you. Sometimes online, even with such an awesome website such as Laura's Playground, just doesn't beat flesh and blood people. Try to not cut since you really don't need to add that to your list of problems. It gets very addictive over time. It's just awesome that you are doing mindfulness. I did that as part of DBT therapy and it is very helpful. I wish you the best of luck. By the way, I strongly applaud your use of tumultuous. Yay for sesquipedalian words!