Male? Female? Me?

[Guest Zero-Cure]

Hello, people. I have decided to share my story, long winded as it may be. I'm hopelessly confused about what I am.

It started last year maybe, or the year before that. Or when I was seven. Honestly I couldn't tell you. I'm always had this feeling that I wasn't male, I wasn't the gender I was forced to believe I was. I was always a stubborn child, and didn't see why I should be told what gender I was because of what was between my legs. But having gotten slapped by my mother, and dammned by my grandparents at the mere mention of the topic, I was frightened into being a male. The feeling sort of left me for awhile, I doubt it ever really left, seeing as in most of my imaginary games, I was a girl. But last year, it slapped me hard across the face and told me to listen. I suddenly was complelty and utterly confused about what in hell I was. I started having the weridest dreams. Usually all of them of me as a girl. And I was so happy. I always woke up feeling immensly happy until I realised I'd been dreaming. I slowly started acting slightly more feminie, which got me bullied and singled out by my highschool peers. Luckily I had a great group of friends. I never dared to tell them about my gender confusion issues. When I did tell them, they freaked and things have been different ever since. I battled with myself and fought wth myself telling myself that I was just a gay boy. I might have lost it a bit in the middle of all this. I found that whatever there is controlling everything, decided I wasn't a gay boy and threw so much syncronisty and coincidence at me that it was scary. Of course my favourite singers some sort of cross between male and female. Of course I should find links from one site to another about this, of course I should discover more and more trans articles, and gender confusion articles, when I wasn't looking for them. All the while I kept the fascinating dreams. The latest one was of me getting the op done, and finally becoming a female. I still have this nagging feeling that gender is damaging, but I know I'm not male.

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi Zero-Cure,

Welcome to Laura's Playground and lots of very caring and supportive people with an amazing amount of information available.

A lot of us can understand your story, for there are many similarities. We knew early on, we tried (or were forced) to push it aside, and those feelings eventually came back, stronger than before. And now, many here have determined what they really are and really want, and are following that dream to live it. Others have learned some more about themselves and are at different places and are comfortable there.

Hopefully, you'll find that place and can be happy. We're glad you're here.

I'm sure others will be along shortly to greet you and oh, and a moderator might move this to the introductions forum, so just don't be surprised.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest casper]

hi Zero-cure,

<<hug >>

Try and think of your gender as a spectrum; Adam is at one end, and Eve at the other.

Everyone in the history of the planet falls somewhere in between, and no two are alike or in the same place.

Just try and be happy with your life.

Live it for what you see it to be.

vanna

[Guest MarciPA]

Hey Zero-Cure, I'm new here myself as of yesterday and your post is certainly not as long winded as it is honest. Welcome to the club and I'm sure we'll hear more from you. By the way, very well spoken.

<<hug >>

Try and think of your gender as a spectrum; Adam is at one end, and Eve at the other.

Everyone in the history of the planet falls somewhere in between, and no two are alike or in the same place.

Just try and be happy with your life.

Live it for what you see it to be.

vanna

I just had to mention here that I could not agree more on your statement. I have always vewed every single person as lying somewhere on the two spectrums. Everyone falls somewhere between the "adam" and "eve" genders as well as everyone falling somewhere between straight-bi-gay. Some of us slide more one way or the other but in the end its our own personal views of ourselves that matter. Giving yourself a title serves of little import other than to explain to others what you feel you are. I personally feel I am a bisexual transgender IF I had to use a title at all....

Cheers all

M~

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

Hello, people. I have decided to share my story, long winded as it may be. I'm hopelessly confused about what I am.

It started last year maybe, or the year before that. Or when I was seven. Honestly I couldn't tell you. I'm always had this feeling that I wasn't male, I wasn't the gender I was forced to believe I was. I was always a stubborn child, and didn't see why I should be told what gender I was because of what was between my legs. But having gotten slapped by my mother, and dammned by my grandparents at the mere mention of the topic, I was frightened into being a male. The feeling sort of left me for awhile, I doubt it ever really left, seeing as in most of my imaginary games, I was a girl. But last year, it slapped me hard across the face and told me to listen. I suddenly was complelty and utterly confused about what in hell I was. I started having the weridest dreams. Usually all of them of me as a girl. And I was so happy. I always woke up feeling immensly happy until I realised I'd been dreaming. I slowly started acting slightly more feminie, which got me bullied and singled out by my highschool peers. Luckily I had a great group of friends. I never dared to tell them about my gender confusion issues. When I did tell them, they freaked and things have been different ever since. I battled with myself and fought wth myself telling myself that I was just a gay boy. I might have lost it a bit in the middle of all this. I found that whatever there is controlling everything, decided I wasn't a gay boy and threw so much syncronisty and coincidence at me that it was scary. Of course my favourite singers some sort of cross between male and female. Of course I should find links from one site to another about this, of course I should discover more and more trans articles, and gender confusion articles, when I wasn't looking for them. All the while I kept the fascinating dreams. The latest one was of me getting the op done, and finally becoming a female. I still have this nagging feeling that gender is damaging, but I know I'm not male.

Hey! WElcome to the forum. A lot of transgender people have stories similar to yours and most transgender people, and some cisgender people, are confused about their gender at some point. It's hard to get past social stigma, especially when your family is involved. Remember that whichever path you find yourself on you are worth no less as a person. Casper made a good point about gender being a spectrum. Some people are really close to the male end and call themselves men, some are very close to the female end and call themselves women and some are so in the middle that they have to call themselves something entirely different or perhaps a combination of the options. Take care.

[Guest A.S.]

Welcome to Laura's

Everyone are here to try their best to help. For longest time I am confused so I decide to cross-dress since I was little child.

to my experience, I wanna share that I was always comfortable living as male in female body (if i make sense) because out in the public I always found myself acting like manly than a femme that a lot of people puzzling and I wasn't sure who I really am. Now I thought I would make a huge step to be myself and try to live as FTM now.

I got to agree with everyone on this posts what they said. They helped me a lot that they made me think deeper and I found myself thinking "hey, go for it." I glad I did. but it gonna take time before knowing who you are really deep inside.

[Guest EmilyA]

Welcome Zero-Cure,

The cocoa and cookies should be here anytime now.

I know what you mean with the dreams. After I was able to accept myself again I started haveing vivid dreams of me being a woman. Before that I never even saw myself in dreams at all. I wake up happy everyday now because of the pleasantness of the dreams. Not to sound like a Matix geek but it's like my residual self image. Hopefully through some research you'll be able to find someone who can help you discover who you are and where you stand so that in time you can become the person you see yourself as. There is a list of prefessionals on this sight that you can look into if you haven't already.

Hugs,

Emily

[Guest Zero-Cure]

Thanks for the warm welcome guys, happy to know I'm not a complete freak. XD

[gennee]

Hi Zero-Cure and welcome. I've been there myself and it has been a journey. Learn all you can.

Gennee