11 Weeks Gone By

[Guest NatashaJade]

Hi dear ones! This has been a much calmer week for everything in my life. I feel like everything is finding a kind of normalcy or routine that I have been lacking for awhile. Aside from a few little things, I've been really happy this week. So I'll focus on the hrt today and how its been working on me.

First, I want to warn you ladies who haven't started hrt or have just started, please please please be conscious of the fact that as neat as it is that your breasts are starting to appear, they cannot be taken for granted just yet. Yes, after awhile, you just kind have them and you wear a bra and you've changed your walk and the way you sit and whatnot, but they have a learning curve. For instance, running down stairs. You might be used to running down stairs with no problems (Except for something in the knees, maybe...but the chest? not an issue, right?). Well, I ran down a flight of three stairs...three. and when I got to the bottom, all of the sudden bouncing, even with a sports bra on, was agony. Most of the time, the pain is very local and only touch sensitive, but this was a bad. I said to myself right there that I had to learn stairs again and how to use them (at least until the pain stage of development passes..but by then, the habit will be instinct).

More of the hair on my body, especially my hands, is losing pigment and growing in finer. Hair is a test in patience. I want it all gone, now. But, it will go as it pleases, when it pleases, and I must be thankful for that. Because even though I find the laser treatment on my face mildly painful, if that, I am not keen on treating my whole body, even if I could at this point. I expect at some point, I will have to, but I will be patient until there is no alternative but the laser or, worse, electro.

My skin is definitely softer and lovelier. I recommend Dove bodywash. it moisturizes really well and doesn't smell like anything. If you want to smell like fruit, rub fruit on yourself. I don't understand why people would want to smell like fruit )do they want people to eat them? Maybe. Flowers and herbs I understand, but not fruit. While my skin is softer, I am more used to it, so it is hard to remember what it used to feel like.

And that is interesting to me. The longer I am away from what I was before, the less I remember what being him felt like. And, yes, I still present as male. But that's just it! I present as male. I do not think of myself as male and I don't remember what being male was like in many ways. I know I had a male libido, but I don't remember what it was like. I know I had male anger and rage, but I can't recall how it felt except I didn't like it. On those very few occasions that there is any reaction down below, I find it really odd and disconcerting, like something that really ought not to be there. I know I sense things differently now, but it is hard to put into words what it was like before except to say I know it was different and this is better. I sometimes wish I had spent some time before I started hrt writing down how I felt and experienced things except that I no longer want to remember that person, really. Plus, I just don't think I was as in tune with things the way I feel I am now. This is the part of me I am looking most forward to...the ever growing "in tune-ness" that I have with myself. It's like I was out of tune before, and now I'm finding the right notes.

Next week will be about three months! A milestone of sorts. I'm sure I'll have more to say.

more to come...

luv

Gin

(Oh, and the picture in my gallery is now public!...let me know what you think)

[Guest Donna Jean]

Keep posting, Gin.....I'm lovin' it!

You are doing great (well, except for that step thing I felt that...OWww)....

And I saw your pic....Oh my...you're gonna do wonderful....

Keep us informed, Honey!

Love it!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Carolyn Marie]

Such an interesting post, Gin. You have a lovely way of describing things.

I just started HRT, and reading your post, I can't wait to experience those changes, the big ones and the small ones.

I'm glad you are experiencing those little joys, and even the little "owees" of transition and womanhood. Appreciate all of it, and try

never to get blase' about it. I know I won't. It took too long to get here, so taking it for granted is not an option.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest sarah f]

Oh how it must feel to have breasts growing and the pain that comes with them. I will be there someday but until then, I can live through you and your experiences. I will keep running down stairs in mind so that when I do start, I will hopefully remember and not do it myself. Although, I might just do it once to see how it really feels for myself. I want to feel and experience everything so I will know just how it feels to be a woman at last.

As far as the hair thing goes Gin, I feel the same way about getting rid of all of the hair. I want it gone now not later. Unfortunately laser removal is too expensive to get it all done right now. It is just epilator and plucking for me right now.

Keep on posting your experiences because I am living through you right now.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest NatashaJade]

Oh how it must feel to have breasts growing and the pain that comes with them. I will be there someday but until then, I can live through you and your experiences. I will keep running down stairs in mind so that when I do start, I will hopefully remember and not do it myself. Although, I might just do it once to see how it really feels for myself. I want to feel and experience everything so I will know just how it feels to be a woman at last.

As far as the hair thing goes Gin, I feel the same way about getting rid of all of the hair. I want it gone now not later. Unfortunately laser removal is too expensive to get it all done right now. It is just epilator and plucking for me right now.

Keep on posting your experiences because I am living through you right now.

Love,

Sarah F

Thanks, Sarah. I made a bargain with myself when I started this that I would make a real effort to document what happened along the way for myself as much as anyone else. This is part of my personal therapy and definitely part of my journey. I am just so very pleased and grateful that I found the right community to share it with. I already share in your journey (as you are quite prolific!) and I look forward to hearing how it all affects you.

luv

Gin

[Guest NatashaJade]

And I saw your pic....Oh my...you're gonna do wonderful....

You are very kind to say it. My laser technician (who I am growing to love...she calls me "chica" and gossips about her love life and everything else and I find myself gossiping about things and, really, it's strange, but I forget that I ever was a man when I am getting zapped!) says she is going to make me beautiful...I'm not quite seeing it yet, but I'll be happy to hear her (and you!) say such nice things.

luv

Gin

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hey Gin

I absolutely love this line of yours....

This is the part of me I am looking most forward to...the ever growing "in tune-ness" that I have with myself. It's like I was out of tune before, and now I'm finding the right notes.

That is what this is all about. Getting in tune with yourself

Keep on being you dear.

You are going to make it!!!

Love

Brenda

[Guest Erin Quinn]

Thanks once again for keeping us so updated on your progress Gin, I get happier and happier each time you post.

Hmm, now I have a question for you.

I'm (hoping) to start my hormones in May. Do you have any advice for still presenting as male once I start, I'm hoping I can keep it up for 6-8 months before I have to let my job in on what's going on. Since you're just about 3 months, I figured I'd ask.

Thanks again and keep it up this has been really inspiring

[Guest NatashaJade]

Thanks once again for keeping us so updated on your progress Gin, I get happier and happier each time you post.

Hmm, now I have a question for you.

I'm (hoping) to start my hormones in May. Do you have any advice for still presenting as male once I start, I'm hoping I can keep it up for 6-8 months before I have to let my job in on what's going on. Since you're just about 3 months, I figured I'd ask.

Thanks again and keep it up this has been really inspiring

Hi Erin!

I'm, well, happy I can make you happy

As far as presenting male, it's really not all that hard. Just keep wearing men's clothing. If you grow your hair long, don't style it too much (ponytails are the best bet). As far as breast growth, I have been losing weight as I go, but I had moobs before, so the fact that my chest is larger isn't an issue. However, I wear a sports bra to work which keeps things a little...flatter (my wife says that my breasts are "perky" in a regular bra). If you need to wear a bra, just be conscious of the shirt you wear over it. Most people don't care, but some person might. I am in a job where people might care, so I take precautions.

Here's the thing of it, though. When the emotions start hitting you, and they will, you need to learn to mask them in some manner. Now I can get away with being a little weird and affected because I'm in the arts, but not everyone can afford that luxury. I can get away with earrings everyday because my job doesn't prohibit it and, again, I am in the arts. Also, you'll find that you naturally start becoming more feminine in your manner, speech, what have you. Unfortunately, you need to be conscious of this and turn it down...a lot. Or, introduce it subtly into your behavior so people forget how you used to be over time.

It's more work presenting male then people might think! Good luck with it!

luv

Gin

[Guest angie]

Erin,

An MTF can be in transition for quite some time with no one being the wiser.

It is only our drive,and physical discomfort at presenting male,when everything

in us say's No More that is not who I am.That makes us want to live authentically,

that forces many to take on their female Identity early.I know it did for me.

I had all ready been living as a woman for months,and with the addition of HRT,

and the physical and mental changes taking place,I saw no reason not to.

But,money must be made,and with a new job and a pregnant fiance',you have

to do what you have to do.And if that means holding on to the male facade for

a bit longer,so be it.

Hugs little sister,

Angie

[Guest nymphblossom]

Unseely Gin wrote:

If you grow your hair long, don't style it too much (ponytails are the best bet)

I guess it sort of depends on how long your hair is. I do not plan to let my hair grow any longer than shoulder length. I cut it the same length all over, let it break into it's natural side part and brush it behind my ears. It is a much more traditional male long hair look than a ponytail. Either way, the key is to avoid an over-styled cut. That went out for guys in the 70's...

Blossom

[Guest angie]

Unseely Gin wrote:

If you grow your hair long, don't style it too much (ponytails are the best bet)

I guess it sort of depends on how long your hair is. I do not plan to let my hair grow any longer than shoulder length. I cut it the same length all over, let it break into it's natural side part and brush it behind my ears. It is a much more traditional male long hair look than a ponytail. Either way, the key is to avoid an over-styled cut. That went out for guys in the 70's...

Blossom

And,pony tails are bad for your hair.My hair was to the middle of my back,but due to intense stress

from being a/the care giver for my father inlaw,and assisting in his first life threatening condition a

million miles from home,then assisting in his long run up to passing,always having it pulled back.By

the time I got home,it was about gone.And you could plainly see where the pony was by how thin it

had gotten in a perfect circle at the back.So,styling about shoulder length,allows freedom to wear,

and style,when you want it feminine,yet still maintain a masculine appearance as long as you have to,until you can premanently take on your female role.Um Hm

Angelique