The Order Of Things

[Remus]

I've been wondering for a while now...

Do people tend to take little steps (or bigger steps, whichever happens) towards being themselves, like binding or wearing small amounts of make-up, AND THEN come out (if indeed at all), or do people come out about themselves, AND THEN pack/bind/tuck/make-up etc.? Just that I bind all the time, and even though it's going to be more effective some days than others there *is* a noticeable difference (at least to my friends and me) compared to when I don't, but I'm only out to a handful of people, meaning that, to most, there's a semi-flat chested woman wandering around, WT...???

Do you just go about being yourselves and not care if there's the problem of being mis/identified, or do you tend to stick to 'traditional' male-female dress codes etc. until you're out?

Not sure if that makes sense, sorry, I was just curious as to whether there was some established order for doing these things, or if it's just anything goes...

Cheers,

xox Remus

[Paula ult]

Remus,

I started out taking baby steps long before i came out to everyone that needed to know, when i did finally come out i think it was easier for them to understand cause it explained why i was dressing the way i did.

There is no right way or wrong way to transition, my baby step approach worked for me, it does not mean i would work for you.

There are plenty of us that told friends and family long before starting transition, i was not one of those, i waited till the changes were so noticeable and i was getting ma'am'd so often i knew it was time.

Whether it was the way i came out, or that i knew everyone many years or just plain luck, i have lost very few family and friends and kept my job.

below are a couple topics i did on coming out to family and friends, the second was coming out at work, you may gain something you can use.

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...?showtopic=8516

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...showtopic=11262

Paula

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Remus,

Paula's approach obviously worked very well for her and I basically have been doing the same thing which is also working for me. Personally, I believe that taking things very slowly is the best way. Give yourself and others plenty of time to ease into who you are. Depending upon your starting point, that pace may be varied (no two peoples transitioning and coming out are exactly the same).

It really all comes down to your comfort level. Think of it this way, before you dive headfirst into the pool, you test the waters with your toes right? Ease into the pool.

Being transgendered is so enormously complex that practically no one has the full grasp as to how involved it is. You have your own personal psychological, emotional, physical dimensions involved. You have your interpersonal, sociological, professional, and familiar dimensions involved too. Basically, it is a huge balancing act. Balancing something this complex should be taken slowly (in my opinion).

My motto is and always has been "inch by inch your life's a cinch"

Love

Brenda

[Guest Ryles_D]

It depends on the situation, I'd imagine. In cases like work where passing once you come out is pretty important- waiting until after awhile on hormones, even after surgery, may be necessary. I've also seen some people where their parents/etc wouldn't accept it until they saw that person in the real world passing without trouble, so that can help.

Overall I think it's based ony our comfort level. I started binding 8 months before I came out.

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

I started wearing more and more feminine things before I came out to anyone, but this really was for my benefit, while I was figuring out what I was comfortable with. Once I realised this was legit, I starting coming out to select people and making changes all at once.

[Guest Sotha]

I'm attempting the "slowly change how you dress and act thing" before I start coming out to my friends and most of my family. I am wearing skinny jeans. I'm trying to walk and talk more femininely. I actually just bought an orange jacket, considering the only colors of jackets I have so far are grey, brown, and black. Then again, I'll probably start HRT long before I come out to much any of them.

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

I started binding long before I came out. I think it's best to practice behaviors for your internal gender before coming out so you get the hang of them by the time you live as your true gender.

[Guest Liam]

I started binding a year and a half before coming out for the first time. I was wearing only men's clothes a year before, and I cut my hair eight months before coming out. By about 3 months before coming out, I was very frequently read as male by strangers. I did all this before coming out because I was still figuring out whether or not I needed to transition or if simply making some small changes and just living as a masculine woman would be enough. Then, when I did come out and tell people that I would be transitioning, I think some people had an easier time of it because they were less surprised. But really, I don't think it made a huge difference. I wasn't trying to be strategic about it; I just took the steps I needed to take as I needed to take them in order to stay sane and to figure myself out.