What Am I?!?!

[Guest Suzanne Emilia]

Hi

I'm on here as an SO, but my MTF girlfriend recently deciding to transition has made me uneasy about my own gender identity. Right from about age 4 I identified as a boy. (I'm a girl, physically at least). People often called me a boy not a girl, I has short hair and I played with boys toys. A little older I always would moan bout how in toy stores the aisles were 'boys' or 'girls' as if girls shouldn't play with the cool toys instead of those silly Barbies. I preferred boys clothes in the shops, but wore very girly clothes so I wouldn't look odd. When I was about 12 I was sure I wanted a sex change. I was meant to be a boy. I was definite of wanting a sex change right til I was 16. I hung out with the boys, still liked boy things, and hates silly stuff like shaving my legs.

When I turned 16 and started having sexual relationships I felt empowered as a girl. I dressed really girly to attract attention and people to like me and want me, and I kinda forgot about ever wanting to be a boy.

Now I'm quite a girly girl who likes to do her makeup and wear heels, but I still prefer mens clothes when I walk around stores. But the idea of taking male hormones and starting to have hair on my face and muscles and all those horrible thing boys have that make them not very nice to look at compared with girls is repuslive to me. My soft girly face shouldn't have horrible hair on it. But I do want a penis. And I do want to dress like a man. But as a woman sometimes too. SO CONFUSED.

Hope someone can shed some light on what I am! xxx

Edited February 9, 2010 by Elizabeth K
Moved to the introduction forum - I think it fits here better

[Guest viv]

Hello Suzanne ,

First off hun , dont worry about your feelings . Most people

have similar questions about themselves at one time or another in their

lives ,in fact, thats the norm. I would strongly suggest you go see a Therapist

so you can clarify how you feel . On no account worry , these people have

heard it all before and your story wont be new . Why not get the ball rolling

this Monday and in the meantime you can talk to us here , we are here to

share our advice and friendship . luv,viv

[Guest Suzanne Emilia]

Thanks

Just a normal therapist or a special sort? Where would I find them? (I'm in the UK) xx

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

There are people here who identify as both male and female, so I mean, you like some aspect of one and some of the other, it kinda sounds like were you born male, you'd be a cross dresser, soooo yeah, i mean if you are a guy, then i don't see why you couldn't be.

As far as downstairs is concerned, have you discussed the idea of various toys / apendages with your girl friend? She might well welcome such an addition to the bedroom.

[Guest viv]

Hey no problem hun, I live just across the road from you , Dublin , Ireland.

So , Therapist"s , normally a visit to your GP and a quick chat will put you

on the right road but Im gonna guess your heading for a Gender Therapist.

The UK is well set up re treating Trans folk and you will have no problem

finding treatment . Most of our Trans Women go to your place re **final**

surgery . There are a few British people on the forum and will give you

lots more advice when they see your post . One thing you will get here in

bucket loads is good advice hun so stay in touch with us , luv,viv

[Guest Suzanne Emilia]

Sam, yeah I feel best in the bedroom when I have an 'apendage' as you put it!

I think I'm probably a cross dresser, but when I was younger it was more than that...

Viv, thanks. I will consider seeing a doctor, am just going to give myself some time to adjust to Danielle's transitioning and see if my feelings settle down. xxx

[Guest Elizabeth K]

WELL

First off - you are you! That is perfectly okay! You may be gender dysphoric - your story is so typical.

BUT

You really need to find a therapist - one specializing in gender issues. We are only advisers here - and we are not trained to say what you are.

BUT

You are in the right place. Don't disappear- PLEASE. Stay with us!

I think we are gonna be a good thing for you. We understand 100% - and we understand immediately! We are NOT judgemental - and we moderate this site to keep it safe! Fair enough?

GRIN

Elizabeth

[Guest AndrewH]

I don't know what else to saw right now except that you sound very much like me... except that I I still very much feel like a man on the inside even though I can enjoy dressing like a girl and looking all pretty... but even while I am doing that I feel like a man in a dress.

Anyway, not sure what else to say but wanted to say that you sound a lot like me.

[Guest Ryles_D]

If you do sometimes feel like a boy and sometimes like a girl- then you might be bigendered. Some people do change between the two genders. I know some people who are just kind of fluidly between them, some who switch at various times of day or just have cycles of however long.

[Guest unsolvedmystery]

no ways i'm exactly in your shoes! i don't know how to do the proper quotey thingy (maybe some one can show me?) but it was like you were speaking about me here:

"Now I'm quite a girly girl who likes to do her makeup and wear heels, but I still prefer mens clothes when I walk around stores. But the idea of taking male hormones and starting to have hair on my face and muscles and all those horrible thing boys have that make them not very nice to look at compared with girls is repuslive to me. My soft girly face shouldn't have horrible hair on it. But I do want a penis. And I do want to dress like a man. But as a woman sometimes too. SO CONFUSED."

but i only really started listening to all this a few months ago, i just want to say it's great to know that not only are there others out there in similar sitautions but others that understand completely. best of luck!