I'm Really Worried About My Friend's Drug Use

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

Well I have this friend who seems to be on a constant cycle of quitting, relapsing, deciding he doesn't really need to quit and can just moderate it, losing control completely and then quitting again. This has happened so many times and has been going on since I met him. He is emotionally addicted to marijuana, experimenting with cocaine and is going to be physically addicted to alcohol. I know he will because he has come up with this absurd idea that drinking will help him quit weed. I tried to explain to him that even if it does get him off weed it has a good chance of making him an alcoholic so it would kind of defeat the purpose but he said he would deal with it when it happens. He came from a household with a drug using mother and an alcoholic father so I have no idea why he hasn't learned from them that intoxicants are a bad way to deal with your problems. I also have no idea how he can possibly think that experimenting with cocaine when he already is struggling with marijuana is a good idea. At the moment his mother is in jail and his father passed away so he doesn't have much guidance, though from what he has told me they didn't provide much when they were around him anyway. He is upper class and has now inherited his father's wealth. So basically right now he has a combination of recklessness, addiction, having no common sense whatsoever and having a large amount of money. This is a recipe for a massive disaster. I've tried explaining to him that he is not on a good path but he won't listen to me. :-/ I also don't have much in the way of preventing him from doing this actively since he lives in a different state. I did meet him in real life and we do occasionally hang out but most of the time we text or IM. I'm just really worried about him and I don't know what to do. :-/

[Guest sarah f]

I know you must feel helpless right now but all you can do for him is to continue what you are already doing by telling him this is not the way to go. It ultimately will be on him to quit. You might suggest he go to AA or turn himself in to a drug clinic so that he will have time to break the habit. If he has the money he can do just about anything he want to quit. He probably likes living this life style. Hopefully it doen't turn out bad for him. Just keep being there for him and showing you love him. That is all you can really do.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest viv]

Hi hun, Sarah hit the nail on the head there , re supporting and advising your

friend. Through experience and stories shared with me in the past I can tell

you your friend may have to suffer a bad experience ,,arrested while drunk,

or similar . This may shock your friend into thinking re his habits . Usually a

person mal effected will then go on to attend AA and or Therapy . I hope

there is a happy ending ,,luv,viv

[Guest Donna Jean]

Real good advice here, Honey......

Sometimes we watch one of our friends or loved ones sink and we stand helplessly by as it happens.

At least you're being proactive....doing something...

But, in so many cases, we're beating our head against the wall for them and like Viv said, it will take an "awakening"..DUI, or busted or some sort to bring them to the light of day!

Hang in there Baby.....I know that you care.....

Love

Donna Jean

[Sally]

I am not trying to be funny here but do think about the origins of this joke, How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One but the light bulb has to really want to change!

There is the problem your friend does not want to change and until he sees the problem and decides that he needs to change your efforts cannot help - but do not give up on telling him because one day he might get it without having a horrible experience first - all you can do is to be there for him.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Katrina Reann]

I use to be a heavy pot smoker until I met my wife 4 years ago. She just wouldn't allow it in our house in any way, shape, or form. It wasn't easy but I chose to lay it down. What was hard for me was finding others ways to deal with stress, depression, and frustrations. It is really easy to smoke a joint and just forget them. But the thing is they were still there when I came down. It could be your friend has somethings that are getting to him and doesn't know how to deal with them. You say he keeps repeating this cycle of wanting to quit but then turns around and gets high. So being there for him is a big positive.

Friends play a big part of it as well. If he is hanging around drug users and partiers chance are he won't quit. If you have friends who don't party I suggest you talk to them and see if it is okay with them for him to start joining you some in the things you do as a group. Go see a movie, go hiking, play Frisbee or whatever just as lobg as it is not a place to party. Show him there are other ways to have fun than just drugs and alcohol. And just be your selves around him. Sometimes the worse thing to do is preach at them because then they don't come back around. Actions often speak louder than words and if he is having fun with a bunch of non drug users he may slowly move away from those who do use.

[Guest A.S.]

Viv, Sarah, Donna, Sally, and Katrina hit the nails right there. I agree what they said.

I want to share my story with you with this as drinking and one time try attempt to overdose with anti-depression med since I was 25 until 27. *note: please forgive me, this gonna be long boring story but I got to share it.*

I used to drink very heavy in the past to forget my problems and stress and it wasn't fun. I got myself deeper in depression to the point that I would keep on drinking until I passed out or get sick. Until my ex-boyfriend, my mom and my step-dad were the ones that saved me from drinking so heavy and it would not solve my problems. As far with my family and my ex-boyfriend and his family's support, my drinking and anti-depression meds, went away by doing something fun, party without drinking and doing drugs and my doctors were happy to see me off those problems and they didn't have to worry about put me to mental health for my problems I went through because I never talked about it and they were worried for long time. I almost thought for sure I saw heaven's light. But it is not my time to go Home yet.

Now, this is 2010, and I am going on 29 yrs old. I was going to head back to square one like I was when I was 25 yrs old. I am tempted to drink heavy again because of my recent problems/issues that I didn't want to face or move on. I realized that drinking and popping anti-depression med. are not the answers to solve the problems and make me head back to depression state all over again and they would have the doctors put me back on the anti-depression med. again or put me in mental health center because of my history of wanting to give in. Which I almost did try to harm myself recently because I couldn't handle the situation that I was in. What my worst habit is drinking to run away from problems that I had/having for a while until my friends and family told me to hang in there and never give in. Without online supports and families and friends' supports, I am nothing. I am working on to open myself up and keep on telling myself that I need to talk to someone who listen and let them know "I need help. I don't know how I gonna talk about it but I need help." I am thankful to have friends and family who cares and want me to be happy. (I want to share my personal experiences with you all who are reading this and doing drugs and drinking do not mix well because it can add more pain to the family, friends, and yourselves, Don't try it at all.)

Also, actions are louder than words, we have to show them we care and that we would try to be there for our loved ones, friends, and list go on. My parents are watching me carefully now because my recent attempt that would going to put me away to mental health for a while. which that attempt had failed because my own mother talked to me out of it.

You do the right thing to be there for your friend and try to help him as much as you could. Just be there for your friend. Also I agree with katrina said about don't preach at them about it or they wouldn't be coming back around. It's hard. but try to take those advices that they gave you. I would do the same if one of my friends in that situation and need help. I would do the same try to talk to them and be there for them... also take them out doing something than using drugs or drinking...

Again, I'm sorry this story is long. but personal experience came back to me and I want to share my personal experience with those things.

I hope I helped and thank you for let me get my personal experience out of my chest in advance.

A.S

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

Thanks guys. Yeah, all his friends but me and a few others smoke weed or do something more serious. I've basically been so far just talking to him and pretending I wasn't worried sick about his safety and health. He definitely has problems since his mother being in jail and his father being dead is getting to him. I guess I'll just try to be there for him.

[Guest Katrina Reann]

That is good that you are willing to be there for him. He may not know it but you are showing him what a true friend is...so kudos to you . I know he probably doesn't want to talk about it much and I wouldn't force the issue but let him know you are there for him if he wants to talk about his mom and dad, even if you don't have any answers for him. Just having someone to talk to in that type of situation helps. So I suggest you listen and be on the lookout for an opportunity to suggest professional help for both his issues and his drug problem. Something you can do while waiting for that opportunity is look in the phone book to find a rehabilitation center and/or a good therapist that deals with grief, anger, drug/alcohol abuse. Write down the names, addresses, and ph numbers. And if or when he wants to go, get him there immediately so he doesn't have a chance to back out. Like I said, don't force the issue, wait for the opportunity to MENTION it, and just be prepared in case he opens the door.

The concern you have shows you have a lot of heart. Be sure to take care of yourself through all this, and know we are here for you to hold you up when you are too weak to stand.Huggsss...Katrina