Selfishness

[Guest Ryles_D]

I've seen a few threads about "Being selfish" going around, and I found a quote that really speaks volumes to me regarding the experiences and the difficulty of being transgendered and having to deal with other people's needs and reactions:

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” - Oscar Wilde

I thought it might give people some food for thought. And I think it is true- the problem isn't that we want to live as we are, the problem is that part of living as we are involves other people having to change to accept it. Hopefully one day we'll live in a world where choosing to transition won't be seen as selfish at all.

[Sally]

I am so in agreement - I have a hard time thinking of wishing to survive as being selfish while we are doing no physical harm to anyone - now if my transition depended on the death or dismemberment of a fellow human being then it would be terribly selfish but it does not so now the selfishness is moved to the part of the people that do not want us to transition because they want to hol onto the image that they love.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest viv]

I've seen a few threads about "Being selfish" going around, and I found a quote that really speaks volumes to me regarding the experiences and the difficulty of being transgendered and having to deal with other people's needs and reactions:

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” - Oscar Wilde

I thought it might give people some food for thought. And I think it is true- the problem isn't that we want to live as we are, the problem is that part of living as we are involves other people having to change to accept it. Hopefully one day we'll live in a world where choosing to transition won't be seen as selfish at all.

Brilliant hun, sometimes one of us ""hits the nail on the head"" .

Well done and thanks,,,luv,viv

[Guest sarah f]

That is a great and meaningful quote to post here. It really has a lot to do with us in transitioning. I just might have to use this one on my wife but I don't think it will go over too well right now. Maybe on second thought I will just wait a while before using this one. Thanks for the quote though.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Elizabeth K]

BUT BUT BUT

I spent my WHOLE LIFE trying to be what people wanted me to be!

I just couldn't do it anymore! Am I selfish for wanting to be who I really am?

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

You know.....

I HATE this topic.....Selfishness....DANG..

It's almost like some ancient greek gods tasking us mortals with something with no good outcome...we lose either way...

And, it's not like us Trans folks aren't dealing with enough guilt ....

I mean...If I transition, I'm taking away my wife's husband.......

And if I don't she's taking away my happiness.......

Who's selfish?

Dang....

Should cut the red wire....

Or, should I cut the blue wire?

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

Cut that blue wire and go over to the pink wire Dee Jay.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

So the only true selfish act we might commit is demanding that other's accept us.

But if you offer them the choice, of accept me or not but if you don't please ignore me and/or keep any comments to yourself, then that isn't selfish.

Also what I think people don't understand is that

not being selfless != selfish

trying to be who we aren't for other's sake is selfless. It's caring entirely about others and not at all about yourself.

trying to be true to ourselves is just normal, it is neither selfless nor selfish, it's just how we should behave, in addition to that we still do everything we can to minimise the discomfort of others.

(!= means not equal for those of you who aren't programmers)

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

BUT BUT BUT

I spent my WHOLE LIFE trying to be what people wanted me to be!

I just couldn't do it anymore! Am I selfish for wanting to be who I really am?

Lizzy

Lizzy im with you, 50 years or more living in a gender waste land, doing as other wished. Finally that became unsustainable and I had to become who I was meant to be. If that is selfish then Im guilty as charged.