The Unsendable Letter

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Dear Mum

I know you have had many problems with your sight and with your cousin but there is something I need to tell you. We both know that many years ago you had a son and he was me. Well unfortunately, trhough no fault of yours, he wasnt as he appeared, outwardly he was male but inwardly female. I know you cannot understand the pain that this caused him, the years of failure, lonliness, pain the times he turned to drugs and drink to drown the pain

You were alway there for him regardless of how he reacted, for that blessing and acceptance I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Back in April of 2009 finally i was given the diagnosis that fit all of the symptoms and made all of the pieces of the puzzle fit. That life changing, life shattering diagnosis was Gender identity disorder, yes your oldest is transsexual. I have been living as a woman since June of 2009 and have been on hormones since August of 2009. There is no way I can go back to the old life with its depression and anger, to have stayed in that life would likely have resulted in me being dead or in jail.

I am well into my transition, and am now awaiting the letters which will clear the way for the surgery that will be the final confirmation of my feelings. I know you may not understand why this happened, and in truth neither does science. I can kind of understand the pain that is must be causing you but please believe me when I say I had to do this. Yes I have told my brother and he is accepting, my fear is your reaction since this is about the last thing you would have expected from me, despite the fact I always was the black sheep. I hope and pray that you can accept Joanna the way you did ***, i am going to have to end this letter since I am now crying too hard to write more.

All my love

Joanna

Sadly I can never send this letter and cannot tell my mum of my transition, for many reasons this is to be the one unslayable demon, the one thing that know I will forever wish I could do but cannot..... the final acceptance that I will never get

[Guest Donna Jean]

Oh my........

Very touching.....makes me cry, too..

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

That is a very moving letter Joanna.

Love,

Sarah F

[Sally]

JoJo,

I know how much acceptance by our parents no matter what our ages.

Sadly there is no guarantee that they will accept after they are told.

What should explain so much and allow them to truly love you not someone else that was never real - they just might do as my mother and and just deny it and strain the relationship.

Sometimes there are things better left unsaid - you do not live in the same area so you do not have the same problem as I do being the chauffeur.

Don't let this eat away at you, it is something beyond your control - enjoy your new live - you've earned it.

Love ya,

Sally