Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Gender Dysphoria Getting Worse?


Flint

Recommended Posts

I don't personally like calling it Gender dysphoira or GID because i feel they make it sound like a mental illness. However i'll use the words gender dysphoria to explain what i'm going to ask....

Does anyone else find they get worse with it as time goes by?

When i was little from what i remember, i had it very bad. When i got into my teens i seemed to stray away from the ideas a bit more and came out as a lesbian instead. Then finally everything made so much more sense once i knew what the word transsexual meant. It seemed i wasn't so bad i just knew i was male and that was that, however i didn't feel a huge, huge need to pack or even have shorter hair (I passed with of my hair anyway) but it just seems to escalate. I always knew i hated anything that highlighted what i shouldn't have on my chest, so i always avoided tops that were tight. Before i even knew what transsexual meant, while i was trying to pass as a lesbian! but i didn't have a hateful relationship with them...Well i did kind of when i saw them i'd feel a bit sad but now when i see them......i just feel absaloutley awful. I start to feel angry, frustrated, depressed, hopeless. Before i seemed almost numb to the fact they were there. Also now i feel a need to pack i don't feel right unless i'm packing. But the worse things that is happening is things to do with THAT time of month! I've ALWAYS hated them with a passion and always generally got depressed when they've arrived...However recently it's got worse. I didn't even think that it could get any worse! But it has! Beofre it was just the day before it usually happened that i'd get down possibly due to the hormone changes going inside me which make me moody PMT or as i call it MMT(man month tension) but now i find myself waiting for it the week before it's actually due. I find myself sitting there with this nagging thought in the back of my head, a complete feeling of overwhelming dread! It's just getting worse each month i'm sure. I become so excited when it's finally over that when i know it's only a week or so away it's like the worse thing ever. I know people are gonna say "Try not to think about it till it actually happens" i realise thats the best thing to do, and believe me i have tried! I used to be able to manage to do that. But now it just pops in my head automatically! It's really getting me down right now. I just went them to stop so, so badly. And now that the docs are messing me about meaning it's gonna take me even longer to get anywhere i'm feeling so argh! I just want all this to stop! It just seems the world doesn't want this to happen for me. Only i do. :-S Today also the hair appt was canceled cause the person who was gonna cut it had something happen. She said she'd re-arrange an apt...But still just feels like something else thats now been put on pause. I was so nervous, now i'm gonna have to go through all those nerves again another day.

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

Matt, Honey....

Let a girl jump in here if you will....OK?

Gender Dysphoris is the name that is given to what we all have. Most of us have lived with it our whole lives...

When we make our decision to move forward and do something about it, that's when that Dysphoria starts to ease a bit..

Now, with your "monthlys" and the slow speed of getting started and the haircut cancellation, you're experiencing it pretty bad right now. I do understand, Hon....

But, as soon as things start moving ahead for you...that's gonna ease up...

When you feel yourself making some progress, it'll be better....

OK?...

I'm sorry that everything sux right now...it's gonna be better!

LOVE

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest sarah f

I am sorry Matt that it is getting worse for you each month. Hopefully the docs won't keep messing with you and get you started on T soon. In the mean time just hang in there and try to bear it the best you can.

Love,

Sarah F

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

YES

You finally figure out what you are, and you accept yourself, and you finally have a plan of action and you are ready to move on...

Dang gatekeepers give you a hundred more hoops to jump through!

It isn't the 'gender dysphoria' its the lack of progress toward finally being the person you are extenally matching the person you are internally!

Meanwhile, all the little issues you have just... stay there... or.... get worse!

What choice do you have? JUST MUDDLE THROUGH some more - it's coming! You will be who you are before the entire world!

Lizzy

Link to comment
Guest My_Genesis

I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm struggling with something similar myself. My lower body dysphoria seems to keep getting worse, or at least it's not improving. Knowing the technological limitations of the surgeries just gets me down and depressed, and I get really impatient, like, "I need a bio-guy penis NOW!" lol.

Link to comment
I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm struggling with something similar myself. My lower body dysphoria seems to keep getting worse, or at least it's not improving. Knowing the technological limitations of the surgeries just gets me down and depressed, and I get really impatient, like, "I need a bio-guy penis NOW!" lol.

I'm getting like that :lol: I just want the right parts and now. It's funny really cause not that long ago i had a huge problem with the paticular part we're talking about due to something from my past. Now i've started to battle the issue and can actually distinguish the difference between myself as a man and the man that made me the was i was i'm now having issues where i despertley want the right parts! lol if it's not one problem it's another! lol!

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

Matt :)

There are many times that our biological reality slaps us in the face and makes us feel desparate sometimes. Please do not despair. You know who you are and your true gender. I can see that you have reflected deeply within yourself and now understand that you are transgendered. That truth and understanding can never be shaken once you see your true self. Regardless of what your body throws at you, or your life throws at you, you know who you are, and we know who you are.

Now that you understand yourself, you are now able to start making progress to realizing who you are. As I have said many times here, transitioning takes a lot of work and patience. I can see that you have the determination and the patience to realize yourself.

You are going to be just fine. Your mind is already there, now let's just let your body catch up.

HUGS

Brenda

Link to comment

Today has been REALLY, REALLY bad. I looked the in the mirror this morning and urgh..when i saw myself today for some reason i'm sure my face looks more femanine than usual. Maybe it's just me. I don't know. It's one of those punch the mirror days where i just feel no matter what i look too femanine! Argh i hate it. I'm just so unsatisfied with everything. I feel like i'm failing i really do. I've been trying things to help me and they have but i dunno....They're not good enough. :( I know i should make do with what i have. But it seems i'm a perfectionist. And i keep trying to change that but argh! I just feel like i'm gonna be dissatisfied for life. I'm not sure wether to curl up in a ball and cry like a baby or carry on today. *sighs*

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

Oh yess- I understand!

There was that posting of the photo gallery of transgendered. Everyone looked so GOOOOOD. I wondered if I could EVER get to that point. I wanted to cry!

But I guess we are our worst enemies when it comes to self judgement!

Lizzy

Link to comment
Guest My_Genesis
I know i should make do with what i have. But it seems i'm a perfectionist. And i keep trying to change that but argh! I just feel like i'm gonna be dissatisfied for life.

For sure, same goes here. I want it to be perfect so badly that I'm willing to devote my career in college and thereafter to making the surgeries "perfect" so we have everything a bio-guy has. If no one else is as "desperate" as I am, then I guess I have to do things myself. It's overwhelming to think about and sometimes I feel like I'm all alone in this or that I have everything working against me. I would even be happy if I found out I was intersexed instead of just trans, because then maybe I can go to the people who are growing penises and ask them to use my cells to grow me the whole man package LOL.

Link to comment
Guest hayden_jude

Matt,

I think we all feel like this. It's part of our lives, part of the immense set of weights and burdens we have to deal with. You are not alone. As Brenda said, you know who you are. Things move so slowly sometimes and it seems like all our lives are just a bunch of waiting around, and then of course some days are worse than others - I for one have my apathetic days and my "punch-the-mirror" days. It's odd - I've been noticing it getting worse lately too. Maybe there are just certain times of the year when we notice it more than others.

The need for perfection and immediate results can be overwhelming. But we just have to keep going. We have to embrace the pain, to really feel it, and then put it away and move on.

I hope that your doctors let up soon and that helps alleviate some of your stress.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 134 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • DawnD
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Cortomaltese
    • Avra
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,058
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Aleksandria
    Newest Member
    Aleksandria
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      (22 years old)
    2. CtN1p
      CtN1p
    3. heyim_finn
      heyim_finn
      (21 years old)
    4. Jayn
      Jayn
    5. joni_girl_1988
      joni_girl_1988
      (51 years old)
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      From time to time I've looked at 'Who Is Online" and I have consistently noticed that members are ALWAYS outnumbered by Guests by a wide margin, sometimes, like a minute ago, by more than a 10:1 margin.  I have never seen that before on an internet forum.  It can be explained partly by the nature of what this is, that it draws the curious and they are certainly welcome to read here, and to join, but it leaves me with a feeling of being in a fishbowl.  I wonder who ARE these people?  Donald Trump, is that you? Biden? Sinwar? Putin?  We can only guess. 
    • DawnD
      So from time to time my brain gets a hold of information and puts it together with other information in weird way that get me thinking. I was reading about a nudes cruise that they are running out if Miami. It got me thinking that a transgendered person who is also a naturalist, has to be one of the most unlucky people alive. How does one manage that and does that ever come up? Not trying to make fun here, just genuinely curious. Things that make you go hmmmm....
    • MaeBe
      No luck there, really. She's getting a signing bonus plus a little extra that I don't think would cover much in the way of the move, but it is something!   Oh my! I am glad to hear you're not passing anymore blood. I hope they figure it out soon! How distressing!   @April Marie @KymmieL @Mirrabooka @Willow @Justine76, thank you for the kind words and thoughts! We told our best friends last night. There were many tears. Now it's all about the work: selling the house (my wife's friend's son said he may want to buy it direct!), a job (a former employee of mine wants to bring me over to his company--and they're based outside of Tacoma!), and moving (just started going through what we don't want bring and donating things). So things have kicked off.   I'm not so sure of the job, it would be good to work with my former employee (he's great) but I fear the culture may not be super welcoming to someone like me--and the guy doesn't know I'm trans in any way. But I'll give it a shot as my authentic self and see what happens!
    • Ashley0616
      @LadypcnjI'm sorry. I know the feeling my mom thinks I'm going through a phase too although I didn't come out till April 17, 2023, so it was later in life. I was in denial majority of my life. I would love to hear more about this if you are comfortable sharing more of it. 
    • Ashley0616
      I love fashion. I have over 100 dresses and 74 pairs of shoes. My walk-in closet is full of other clothes as well. I'm getting more shorts soon. SHEIN is awesome for quality and price. Just when you get a leather coat from them it's just the shell not the liner. Most of my shoes are from Torrid because I wear size 13 women's. 
    • Ashley0616
      My VPN is Surf Shark. It has been good to me so far. 
    • Ashley0616
      Unfortunately Oklahoma is about as bad as Texas but definitely not as bad as Florida. Especially as a minor! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm sorry @Ladypcnj I can only sympathize with you on that. Therapist on the other hand is crazy. I have had 16 in 10 years. It sucks having to have to go over things. I will say though after 6 therapists I didn't have to explain my history they simply read the history. 
    • Ashley0616
      I followed you and will give you my advice when I can. It has happened to me a lot too. If you want to you can always message me and I'll get back to you ASAP. I understand your concerns. 
    • April Marie
      Oh, my gosh! I would definitely be looking for a new primary care physician!!
    • Davie
      Sara Tavares died on 19 November 2023 in Lisbon, at age 45.
    • Ivy
      I don't use it.   One of my daughters gave me a little to experiment with, but I haven't.  My youngest tried to put some on me once, but I din't like it.  The light was pretty bad admittedly. My ex didn't use it, and my daughters didn't use it much either when they were still at home.  (If so it was very subtle) And I don't often notice it on women my age (mid 70's)   I shave every day.  But my beard is not heavy, and essentially grey, so it's not real noticeable unless you get close with good light.  I was starting to look into electrolysis, but the pandemic hit, and I just kinda dropped it.   Sometimes I do wonder about it though.
    • Justine76
      It's something I'm just learning but I find I actually enjoy the 'craft' of it in addition to how it makes me look. Even after a fresh shave, I have a mild 5'clock shadow. For me, the primary use of makeup is to get rid of that. I'll start with the orange concealer over facial hair areas and a bit under my eyes. Liquid foundation over that and light concealer used judiciously over that (still dialing that part in). Then just a tad of powder to bring color back in certain places. There are a number of Youtube tutorials on that layering process.    I'll also pencil in my eyebrows a bit since they're blonde and otherwise not very visible. Sometimes I'll get adventurous and give mascara a try but that's a delicate skill and usually I mess it up. I don't particularly like lipstick, but just ordered a 'lip pencil' to experiment with. Hoping for a more subtle effect. 
    • Vidanjali
    • April Marie
      Sunday is my weekly ablution day - all of the parts that need occasional shaving get their required attention. The weather is rainy and cool today so after the ablutions and shower, I put on blue jeans, a gray t-shirt and a black front-zip hoodie along with gray sneakers.   And, I did put on make-up, not to impress anyone but just to feel as if I'm looking my best....as good as that can be given this woman is now 69 years old. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...