One Person, Two Persons?

[Guest Patricia]

Hi all,

I often find statements used by CDs when to themselves such as “When I am Patty,” or “What will my wife think when I introduce her to Jane,” and the like. It sounds as if the CD has a split personality or schizophrenia, which are metal disorders. Judging from the high quality of the posting, it seems highly unlikely that a lot of CDs have schizophrenia. Using statements like these, however, can quite possibly give this impression to non CDs which in turn could hinder our being accepted. It might even lead to a CD developing a kind of split personality, if he really thinks of himself as being two people. Also, just think of the CD husband who is about to reveal that he is a CD to his wife, and tells her he is going to introduce her to “Mary.” What thoughts will race through his SO’s mind? “I married John but now he’s telling me I have to meet another person! What if I don’t like her, I mean him, or whatever?” She would most likely not be in the best frame of mind at that point. Referring to oneself in the third person, “My wife accepts Mary now..” certainly implies a split personality and might not put a non CD exactly at ease, let alone being very good for a CD to think of himself as two people. When CDs refer to their “other selves” I really don’t think that most have a split personality but perhaps there is a problem with terminology here.

I would like to offer the following explanation, to some extent based on the ideas of author Lacey Lee, a well known CD. When I first encountered this concept I had trouble understanding it but after giving it a little thought I realized it was critical to understanding what a CD really is. I’ll use myself as an example for the following explanation.

I am a unique individual or entity. My entity and personality were formed to a great extent by things like the environment, upbringing, experience and perhaps hereditary. I have certain likes and dislikes, as well as a range of interests etc, which are all aspects of my personality. I am also a normal male and have a strong masculine facet or aspect as part of my personality. I like big machines, stories of battles, love dating beautiful females and so on. I have been, however, also strongly attracted to female clothing almost ever since I could remember.

I express the masculine aspect in various activities such as model railroading or dating. I guess you could say I feel masculine when engaged in these activities. I also have a strong female aspect. I express this in female mannerisms, speech and clothes. Again, when I do these things I feel feminine.

Yet, whichever aspect I am expressing, I still remain me. I cannot lose or shake off any of the basic elements or aspects of my personality, all those elements which make me as a person. I always retain my basic my interests, such as model railroading, I like and dislike the same food, movies, music, books or…..clothing. I am neither “Paul” one day with a certain set of basic interests or likes and dislikes for example and “Patricia” the next with a totally different range of basic interests, or likes and dislikes. When I use the name Patricia and go out and about en femme I express my feminine aspect, to a great extent in attire, but still retain my interest in model railroading, likes and dislikes regarding food, movies, music, books or clothing. As Patricia I reveal a different aspect of my personality, but don’t become a different person.

Several examples might help to explain this concept of a single personality with several aspects. Clothing might be a good example, as we are CDs. My interest in female clothing, and lack of any real interest in male clothing, are just as strong when I am expressing my masculine aspect as it is when I am expressing my female aspect. This is attitude toward clothing is part of what makes me, well…, me. Books and movies might be another example. I don’t watch one range of movies or read one range of books when I am expressing my male aspect and another when expressing my female aspect. These remain the same. My romantic interest in females is strong when I am expressing my masculine aspect. When I am expressing my feminine aspect, I most certainly don’t develop a sudden desire to date males. No way! I may feel feminine, behave in a softer, gentler fashion, behave a bit differently but it is still the girls I am interested in and no way the boys. I don’t turn into a woman. In other words, I remain the same person, have the same basic personality at all times but sometimes express a masculine aspect and sometimes a feminine one. I need to experience both of these aspects to experience my total personality.

Understanding this concept of two aspects in one personality night help a CD understand himself better, making self acceptance a little easier. He should realize that both of these aspects are normal or right and that he is not experiences some kind of identity crises or has a split personality. It might help a CD just a bit in explaining his CD aspect to his SO, avoiding the shock of telling the SO she has to learn a new personality all over again, one she might not like or understand. It might be easier for her to understand she is just going to be introduced to another aspect of her husbands personality, not another person. It won’t solve this problem but might help out a bit.

I realize this is a difficult topic but feel it is important and would like to see some discussion on it. An exchange of ideas and views, and getting people to think about themselves from a new angle might help some CDs to understand themselves better. Do think carefully about the basic concept and try to see how it might apply to you before you reply. Give it a bit of time to sink in first, like I had to.

All the best,

Patricia

[Guest Sally Stone]

Patricia,

You pose a very interesting question about the two personality aspect of the crossdresser. I agree with you about the crossdresser being one person with diverse likes and dislikes.

Personally though, I think non-crossdressers have an easier time grasping the concept of crossdressing if they think of it terms of two distinct personalities. For you and I, who know what being a crossdresser is all about, being one personality makes perfect sense. We understand the blending of masculine and feminine into one personality. I don't think non-crossdressers have such an easy understanding of the concept. For them, dividing the masculine personality from the feminine personality makes the concept easier to grasp.

My wife, as an example, accepts that Sally is a different person. I think because of this line of thinking she more readily accepts Sally. And as far as I'm concerned, Sally is a different person to me as well. I actually find the dual/split personality thing an easier way to explain my desire to crossdress.

I do realize that schizophrenia is considered a mental disorder, but Sally's personality is a personality that I control. This is completely different from a personality that comes to the surface and cannot be controlled. In the case of a personality or multiple personalities that cannot be controlled, it is truly an illness.

I don't consider having a feminine alter ego as an illness, nor does my wife, and as long as we can determine when and where that alter ego shows herself, I think it's okay. If my wife never knew when Sally was going to show up, I'm sure she would have issues. I imagine my life would be more interesting as well.

Of course, this is just my opinion, based upon the reactions I have experienced when interacting with non-crossdressers. I don't mean to dispute or argue your opinion. It is fun to compare and contrast our experiences and our thoughts.

Best wishes,

Sally

[Guest smiley]

Hi all,

I often find statements used by CDs when to themselves such as “When I am Patty,” or “What will my wife think when I introduce her to Jane,” and the like. It sounds as if the CD has a split personality or schizophrenia, which are metal disorders. Judging from the high quality of the posting, it seems highly unlikely that a lot of CDs have schizophrenia. Using statements like these, however, can quite possibly give this impression to non CDs which in turn could hinder our being accepted. It might even lead to a CD developing a kind of split personality, if he really thinks of himself as being two people. Also, just think of the CD husband who is about to reveal that he is a CD to his wife, and tells her he is going to introduce her to “Mary.” What thoughts will race through his SO’s mind? “I married John but now he’s telling me I have to meet another person! What if I don’t like her, I mean him, or whatever?” She would most likely not be in the best frame of mind at that point. Referring to oneself in the third person, “My wife accepts Mary now..” certainly implies a split personality and might not put a non CD exactly at ease, let alone being very good for a CD to think of himself as two people. When CDs refer to their “other selves” I really don’t think that most have a split personality but perhaps there is a problem with terminology here.

I would like to offer the following explanation, to some extent based on the ideas of author Lacey Lee, a well known CD. When I first encountered this concept I had trouble understanding it but after giving it a little thought I realized it was critical to understanding what a CD really is. I’ll use myself as an example for the following explanation.

I am a unique individual or entity. My entity and personality were formed to a great extent by things like the environment, upbringing, experience and perhaps hereditary. I have certain likes and dislikes, as well as a range of interests etc, which are all aspects of my personality. I am also a normal male and have a strong masculine facet or aspect as part of my personality. I like big machines, stories of battles, love dating beautiful females and so on. I have been, however, also strongly attracted to female clothing almost ever since I could remember.

I express the masculine aspect in various activities such as model railroading or dating. I guess you could say I feel masculine when engaged in these activities. I also have a strong female aspect. I express this in female mannerisms, speech and clothes. Again, when I do these things I feel feminine.

Yet, whichever aspect I am expressing, I still remain me. I cannot lose or shake off any of the basic elements or aspects of my personality, all those elements which make me as a person. I always retain my basic my interests, such as model railroading, I like and dislike the same food, movies, music, books or…..clothing. I am neither “Paul” one day with a certain set of basic interests or likes and dislikes for example and “Patricia” the next with a totally different range of basic interests, or likes and dislikes. When I use the name Patricia and go out and about en femme I express my feminine aspect, to a great extent in attire, but still retain my interest in model railroading, likes and dislikes regarding food, movies, music, books or clothing. As Patricia I reveal a different aspect of my personality, but don’t become a different person.

Several examples might help to explain this concept of a single personality with several aspects. Clothing might be a good example, as we are CDs. My interest in female clothing, and lack of any real interest in male clothing, are just as strong when I am expressing my masculine aspect as it is when I am expressing my female aspect. This is attitude toward clothing is part of what makes me, well…, me. Books and movies might be another example. I don’t watch one range of movies or read one range of books when I am expressing my male aspect and another when expressing my female aspect. These remain the same. My romantic interest in females is strong when I am expressing my masculine aspect. When I am expressing my feminine aspect, I most certainly don’t develop a sudden desire to date males. No way! I may feel feminine, behave in a softer, gentler fashion, behave a bit differently but it is still the girls I am interested in and no way the boys. I don’t turn into a woman. In other words, I remain the same person, have the same basic personality at all times but sometimes express a masculine aspect and sometimes a feminine one. I need to experience both of these aspects to experience my total personality.

Understanding this concept of two aspects in one personality night help a CD understand himself better, making self acceptance a little easier. He should realize that both of these aspects are normal or right and that he is not experiences some kind of identity crises or has a split personality. It might help a CD just a bit in explaining his CD aspect to his SO, avoiding the shock of telling the SO she has to learn a new personality all over again, one she might not like or understand. It might be easier for her to understand she is just going to be introduced to another aspect of her husbands personality, not another person. It won’t solve this problem but might help out a bit.

I realize this is a difficult topic but feel it is important and would like to see some discussion on it. An exchange of ideas and views, and getting people to think about themselves from a new angle might help some CDs to understand themselves better. Do think carefully about the basic concept and try to see how it might apply to you before you reply. Give it a bit of time to sink in first, like I had to.

All the best,

Patricia

hi i am smiley and i want to thank you, i am an s/o, you have explained alot of what my cd has been trying to explain almost the same words. this is really hard for me but i do love him and accept him for who he is. no matter what. he drives over the road and since i have been told, i have not been able to see or touch him. i have been afraid he is a different person when he is dressed. i havent been around him yet when he has because of his job. i am axious to see him in his feminine self, pics dont count, they help with the schock but i want to see him have fun with him and love him no matter what he puts on for the day or night. i have been expecting a different person when he does dress. you have helped to explain alot and have given me a better understanding.