What Am I Lol?

[Guest Miguel]

Lately I've come to realize how much I hate my secondary sex characteristics, and how much I differ from fetishistic cross-dressers in my taste of women’s clothing. I want to be completely hairless- none of this beastman junk anymore. I also always loved wearing my long, flowing hair in front of my shoulders. I recently realized why: it softens the appearance of my horridly masculine jaw line. As for clothes, I simply choose articles which conceal my masculine characteristics, and aim for cute, stylish looks, rather than seductive ones.

One of my questions is whether I’m the textbook example of transsexuality. It makes me euphoric when people fail to identify me as male. I also haven’t accepted much in the ways of male role-models, despite the presence of great men in my eyes. All significant models of mine are transwomen or GG’s. Are these two phenomena symptomatic? Either way, is there some essentialistic way of knowing one should be the sex opposite their birth, or is what I have enough to warrant hormone therapy? I mean, I think it’s only natural to want to see the world as a member of the other sex. I’m deeply envious of those who’ve done both. Being young, do you think I need to try and pass, such that I can live as a woman for brief periods, or are such things unnecessary? Is it practical? I have limited notions of how to do that.

At the same time, I don’t want to imply feminine=female. I deeply desire to perform a high-femme gender, but at times I wonder if I’m supposed to be a transwoman or if I’m just some sadistic drag queen with image problems like anyone else’s. That would explain my symptoms, and my selected role models could simply coincide with being a femmy male. I think this may be contradicted with my other interest in presenting as dykey, though. Is there anything a gender therapist could tell me at this point? I’m hoping to start seeing one soon.

Honestly, I’ve been taking the herbs and my anxiety had cut in half. Of course, it picked right up now that I think I’m a “textbook crossdresser”. I got this notion from reading Aria Blue’s blog, most of which isn’t worth reading, IMO. My new thoughts just raise too many questions. Not to mention, is there any way gender queer can be brought into this? Can I call myself GQ and MTF at the same time? I have no idea what I’m to do with the label, and being a philosophy buff, I like to assess things.

Also, I dunno how I like my display name lol. I figure that's permanent...I guess I was pretty eager to join! XD

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Miguel. I'm glad you stopped by.

Hey, don't worry about where you fall on the gender spectrum, or about labels and such. Just as long as you're comfortable and happy with who you are,

it shouldn't matter, and it doesn't to us.

There is an Androgyne Forum and lots of other good places here to explore and find out more about yourself and your feelings. Share your thoughts with

others and ask any questions you want to. Someone will always reply.

Oh, almost forgot to offer you the welcome tray of Sally's cookies and some nice hot cocoa. How's that?

We are a moderated site, and I would appreciate it if you would take a moment to review the rules we use to keep the site suitable for our younger teens.

You'll find a link at the top of most pages.

I look forward to seeing you around the forums.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Miguel]

In retrospect I think I understand why I got wordfiltered in this context. Thanks for the cookies! Om nom...

I've lurked for a quite a while in the past.

[Guest sarah f]

Welcome to Laura's Miguel. Keep on posting and we will try to help you figure out what you are to the best of our abilities. When you find a therapist they can help more than we can because it will be one on one and that is what they are trained for. I look forward to seeing more from you.

Love,

Sarah F

[MaryEllen]

My new thoughts just raise too many questions. Not to mention, is there any way gender queer can be brought into this? Can I call myself GQ and MTF at the same time? I have no idea what I’m to do with the label, and being a philosophy buff, I like to assess things.

Also, I dunno how I like my display name lol. I figure that's permanent...I guess I was pretty eager to join! XD

Why bother with labels at all? Just be yourself.

If you'd like to change your display name, tell me what you'd like and I'll change it.

MaryEllen

[Guest micralla]

Is it possible to have my name displayed to Jessie being how paper work has been filed to legally change my name.

Micralla is a online nickname that I have used for many years and am really loveing my new name

[Carolyn Marie]

Is it possible to have my name displayed to Jessie being how paper work has been filed to legally change my name.

Micralla is a online nickname that I have used for many years and am really loveing my new name

Jessie and Jessie C are already taken, but if you come up with another variant of that and PM it to MaryEllen, she will change it for you.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Jill Eclipse]

I am exactly the same way. I don't really have many male role models (actually i don't really have any role models lol.) actually most of my male role models wear makeup (for a variety of reasons, its not like their all gay or tg.) but anyway. I just want a womans face, not a womans body. i dont want a sex change, or breast tissue. (alright every now and then i do, but most of the time i dont.) i just want to have a pretty face. i like androgenous clothing. i do enjoy it when people mistake me for a woman. i have an excellent crossdresser voice but i never use it. for some reason i just enjoy confusing people, i get a kick out of it. plus im too scared to use my crossdresser voice lol