Hmm A Few Things

[Guest Jill Eclipse]

hi im i guy that likes to wear girly makeup.

okay people call me a crossdresser all the time. But i wear androgenous clothing, and guy's shoes. i dont even stuff my chest. all i do is wear makeup. so by definition i am NOT a cross-dresser. the word implies that i dress like the opposite sex, which i DONT. so what do i tell them? What is the word for me?

also, i dont think i am straight gay bisexual or transexual. i think women are hot. but ive had crushes on guys before. i often fantasize about guys when i am alone. WHEN I AM ALONE. when i am around guys in RL i feel on edge and afraid. i dont know if it is homophobia or fear that other people will look down on me or what. i even have a theory that it is because i am tall. you know how girls say they aren't attracted to guys shorter than them? maybe it is because i am around short guys all the time. i just dont feel attraction toward them. i want a guy that can control me and even when i say no still chases me. i dont think i am bisexual because i am not straight and gay at the same time. i am either straight or gay at different times. i think polysexual is a better term, since bisexual is limited to male and female, and i really think hermaphrodites are great.

also i dont know if i am transexual. i want my face to look pretty like a girl, but i dont care if i am a man or woman. most of the time i am comfortable as a man, only i want a girls face.

also, i have a question about gay guys. you know the really flamboyant ones like on jerry springer that have limp wrists and like to dance and all that. In my opinion, gay guys like men more than women do. these guys will walk up to any man and try to flirt with them. women dont do that. and they talk really fast, transexuals tend to talk more slowly and deliberately, transexuals voice sounds more like how girls talk. so i am wondering, if MTF transexuals minds are more like women than gay guys are. So are gay guys a category of their own? They dont have the minds of heterosexual men or women?

[Guest Jill Eclipse]

i think i am a closet narcissist, which is sort of like a reverse narcissist, because i think i am terrible unless i am absolutely perfect. also i think i have adhd, i cant stand just being a regular guy. being a woman makes me feel so special and godly. every now and then i arouse myself sexually because i am so sexy but for the vast majority of the time it just makes me happy looking like a girl. i also am afraid of women because ive never had a girlfriend before, somehow i identify as a woman and understand women but sometimes i dont understand a lot of women. i understand men though. i can look at a guy and have him all figured out almost instantly. thats why i dont like being a guy. guys are too cut and dry and worried about being manly all the time.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Jill,

It sounds as though you have had a lot to think about.

No one is perfect, but many of us strive for that...

But, here we try to avoid too many labels because so many don't really want to be put into a category..

But, of course if someone wants to use that, it's totally ok.

You propose a number of questions that I hope that some of the others get here on an help answer...

HUGGS

Donna Jean

[Guest Jill Eclipse]

yes, i hate labels too. our left brain just likes to categorize and make sense of this world, when really our world is too complicated for categories and labels.

[Guest Kaitlyn88]

Obviously MTFs minds are more like a woman's then a gay guy. They are women and have women's minds. Orientation has nothing to do with gender. A lesbian is still a woman and a gay guy is still a man. I'm a lesbian woman.

[Guest Yume]

If you want to break down the words, transvestite might be a word to use--in which your vestments/appearance/clothes are from the other gender. He's not an authoritative source, but Eddie Izzard's stnd up might be something to watch. He is most definitely dressed en-femme, with makeup, but identifies himself as attracted to women, and defines himself as a "male lesbian" or "male tomboy."

Probably not very useful, but I just enjoy Eddie Izzard.