Introducing Myself..

[Guest Janica Lynn]

First, I would like to say hello!

My road here has been filled with doubt and fear. I had to take a hard look at why my life has been filled with misery. It has been a very rough road, indeed.

My reason for being here is that I knew there had to be others, like myself, that had experienced this before. I have been feeling very alone and cut off for quite some time.

I am in my early sixties, have been crossdressing for as long as I can remember. I think about four years of age when I decided to wear one of my sisters dresses. For years I was convinced that what I felt was wrong, what I was doing was wrong. That , some how, it had to stop. It was against everything I had been taught about moral behaviour, God and all that was right. Human beings are not to behave that way.

I still have a long way to go. I have finally faced up to who I am and what makes me really happy. When I make the effort to dress as I need to, I am filled with joy. I make the effort every day! The more feminine I can make myself, the happier I am! I may be past the point of cross dressing.

The point I make is that I know that my soul and my heart are female. All I can think is why did it take me so long to realize this.

I still have a long way to go. I am frightened of being discovered. I desperately need to be with others who are like myself. It has driven me to the brink.

There are many other things that about this that I want to discuss, but this is probably not the time or place to.

I am very happy to be here. I think you all are beautiful.

From my heart,

Janica Lynn

[MaryEllen]

Hello Janica Lynn,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Come on in, look around and relax. You're among friends here.

MaryEllen

[Sally]

Dear Janica Lynn,

I am so glad that you have finally found us, I was 57 when I first admitted to myself that I was a transsexual and that it was something that I needed to learn about or I was very near the end.

Why don't you come on in and have a seat in one of our comfy chairs?

I would like to share a plate of fresh baked cookies and some hot cocoa with you while we get to know each other and wait for the others to come by.

I am sure that you are aware that we are a moderated site and the rules are linked at the top of almost every page, we keep it PG -13 for the young ones and their parents.

Your story is a great deal like mine and so many others here, we do not judge, we are here to support each other, celebrate victories (no matter how small) and to help take the pain out of the failures, mainly to help each other to continue to grow as people.

Welcome to our family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Matthias_Bane]

Welcome Ms. Janica, please come in and be safe in the knowledge that you are welcome here. We are many ages, races, genders, and creeds, and we all have a journey much like your own that we are on. There is no one here to judge you or that would ever dream of turning you away. I am glad that you have come to join our community and hope you find only hope and happiness in this place, as I and many others have. Be yourself and breathe easy, you are among friends

Love,

Matty

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Janica Lynn - beautiful name! WELCOME WECOME WELCOME

I know about the rough road. My story is the same

I am 62 years old so you have others here just about like you. have just come to know what I am for about a year and a half.

So we do have a lot of support for each other - and please don't feel like it is hard to approach us - the only differenceis we have been on the site longer than you and feel at ease - soon you will too. We have a policy (which protects us from the bad guys) of having new members post 5 times - and then then they have Private Messagong (PM) priviledges. I will be glad to talk with you either here or in PM. You are not alone - no - not at all - we are here for you - a lot of us are older.

Lizzy

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Welcome Janica

Dearheart you are safe now with people who completely understand you.

Come right on in here sweetie

Talking about your feelings is so theraputic. I am sure that you hve been looking around and now know that you are not alone.

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest Donna Jean]

Why, Hello, Janica Lynn...

Welcome to the Playground!

You know what? All of us, at first, are surprised that there are so many others like us in the world. We all felt so alone for so long...

Well, that ends here....

I'm Donna Jean...60n Years old and I've been on HRT for 13 months...

We CAN do this....

It's never to late to be yourself!

It's so nice to have you with us!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest supervixenxxx]

Welcome Janica Lynn!

> B I G H u g s < to you sister, you're among friends here who are supportive and sweet. You've come to the right place. I'm glad you're here, thanks for reaching out to us...

Spring is a great time for re-birth.

Purrs! Jen

[Guest Valerie_LeeAnn]

Janica Lynn welcome!

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

Welcome to Laura's

[Guest Janica Lynn]

Janica Lynn - beautiful name! WELCOME WECOME WELCOME

I know about the rough road. My story is the same

I am 62 years old so you have others here just about like you. have just come to know what I am for about a year and a half.

So we do have a lot of support for each other - and please don't feel like it is hard to approach us - the only differenceis we have been on the site longer than you and feel at ease - soon you will too. We have a policy (which protects us from the bad guys) of having new members post 5 times - and then then they have Private Messagong (PM) priviledges. I will be glad to talk with you either here or in PM. You are not alone - no - not at all - we are here for you - a lot of us are older.

Lizzy

Dear Lizzy... I have not felt at ease for so long I am afraid I have forgotten what it is like.

Thank you for the compliment regarding my name. I struggled with that for years. I love your name, Elizabeth, sophisticated and beautiful. And, the name Lizzy imparts a playfulness!

Odd as it may be, Lizzy, we are the same age, so I look forward to continued conversation with you, as opportunity permits. Being polite and proper is my view of ladylike. I will not avoid the discussion of any issue, but, there is a time and a place, certainly not on a street corner soap box.

After I posted, I thought it silly to be so apprehensive, as I am sure all here have experienced, more or less, the same struggles. And by that statement, I, in no way, desire to diminsh anyones life and what they may be dealing with. I will never rob anothers joy with purpose.

Janica Lynn

[Guest KellyKat]

Welcome Janica Lynne!!

I hope you'll find the playground both fun and informing. Feel free to browse the site. Post questions, insights, share yourself and make new friends. We are here for each other.

Luv Kat

[Guest Janica Lynn]

Dear Sally,

I am happy to have finally discovered Laura's Playground and thank you for your welcoming reply.

You need not worry about me being "risque" or in any way improper. It may be an oddity, but, I can only describe myself as a bit of a prude. Isn't that funny coming from such an "oddity" as I am. (It gives me cause to smile)

How could I ever be judgemental of anyone. As one who has suffered so much from the judgements of others, judgement is never in my thoughts.

I know that you must mention rules. You don't know me and it must be addressed.

I am surprised to find so many stories that are so alike. I am surprised to find so many others who are so similar in circumstance. For years I convinced myself that I was an abberation. I convinced myself that I was dealing with a split persona and that "I" could shut "her" out! What a huge mistake!

That barrier I built burst. I found myself confronted with the fact that "I" was "her". I was confronted with the fact that "he" was a construct built to enable my survival in a male world from which I could not extricate myself.

It has caused me to be so very tired.

So, some sisterly love back to you!

Janica Lynn

[Guest ChalenAustin]

We are blessed to have you join our family here, Janica Lynn.

There are many stories here much like you're own sometimes it's helpful to read afew in times of lonliness.

May you be able to share what you need to here and may the doubt be lifted.

I myself used o believe I had a split persona too and boy was I wrong!

It's a pleasure to get to know you here alittle and it'll be an even greater pleasure as you post more and more.

Have some cyber hot chocoalte and and deliscious ladyfingers. I'm so clever!

HUGGS,

Chalen

[Guest swee'pea]

Hi Janica Lynn,

<<hug>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have Cross Dressers meetings -Tues 8pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Oh honey - a gracious lady is always welcome! I am so glad you found us!

And like you I felt I was dual - and explained to my therapist I was fearful of a split personality - one male, the other female! After a time she said - 'not a split personality, but [as I thought] a duality." So we worked on that and I was able to unify. As it turned out BOTH my dual sides were female! One wanted to be out, but the other was afraid to. That was a shocker.

So yes- we are really women. We always have been. We always will be. It is a terrifying and liberating realization!

And to discover at our age is remarkable - as it is inevitable it seems.

We hold each other's hand here. Please feel free to ask any questions. No risque or explicit language is ever used here, as far as I know - or if it does appear we moderators ask the author to consider rephrasing. BUT - and this is good - we also have PM'g which allows one-on-one conversations and a privacy for more intimate discussions - and still the rules apply. It's like you say, a more approriate place for discussion sometimes.

AND

We also have fun here! Gender Dysphoria is serious enough - we need to laugh sometimes!

Lizzy

[Guest Shane_82]

Welcome

~ Shane

[Guest Janica Lynn]

To everyone who has answered my "introduction" and bid me welcome.

So gracious of you all to have given me such a warm welcome here. I wish that I had the time to answer each of you individually. Unfortunately, my daily schedule has not been such that I could do so.

I hope, that in time, I will know all of you better and that we can be in conversation for many years to come. Thank you for accepting me.

I am forced to continue in the guise of some one that I am not.

I am having "one of those days". Feeling ugly, useless, trapped, fearful and hopeless. Feeling as though there is no hope for me. Feeling admiration for everyone here that has had the courage to do what you needed to do. I have so much respect and admiration for that.

For those of you who must lead a dual life, for whatever reason, don't deny yourself the joy of being true to yourself. Please be careful. Please be safe.

Love to you all,

Janica Lynn

P.S. I wish I could join in some of the events that were mentioned. Sadly, I am forced to work bizzare hours that prevent any evening activities. I would so love to chat with kindred souls. My soul is starving for the want of it. I have been alone for a very long time. I know everyone has felt that? Surrounded by people, yet isolated by miles untold.

[Paula ult]

Welcome Janica Lynn to Laura's Playground,

I see you have met some of us older gals, i am 57 and started my journey 20 months ago, i am living full time, and i am the happiest i have been in 57 years, many of our stories over the years are similar, Laura's is like a family, some of us have met each other in real life and there is a bond just like a family, Your first stop on this journey is a gender therapist to help you sort things out and help you determine if cross dressing is as far as you need to go or to completely transition or somewhere in between.

HUGS!

Paula

[Guest Janica Lynn]

Welcome Janica Lynn to Laura's Playground,

I see you have met some of us older gals, i am 57 and started my journey 20 months ago, i am living full time, and i am the happiest i have been in 57 years, many of our stories over the years are similar, Laura's is like a family, some of us have met each other in real life and there is a bond just like a family, Your first stop on this journey is a gender therapist to help you sort things out and help you determine if cross dressing is as far as you need to go or to completely transition or somewhere in between.

HUGS!

Paula

So nice to meet you, Paula!

You are exactly right about what I need to determine and therapy. I am nearly certain of what a therapist will say.

My feelings are always bottled up for fear of censure. My emotions easily turn to tears.

I, too, would never dress, behave as male again if it were up to me. Unfortunately, I am not financally independant and I must interact with the world in a way considered "the norm". I have thought about it and if it were possible, I would shed this entire masculine thing in a second. With no regret.

Most everyone here knows my anguish. I am guessing, of course. One can never be certain of shared feelings.

I know I need "help", in the form of therapy. How to even find that help, in this place I live, is daunting. Full of farmers and cowboys. Filled with people with minds shut tight against anything that might threaten their staid existence. This all came to a head late last year. I had come to a point that I refused to to allow my true nature any latitude to "be". Unknowingly, I had lit the fuse on a psychological time bomb. I broke down, almost completely.

Paula, it is to the point, now, where I can walk into a store and, unflinchingly, buy a cart full of make up, clothes or what ever does my feminine soul the most good. Oddly, I no longer make up stories about why I am buying it. A woman clerk did act strange and asked me about it.

I simply smiled and said "No one gives a second thought to a woman buying mens clothes. It seems like a double standard."

A lady clerk recently was checking out a pair of shoes I had picked out and remarked "What a nice pair of shoes!". I smiled and replied "Yes, I can't wait to wear them!". Her reaction was laughter as she continued to check out my other feminine goods. I 'hide' in plain sight.

You surely can see that, for me, this goes far beyond mere 'dress up'. Who can tell me of what I need to do to find a therapist who will listen and not judge? A person who one can trust? I simply can not afford to be 'outed'. What area is there, here at Laura's, that is more appropriate for all of these questions I have?

Everyone here has been so kind. Thank you all for your advice. I feel as though I need to apologise for not understanding that everyone here has experienced identical strugle. Many of you have taken the step to SRS. It all sounds so easy.

Again, my soul has been starving for the lack of ...you!

With love,

Janica Lynn

[Guest Tamara Ann Valla]

Hi there from another newbie to this site!

We all fear discovery, but at some point or another your love of living will give in and you will make the moves you want to make. We have all been there, and have lived through the adventures.

Your new sis,

Tami

[Guest Donna Jean]

So nice to meet you, Paula!

You are exactly right about what I need to determine and therapy. I am nearly certain of what a therapist will say.

My feelings are always bottled up for fear of censure. My emotions easily turn to tears.

I know I need "help", in the form of therapy. How to even find that help, in this place I live, is daunting. Full of farmers and cowboys. Filled with people with minds shut tight against anything that might threaten their staid existence. This all came to a head late last year. I had come to a point that I refused to to allow my true nature any latitude to "be". Unknowingly, I had lit the fuse on a psychological time bomb. I broke down, almost completely.

Janica Lynn

Janica....

Sweetheart.....

I live in a similar place to yours...

Small nowheresville....

I found a therapist and a doctor...but, I had to drive a bit...it's all doable, Honey.

And, another thing, if you look at our list of Gender therapists on this site you'll find "On Line" therapists that will work with you by computer or phone..You needn't leave the house...and, a therapist will not out you. They will support and guide you!

Nothing will stand in your way if you persue it....

There's many ways to obtain the same goal.....

I've driven far for my therapist (Don't need to see anymore....)

I drive far to see my gender doctor....

I drive far for electrolysis....

I drive far to be with friends..(Hi, Sally & Lizzy)

Stay with us, Hon...we'll help you get going in the right direction...

BIGG HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest Janica Lynn]

Janica....

Sweetheart.....

I live in a similar place to yours...

Small nowheresville....

I found a therapist and a doctor...but, I had to drive a bit...it's all doable, Honey.

And, another thing, if you look at our list of Gender therapists on this site you'll find "On Line" therapists that will work with you by computer or phone..You needn't leave the house...and, a therapist will not out you. They will support and guide you!

Nothing will stand in your way if you persue it....

There's many ways to obtain the same goal.....

I've driven far for my therapist (Don't need to see anymore....)

I drive far to see my gender doctor....

I drive far for electrolysis....

I drive far to be with friends..(Hi, Sally & Lizzy)

Stay with us, Hon...we'll help you get going in the right direction...

BIGG HUGGS!

Donna Jean

I know, now, that I must be who I am and not even try to something I am not. I am amazed that I was able to continue in that manner for so long. Struggling on a day by day basis, vastly unhappy and not understanding the cause.

I have already been told by my doctor that I do need to get counseling. There are several sessions of conseling available through a program where I work, but I am very much afraid that I won't be able to really express myself to those people. Perhaps the wrong thing to do? From what I have read, some profeeionals are not open to issues of gender? Perhaps due to this horrid part of the country?

Donna, I am confused to say the least.

I wish I had more time to explore here on Laura's. The world calls.

Thank you for your reply.

This place has helped a lot and I am better for all of you!

Hugs back to you, I hope your day is all that you wish.

Janica

[Guest Janica Lynn]

Hi there from another newbie to this site!

We all fear discovery, but at some point or another your love of living will give in and you will make the moves you want to make. We have all been there, and have lived through the adventures.

Your new sis,

Tami

Thank you, Tami!

I am glad you are here.

And that you are my new sis!

Janica