Good Evening Everyone, Hello!

[Guest Blaine]

Hello, everyone. My name is Blaine (My female name is Ashley, so you can call me Just Ash if you want), I'm a FtM. I'm 21 years of age and I have sandy, short, blonde hair, blue eyes, glasses, and I live way back in the sticks; in the middle of nowhere.

interests: sketching, painting, video games, hiking, animals (dogs, fish, horse), comic books (japenese and american), books

personality: Umm... I cannot discribe this is i wanted to.

I've known I was different since i was seven years old. I've been in denile for many years. I started calling myself a gay man in a women's body. I like men and women, but I am very picky. Because I want to be a man I never had much of a relationship with anyone. I don't like my body the way it is. It disgusts me to a point where i can't stand to go out in public or look at myself much. Sometimes I feel if I can cut ( i don't actually cut) the female from me I would be all right, but the female is apart of me. If i get rid of her the male will be a lone. My two halves as i call them have accepted the fact that they will never be happy unless we have a male body. I know i would be happy as a man. I want to be one so bad, i often cry myself to sleep at night. I've lived so long with these feelings of disgust towards what i look like and the discomfort of being female. My male side wants out and my female side is more than happy to hand the body over. I guess i sound crazy to you guys. But you know living you life in the background and staying away from people for what you are kind of makes you antisocial. I talk to myself a lot. I can carry on whole conversations with myself. >_> I guess I am a little crazy. I don't care though, i just want to feel RIGHT about myself. Am i making any sense?

I never liked dresses. I always wanted to play in the dirt and rough house with my brother. I hated doing the things girls were suppose to do. My mom would get me Barbie dolls and i would shave their heads, burn them or let my dogs chew them up. When i was little there was this one teacher who always made me play House and dress up. I hated her. i asked her everyday if i could play with the boys stuff. She said, 'no, girls are suppose to play house and with dolls. your a girl and you are going to play with what i say you play with.' She never let me play with the other boys. I wanted to play with the blocks and testicles. I will dispise that woman until the day i die.

At home, I wrestled with my brother all the time. We always picked on one another. And to tell you the truth I never hung out with any particular sex. Male or female, it doesn't matter to me. I have an equal amount of both sexes as friends, but only a few know I'm a FtM. I'm afraid the others won't understand. I told my parents about myself a few days ago. They took it all right. Mom wants to feminize me. I don't like makeup or girlly cloths. I have been looking for a website like this for awhile so i can make some friends that are like me. Living out in the bonnies as i do, there aren't many people like myself nor people who would understand. If I am not careful about myself here, I could be flogged by other people. You know the hate stuff that goes on. I get enough of it at work. I haven't started a transition yet because the nearest psychiatrist is 2 hours away in Lexington. And I only have time to go on the weekends. I still need to choose which doctor i want to go to. I appologize, I'm giving you guys my life story.

If you guys would not mind. I would appreciate it if you would give me some feedback on how it is to transition. what will i expect once i can get help? I also would like some friends, if that's at all possible. Some support would be nice too.

[Guest swee'pea]

Hi Blane,

<<hug>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have MTF meetings-Mon & Sat 9pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest Blaine]

O_O I see you give hugs!!! I love hugs!

-huggles-

Thank you for welcome me. I appreciate it.

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

Welcome to Laura's *hugs* We have a lot of interests in common

[Guest Blaine]

Welcome to Laura's *hugs* We have a lot of interests in common

What would those be? -hugs again- Thanks, I might have to befriend you. But that would be up to you.

[Sally]

Not only do we give hugs but we also give......

{{{{{{{{HUGGS!!!}}}}}}}}

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Blaine]

@_@ I CAN FEEL THE LOVE NOW!!! thanks! hugs always cheer me up.

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

What would those be? -hugs again- Thanks, I might have to befriend you. But that would be up to you.

I am an artist, I have had three jobs where i worked with animals and I have been a comic book collector ever since I can remember. I spend hours at a time playing video games, mostly guitar hero and Call of Duty...

[Guest JKarician]

Hi Blaine, I know we are chatting in more detail in another thread but I did want to welcome you again to the site. Also wanted to tell you, I like your choice of name. My grandfather’s name was Blaine and it has always reminded me of very distinguished, charismatic gentleman. I don’t know if that’s the image you are going for, but names say a lot and that is what I think about with regard to the name Blaine. Very glad you are here.

[Guest JeanVier]

Hey, Blaine, welcome to Laura's! I am not usually a hugging-type of person, but, hey... *hug* Welcome.

I recommend heading over to the FTM board, reading the posts at the top and the archived postings-- the guys have SO much excellent information, and we would love to see you over there.

I see we have a few similarities-- I am in my early/mid-20s, and I also am in a fairly rural area, so between that and a religious/conservative family and a skeptical partner, I have not started T yet. (But, on a personal note, I think my joining Laura's is part of my transition, so it can help if you do not limit 'transition' to just chemical and medical.) I think your story makes a lot of sense-- I also feel that everyone has all genders and sexes inside of them, and that while there is a 'female' part of me, there is so much more man, and the tension of living as a female-bodied man is outrageous at times. Have you ever heard the song "Half Jack" by the Dresden Dolls? It is not quite exactly what we are talking about, but it (even just the lyrics) might be very helpful (it is for me)...

So, welcome! PM me if you ever need to talk, or if you ever want to begin a conversation!

-JV

[Guest Yinyang Mist]

Hi Blaine, I bet you find comfort at this community : )

[Guest Blaine]

I am an artist, I have had three jobs where i worked with animals and I have been a comic book collector ever since I can remember. I spend hours at a time playing video games, mostly guitar hero and Call of Duty...

I diffently will have to bugger you for some talk time!

[Guest Blaine]

Hi Blaine, I know we are chatting in more detail in another thread but I did want to welcome you again to the site. Also wanted to tell you, I like your choice of name. My grandfather’s name was Blaine and it has always reminded me of very distinguished, charismatic gentleman. I don’t know if that’s the image you are going for, but names say a lot and that is what I think about with regard to the name Blaine. Very glad you are here.

It's a pleasure to talk with you. I probably would not remember what I am talking about other threads. I forget to easy. That was the image I was going for. I like to be polite as I possibly can be, I use big words and fancy speech when I can remember to, and I just like being kind to others. Say good morning to them everyday, hold open doors, give presents at random times, treat people to dinner. I'm to polite. But thank you for liking my name. I have had that name for years now.

[Guest KellyKat]

Hi Blaine

Looks like you've gotten quite a welcome already!!

You've found a place to be yourself and make new friends.

We are all here for each other. Post your questions and stories.

We'd love to hear more from you!!

As far as comics - Make Mine Marvel!!!

I still have my whole collection from the 70's and 80's!!

Luv Kat