Mom To Transitioning Child

[Guest loving_mom_08]

Hi,

This is loving_mom_08, new to this forum here. I am hoping to get some insight into what my child is going through. I am supportive but am also struggling with some dual feelings of "why my child". She is soon to be 19 (FTM), so I no longer have the "control" that a parent would have over say a toddler!. She is the most beautiful soul and you can see her soul by looking into her eyes. When I look in her eyes I see the little sweet girl that was once there. This is so hard to fully accept and I don't know if I can get there. I know I may get used to the look as she has dressed male for years already. I do not know how to discuss this with her lil brother as he is only 10 and at an age where ridicule is funny to them except when its directed at them. I do not feel he is ready to understand this concept yet and never mind her father. Anyway I am hoping to get support and feedback from anyone....thanks for listening.

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora loving mom 08...

Welcome to the forum...I guess you should just let him know that you are truely there for 'him'... I use the pronoun 'him' because by using the correct pronoun it is the sweetest music to the ears of transsexual people...You and your family will also need to transition... Just as your daughter transitions into a 'son' you all will transition in your undersatnding of what your child/teenager is truely going through...There are a number of websites where you can find good information surrounding the congenital condition known 'Benjamin's Syndrome...I would suggest you read up on it and if possible get books on the subject from your local library...There are some books that will also help your ten year old to understand what his older 'brother'is going through......At this present moment in time it might not be easy for you but times how hard it is by ten and you will have an idea what your son's feeling right now...

Your forum name really says it all 'loving mom' your trans-son is truely blessed to have such a supportive parent... Good luck and I'm sure there will be others in this forum who will help you on your path towards full acceptance and understanding...

BTW I have four children who had to transition in their understanding of me and I'm blessed that they could and did...

Metta Jendar

[Guest savagedm]

Welcome Loving Mom! I am happy to see you are very supportive of your child! I might suggest a book for you to read which has helped my own parents out significantly, it is called "True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals". It was written in the mid 90s but it is definitely still a valid piece of work on the subject and a very easy and enlightening read!

Good luck in learning to handle this with your son and I wish the both of you the absolute best of luck!

Keep us posted on how it all goes for you and him!

~Brooke

[Guest Michelle M]

I second that you should read "True Selves." I saw the book in my therapist's office and I own a copy as well. If it's in a therapist's office, you know it has to be good.

Here are some useful links/light reading for people new to TS.

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...?showtopic=1453

http://www.harrybenjaminsyndrome-info.org/choice.html

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...ic=1455&hl=

[Guest loving_mom_08]

Thank you for the feedback.....it brought tears to my eyes as I think about and try to understand what is it that my child is going through. I am definitely going to look into this book that was mentioned. I know my child is curious about my reactions when "he" shares things with me. I have told my child many times that no matter what, I can never turn my back on "him". My first born, this child has a very special place in my heart and that will never change. I had someone tell me today that my child's being has always been there even when I look back at the little beautiful girl but it was hidden. She was my best friend, we did everything together. I have had to deal with that fact that I would never see a biological grandchild from my child and that hurts. I used to think about being able to share the love and joy of motherhood with my best lil friend.....it's just different. I apologize for any negativity I may be sounding like, but I need to share to help me get past this so I can continue to support my child. Thank you for listening.

ps- once I have gotten through the book I will let you know what I thought of it.

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Loving mom,

I detect NO negativity only concern from a loving parent...Our situations might not be the same but we both as loving caring parents feel the hurt that our children go through[in my case what my children had to endure when I started to affirm my gender]...

I repeat again your son is blessed to have such a caring parent who wants to understand what he's going through and help him...

Self esteem and confidence are the tools your son needs to survive and you have the means to help him obtain them...Good luck...Remember...there are plenty of people who have overcome Benjamin's Syndrome that go on to lead normal happy lives [in their 'correct' gender]...

Metta Jendar

[Guest Drew]

hi loving_ mom_ 08, welcome to the forums the best thing you can do for your son is what you already seem to be doing, accepting him. (oh, the gender therapist thing is also a really good idea) my parents took a very long time to accept me, and it was a major blow to my self-esteem and self confidence.

if having biological grandkids/kids is important to you guys he could always freeze some of his eggs, just a suggestion.

anyways, welcome to the forums, and it's good to hear that some people have parents who accept them.

Drew

[Guest 2892Bandie]

Hi loving_mom. I would personally love to have a mom who even tried to understand so Kudos! Just support your son, he needs it. What he is going through is really confusing and can hurt. Good luck, and welcome.

kayden