Jump to content

  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Kimmy's Story

Guest Kimmy

By Guest Kimmy,
in Male to Female (MtF) Discussions

Recommended Posts

Guest Kimmy

Guest Kimmy

Posted
Posted

Hi, All; I promised I would post my story, so here goes. I don't think I would be brave enough to do this if I hadn't also promised my friend, and idol, Aimee. She is a Doctor of Psychology, among other things, and hopes my story will help to make a tiny change in the study of HBS.

I was born to a single mother, and raised by her and her companion, also a single woman. Most people refer to their parents, I refer to my mothers. I have no idea who my father was, and I am not really sure my mother knew either.

I think from the time I was born I knew I was a girl. Even before I knew how to tell boys from girls, I KNEW I was a girl. That didn't change when I found out how to tell, I STILL knew I was a girl, with some poor little boy's genitals. I remember crying myself to sleep many nights, in sympathy for that poor boy.

I of course had to go to school as a boy. That was miserable. I didn't like the games boys played, and the girls didn't like to play with someone they thought was a boy.

After I started school, and I think before, my mothers had me visit I don't know how many therapists, who always tried to get me to act more "manly". I must be awfully stubborn, I always insisted I was a girl.

My mothers were stong women, and they finally realized I was NOT going to change how I felt. They loved me a lot and didn't like to see me suffer. I don't remember if it was when I started the 4th or 5th grade, they somehow managed to get me into school as a girl. We had moved to a new city, and somehow they found a doctor who was sympathetic to my problem. He had had a son in my position, who committed suicide when he was 19.

This may sound like a fairy tale, but it is true. Dr. Ogden felt that since my case was so positively easy to diagnose, I should start medication before puberty, and I did. I don't know anything about the medicines, but there were a lot of pills, and some injections. The summer before I was 14, I had my surgery. I went through puberty as a female, and developed as a girl! I was so very happy, and I still am.

Aimee says this was certainly not ethical, and possibly illegal. I don't know about those things, I am not smart like Aimee, but I certainly know it was right for me. Aimee says that if there were a positive method to diagnose HBS at or before birth, or at least early in childhood, then opinion might change. That is why she wanted me to tell my story, hoping that it might make a little difference, at least someday. She says that someday, if a form of diagnosis is found, HBS may be considered a physical birth defect, like a cleft pallette, and can be repaired very early.

I hope my good luck does not offend anyone. I managed to escape what I see now is a whole lot of misery and stress. Anyway, there it is.

Link to comment
  • Root Admin
MaryEllen Gold Member

MaryEllen

Posted
  • Root Admin
Posted

Hi Kimmy,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Ethical or not, it turned out well for you. That's all that matters. HBS is still in it's infancy stages but according to the HBS theory, it is already considered a physical defect rather than a psychological one.

MaryEllen :)

Link to comment
Guest Kimmy

Guest Kimmy

Posted
Posted
Lucky indeed though risky as regards changing emotions etc. Welcome to the forums ^^

Really, I did not have any emotion changes, other than as any girl has during puberty. I always knew I was a girl. You have also posted concerning romantic attachments. maybe I can help, since I have a normal bisexual girl sex life. The question of homosexuality just does not come up. If I felt strongly either way. I still would not know if those feelings were homosexual or heterosexual. I think we make too big a thing about sexual preferences. It is not an either/or thing. My friend Aimee would say it's not black or white, but, like all things, a varying shade of gray.

Link to comment
Guest savagedm

Guest savagedm

Posted
Posted
Really, I did not have any emotion changes, other than as any girl has during puberty. I always knew I was a girl. You have also posted concerning romantic attachments. maybe I can help, since I have a normal bisexual girl sex life. The question of homosexuality just does not come up. If I felt strongly either way. I still would not know if those feelings were homosexual or heterosexual. I think we make too big a thing about sexual preferences. It is not an either/or thing. My friend Aimee would say it's not black or white, but, like all things, a varying shade of gray.

Ahh words of wisdom I must say, welcome to the forums btw! Great story!

~Brooke

Link to comment
Guest Kimmy

Guest Kimmy

Posted
Posted
Thanks for sharing Kimmy and wow lucky you getting to transition so early :D You sure have two wonderful mothers :)

Ni-paa~

Thank you, Rika. Unfortunately, I HAD two wonderful mothers. They were both killed by a drunk driver over 7 years ago. It was the great tragedy of my life. I totally fell apart, and if it hadn't been for meeting Aimee, I don't think I would have survived. Aimee twice saved my life.

Link to comment
Guest Drew

Guest Drew

Posted
Posted
Thank you, Rika. Unfortunately, I HAD two wonderful mothers. They were both killed by a drunk driver over 7 years ago. It was the great tragedy of my life. I totally fell apart, and if it hadn't been for meeting Aimee, I don't think I would have survived. Aimee twice saved my life.

that's really sad, i've had a relatives killed by drunk drivers also so i know how much it sucks. :(

you're lucky to have Aimee though.

Link to comment
Guest Rika-chama

Guest Rika-chama

Posted
Posted
Thank you, Rika. Unfortunately, I HAD two wonderful mothers. They were both killed by a drunk driver over 7 years ago. It was the great tragedy of my life. I totally fell apart, and if it hadn't been for meeting Aimee, I don't think I would have survived. Aimee twice saved my life.

I'm very sorry to hear about that. A few years ago my brother was was hit by a car and killed. Certainly is a horrible experience to lose those you love. Just remember that your moms love you very much. Aimee is a great friend for you^^ I'm glad that you didn't lose yourself after that happened.

Ni-paa~

Link to comment
Guest kathy sue

Guest kathy sue

Posted
Posted

hi kimmy welcome to the forums. sorry to hear about your mothers. how fortunate you had them for the time you did. also fortunate that you found a caring and capable person like amiee. i am always happy to hear about someone that has been able to get what they need at the proper time and make the most of all the good things in their lives. here's hoping it will continue forever.

Link to comment
Guest Firegirl

Guest Firegirl

Posted
Posted

Must.....Fight......Back.........Jealousy.......=D.

That was a great story, and I really don't think that you will offend anyone with it. I must admit I am more then a little jealous right now, but not offended. Congrats!

-Lessa

P.S. Sorry to hear about you mothers, that is really sad =(. Stay strong girl!

Link to comment
Guest Kimmy

Guest Kimmy

Posted
Posted
ENVY!!!

I wish i had it that easy.

whenever its brought up i feel guilty of robbing my mom of a son...

I know I was very lucky, Kelly, in many ways. If enough effort is put into medical research, so our condition can be diagnosed very early; and if we can get enough of a change in public attitude, then all children, in the future, can be as lucky as I was.

hehehehehehe Those are Aimee's thoughts, and she is better able to work toward that end than I am. She convinced me to tell my story, and I am glad I did. Everyone one here has been wonderful.

I find it hard NOT to talk about Aimee. If angels really exist, she must be their leader.

Link to comment
Guest Kimmy

Guest Kimmy

Posted
Posted
Must.....Fight......Back.........Jealousy.......=D.

That was a great story, and I really don't think that you will offend anyone with it. I must admit I am more then a little jealous right now, but not offended. Congrats!

-Lessa

P.S. Sorry to hear about you mothers, that is really sad =(. Stay strong girl!

Thank you, Lessa. I really did worry that people would resent my good luck

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Go to topic listing

  • Who's Online   11 Members, 0 Anonymous, 67 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Lydia_R
    • Karen Carey
    • MaryEllen
    • Petra Jane
    • Jet McCartney
    • Ivy
    • Ashley0616
    • RaineOnYourParade
    • Abigail Genevieve

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.8k

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,038
    • Most Online
      8,356
    Justine76
    Newest Member
    Justine76
    Joined

  • Today's Birthdays

    1. April Marie
      April Marie
    2. daniela...
      daniela...
      (59 years old)
    3. Emily May
      Emily May
    4. Felixr
      Felixr
      (20 years old)
    5. Leann
      Leann
      (56 years old)
    View all

  • Posts

    • Mars Hiroshi
      Help with very unwanted thing when binding

      By Mars Hiroshi · Posted

      Thank you very much! This helps. The binder is too big, but I'm not good at sewing TwT
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Six Word Stories

      By RaineOnYourParade · Posted

      Normality keeps running away from me
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Good morning All. Coffees on.

      By Adrianna Danielle · Posted

      I oiled this one regularly.It was getting weak and quit finally this morning.Took the air tool fitting off and told the scrap metal guy that comes in to pick up the scrap he can have it
    • Ashley0616
      Six Word Stories

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

      Extremely lethargic today took plenty naps
    • Mmindy
      Daily word or phrase of encouragement

      By Mmindy · Posted

    • Ivy
      Coding the Trigonometric Function

      By Ivy · Posted

      Thanks But honestly, I don't understand a thing in this thread.  LOL
    • Ivy
      Good morning All. Coffees on.

      By Ivy · Posted

      The right tool makes things easier for sure.
    • Ashley0616
      Emotion of the day

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

      calmness:  : a period or condition of freedom from storms, high winds, or rough activity of water : complete absence of wind or presence of wind having a speed no greater than one mile (1.6 kilometers) per hour see Beaufort Scale Table : a state of tranquility
    • Ashley0616
      Daily word or phrase of encouragement

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

    • Ashley0616
      Thought of the day

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

    • Ashley0616
      NEW DAILY REQUEST THREAD: Plant a good seed of hope for others

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

    • Lydia_R
      Coding the Trigonometric Function

      By Lydia_R · Posted

      And I love your new profile pic @Ivy!  Wow, looking great!
    • Jani
      Monday Musical History Day

      By Jani · Posted

      I hadn't heard about the John Sebastian invite.  Interesting.  He certainly would have blended in well with the other three. 
    • Lydia_R
      Coding the Trigonometric Function

      By Lydia_R · Posted

      Thanks for responding @Vidanjali!  You rock!   Yes, I'm really good at trig and most of what you were writing about is old hat to me.  I studied trig while I was living on the streets in 2004.  After about two weeks of studying the Plane Trigonometry book that I had checked out from the Seattle library, I woke up at 3am on the sidewalk and realized that .5 is the sine of 30 degrees and .523 is the circumference measure in radians up to 30 degrees.  After that, it all opened up for me and a few weeks later I coded an animated webpage slinky.  I started getting into coding perspective properly.  And then after a month or two of that, I went back to applying my new trigonometry skills to the collision detection I was coding previously only with ratios to make a video game I was calling Micropede, a Centipede type of clone.   And then a few months after that I coded an Asteroids type clone with shields in about 4 hours that I called Bumper Bubbles.  And with a bunch of effort of getting off of the streets and more studying, I went on to have a computer programming career for the last 20 years.  I always get a kick out of getting paid to do trigonometry, but I'm certainly not doing it every day.   This line of thought recently has come around to the old question of how to code the trigonometric function.  What is the code inside of the multiplication, division and trig functions in a calculator?  It seems that multiplication has the 10x10 multiplication table coded in as constants and then it loops to do numbers larger than 100 (for base 10).  Division is just like how you would solve a division problem.  It involves guessing.  So a computer function to do division would have to go through loops while it guesses and uses multiplication.   Then comes the trigonometric function.  I've been thinking a lot lately that pi is calculated by producing a large physical wheel and rolling it out on a flat surface and measuring it.  When I was on the streets, I would take a Starbucks stir stick and put a hole in either end of it.  I'd put a push pin in one end and then my pen in the other end.  That is one way to draw a perfect circle and it doesn't matter whether the stir stick is straight because the line between two points is always a perfect line.  The other way to do it is with a string instead of the stir stick.   When I was on the streets, it made me wonder how humans made perfectly straight, flat objects.  My theory is that it evolved over time.  Once you can create a perfect circle or saw blade, then you can use that to make a flat surface.  But the trick is a crap in crap out deal.  You have to start with a really perfect circle.   But you have introduced a new concept here with the square root deal.  Andy has been mentioning square roots with a song called the square root of two that he listens to.  And that brings up irrational numbers and personally, with where I am at in math, I don't place a huge significance on "irrational" yet.  I mean, would the same number have the same infinitely repeating pattern if it were expressed in a different base?  Maybe it does.  I don't tend to find the concept of that all too interesting.  But how you mention sqrt(3)/2 is interesting and is something I haven't considered yet.   You know, I could have been doing drugs on the streets, but I figured that I'd have a better chance at making a good life for myself if I studied this stuff and well, I was 33yo when I wound up on the streets and it's not like I felt I was missing out on some big drug experience that I hadn't experienced before.  I got to the point where math and programming were more fun that drugs, so like that, I guess math became my drug of choice.  Or work.  Math is an inexpensive hobby.   Hugs, Lydia_n  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Do you feel safe in the country you now live in?

      By Abigail Genevieve · Posted

      Right now I am more concerned about tornadoes than anything else, but then I am not all that concerned about tornadoes.   If there is a watch or a warning I will take appropriate action.   I take the precautions any woman takes when out in public in general. 

  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...