Hormone Levels =/= Gender Identity

[Guest My_Genesis]

I found out today that I have higher than normal testosterone levels. Pretty much in the range of a teenage boy. My dad said "Maybe that's why you feel the way you do." I really don't feel like arguing with him about it because I've told him numerous times that I've felt this way since I was a little kid. and obviously my T levels weren't at the level they are now when i was a little kid. My parents are really gay-friendly and they understand the whole being gay thing, but not the being trans thing. My parents probably understand that you don't give someone hormones to change their sexual orientation, and that if my dad were to take estrogen he would probably feel crappy (b/c he has a brain wired to run on T, as I do, so estrogen wouldn't do much good, right?), but it wouldn't make him suddenly feel like a woman in a man's body. In fact several weeks ago, he and I overheard a conversation outside a ftm group I went to, this guy said he knows someone who started taking birth control pills (female hormones, essentially) and got really depressed and pretty much couldn't function. So my dad seemed to understand that concept, at least.

All this makes sense right? But if I were to explain it to my dad, he wouldn't get it. He thinks maybe I don't have "enough of the female hormone" to make me "feel female." So he's way off. And I'm tired of arguing about it, but it gets frustrating when your parents don't understand you and see transition as a last resort, bad thing to do. They also seem to question my judgment on the whole thing, they think I hate myself and want to become a man because it'll make me a better person.

But anyway, I digress... about the hormone thing - what do you all think I should say to him? Or should I just let it go?

[Guest Jewel]

Once you are born, hormone levels don't cause transsexualism and don't shift sexual orientation. And changing hormone levels won't "cure" either. This has been demonstrated repeatedly... sometimes in less than ethical settings, such as in cup cake camps in WW2 where they attempted to "cure" gay men by giving them massive doses of testosterone.

If high T levels caused transsexualism in those born biologically female, then practically all sufferers of polycystic ovarian syndrome would be trans men. That's approximately 10% of the female population, by the way. It just doesn't work that way.

Early in the history of treatment of transgender individuals, therapists thought much as your father - that somehow administering testosterone to trans women or estrogen to trans men would magically cure them. Needless to say, it does no such thing.

There are some who hypothesize that in utero exposure to high levels of testosterone (for trans men) or estrogen (for trans women) may contribute to transsexualism... but that's a different issue, even if true. That's an issue of early fetal development. Those hormonal triggers are what cause all sorts of physical gender differentiation, such as closure of the Wolfrian or Mullerian ducts, differentiation of bipotential gonads into either ovaries or testicles (or ovotestes!), etc. There is actually a fair bit of evidence at this point that prenatal hormonal imbalances can lead to changes in sexual orientation and gender identity. In primates such as Rhesus monkey, repeated experiments have confirmed that prenatal cross-gender hormone exposure can cause "transgender-like" behavior after the monkey is born.

But that's prenatal. Once you're born, you can fiddle with hormones and it's not going to change things, really. Estrogen and anti-androgens have been given to cisgender men for many years in conjunction with treatment for certain cancers (such as prostate cancer) and they don't cause transsexualism among those men. The men might find themselves slightly more prone to cry, and they certainly will experience physical changes such as breast growth, but their gender identity does not change.

As for what to tell you father... that's a tough call. If you think he's the sort of person who might be open to changing his mind, you could try reading through some of the available information online. Try to pick sources which aren't from trans-related websites, so he won't be able to claim they are biased. For example, here's the Psychology Wikia Entry on Transsexualism. Take a look at the section on "Curing":

Psychological treatments aimed at curing transsexuality are historically known to be unsuccessful. As early as 1972, the American Medical Association Committee on Human Sexuality published the prevailing medical belief that psychotherapy was generally ineffectual for adult transsexuals and that sexual reassignment therapy was more useful. (Human Sexuality. The American Medical Association Committee on Human Sexuality. Chicago. 1972.) A number of other treatments have been used in the past that are now considered ineffective for people with significant and persistent cross gender identity, including aversion therapy, psychoactive medications, electroconvulsive therapy, hormone treatments consistent with the birth gender, and psychotherapy alone.

So in other words, it's not just us "crazy" trans folks who are saying this. Mainstream doctors and psychologists agree... there's no "cure" for transgender issues. You can help a transgender individual live in the gender they identify with, and that is known to resolve the problem, but other than that... well, there's not anything known to work.

[Guest Liam]

This is what my dad thought at first, too. When I first came out to him as trans, he wanted me to go see a doctor and get my hormone levels checked so that I could be "fixed" (presumably by pumping more estrogen into me). Nothing I said to him actually mattered or changed his mind - it really just took time for him to wrap his head around. Now, a year and three months after I came out to him, he's finally really seeing that I'm simply happier living as a guy, and ultimately that has changed his mind about things. Really, as hard as it is, you've got to be patient with the parents. They'll push back against you for as long as they can, and sometimes you've just got to let it go, for your own sanity. They'll come around soon enough.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I think Jewel nailed it (she is good at that)

I had ED - I went on T (of all things) Afterward I wanted to kill something! But I still crossdressed - more than ever actually.

I had to get off of it after about a month and still shudder when I remember how it made me feel. I was as if I was allegic to peanuts, say, so they made me eat more and more peanuts to cure me. Doesn't work that way!

So you dad 'understands and tolerates' homosexuality but not transsexuality? Well - interesting. My dad understood NOTHING!

Lizzy

[Guest My_Genesis]

I think Jewel nailed it (she is good at that)

I had ED - I went on T (of all things) Afterward I wanted to kill something! But I still crossdressed - more than ever actually.

I had to get off of it after about a month and still shudder when I remember how it made me feel. I was as if I was allegic to peanuts, say, so they made me eat more and more peanuts to cure me. Doesn't work that way!

So you dad 'understands and tolerates' homosexuality but not transsexuality? Well - interesting. My dad understood NOTHING!

Lizzy

Well, yeah. He has educated himself on transsexuality a bit. For instance he saw Transgeneration back when it was on Sundance Channel (my dad's actually kinda a hippie, haha, so he likes stuff like Indie films and channels.) Anyway, what he said to me about that was "This is a real issue." And later "This is a real issue, these people do exist. I'm just not convinced it's your issue." So the only problem with Jewel's suggestion is, he's not even convinced I'm actually trans :/ I guess like Liam said, I may just have to wait it out and they'll eventually see I'm happier being a guy (aka myself.)

[Guest Pól]

I don't have much experience with this, but what Liam said made sense to me. Good luck, bro.

[Guest Jewel]

Well, yeah. He has educated himself on transsexuality a bit. For instance he saw Transgeneration back when it was on Sundance Channel (my dad's actually kinda a hippie, haha, so he likes stuff like Indie films and channels.) Anyway, what he said to me about that was "This is a real issue." And later "This is a real issue, these people do exist. I'm just not convinced it's your issue." So the only problem with Jewel's suggestion is, he's not even convinced I'm actually trans :/ I guess like Liam said, I may just have to wait it out and they'll eventually see I'm happier being a guy (aka myself.)

Yikes.... yeah, if he is admitting you have a gender identity issue (e.g. by telling you that you don't have "enough of the female hormone" to make you "feel female") all the while simultaneously denying that you have a gender identity issue (i.e. saying you're not transgender), then I think Liam nailed it. There's really nothing you'll be able to do to convince him aside from living your life as a guy, being clearly happier for it, and giving him lots and lots of time to hopefully come to terms with that.

In any case, regardless of what he chooses to label it - he can call it your "problem with not feeling female" instead of using the synonym "transgender" - the issue is exactly the same - there's no hormonal cure for "not feeling female." It doesn't sound like he's open to hearing that, though.

I'm sorry you're in that situation with your dad. Wish I could offer better advice... but it sounds like there's not much you can do at this stage. I hope things turn around for you and your dad in the future.

[Guest My_Genesis]

Yikes.... yeah, if he is admitting you have a gender identity issue (e.g. by telling you that you don't have "enough of the female hormone" to make you "feel female") all the while simultaneously denying that you have a gender identity issue (i.e. saying you're not transgender), then I think Liam nailed it. There's really nothing you'll be able to do to convince him aside from living your life as a guy, being clearly happier for it, and giving him lots and lots of time to hopefully come to terms with that.

In any case, regardless of what he chooses to label it - he can call it your "problem with not feeling female" instead of using the synonym "transgender" - the issue is exactly the same - there's no hormonal cure for "not feeling female." It doesn't sound like he's open to hearing that, though.

I'm sorry you're in that situation with your dad. Wish I could offer better advice... but it sounds like there's not much you can do at this stage. I hope things turn around for you and your dad in the future.

Thanks

i mean, my parents are trying to be supportive, and i can tell they really care about me. They just don't fully understand what I'm going through/have been through all my life. It kinda sucks though because now I feel like I have to prove myself to my parents, like, I have to show that I'm happier and doing better in order to convince them. And how do I know they will see I'm happier just because I feel happier? What if they don't actually see an improvement?