Non Op Transmen

[Guest JAB]

I added a page to my website a few days ago... and it turned out better then i thought it would...the message came across in a way I think is powerful and beneficial... so I wanted to share the same message here.

I have recently witnessed first hand, the pressuring of transmen by transmen and others to follow the cookie cutter type style of medical and surgical treatment to conform their bodies to that closest to a biological male and this is disturbing to me.

I think the stress and trauma of being forced to live an inaccurate gender role for a period of time kinda robs us of the natural ability to think, interact and live as a male without experiencing a great deal of insecurity when we finally feel we are able to break free from the inaccurate gender role. As a result of this I think we tend to lack healthy ideas and expectations of the where exactly we as individuals truly fit in on the scale of masculinity.

I know that there have been times when circumstances allowed me to easily be sucked into a way of thinking that made me feel that transition was an all or nothing type of deal, only to realize that wasn't the case at all.

I had to become comfortable and confident with myself in a way that was more sincere then I had ever been able to before and it was then and only then that I could fully believe that I was already a man. A burden was lifted and I came to realize that having a penis and lacking the genetic female bits would make make me no more of a man then I already was.

That for me was when a true life of freedom began. I took a stance and vowed to never again try and shape my mind or body into something simply because society demands a set criteria be met.

I have had many laugh in my face, taunt and judge me for having these beliefs and opinions but at nearly 7 yrs into HRT, non-op and living the life of a male without any difficulty fitting in with the rest of the males in the world undetected; it's pretty clear that I got the last laugh isn't it?

I guess the message I am trying to get across is this. Each one of us are very different. We all have different needs, goals and expectations to match our own unique situation. While a whole lot of us have the ability and desire to do all that can be done surgically, there are many of us who aren't willing or able to go that far.

At the end of each day I have only 2 people to answer to; myself and God. I owed it to myself and my God to do no more then I absolutely had to do to reveal the man that I had always been and no less then what was nescessary to be happy and confident walking amongst other men in the world.

Each of you owe it to yourself to be who you are, without pressuring or forcing yourselves to try and meet or exceed any one unspoken criteria set forth by a society that is so hung up on inaccurate stereotypes.

Hasn't life been hard enough? Haven't we each been forced to jump through enough hoops just to be able to be the men we have been all along?

You owe society nothing but you owe your true self; that little boy inside you that begs to be freed from the prison he's been trapped in his whole life; That is who you owe. Each of you are worth more then that. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Just be yourself and you will be doing yourself and the rest of the world a huge favor.

If that means following the traditional course of treatment for transmen then by all means do the best you can to go all the way with it, but please don't put more pressure on yourselves then already exists by feeling any less then a man should you happen to choose not to undergo surgical intervention, or because you're unable to for medical or financial reasons.

http://www.gender-soldier.com/id24.html

[Guest Mr. Fox]

That pressure is definately there, and not just for surgery, but the entire way we live our lives.

[Guest Ryan]

Amen!

The thing that bothers me a little about the transsexual community as a whole is the seeming necessity of complete medical transition to be considered a "real man" or a "real woman". As someone who doesn't plan to have surgery, I have often been led to feel inferior to other guys who do want surgery. I sometimes feel like people consider me to be "less trans", as if such a thing even existed. Although having a penis is something that is not as important to me as it is to a lot of other guys, it doesn't make me any less of a guy. Of course, I respect and support every trans person's right to have surgery to make their bodies congruent with their identities, but I also respect and support those who transition without medical intervention.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I agree. Regardless of whether or not a person wants hormones, SAS, or other surgeries, they are not any less of whatever they define themselves to be.

I'm non-SAS-op for one reason only - the horrible, horrible results of the bottom surgeries. If they change my opinion will probably change as well. Until then, I'll be non-op...

This is only because I don't see the sense in doing something irreversible when it's not even very accurate to begin with. I'm a man whether I have a penis or not. How would I be any different than a man who lost his penis in an accident or something?

And Fox is right. There is tremendous pressure on everyone - especially transpeople, even within the trans-community - to be the "gold standard" of trans - heterosexual, transitioning not related to sexuality, getting all the available surgeries and hormones, etc. This shouldn't exist. People should be free to be whatever they want without being arbitrarily deemed as "inferior".

[Guest Michelle M]

What's stupid is that the government defines us only by genitals. The FTMs I saw on a show were getting metoidoplasties so they could legally marry their girlfriends. A person has to have SRS to be able to change the gender marker on their birth certificate.

[Guest Blake]

Thank you for posting this. It actually helepd me a lot, just reading through it...

- Blake

[Guest Mr. Fox]

I have always hated that law. If they would refuse to change the requirement for physical modification, I wish I could at least just get it after a mastectomy, which I plan to get as soon as I am 18 anyway. I want SRS, but will I get it? With financial difficulties and poor results, who knows?

[Guest Darrel]

I feel like a fake every day because I've yet to get a proper binder after two years of knowing I'm a man. I've gotten a binder, but it didn't fit, and haven't felt the urge to pay another fifty bucks in hopes of finding one that does. So I'm stuck with these D boobs, and being called a girl every day. Also in fear of men raping me or what have you, I still use the woman's lockers and bathrooms...and every time I go, I hate myself. I should be able to go where the men go...very depressing.

Thanks for posting this...but I still feel like I'm not doing what I should. Regardless of all the positive self-talk, I know that [/i]I[/i] should be doing more.

[Guest raedub]

I feel like a fake every day ... ... I still use the woman's lockers and bathrooms...and every time I go, I hate myself. I should be able to go where the men go...very depressing.

i can relate. i feel like a fake because randomly some het dude will stop what he's doing and want to talk to me about how pretty my eyes are. im SO tempted to ask "so..youre gay yeah? ..cause if youre hitting on me im only going to bend you over my couch and..." but that's just not the right response in general, you know? ( i dont deal with anger well. )

and i bind but at work i got this job as a girl and... sigh...yeah.

but its not too bad cause they have a single unisex stall on each floor..pure luck.

[Guest BillyMack]

Thank you Thank you THANK YOU for stating that so eloquently! I nearly lost my mind last year because of all the pressure I was getting from a few FtM's who insisted that I HAD to have surgeries in order to be "complete". I thought about suicide because I know I cannot afford any surgery right now and I though why should I even bother going on. That was until I talked to a very wise fellow FtM who helped me to see that everyone transitions differently. What is "comeplete" to one person is not the same for the next, and anyone who pressures someone (especially if they are in a horrible state of mind at the time) is just evil to me. This is a journey that only the individual can decide on.

~Billy

[Guest st.john]

Does the same apply to transmales who chose not to take hormones?

I guess this is more a hypothetical, as I am still very much on the fence, and trying to figure out if wanting to be a guy (and wanting to be seen as a guy) is because of some kind of gender confusion, or just a way of compensating for some other lifelong self-esteem issues.

But if it does turn out that I am trans ... I have my doubts that I would pursue HRT. I know it would make "passing" so much easier, and help to better disguise some of the characteristics I dislike about myself, but the idea of making those kind of permanent, irreversable changes is a very big, very frightening one for me.

If I was to try and live as a guy as much of the time as possible, In my head I still kind of picture myself as a feminine or "pretty" gay male. (And I hate to use something as subjective & obnoxious sounding as that P word, but it's the only one that springs to mind right now. I'm an unattractive female, but I think I look ok as a boy.)

Would the refusal to pursue HRT make me "less trans" than other transmales? Should I be taking it as a clue that maybe I'm not trans at all, I just have a lot of self-loathing instead?

[Guest Ryles_D]

I'm completely unsure of what I am right now, but I definitely agree. We're all part of a group, yeah, but we don't have to be clones. Society puts enough pressure on transsexuals because they don't conform, why add to it by making it so people have to be a certain way to be a "real" man?

What's stupid is that the government defines us only by genitals. The FTMs I saw on a show were getting metoidoplasties so they could legally marry their girlfriends. A person has to have SRS to be able to change the gender marker on their birth certificate.

Well, y'know, don't want girls (pre-op MTF girls) walking around impregnating other girls ('bio'-girls). That'd just be complicated for the baby. Or, even worse, 'bio'-boys impregnating FTM boys, then you have a bunch of pregnant males running around validating those m-preg fanfics.

...that's the only thing I can think of as to why. other'n that, yeah, kind of a dumb law.

I guess this is more a hypothetical, as I am still very much on the fence, and trying to figure out if wanting to be a guy (and wanting to be seen as a guy) is because of some kind of gender confusion, or just a way of compensating for some other lifelong self-esteem issues.

But if it does turn out that I am trans ... I have my doubts that I would pursue HRT. I know it would make "passing" so much easier, and help to better disguise some of the characteristics I dislike about myself, but the idea of making those kind of permanent, irreversable changes is a very big, very frightening one for me.

If I was to try and live as a guy as much of the time as possible, In my head I still kind of picture myself as a feminine or "pretty" gay male. (And I hate to use something as subjective & obnoxious sounding as that P word, but it's the only one that springs to mind right now. I'm an unattractive female, but I think I look ok as a boy.)

I am the same way (sorta)! If I am a transman I'm a cross-dresser and gay-asexual. Not like I'd wear skirts all the time, I really prefer men's clothing for day-to-day because it's more comfortable and convenient to me, but I like skirts and those high-heeled (p)leather boots and wearing them sometimes. Which just seems weird for an FTM to me, makes me wonder if my brain's just trying to un-earth new levels of freak.

The hormone therapy is a bit worrisome to me, too. I like about half of what they do (deeper voice, bigger muscles, less period, etc.) but some other things and the permanence and the fact it probably effects your mind a bit, I don't trust that much.

I know what you mean by the "pretty" thing. I hate getting called that, but I call boys in my head 'pretty', even though I'd never say it to their face because, well, what guy wants to get called pretty? A lot of the guys down here are really pretty, though, and I've heard of a fashion of guys wearing tight-fitting pants like girls wear, so I wouldn't worry about being a "pretty" boy. That's just how some guys are. "effeminate" might be better, I think it's got the same basic meaning but I could be wrong.

[Guest negeva]

THANK YOU ALL FOR SPEAKING SO HONESTLY AND CLEARLY

ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL

BUT WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO

AS IN

BEING A NON OP TRANSMAN AND NOT KNOWING WHERE TO FIND OUT ABOUT ALL THE "ADD ONS"

THAT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE

I LIVE IN A 3RD WORLD COUNTRY AND CERTAINLY THERE IS NOT A WHOLE LOT IN THE MARKET OF ANYTHING OTHER

THAN SOME SCARY SEX TOYS! RATHER THAN ANYTHING THAT LOOKS OR FEELS REAL

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME PRACTICLE ADVISE

THANK U

X

[MaryEllen]

You could try this link. I'm not a transman so perhaps the trans guys here could better advise you.

http://www.mangoproducts.net/

[Guest Just_Call_Me_Nick]

Always enjoy and gain from your posts....thanks for this....

Nick~

[Guest Jamie-o]

Negeva,

Check out this link. It has a lot of great info, and links to a number of places that offer different options.

http://www.ftmguide.org/

[Guest Tye_dye]

Yeah it's stupid some of the things some people seem to think. I plan on takeing T and getting top surgery.. but from all the horror storys and lack of sucsessfull 'working'.. theres no way I'm getting bottom surgery anytime soon.... maby by the time I'm legal(two years) there will be some advances but it seems unlikely.