Family Doesn't Get Why....

[Guest AshleyRF]

Do any of the rest of you have the problem with your family not understanding why you would want facial surgery to change your appearance? It seems like they are completely supportive of everything else, but when it comes down to me altering my face to make it more feminine they want to question me about it and act like it's this huge deal. Even my wife is like this about the facial surgery. It's like they are perfectly fine with everything as long as they can still see traits of "him" still there when they look at me. They start into this whole speech about how "you are just never going to be satisfied with yourself". If you have this facial surgery you still won't be happy and you will end up getting surgery after surgery until you look like a plastic doll." The funny thing is, the few things I want done on my face are very minor. I only want some minor work done to my chin, I want my nose done, and I want my hairline done. All of those are minor things. They just don't get it. They don't see that I see those things about my face as being masculine and they can't imagine why I would want to change them.

It really drives me crazy. Why can't they understand?

Ash

[Guest Katrina_Carter]

I'm still trying to get my family to realize I am transitioning and this isn't some phase I am going through. They keep asking "Why do you want to be a girl?". How do you explain to someone that you were born a girl, but you have a birth defect that produces high levels of testosterone and causes deformations of the body including excess hair growth... when they just think it's cause you're a boy with a penis?

[Guest doodle]

I'm sort of getting the same thing. My partner thinks some things are okay but others not ok. She says the same thing you are going to have more and more work done on your body. There are some people that hooked on cosmetic surgery. My partners also worried that I'm going look so much better than her and I'm going to leave her for a man, I'm not. I plan to have it done in October

Kelly

[Guest Donna Jean]

Ashley.......

Getting FFS is strictly a personal decision....most of us go without it because when money is concerned we can barely scrape enough together for SRS, let alone thousands more for FFS.

And many of us are satisfied with what HRT has done for our faces...

As far a family is concerned...well, if you were gonna buy an airplane you'd still get greif from family....

And like Lizzy's case she can make up and dress totally most of the time (except work right now) and the only thing that her wife goes off on is lipstick!

She is not wanting Lizzy to wear Lipstick...even if she is totally dressed, hair done up, red nails, makeup...just no lipstick......go figure...

But, one will probably catch greif when one wants FFS...you'll be told "You're good enough!"

It's not their decision when it's "Good enough".....it's yours!

HUGGS & LOVE

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

My doctor is post op and had FFS. You would never know she had that done as she looks great with no hint of ever having it done. They are probably afraid of you looking fake. It ultimately is your decision and not theirs. I hope they understand if you do decide to go forward.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest angie]

Yessa Ma'am,

I get the exact same reaction from my family and my siblings

when I raise the subject of a lttle FFS to make me that much

more(real girl) in appearance. They are afraid of losing the

last links to the old you.Fearing that you will change so much,

(which FFS does) that you wont be who they have always known.

They cannot understand it a personal comfort thing,not vanity.

If I had the funds I would opt for my chin,cheek implants,rhinoplasty,

eyelid lift and forehead lift,and of course that huge scar removed from

my chin,along with hair transplants to give me a woman's hairline.

They cannot possibly understand how much these minor(to us)

changes would bring us so much personal peace.Make it so that

we can walk through society without a second look,other than a

look of approval.

Hugs Sweety,

Angie

[Guest Soph]

I can understand why you would want it... but your family probably doesn't want you to do it because, judging by your avatar, you don't need it! I mean, my dad wants to get ANOTHER Porsche. We're not super rich, and he doesn't need another expensive car. I know how much it means to him, and I will sigh and go along with it, but that doesn't mean I'll be happy about it (with the money to get that porsche, I could get my bottom surgery... and have enough left over for a fancy meal or 100).

While you do recognize it, your family doesn't think its necessary. Quite frankly, neither do I

Now ME on the other hand!

[Guest JustShelly]

There are millions of people that want to improve or fix flaws with they're face, this is nothing new or trans specific. FFS is basically the same only geared toward feminine traits. I have always wanted my teeth and nose fixed. If I had the money twenty years ago I would of had them done. The only difference now is, if I do have a nose job I would definitely have it shaped more feminine. My teeth, I don't think they could make them more feminine, LOL.

The main difference I feel in wanting to change some face features, is now I would like some cheek implants and possibly a lift. Those are something I probably won't ever be able to afford, but would be nice. I feel the same way otherwise about my face.

On a similar topic. Since on hrt I have seem to become more vain with myself. I now have a couple of full view mirrors.LOL It actually has gotten to the point that I am not happy with the way I look. I feel that I don't pass at all. Years ago I probably didn't pass very well, but I would go out anyways, it never bothered me. I now can't get myself to leave the house as Shelly.

[Guest viv]

Gee Hun,,,your right , thats not much surgery at all . You know I would just jump

into my "dozer and clear a path right up to the surgeons door . Let the nay sayers

compliment you when your finished ,,<< bet they do >>. Go for it Ashley . viv

[Guest Yinyang Mist]

I know I would love the same things Ashren lol, no joke... Seems like minor stuff. Although knowing you a bit from chattin with ya, are you sure it will be enough? ...................... j/k hugs, talk to me about it!

[Sally]

Dear Ashley,

Please do not be upset with me for this observation and it is only my opinion - you have heard a number of people tell you that you are fine, you are beautiful and that you don't need any FFS.

My observation is that you don't believe them and only see your flaws, I am afraid that after all of the money spent and pain of recovery you will still not be satisfied - many natal females and some men become addicted to plastic surgery and constantly have something done - Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson are two famous examples of where that can lead.

I believe that you have issues other than physical, it is in your perception of yourself.

We all have had these issues in the beginning, it is a major contributing factor as to why people like Donna Jean and I waited so long to start - a fear of never being able to pass - look at Donna Jean today - a beautiful woman and mostly because she accepts herself.

You need to really think about this long and hard - is it really going to satisfy you or will you always be wanting more?

That is all I needed to say - if you do this little self exam and still feel that this is what you need and that will be all that it takes, then go ahead but with anything that is permanent - be absolutely sure.

OK, still friends?

I love you,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I think it is a personal choice. We all see flaws we would like to correct (Trans people and non-trans) so only you know how important it is. Yes - I pass like I am (good luck mainly) and my therapist says save my money for the SRS. BUT

I would LOVE to reduce the bridge of my nose slightly (profile), and repair the scarring from a bicycle accident I had 20 years ago - and the chin? Full of scar tissue from the same accident, but internal - they could pull my chin back 3/4" just removoing the damaged tissue - and my neck? Tighten it up - and my eyes, get rid of that extra fold from my Native American 'asiatic' heritage... and my ears? little bit large for most women ... and.. WELL... SO MUCH!

See what I mean? Only the money in my account keeps me from looking totally different! We are our own worst critics!

STILL - YOU must BE HAPPY IN YOUR OWN SKIN.

I think you look so very womanly as you are - but I swear, when I meet you in person - grin - we can critique each other! DANG it Ashley!

So blow off everyone else - tain't important!

LIZZY

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

Hon all that is important is how you feel about yourself, if you feel like you need some FFS go get it done don't worry about what other's think or feel. Remember it's there problem not yours that they don't want you to change a little more.

Just take care of yourself, that's all that matters anymore.

Charlene Leona

[Paula ult]

Ashley, it really is a personal choice, personally i think from the photo's i have seen that you are fine without FFS, but that is my opinion, i am pretty sure my family and friends would also try to persuade me not to get it too, i do not plan on FFS as i was blessed with the majority of my mothers features, all except my eyebrow ridge, but my hair will eventually cover it, SRS and BA is going to be more important for me, everyone has their own priorities depending if they can afford it.

Paula

[Guest angie]

My BFF asked a rhetorical question last year right after her SRS

and FFS... When is enough enough. I realised she was talking about

herself when she made that statement to me. She has had four rhinoplasties,

two cheek implants,three chin implants and wishes she had done a face lift.

I told her,"What, no breast augmentation?" She said not yet,but when I go to

Thailand she is thinking of going with me to get further FFS and her Boob Job.

She is all ready a C cup naturally, I don't think she needs anymore up top.

But she is one who may never be satisfied with how she looks,still seeing the

man in her mind. Silly woman.

Angie

[Guest Shiratori]

Dear Ashley,

Please do not be upset with me for this observation and it is only my opinion - you have heard a number of people tell you that you are fine, you are beautiful and that you don't need any FFS.

My observation is that you don't believe them and only see your flaws, I am afraid that after all of the money spent and pain of recovery you will still not be satisfied - many natal females and some men become addicted to plastic surgery and constantly have something done - Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson are two famous examples of where that can lead.

I believe that you have issues other than physical, it is in your perception of yourself.

I have to agree with this.

There's a photo you posted recently on another thread that proves the point. In this picture you have a face that many ciswomen would envy. Why? Because you're smiling. And I mean really smiling in the way that makes your eyes light up. If I ever manage to transition I hope I can be as pretty as you look in that picture. When you look in the mirror, smile and see how beautiful you are.

[Guest AshleyRF]

Thank you all for your replies. ( I really do love my family here, you all are so wonderful to me. )

I completely understand where many of you are coming from and to some degree you are right about me possibly never being satisfied with myself. I am fully aware that I have some very deep rooted issues about myself. That being said, the way I view the issue of me wanting some minor FFS done is that it is A.) minor surgeries that I want done. B.) If given the choice of having those done or SRS, I'd choose SRS for sure. That is of utmost importance to me. C.) It would be different if this was the 2nd or 3rd round of facial surgeries I was wanting to get done because I wasn't happy after the first few. This is not the case at all. I don't know if I will be happy or not after these few surgeries. It is very possible that I will be satisfied. It is possible that I will not be. How will I know if I never get these minor things done? I know or sure that if I don't get them done, I will always see these few things as major flaws.

The way I view this is like this. I could have stood to be born an ugly woman. I'd of been perfectly happy just knowing that I am a GG. That would be perfectly fine with me. What I can't be is an ugly transwoman. To me if I have to be trans (and I honestly don't have a choice here really because I was born trans) then I want to be an absolutely stunningly beautiful transwoman.

Hugs

Ash