Starting Over

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

I was 10 days away from being sober for 4 months. Last night I messed up. I am very disappointed and angry at myself for giving in... It seems like no matter how much I try, I always fail. I take two steps forward and five steps back. Lately I've been felling like I am losing my mind; and maybe I am. I really do try to stay positive, but I just can't seem to stay that way. Sometimes I need help, but a lot of the time I don't ask for that help. I let my emotions build up until I can't take it anymore. I feel like I am stuck and I don't know how to dig myself out.

I am working on things with my therapist, but she only seems to be able to help with some things. Actually, she isn't really that helpful at all anymore and I think she has done everything she can for me. Perhaps it is time to look for a new therapist. They say they won't adjust my medication anymore, because it is too dangerous with the current health problems that I have. Which is only adding more stress on me.

But I guess today is a new day. Time for me to start again. So today is Day 1... And I have been craving a drink all day. Even though I am frustrated and disappointed in myself for drinking; I want a drink. That seems kind of backwards to me...

I'm trying to think of replacements for drinking.... I try to paint, sketch and write when I am craving... but sometimes that just doesn't seem to be enough. I can't seem to come up with anything else.... so any suggestions would be appreciated

[Guest Jean Davis]

Aww Alex honey

I'm so sorry to hear that. But you know what, you didn't get to where you are in a day. So don't expect to get back in a day neither.

So you slipped, don't beat yourself up too badly. You already understand some of what is going on and that is over half of the solution. Sorry to hear that your therapist isn't helping, perhaps you could ask if she could take a different approach to your problem.

Anyways I think that your attitude is good and asking for help is one of the best things you could do for yourself.

Unfortunately all I can suggest is to find something that you are passionate about and stick with it. Perhaps you could find a $50 cluncker car and work to restore it.

LUV

Jean

[Guest Girl Emily]

Alex,

I dug out my notes from my inpatient treatment program and since you asked for suggestions here goes.

First make a list of people, places, and things that trigger your urge to drink.

Common triggers are

Exposure to drinking by others

Contact with people, places, and situations associated with your past use

Negative and Positive feelings

Physical feelings (sick, shaky, tense)

Make a plan on how you will deal with all your triggers individualy

Get involved with a distracting activity

Talk it out with anyone you trust

Surf the urge

Urges are like waves-they get stronger to a point, then they start to go away

They don't last forever

You can ride out the wave

Take an inventory notice where your body feels the craving and what it feels like

Focus on one area, notice and describe what the feelings are like

Notice the changes that are ocurring

Repeat on each area that you feel the craving

Change your thoughts

Think of the bad that would come from drinking, think of the good that will come from not drinking (remember the consequence doesn't always occur right away)

An honest effort using the above tools has kept me clean for nine months.

Huggs,

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

Thank you.

I will try that

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

Thank you Geo *hugs* I hope that I will be happy and sober someday. I'm working on it. Today is day 2....

[Guest viv]

What will get you sober is a belief in your self . I would read Emily"s answer -a lot.

Thats advice I could never come up with myself and I aint touched a drop in about

13 years . I hope you get well Hun, I remember all too well that hell . Never stop

trying !!!you will get there , luv,viv

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

Well today is day 6 i'm barely hanging in there, but i am still going.

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi alex,

<<< hug >>

I'm sorry that I wasn't their to help you in your time of need

Please don't beat yourself up over this , it was just one night

Just pick yourself up and start over, keep trying

I know your going through allot right now

Always remember that i love you

vanna

[Guest Girl Emily]

Hey Alex,

I am going to be a nagging sister. Have you made a list of your triggers and plans to deal with them?

Congrats on six days!!!

Huggs,

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

I haven't really gotten to do anything for myself lately, except go to my cardiologist. Yay :/ how fun... I'm too busy taking care of everyone else in my life, i don't have time for myself

[Guest Yinyang Mist]

Starting over is ok. It might seem to get you down but your already back on day 7, maybe barley so but yea, congrats on making back to here. Really you can start over, stupid to say or stupid sounding cleche but I am proof as well . You know where to find me.. I am mostly always around. hugs

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Alex

Please know you have a cheering section here!

Keep us updated and know we will keep you in our thoughts.

Addiction of any kind is hard, but an alcohol addiction is sometimes a chemical thing in the body. In any case I understand Emily - and she KNOWS what she is talking about!

So look for those triggers - know the 'enemy.'

Lizzy

[Guest again]

hi, have you tried---my favourite passtime--exercise! now i know you are seeing a cardiologist and would need your doctor's clearance, but i know that our local Y has a great cardio rehab program. Failing that, even a good long walk is great for the body and soul and those endorphins just soar as a result. Good luck; i know it's a huge struggle, but one well worth winning.

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

I do try that sometimes, except at the moment I can't even walk across my bedroom