Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Mixed Signals!


Guest Naomi Stardust

Recommended Posts

Guest Naomi Stardust

:blush:

I used my facebook page to come out to some people

what I did was to create a page with my female identity and in the info section about me I simply wrote my given (male) name and, "I am transsexual, I write poetry" (the privacy setting is friends only)

I thought that was pretty clear

the "real life" friends that I have come out to by friending for the most part get it

but one guy I know I am not sure if he noticed

he has been flirting with me on facebook

and for a while I was encouraging him without realizing that he was flirting :blush:

I know that he is bisexual

and from some of his comments I have started to wonder if he realizes who he is talking to

does he know he is flirting with me?

or does he think he is flirting with a cisgender women?

and if he does not know that it is me

what is the most entertaining way to break the news to him??????????

Link to comment
Guest Evan_J

Well I don't think you should be looking for the most "entertaining" way to break the news to him.

I would hope that he did in fact read your profile. Most people do though if there's a romantic or a sexual interest. Barring that, I would ask if in fact he did as a cue as to whether its a topic that needs to be discussed.

If he say's "yes, he read the profile" you can laugh, tell him you worried he hadn't and move forward.

If the answer is no, he likely will take it as a cue to do so at that time. Either he'll come back bent out of shape, stunned, and awkward, or tenative though not put off. Either way you'll have an opportunity to give each of you an out gracefully. If needed you can just say "its ok, you don't have to say anything , you didn't know" -case closed, ways parted.

I just hope this isn't a guy you only know from online, otherwise I'm gonna have to admonish you to BEEEEE CAAAAREFUL.

I rather like you ;)

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean
I just hope this isn't a guy you only know from online, otherwise I'm gonna have to admonish you to BEEEEE CAAAAREFUL.

I rather like you ;)

This the most important part of the entire thing....right here what Evan is saying!

Huggs

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest Naomi Stardust
I just hope this isn't a guy you only know from online, otherwise I'm gonna have to admonish you to BEEEEE CAAAAREFUL.

I rather like you ;)

no not just online

I am more careful than that

this is a writer friend whom I have known on and off for a year or two

on facebook only a month and a half (the flirting only started last week)

I know one of his exes and they are still good friends, I take that to be a good sign if I was interested in him

but I am not

and intend to say as much

fortunately I figured out that he was flirting quicker than usual (thanks to another friend)

so I haven't strung him along too far

I am just going to send him a nice message but stating clearly that I am not interested in anything other than friendship

and then next time I see him in person try to figure out if he is aware of who he was flirting with

I just find the whole situation amusing though

Link to comment

That is good, Naomi,

It is very important when dealing with people to remember that we all have emotions and desires so stringing someone along is very cruel, you are handling it the right way.

Be kind and gentle and remain friends.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment

All good responses,

I put up a Facebook page mainly to let others in my graduating class know about me, our 40th reunion is this August and i wanted to let as many know as possible, i have gone to all but the 5th year reunion, several asked do we know you? , i asked them to read my info page, they got back and said yes we do remember you, we all play some of the games and have re established contact with each other.

Seems people add you and never look at your info page unless you ask them to.

Paula

Link to comment
Guest Lizzie McTrucker

I guess it depends if you want to tell him or not. For awhile I would tell people I was TS but as time progressed and I moved into full-time, I took any reference to being TS off my facebook, myspace, etc. If I'm passing as female, why would I want to give people the impression I'm anything but? But that's just how I would handle it.

Link to comment
Guest My_Genesis

Hmm... see what I did was basically wrote a "coming out" note on FB in which I tagged a bunch of people whom I considered my closest friends (or, actual friends as opposed to just acquaintances) and I got a lot of responses to it. For facebook friends I don't know in rl but just over the internet (with the exception of my trans friends for example on Laura's or people I've found vlogging on YouTube), I did not make the note viewable to those people. I didn't see a reason to. The only thing that concerns me is that these people may notice that I don't really have any photos of myself except for some that I've modified with effects from say fotoflexr. So I worry that people may become suspicious or think something is off :huh: One particular girl I'm friends with through YouTube (we have similar musical and movie interests so i told her in an online convo she was welcome to add me on facebook) actually does not have too many pictures of herself, so I figure perhaps she is not suspicious.

If this guy is flirting with you - if he were straight I would say he probably doesn't know you're trans (that whole "omg that means I'm gay" thing), but since he is bi, he probably doesn't care about that. I don't see a reason to tell him - I agree with Lizzie for the most part - though if the flirting goes any further I think you ultimately have to bring it up.

Link to comment
Guest Naomi Stardust

:lol:

no!

he did not read my info tab!

so he did not know that it was me he was flirting with

but he took it to be a joke and thought it was funny

so I went along with that

:lol:

Hmm... see what I did was basically wrote a "coming out" note on FB in which I tagged a bunch of people whom I considered my closest friends (or, actual friends as opposed to just acquaintances) and I got a lot of responses to it. For facebook friends I don't know in rl but just over the internet (with the exception of my trans friends for example on Laura's or people I've found vlogging on YouTube), I did not make the note viewable to those people. I didn't see a reason to.

yeah, I did the same thing

except that I am not ready to come out to some family members who are active on facebook

so I didn't use my real name

Link to comment
Guest My_Genesis
:lol:

no!

he did not read my info tab!

so he did not know that it was me he was flirting with

but he took it to be a joke and thought it was funny

so I went along with that

:lol:

yeah, I did the same thing

except that I am not ready to come out to some family members who are active on facebook

so I didn't use my real name

You didn't use your real name... you mean your female name or your male one?

yeah, I'm out to my immediate family. My parents knwo I'm trans but they don't have FB's anyways. And I have some cousins on there who can view the note though I'm not sure any of them have even noticed it's there lol.

Link to comment
Guest My_Genesis
:lol:

no!

he did not read my info tab!

so he did not know that it was me he was flirting with

I shoulda told you before, guys just say what's on their minds so if he knew he probably woulda said something not just flirted and left you there to question whether he knows or not. lol. So yeah it doesn't surprise me that he didn't know. :)

Link to comment
Guest Naomi Stardust
You didn't use your real name... you mean your female name or your male one?

Neither!

I went with a second choice name

because I have a close friend who has had some bad experiences with Naomis

and really hates the name

I figure the least I can do is spare her having to call me Naomi until I start RLT....

which I may start considering some time soonish maybe perhaps...?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 203 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • Ashley0616
    • Heather Shay
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.1k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,094
    • Most Online
      8,356

    gizgizgizzie
    Newest Member
    gizgizgizzie
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Angelo christoper
      Angelo christoper
      (38 years old)
    2. Joslynn
      Joslynn
      (61 years old)
    3. Kaltia_Atlas
      Kaltia_Atlas
    4. Rika_Lil
      Rika_Lil
      (40 years old)
    5. Summerluv
      Summerluv
      (19 years old)
  • Posts

    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, giz! We’re so happy you found us. You’ll find lots of information and many wonderful people here. Each of us is unique but we all share similarities as well. Look around, ask questions and join in where you feel comfortable!
    • Heather Shay
      NPR tiny desk winner 2024 - REALLY ENJOYED - simple song with wonderful melody, retro sound, reminds me of Billy Preston....  
    • Heather Shay
      What is happiness for you?
    • Birdie
      Funny.....   The day-centre transportation director told me yesterday morning that I was to receive an award, my picture on the website, etc... for having won the billiards tournament (I knew better).   Later that afternoon he returns to "shake my hand" and tell me, "thanks for participating."   I could have told him that was all I would receive earlier. I'm not well liked by management. 
    • Heather Shay
      Feelings are joyful as happiness spreads.
    • Heather Shay
      The Power of Feeling our Feelings: a story of joy and pain https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1683051267452-AAZVC5ZJZ5E2XRBOOPRE/unsplash-image-rOKbmUbcOVg.jpg Does “joy” feel like a distant memory or an intangible experience for you?  Are you on the journey of seeking more joy in your life? Maybe you’ve found this blog, as in your healing journey, “more joy” is the beacon that gets you through the tough times, and you are fearlessly on the quest to learn more about trauma, anxiety and depression and how to support a more joyous life. If that sounds like you, then welcome, this post is for you, and if that doesn’t feel like you that’s okay too, I invite you to stay for a story. Let me tell you a story about a woman named Ellie who came to therapy with the goal of “wanting to feel more joy + lightness in her life”. She sat on the couch across from me…she was so eternally wise, and self-aware. She had worked so hard to get to this place of understanding herself, but she still felt stuck and nowhere closer to her joyful, fulfilled life. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1684948947151-PH97YWGUXYF7JJT25K1I/image-asset.jpeg She came back session after session, explaining her struggles and breaking down the gritty details of who she was, until one day I said, I paused her again in attempts to help her connect more with her emotional experience, For the first time in her therapy experience, Ellie was still, she took a moment to check inside and find her sadness…she was really being with her emotional experience. Sometimes as humans we can be aware of feelings, but struggle to FEEL the feelings, tuning in to our emotions and letting them take up space. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1684949533886-EOI9VPKBEQ2EZHERTYT1/image-asset.jpeg All of a sudden she felt her throat getting tighter, her heart sinking, and tears welling up in her eyes. She said, as she began to cry, “ yeah I feel so sad because…” I so ever gently interrupted her again “hey Ellie it’s okay, can we just let the sadness be there, it's SO important why, and also its SO important to just feel, so just feel sad my dear”. Ellie, hearing this, felt her shoulders drop and soften in surrender, and spent the next minute or so letting her tears flow, crying, and being guided by me, to find support in her own breath and the pillows and blankets on the couch. This somatic release, was exactly what she needed. She cried, while I held space, providing compassionate support and company, until Ellie felt a huge sense of relief wash over her body and exclaimed “woah that felt so cathartic, I feel lighter”.  I cracked a very stereotypical nerdy therapist joke and Ellie let out a HUGE chuckle, beginning  to laugh deep into her belly, and that feeling of lightness transformed into a moment of JOY! Could it be? Ellie settled into a feeling of calm after her chuckle with me and asked, “What just happened? For a moment there I felt so light and wow, I really laughed. Is that joy? How is that possible?” I then began to share a bit of on emotions…."Let me explain the connection between our pain and joy. They might be more connected than you think!” Emotions are an integral part of the human experience. They provide us with valuable information about ourselves and our environment, and they can motivate us to take action or change our behavior. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1684950220510-2BYGYE4A5XKZODNS2I0Y/image-asset.jpeg However, it is common for people to try to avoid or suppress emotions such as sadness, anger, and fear.  They may try to explain it away, finding logical and “cognitive” ways to cope with the pain…. While this may seem like a reasonable strategy to avoid discomfort, it can actually have negative consequences, including a reduced ability to feel positive emotions. Our emotions are interconnected and interdependent, they are all processed in the same areas of the brain. The neural pathways that process pain are called the nociceptive pathways. The nociceptive pathways send signals to the brain's pain center, the somatosensory cortex, which processes the sensory information and generates the experience of pain.   However, the same neural pathways that process pain can also process pleasure and joy.  This is because the somatosensory cortex does not just process sensory information related to pain; it also processes sensory information related to other physical sensations, such as touch, temperature, and pressure. When we experience pleasure and joy, these sensory signals are processed in the same way as pain signals. However, instead of activating the pain center, they activate the brain's pleasure center. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1684950865903-TQRJXIIXD3SHELV065QA/image-asset.jpeg This means that the same sensory channels in the brain can be activated by both pain and pleasure, but the experience we have depends on which part of the brain is activated. When the pain center is activated, we experience pain, and when the pleasure center is activated, we experience pleasure and joy. Pain and joy are actually closely related to each other, cousins if you will! In other words, our emotional experiences are not isolated events, but rather a complex and dynamic system of interrelated experiences. When we try to avoid or suppress our perceived negative emotions, we are essentially shutting down a part of our emotional experience. This can create a "numbing" effect, where we feel less overall emotion, both positive and negative.  This is because the brain processes emotions as a whole, so if we try to suppress painful or uncomfortable emotions, it can also reduce the intensity and richness of positive emotions. Research has shown that people who struggle to identify or express their emotions, particularly painful ones, often experience lower levels of overall emotional experience, including positive emotions. This is because our ability to experience positive emotions is dependent on our ability to process and regulate negative emotions. By suppressing negative emotions, we may be hindering our ability to fully experience positive emotions. _____________________________ So, to wrap up this short story with a nice bow… Ellie was able to FEEL into her sadness, thus allowing her to FEEL into the depths of her own experience of joy. She was activating “stuck” pain and moving through the experience, using those key areas of the brain, so her JOY was fully expressed as well. This is why….I extend an invitation for you to FEEL it all my dear, the heavy and awful, the light, and all the emotions in between. These different parts of us, make up who we are. If it feels too scary at first that's okay, maybe find a trusted friend or a therapist that can help support you in feeling safe  to express your emotions slowly, bit by bit, over time.  And If you are ready to lean into those heavier feelings, let them out, because the pain that you may be avoiding feeling, just might be the very thing you need to feel, to then welcome and unlock the feeling of JOY. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1684950934538-PW47TOU8LXR9AINGG53F/unsplash-image-ktPKyUs3Qjs.jpg At Integrative Psychotherapy we help clients engage in therapy so they can feel more comfortable in their skin and befriend alllll their emotions.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • LucyF
      So I have started HRT and its been almost 3 weeks. Here are the changes I have seen so far:   week 1 - Hours after I started, it felt like a fog has lifted and I felt so much better about everything. Almost like I can now actually be happy. My skin is so less oily and so much smoother   week 2 - I have noticed that my senses seem to be more refined. I smell things I just didn't notice before. I can concentrate so much better. Its almost like going from video to and HD blue ray disc.   week 3 - ok, boobs are itching on and off and tiredness is setting in slightly. Still feel on top of the world.   Apart from that, my daughter (9 year old) is struggling at the moment. We are having open dialogue which is helping, and I am getting in touch with a child psychologist that will hopefully help.     Onwards and upwards.
    • VickySGV
      I want to hold back on this one until more solid information comes out.  The defendant is claiming it was accidental, but the Trans side is demanding a hate crime scenario which an accident would preclude.  Pardon the phrase, but as I read this folks are jumping the gun here.
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.advocate.com/crime/trans-teen-jazlynn-johnson-killed   This is a tragic ruination of two young lives.  It is very sad.  May Jazlynn rest in peace.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, here's the big questions:  What does it mean to be masculine?  What does it mean to be a woman?    I've been around a lot of rule-bending in those areas.  There's all sorts of "traditional" views about what men and women do.  Men work on mechanical things, defend/protect, earn a living, play rough sports, etc.  Women cook and clean, are gentle and nurturing, value aesthetics over function, etc.   Yet, my very "masculine" industrial-manager husband cooks just as well as any Betty Crocker wannabe, and tells the bedtime stories that are most in-demand by the kids.  My GF, who is surely "ALL Girl" is a highly skilled mechanic, a street racer, was busily laying concrete while 6 months pregnant, and practices kenjutsu (Japanese sword fighting skills).  And me?  I'm AFAB but I'm infertile and I feel like I should have had a male body...yet I possess very little in the way of "manly" skills or desire to acquire them.  I'm in my boy form these days, but pretty much useless for accomplishing "boy stuff."     I think my family blew those definitions out of the water.  Yet, somehow our family structure is also religiously patriarchal....and happily so!  It'll bend your brain to try to figure that one out.    I'd say its just important to be you, do what you do best, and stick your tongue out at anybody who doesn't like it. 
    • JenniferB
      Welcome to the board gizgizgizzie! I sure can understand what dysphoria feels like. I found it stayed in my head during nearly all waking hours. Although, sometimes held in a little deeper. But it was triggered easily. I hope you can find that place you feel comfortable with yourself. This is a good place to find help as you traverse your journey.   Jennifer
    • VickySGV
      Welcome to the Forums @gizgizgizzie we have folks in your situations to talk to and share with. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...