Mixed Signals!

[Guest Naomi Stardust]

I used my facebook page to come out to some people

what I did was to create a page with my female identity and in the info section about me I simply wrote my given (male) name and, "I am transsexual, I write poetry" (the privacy setting is friends only)

I thought that was pretty clear

the "real life" friends that I have come out to by friending for the most part get it

but one guy I know I am not sure if he noticed

he has been flirting with me on facebook

and for a while I was encouraging him without realizing that he was flirting

I know that he is bisexual

and from some of his comments I have started to wonder if he realizes who he is talking to

does he know he is flirting with me?

or does he think he is flirting with a cisgender women?

and if he does not know that it is me

what is the most entertaining way to break the news to him??????????

[Guest Evan_J]

Well I don't think you should be looking for the most "entertaining" way to break the news to him.

I would hope that he did in fact read your profile. Most people do though if there's a romantic or a sexual interest. Barring that, I would ask if in fact he did as a cue as to whether its a topic that needs to be discussed.

If he say's "yes, he read the profile" you can laugh, tell him you worried he hadn't and move forward.

If the answer is no, he likely will take it as a cue to do so at that time. Either he'll come back bent out of shape, stunned, and awkward, or tenative though not put off. Either way you'll have an opportunity to give each of you an out gracefully. If needed you can just say "its ok, you don't have to say anything , you didn't know" -case closed, ways parted.

I just hope this isn't a guy you only know from online, otherwise I'm gonna have to admonish you to BEEEEE CAAAAREFUL.

I rather like you

[Guest Donna Jean]

I just hope this isn't a guy you only know from online, otherwise I'm gonna have to admonish you to BEEEEE CAAAAREFUL.

I rather like you

This the most important part of the entire thing....right here what Evan is saying!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Naomi Stardust]

I just hope this isn't a guy you only know from online, otherwise I'm gonna have to admonish you to BEEEEE CAAAAREFUL.

I rather like you

no not just online

I am more careful than that

this is a writer friend whom I have known on and off for a year or two

on facebook only a month and a half (the flirting only started last week)

I know one of his exes and they are still good friends, I take that to be a good sign if I was interested in him

but I am not

and intend to say as much

fortunately I figured out that he was flirting quicker than usual (thanks to another friend)

so I haven't strung him along too far

I am just going to send him a nice message but stating clearly that I am not interested in anything other than friendship

and then next time I see him in person try to figure out if he is aware of who he was flirting with

I just find the whole situation amusing though

[Sally]

That is good, Naomi,

It is very important when dealing with people to remember that we all have emotions and desires so stringing someone along is very cruel, you are handling it the right way.

Be kind and gentle and remain friends.

Love ya,

Sally

[Paula ult]

All good responses,

I put up a Facebook page mainly to let others in my graduating class know about me, our 40th reunion is this August and i wanted to let as many know as possible, i have gone to all but the 5th year reunion, several asked do we know you? , i asked them to read my info page, they got back and said yes we do remember you, we all play some of the games and have re established contact with each other.

Seems people add you and never look at your info page unless you ask them to.

Paula

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I guess it depends if you want to tell him or not. For awhile I would tell people I was TS but as time progressed and I moved into full-time, I took any reference to being TS off my facebook, myspace, etc. If I'm passing as female, why would I want to give people the impression I'm anything but? But that's just how I would handle it.

[Guest My_Genesis]

Hmm... see what I did was basically wrote a "coming out" note on FB in which I tagged a bunch of people whom I considered my closest friends (or, actual friends as opposed to just acquaintances) and I got a lot of responses to it. For facebook friends I don't know in rl but just over the internet (with the exception of my trans friends for example on Laura's or people I've found vlogging on YouTube), I did not make the note viewable to those people. I didn't see a reason to. The only thing that concerns me is that these people may notice that I don't really have any photos of myself except for some that I've modified with effects from say fotoflexr. So I worry that people may become suspicious or think something is off One particular girl I'm friends with through YouTube (we have similar musical and movie interests so i told her in an online convo she was welcome to add me on facebook) actually does not have too many pictures of herself, so I figure perhaps she is not suspicious.

If this guy is flirting with you - if he were straight I would say he probably doesn't know you're trans (that whole "omg that means I'm gay" thing), but since he is bi, he probably doesn't care about that. I don't see a reason to tell him - I agree with Lizzie for the most part - though if the flirting goes any further I think you ultimately have to bring it up.

[Guest Naomi Stardust]

no!

he did not read my info tab!

so he did not know that it was me he was flirting with

but he took it to be a joke and thought it was funny

so I went along with that

Hmm... see what I did was basically wrote a "coming out" note on FB in which I tagged a bunch of people whom I considered my closest friends (or, actual friends as opposed to just acquaintances) and I got a lot of responses to it. For facebook friends I don't know in rl but just over the internet (with the exception of my trans friends for example on Laura's or people I've found vlogging on YouTube), I did not make the note viewable to those people. I didn't see a reason to.

yeah, I did the same thing

except that I am not ready to come out to some family members who are active on facebook

so I didn't use my real name

[Guest My_Genesis]

no!

he did not read my info tab!

so he did not know that it was me he was flirting with

but he took it to be a joke and thought it was funny

so I went along with that

yeah, I did the same thing

except that I am not ready to come out to some family members who are active on facebook

so I didn't use my real name

You didn't use your real name... you mean your female name or your male one?

yeah, I'm out to my immediate family. My parents knwo I'm trans but they don't have FB's anyways. And I have some cousins on there who can view the note though I'm not sure any of them have even noticed it's there lol.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Hidden in plain sight!

GRIN

Lizzy

[Guest My_Genesis]

no!

he did not read my info tab!

so he did not know that it was me he was flirting with

I shoulda told you before, guys just say what's on their minds so if he knew he probably woulda said something not just flirted and left you there to question whether he knows or not. lol. So yeah it doesn't surprise me that he didn't know.

[Guest Naomi Stardust]

You didn't use your real name... you mean your female name or your male one?

Neither!

I went with a second choice name

because I have a close friend who has had some bad experiences with Naomis

and really hates the name

I figure the least I can do is spare her having to call me Naomi until I start RLT....

which I may start considering some time soonish maybe perhaps...?