What Am I Doing Wrong?

[Guest st.john]

I've been questioning a lot whether I may or may not be transgender, and as part of that, have been making my very best attempts to try and pass as male when I go out in public & things. The problem is, it's not working. At all. I still get called "miss" all the time, and for some reason come off as very obviously female. Even the gender therapist I went to talk to the other day, when I asked him, told me I looked like "a cute girl, maybe a little tomboy-ish." I was really frustrated, b/c I was all dragged out in guys' clothes, w/ my hair cut super-short & masculine, and my chest bound so tight it was tough to breathe.

What the hell am I doing wrong here? I know my voice is part of the problem, b/c i do sound very female, but even before I open my mouth, people know I'm female. Are there any tricks to looking more masculine that don't involve having to take hormones? Any advice here would be immensely appreciated.

[Guest 2892Bandie]

I find that just finding a lower octave for your voice is extermly helpful, just don't do it all the time. Plus, an air of confindence about you helps, alot. I always pass much better when i realaxed and going with the follow of where I am.

Good Luck,

Kayden

[Guest savagedm]

Your gait might also have something to do with it. Women walk more with their hips and bounce when they walk. Men walk more with their shoulders and look like they are kind of just 'moseying' not really with any purpose. Find a natural balance with your shoulder sway and cease the bounciness/hip movement to your walk and that might help A LOT.

~Brooke

[Guest brandt]

hmm i'm not sure what it is. maybe just the way your face is is probably a little feminine or something i don't know i'm not sure how you look like. it would help if you took a pic of yourself but i'm not really askin for you to do that. if you want it's fine. but of course voice is a problem so i suggest maybe trying to go an octave lower or maybe if you could probably sing in a lower octave. i have practiced enough to probably have a low enough voice to pass a guy. so yeah i wasn't much help but hope i helped a little.

[Guest SilverArrow]

A hairless face can often be a dead giveaway. Most guys always have some sort of stubble or facial hair, and having absolutely none can easily be seen as feminine (except for those with Asian background, for some reason they don't really get facial hair, but that's a different case). I'm not sure what you can do on that note though, anyone else have suggestions?

[Guest brandt]

A hairless face can often be a dead giveaway. Most guys always have some sort of stubble or facial hair, and having absolutely none can easily be seen as feminine (except for those with Asian background, for some reason they don't really get facial hair, but that's a different case). I'm not sure what you can do on that note though, anyone else have suggestions?

i'd so pass cuz i'm asian haha.

[Guest Sergei]

I had exactly the oposite prolem when I was trying to live as a woman. I couldn't pass even with long hai and a tight top on. People still seemed to get a male vibe off of me. If I really think about it, a lot of it could have been down to my build. I'm a very big build, and tall. How big are you? I think being short and skinny can give a lot of transguys away. Mayne try and bulk up a bit. x

[Guest st.john]

I don't consider myself all that "small", but maybe I've been taught to think of body-shape by female standards, not male. As a guy, I'm still taller than my bio-boyfriend, but would probably be considered kind of small.

I'm between 5'5" and 5'6", and kind of hover between 120 and 125, though I will admit to being in pretty lousy shape. I'm not keen on the idea of putting on a bunch of extra weight in order to pass, but I just would really like to figure out what the **** is just screaming *girl* at people. I'm not that pretty, I wear guys' clothes, I have my hair cut really really short ... but something just isn't working. X(

[Guest harvester52]

There's a few things I might suggest. One is shaving your face (even if you don't have facial hair, i.e. haven't started T yet)... women and prepubescent boys have fine hair on their face often called "peach fuzz". Men don't have that because they shave.

Also, keep your sideburns shaved up to the start of the top of your ear, this will eliminate the giveaway that is feminine, triangular sideburns. I happen to be rather hairy, so I can have a little longer sideburns, but I always keep them shaved straight across, and I don't let them grow out.

Third thing, your walk. Women tend to "swish" when they walk, keeping all the movement in their hips and none in their upper body. Men walk with their upper body. Rock slightly from side to side when you walk, and try not to move your hips as much. This will result in a bit of a more masculine walk.

Voice is a big one. One can train their voice to be deeper, but it takes a long time. Work on singing in a lower register, even if it strains your voice a little. Then work on singing in a higher register, until it strains your voice a little. A choir teacher once told me that if you work your high end, it will improve your low end as well. I followed that technique and now I can sing and speak as low as Johnny Cash. Granted, I had a lower voice to begin with... but I'm pretty sure that anybody can achieve a deeper voice if they really put their mind to it.

Posture can be a giveaway especially if you're sitting. Men take up space. Women tend to hold their limbs very close to themselves, i.e. folding their hands in their lap with their arms right along their sides, crossing their legs at the thighs, etc. Men will sit more openly with their legs spread apart. Or if they cross their legs, they will tend to put their foot on top of their knee.

I hope that helps.

-Bruce

[Guest Shaun.Olsen]

There's a few things I might suggest. One is shaving your face (even if you don't have facial hair, i.e. haven't started T yet)... women and prepubescent boys have fine hair on their face often called "peach fuzz". Men don't have that because they shave.

Also, keep your sideburns shaved up to the start of the top of your ear, this will eliminate the giveaway that is feminine, triangular sideburns. I happen to be rather hairy, so I can have a little longer sideburns, but I always keep them shaved straight across, and I don't let them grow out.

Third thing, your walk. Women tend to "swish" when they walk, keeping all the movement in their hips and none in their upper body. Men walk with their upper body. Rock slightly from side to side when you walk, and try not to move your hips as much. This will result in a bit of a more masculine walk.

Voice is a big one. One can train their voice to be deeper, but it takes a long time. Work on singing in a lower register, even if it strains your voice a little. Then work on singing in a higher register, until it strains your voice a little. A choir teacher once told me that if you work your high end, it will improve your low end as well. I followed that technique and now I can sing and speak as low as Johnny Cash. Granted, I had a lower voice to begin with... but I'm pretty sure that anybody can achieve a deeper voice if they really put their mind to it.

Posture can be a giveaway especially if you're sitting. Men take up space. Women tend to hold their limbs very close to themselves, i.e. folding their hands in their lap with their arms right along their sides, crossing their legs at the thighs, etc. Men will sit more openly with their legs spread apart. Or if they cross their legs, they will tend to put their foot on top of their knee.

I hope that helps.

-Bruce

Yep i agree with all that, one thing i always seemed to get picked on in school was because i walked like an ape, arms out wide, bully boy looking, and be a little rough around the edges... other than that the shaving thing can work

[Guest harvester52]

I've always walked like an ape. My friends always crack jokes about me being a big, hairy ape. -laughs.- I guess I should take that as a compliment because that's generally a joke only cracked at a really big, masculine guy.

[Guest Mr. Fox]

Voice is a big one. One can train their voice to be deeper, but it takes a long time. Work on singing in a lower register, even if it strains your voice a little. Then work on singing in a higher register, until it strains your voice a little. A choir teacher once told me that if you work your high end, it will improve your low end as well. I followed that technique and now I can sing and speak as low as Johnny Cash. Granted, I had a lower voice to begin with... but I'm pretty sure that anybody can achieve a deeper voice if they really put their mind to it.

-Bruce

Does this work the opposite way? As in, singing low helps your high register? This is irrelevant to me, but I think the MTFs need more voice help than us anyway.

Adrian

[Guest harvester52]

I'm not sure if it works the other way. I know bio-male voices are a little different than bio-female voices. I'm pretty sure that an MTF can stretch her vocal chords to make her voice have a greater higher register. A great example is an MTF on YouTube... let me see if I can find her link again.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zRhit3CGMeA&feature=related

It's pretty drastic how she's managed to sound so good. I really compliment her.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I'm not sure if it works the other way. I know bio-male voices are a little different than bio-female voices. I'm pretty sure that an MTF can stretch her vocal chords to make her voice have a greater higher register. A great example is an MTF on YouTube... let me see if I can find her link again.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zRhit3CGMeA&feature=related

It's pretty drastic how she's managed to sound so good. I really compliment her.

I've watched her videos. She's pretty much awesome. Amazing! I've managed to train my own voice down a little, though I think I also started pretty low.

[Guest sara w.]

it really depends what kind of guy you want to look like if you want to look like the really tough kind getting a buzz cut might help

if its in between one like not too manly but not too feminine you can mabey try to have your shoulders sag down as if to show you don't care what you do with them mabey if you have the figure of a woman gain a bit of weight (alot of ment are wider than most people) i went to my cousins wedding and one of the bride's friends was actually a lesbien (she had a bit of weight on her) and she dressed male and i couldn't tell the difference the way i found out i had to ask my aunt and i was a bit surprised oh and don't try and keep your hair (altough short) too shiney or glossey, every body takes care of there hair but men don't do it the same way women do.

[Guest sara w.]

oh and if my previous advidce didn't work you might want to try and seem like a heterosexual male, they are feminin but still are obviously male.

hope my adivce helped

-sara w

[Sally]

If people are clocking you before you speak - I would say that it is most likely your movemnts. Several people have told you about not walking with your hips and don't sway - I'm going to tell you how - the easy way.

As a woman - you walk with your feet landing very close to in a straight line or even slightly crossing with the toes straight ahead or slightly inward. As a man try walking with your feet landing at almost shoulder width and the toes angeled outward. Women tend to hold their arms above the waist most of the time - men, hardly ever unless they are holding something in front of them. Women tend to swing their wrms with the palms of the hand facing slightly forward and below the elbow tends to swing away from the body - men's arms swing close to the body with the palms facing in. Men tend to walk just a bit quicker with slightly longer strides - not too much different, but it will help.

Sounds simple doesn't it - it is and while you are a little on the small side this should help (a lot of my friends were short, beardless and almost baby faced and never called miss).

That's just going in reverse from what I had to learn, but I think it will be pretty easy (also very straight posture is usually a feminine trait).

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Evan_J]

...and this is why we love you Sally. The lady gives "how to"s.

Watch that whole "bulk up' translation. Don't gain weight, you'll only have to lose it later once you start T and want top surgery. Loads of people do that and then have work to undo later. Instead, work out. And when I say it I mean weights specifically. You'll be advised to anyway once you start T. Focus on exercises to broaden your upper torso; back, traps, deltoids..... It'll help in your top surgery. And give you the added benefit of a more masculine shape. Goal is always the V shape, or anything towards that as opposed to whatever you've got. Thats the more "bulked up" look you want.

[Sally]

Thanks Evan,

I love you too.

The main thing is to remember that no matter what you do physically if you go out thinking _ I'm going to get caught - YOU WILL!

I'm into quotes today so in the words of Master Yoda (Star Wars, Episode V - The Empire Stirkes Back), "THer is no try - only do!"

Now get your confidence up and go out there and see how much difference attitude can make.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Itzika]

Voice is a big one. One can train their voice to be deeper, but it takes a long time. Work on singing in a lower register, even if it strains your voice a little. Then work on singing in a higher register, until it strains your voice a little. A choir teacher once told me that if you work your high end, it will improve your low end as well. I followed that technique and now I can sing and speak as low as Johnny Cash. Granted, I had a lower voice to begin with... but I'm pretty sure that anybody can achieve a deeper voice if they really put their mind to it.

-Bruce

Are there voice exercises you can do, or can you just train your voice by singing? 'Cause I sing at the same range of whoever I'm listening to, and if it's a guy it can strain my voice, but I don't know if there are more effective ways.

~Rey