Statistically What Ethnicity Has The Most Chasers?

[Guest AshleyRF]

Okay... here is the deal (and I hope it does not come across as racist in any way because I don't mean it to be). I seem to attract the attention of A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of African American men. I'm not kidding..... A LOT!!!!!! I can't go anywhere without them either obviously checking me out, flat out asking for my phone number, or other forms of attention that suggest they are interested in me.

Now, of course when I see them noticing me, my first reaction is "oh %@#$!!! they know I'm trans". Then it becomes clear that they are "interested" in me. So, now I'm wondering, do they know and are they chasers, or do they have no clue and are just genuinely attracted to me? And if they are genuinely attracted to me, what is it about me that African American men find so attractive, or is it that they are just more brash about it than men of other ethnicity? I mean, I have had other men show some attraction to me but it doesn't seem to be as often as African American men.

I've wondered about this for awhile now....

[Guest angie]

Living in a city with a high hispanic population...

I get my fair share of these man hit on me,make

stupid come on's,crude remarks,and even a proposition.

But...I have also been hit on by whites,asians,middle eastern,

and black men.Me thinks it all depends on the majority of

the racail mix where you live Ash.

Some just (know) we are transwomen.Others I think hit on

women everyday,any women,all women.That appears to be

how some men are programmed.And why women grow such

tough exteriors,and how we learn to ignore their ignorant stares,

remarks ,and unwanted,unsolicited,come ons .

Hugs Girl,

Ang

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

Ashley

I have noticed the same thing myself with african american men when it comes to being attracted to myself. I would say the ratio is 10 black men to 1 white guy hitting on me. I don't know if it's because they know I'm trans or the fact that I'm a larger lady or even the basic fact that allot of black men just would rather be with a white woman and I I tend to believe the later myself. Now on the same note my SO Larry is black and I absolutely adore the world out of this man because he treats me like a natural born woman and has no interest in my birth defect so I know he's not on the down low. He takes great care of me and is waiting patiently for the day we can consummate our relationship and neither can I.

Take Care

Charlene Leona

[Guest Evan_J]

it all depends on the majority of

the racail mix where you live Ash

yep

hit on

women everyday,any women,all women.

Bingo. And, I will agree that while the other ethnicities do it, to a large degree they may not be as .......direct..... as black men. And thats cultural. Its kind of "part" of the machismo thing in a large part of black culture to have that very direct pursuit when attracted to a woman. There's a certain amount of encouragement to be that way both from other black men AND from black women very often. A black woman encountering a man who is not very often (though of course there are exceptions in all this, just saying what has seemed to be prevailent in my exposure to being black) will regard that male as "weak" or "having a weak game" . He's "watery". Its a time period when not only will she judge his "skills" in pursuing but also his level of masculinity while he does it. They even have said (when speaking about caucasian males on some occasions) "but how would she know he's interested in her?" having gotten accustomed to the very "verbose" display of black men when they approach.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Ash

I am sure men are attracted to you because they are genuinely attracted to you (nothing to do with you being trans at all).

I cannot comment regarding ethnicity (not clear how ethnicity relates).

You should be smiling and proud to know that you are an attractive woman

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest AshleyRF]

I hope you are right about that Brenda. I would freak out if it was because I'm trans.

Honestly, none of them have every been rude in any way towards me. They just make it known to me that they are interested. I just automatically think it's because they are chasers. Then again, I always think that most people know when they see me anyway.

Thanks for the responses, especially yours Evan. Very insightful and I was wondering if there really was some cultural differences in how men of different ethnicity approach women. (or rather I was hoping this was the case and it was not for the reason I feared).

[Guest Lynnx]

Here's another thing about black men in general: Their culture does not condone gays at all. That means if they want some homosexual action, no one can know. *IF* they perceive you as trans (just saying IF), then they probably think that you have not had genital reconstruction surgery, and if they are gay or bi, then you have something they want. It's not about your internal gender... it's all a body thing.

I'm just saying IF they know. I don't know why they would. They might be just straight men attracted to you.

[Guest ricka]

I think it does have a lot to do with the culture, be it African-American, Latino, or Middle Eastern. Men are more assertive when it comes to expressing their interest in a woman and in general are quicker to pick up on any signals from her that she appreciates or is encouraging their interest. I personally appreciate this in a man. I think it is a biological thing for me as a woman to respond more to an assertive, self-confident male as a female and I do find that I am attracted to men of color. The other thing is that for many men I honestly don't think it makes a difference if you are trans or a cisfemale if you are physically attractive to them. I am a bigger woman with a "Rubens" figure and find that is attractive to some men as well.

Hugs, Ricka

[Guest AshleyRF]

Here's another thing about black men in general: Their culture does not condone gays at all. That means if they want some homosexual action, no one can know. *IF* they perceive you as trans (just saying IF), then they probably think that you have not had genital reconstruction surgery, and if they are gay or bi, then you have something they want. It's not about your internal gender... it's all a body thing.

I'm just saying IF they know. I don't know why they would. They might be just straight men attracted to you.

That's just it... I'm happy as can be "if" they are only attracted to me because they don't know, but if they know and are attracted to me then that is a problem for me.

[Guest Evan_J]

I hope you are right about that Brenda. I would freak out if it was because I'm trans.

Honestly, none of them have every been rude in any way towards me. They just make it known to me that they are interested. I just automatically think it's because they are chasers. Then again, I always think that most people know when they see me anyway.

Thanks for the responses, especially yours Evan. Very insightful and I was wondering if there really was some cultural differences in how men of different ethnicity approach women. (or rather I was hoping this was the case and it was not for the reason I feared).

Ashley, (and I promise, I actually am not hitting on you) but you know I've had some thing to say, that in some way mentioned your looks, in dang near every thread you've posted LOL Not tryin to put you front and center or anything just saying. They're doing it because you are a nice looking woman.

But it is true about homosexuality. It is not condoned in the community at all. Black women who are lesbian have only a fraction of a fraction less condemnation. BOTH sexes in that community vibrantly display a heterosexual life (lovers, multiple lovers, children, many children) in an attempt to convince "the other black people" they are straight because of that.

If you find 10 black lesbians, 8 of them have children and often allow the father of those children to still have sex with them even though they are not together and there is no interest on her part to "satisfy" the community's demand that she not be gay. Black males situation is often worse. They not only keep sexual relationships -often many- with women to "prove" that they are not gay but (and this is why in my opion their instance of HIV is so high......) they will participate in sex acts with men they don't know and even consciously identify as "unsanitary" in the filthiest places to furitively get ANY gay sex without getting "caught" .

[Guest tori319]

allot of black men just would rather be with a white woman and I I tend to believe the later myself.

I've grown up in the black community and find that to be largely untrue.I think curiosity of being with a white woman happens but despite whats seen on tv most black men would not rather be with white women.

[Guest Evan_J]

Now where the heck are the other brothers at lol Cuz I know I'm not the only black brother on this board (I ain't namin non names but I know y'all out there) and I ain't the voice of black male america either HOWEVER....

I am a bigger woman with a "Rubens" figure and find that is attractive to some men as well.

....this too is a trait more appealing to black men than caucasian men often by comparison. Yep, there's brothers who want em slim. But the sayings you find in the black community ("don't nobody but a dog want a bone" , "can I get some fries with that shake", "mmmph, must be jelly cuz jam sho don't shake like that") all allude to the "curvy" woman. Or as they say, "thick". I dunno your bodytype Ash, could be non-boneyness also drawin flies to you lol.

allot of black men just would rather be with a white woman and I I tend to believe the later myself.

I've grown up in the black community and find that to be largely untrue.I think curiosity of being with a white woman happens but despite whats seen on tv most black men would not rather be with white women.

Yes, I saw the first of those quotes earlier. Yes I avoided it on purpose. Because often (esp when a brother is in the conversation......) somehow they can "go astray" and someone get offended somehow. HOWEVER since Tori opened the door in actually what is a "good" type way I'll go there.

The media does exacerbate everybody's beliefs that it is "all good" and everyone in the black community is at peace when one black person (male or female, but they play up brothers doin it.....) dates a caucasian person.

Yes, there is an element of "curiosity" even "thrill by tabooism" at work sometimes when it occurs. Some times its that the family in question is "nonracist" and "everybody is equal" and the son (or daughter) is welcome to date whoever in Gods kingdom they want, but they are expected to marry a black person. At the end of the day, after the sex and even if there's an "accident" and she gets pregnant, by and large , his mother expects that the woman he "chooses" will be black. So do a lot of his friends. Third cousin who only comes every 9th Christmas. The neighbors. Peeps he's never seen before.......

In my own family I have a cousin who always was very liberal. She had trans friends 40 years ago when it was unheard of. She discriminated against nobody . That was fine. The lip service of the family said the same. When she got engaged to her husband (they've been married over 20 years now) every one choked on their next breath though. Plenty of stuff got said. None of it was flattering. I honestly think the only reason he made it after that initial announcement was because of the one my grandmother made; that if one more word was said about it that the person who spoke it would be the person "put out". Time passed. Peeps wrapped their mind around it. Whatever you thought, he was her husband and that was it.

When I got married, and I think most of the peeps in and out of this thread have read something or other about my exwife this or my exwife that.....my exwife is a caucasian woman. Trust that when I say black peeps I have never seen before "said" something about it. My family did. The cousin who is close to the wife of the caucasian guy even "didn't like it" and didn't care about telling me to my face. I could be with a woman. They could handle that. But it was an issue that she was a "white" woman.

When black children are growing up, mother (or whoever fills the role of mother) is "the ultimate female". AAAAAALL of them are taught to believe that. Thats an incredibly generalistic statement , but so prevailent I'll stand by it. Basically, there is God, "mama" and then everybody else. African American culture tends to be highly cryptomatriarcal in that way. For a black male to displease/break the heart of his mother is one of the lowest things he can do. He can be the worst butthole in the universe, but this same guy will talk to his mother like he's 3 and "shut up" for what she says. ,She is from day one the example held up for "what the woman you bring here better be like". There's even a saying, "if she can't use my comb, you better not bring her". Referring to hair texture and the methods in which its kept up; in short, "if she is not a black woman I will not accept her/it is not acceptable."

Cultural pressure, a created "worry" that he is insulting his mother by being with her, and the everyday differences (viewpiont as affected by background, food habits and tastes, interpretation on how a relationship should be conducted.....) that any two people would experience being from different backgrounds would not make the statement "allot of black men just would rather be with a white woman" true.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Just throwing this out. I think t-girls are so unfamiliar with standard 'flirting' open moves, we sometimes send out the wrong signals (direct eye contact - body language). It may be that in other cultures this is read as an invitatation.

I know I have a hard time ignoring a man staring at me. I get 'anxious' feeling, like am I read or is he just getting ready to hit on me? WHAT?

Lizzy

[Guest Evan_J]

wrong signals (direct eye contact

I remember the night my exwife said that. "Black men, I learned early on , never make eye contact with them".

I thought about it, she was right. They think it means your interested.

[Guest angie]

In my time growing way more comfy in role...

Making eye contact is just a sign of growing

confidence.It is prolonged eye contact that gets

a man's attention. In the everyday casual occurance

of passing strangers in markets,stores,where ever,

making casual eye contact just shows a little friendliness.

You see women greeting each other,and men will do the

same. Eye contact does not mean you want to go to bed

with them,just saying I acknowlege you.

Angie

[Guest Evan_J]

Eye contact does not mean you want to go to bed

with them

Yeah, I know that, and you know that, and likely several other peeps know that. But there's a lot

of (lawd I'm refrainin from creatin a stereotypical charicature....) of black men who act as though thats not true.

[Guest AshleyRF]

I'm by no means a bony woman, nor am I overweight at all. I'm average build.

The "eye contact" thing is probably part of it because the first time I notice them looking at me, I of course think it's because they "know" so from that point on, I'm watching for them to point and laugh or make rude gestures. (thankfully that doesn't happen at all)

I know that I probably worry about being "knowing" WAYYYY more than I should.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Sweetie

You worry too much about being read.

You are beautiful woman!!!

Never doubt yourself....OK?

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest emma'sdilemma]

Now where the heck are the other brothers at lol Cuz I know I'm not the only black brother on this board (I ain't namin non names but I know y'all out there) and I ain't the voice of black male america either HOWEVER....

....this too is a trait more appealing to black men than caucasian men often by comparison. Yep, there's brothers who want em slim. But the sayings you find in the black community ("don't nobody but a dog want a bone" , "can I get some fries with that shake", "mmmph, must be jelly cuz jam sho don't shake like that") all allude to the "curvy" woman. Or as they say, "thick". I dunno your bodytype Ash, could be non-boneyness also drawin flies to you lol.

Yes, I saw the first of those quotes earlier. Yes I avoided it on purpose. Because often (esp when a brother is in the conversation......) somehow they can "go astray" and someone get offended somehow. HOWEVER since Tori opened the door in actually what is a "good" type way I'll go there.

The media does exacerbate everybody's beliefs that it is "all good" and everyone in the black community is at peace when one black person (male or female, but they play up brothers doin it.....) dates a caucasian person.

Yes, there is an element of "curiosity" even "thrill by tabooism" at work sometimes when it occurs. Some times its that the family in question is "nonracist" and "everybody is equal" and the son (or daughter) is welcome to date whoever in Gods kingdom they want, but they are expected to marry a black person. At the end of the day, after the sex and even if there's an "accident" and she gets pregnant, by and large , his mother expects that the woman he "chooses" will be black. So do a lot of his friends. Third cousin who only comes every 9th Christmas. The neighbors. Peeps he's never seen before.......

In my own family I have a cousin who always was very liberal. She had trans friends 40 years ago when it was unheard of. She discriminated against nobody . That was fine. The lip service of the family said the same. When she got engaged to her husband (they've been married over 20 years now) every one choked on their next breath though. Plenty of stuff got said. None of it was flattering. I honestly think the only reason he made it after that initial announcement was because of the one my grandmother made; that if one more word was said about it that the person who spoke it would be the person "put out". Time passed. Peeps wrapped their mind around it. Whatever you thought, he was her husband and that was it.

When I got married, and I think most of the peeps in and out of this thread have read something or other about my exwife this or my exwife that.....my exwife is a caucasian woman. Trust that when I say black peeps I have never seen before "said" something about it. My family did. The cousin who is close to the wife of the caucasian guy even "didn't like it" and didn't care about telling me to my face. I could be with a woman. They could handle that. But it was an issue that she was a "white" woman.

When black children are growing up, mother (or whoever fills the role of mother) is "the ultimate female". AAAAAALL of them are taught to believe that. Thats an incredibly generalistic statement , but so prevailent I'll stand by it. Basically, there is God, "mama" and then everybody else. African American culture tends to be highly cryptomatriarcal in that way. For a black male to displease/break the heart of his mother is one of the lowest things he can do. He can be the worst butthole in the universe, but this same guy will talk to his mother like he's 3 and "shut up" for what she says. ,She is from day one the example held up for "what the woman you bring here better be like". There's even a saying, "if she can't use my comb, you better not bring her". Referring to hair texture and the methods in which its kept up; in short, "if she is not a black woman I will not accept her/it is not acceptable."

Cultural pressure, a created "worry" that he is insulting his mother by being with her, and the everyday differences (viewpiont as affected by background, food habits and tastes, interpretation on how a relationship should be conducted.....) that any two people would experience being from different backgrounds would not make the statement "allot of black men just would rather be with a white woman" true.

This is a really interesting thread. Thanks for starting it Ashley and thanks for giving the insights that you have from your experience Evan. Its really interesting, because as a Caucasian person, I have heard a lot of the stereotypes and things being talked about and just assumed that they are not true. Now I see some of them often have some merit although they are exaggerated or otherwise misconstrued at times.

Because I'm so worried about being seen as racist and because I've been worried to offend someone I never really as African Americans about the things being discussed here. I think that its very healthy to dialogue about these things, and I'm glad that its happening here, so thanks everyone.

[Guest Evan_J]

This is a really interesting thread. Thanks for starting it Ashley and thanks for giving the insights that you have from your experience Evan. Its really interesting, because as a Caucasian person, I have heard a lot of the stereotypes and things being talked about and just assumed that they are not true. Now I see some of them often have some merit although they are exaggerated or otherwise misconstrued at times.

Because I'm so worried about being seen as racist and because I've been worried to offend someone I never really as African Americans about the things being discussed here. I think that its very healthy to dialogue about these things, and I'm glad that its happening here, so thanks everyone.

Actually its why I participated. Wish more voices had been around though. I'm like you, I don't understand how either side can ever expand what they know and thereby hope to get along better if you act as though "it doesn't exist". I realize there are those who's motive (and maybe there was a time for it?) is keeping the peace through pretending the elephant isn't in the room. But then, isn't that the difference between polite acquaintences and friendship?

[Guest AshleyRF]

Oh, I by no means have any problem with African American men finding me attractive. I'm flattered actually if they are attracted to me because they only see me as a female. It's just I always assume anyone who could possibly be interested in me must be a chaser.

[Guest Evan_J]

Oh, I by no means have any problem with African American men finding me attractive. I'm flattered actually if they are attracted to me because they only see me as a female. It's just I always assume anyone who could possibly be interested in me must be a chaser.

....and I really got off topic didn't I? Sorry cuteness.

[Guest ChalenAustin]

I was raped by a black guy- for awhile all the black guys at the mall or wherever kept noticing me and the white boys didn't seem to care!

That was before I started dressing differently of course but still.

Never cared about me til after that one time!

Even other people commented on it!

[Guest AshleyRF]

....and I really got off topic didn't I? Sorry cuteness.

Lol... you sir can hit on me anytime you get ready. In fact... please do more often. Hahaha

Hugs

Ash

[Guest angie]

Lol... you sir can hit on me anytime you get ready. In fact... please do more often. Hahaha

Hugs

Ash

That's the way I feel about Mr E myself Ash.(blush)

Ang