I'm Going Crazy!

[Guest Max101796]

God! My mom caught me on chat, & now I can't use the computer(Computer is password protected; I'm being sneaky & using something else; something that can't load chat), & now I'm almost completely cut off from the world. I have no friends, nothing! No one I can talk to. &, I can't even be the real me! I feel like I'm gonna explode! The internet is pretty much the only form of communication I have left. My parents think they're protecting me, but really they're kiIIing me...

[Guest Evan_J]

Well at least you got one smoke signal out.

Give them time, be reasonable when you talk , and express your reasons rationally. Thats the best advice.

Also look for offline avenues at school (GSA) or locally (support groups ) to have contact with those who are like you. I know it seems like a no-go right now , but sometimes parents are just not receptive to the internet. Might have better luck offline

[Carolyn Marie]

I'm sorry to hear about your problems, Max. Evan's right. Give them some time to cool off, and try to explain why access is important to you.

I gather they don't know about Laura's and being TG? If so, it might get a little tricky, but I'm sure you can think of something.

If they do, why not invite them to the Forums to have a look see? They'll find out that we are parent-friendly and a great resource for you.

They won't find anything objectionable here, which is what makes us stand apart from other sites.

Good luck!

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Max101796]

The problem with that is... well, there's many problems. Like, it's been a while, & my parents still don't believe me. They don't trust me with the internet anymore, & don't know I have access. I go to a private, Christian school. If I tried to form a GSA, they'd probably expell me. The other thing is, I don't think there's any of those group things you mentioned around here. Plus, I'm a 7th grader. Who'd listen to me? I'm isolated.

[Guest Max101796]

Carolyn Marie, I tried showing them the stuff for parents, both on the chat & here. They just don't trust the internet. Plus, I was afraid of how they'd react, so I joined without they're permission, which is really not helping.

[Carolyn Marie]

Carolyn Marie, I tried showing them the stuff for parents, both on the chat & here. They just don't trust the internet. Plus, I was afraid of how they'd react, so I joined without they're permission, which is really not helping.

OK, then ask them how you can rebuild their trust. Make some suggestions. You'll do XXX for them if they let you do YYY. You and they have to

show good faith. They could choose to be completely unreasonable, of course. But lets cross that bridge when you get to it.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest SouthernBelle]

OK, then ask them how you can rebuild their trust. Make some suggestions. You'll do XXX for them if they let you do YYY. You and they have to

show good faith. They could choose to be completely unreasonable, of course. But lets cross that bridge when you get to it.

Carolyn Marie

I agree. It sounds like you're in a tough situation. I remember when I was in 7th grade, my parents didn't trust me either! They always told me that I had to rebuild my trust with them and... I NEVER DID! I can only imagine what my life might have been like had I actually tried to rebuild that trust. I can only imagine what my life would have been like had I come out back when I was your age... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel for you, because I first decided that I wanted a 'sex change' when I was a little younger than you, only I never told my parents (Not until now, that is!)

Anyway, back to what I was saying... hang in there, sweetie. And do what you can to work things out with your parents. Transition doesn't happen in a day and neither does rebuilding trust. You have a grand opportunity here--to do things better than I did!

[Guest Max101796]

Carolyn Marie, unfortunately, my parents are kind of... well, they won't reason with me. They would just say, "No, no, we don't make deals." SouthernBelle, I didn't exactly tell them I wanted a sex change. I told my Mother I was a boy. At first, she misunderstood & thought I wanted to BE a boy. I said no, I AM a boy. Now she just thinks I'm a lesbian in denial, or that it's just a phase. My Dad doesn't actually know that much.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Patience - that's all I can recommend. At your age it will be a while before your parents feel you have any sense at all - stupid, but that is how it works. So just hang in there - and if you get down PLEASE contact us! We are here to help you!

Eventually you will be empowered - you will be what you are.

Sorry I can't help more. Young people in their parents care have it super-hard. DONT give in, and fight the good fight. DO NOT SELF DISTRUCT. You cannot transition if you are dead!

Lizzy

[Guest Max101796]

Elizabeth: I agree! But it is so hard to wait without doing SOMETHING! As for self-destructing, don't worry. I cannot do that. See, I have this weird anger thing- you know how if someone slapped you you'd get mad? Well, I get mad even if I'm the one who slapped me, just as if it it were someone else. So if I tried cutting or something, by the first cut I'd be so mad I'd wanna throw something at the person who did it, even though I knew it was me. It makes me feel sorta like, "How DARE you try to hurt ME!?"

[Flint]

Have you spoken to your mother about the gender stuff since she saw you in the chat room?

[Guest Max101796]

Matthias Blake: Yes. & a little after that, she talked to her therapist about it, & she said that since her therapist hadn't heard of Laura's Playground, then it must not be safe. So now, she's dead-set on not letting me back on.

[Flint]

I guess her therapist must have knowledge of all internet sites and every one that is safe...... Who is this internet genius? I'd like to speak with an internet genius and ask a few questions myself...

The world isn't the safest place, is she going to stop you from going into the world?

Think you need to sit her down, CALMLY talk about what worries her so much about you being on here. Calmly talk about the dangers of being online and show her you're aware of the dangers of the internet and that your careful.

If the real reason she won't let you on here is because it's for transsexuals (Which I have a feeling it is) ask her if she'd rather you go ahead with this stuff alone, without any input from someone who has experienced this too.

[Guest Evan_J]

Plus, I'm a 7th grader.

**Swallows his gum

Oy.

This is hard. I want you to be able to talk to SOMEone and yet, in a way, I understand your parents. Whether or not I agree with the part where its like your lips are moving and no one is listening (I don't , I think you should be listened to) at the same time, if I'm honest (cuz I had two girls once....you might know you're really a boy, I might understand it, but to mom and dad today you're "their little baby girl") I might be as protective. And really thats what it is. Parents DO sometimes mess up trying to be protective. It may not be to "kill " you though or hurt you in any way. To a parent "7th grade" is "my liiiiiittle baby". And I know (cuz I remember enough about 7th grade) logically that its not, but emotionally for them it is. There's a lot of emotions that go into being a parent; fear, love, fear, hope, fear, uncertainty, fear, determination, fear...and did I say fear? lol you get my meaning.

Take some time, maybe write out all of your feelings and what you do or even just think you know about gender and identity and give each of them a copy. Don't leave dad out. There's a reason you have two parents. Sometimes one can have a take on a given situation the other doesn't have. Or just have a different way of processing you.

[Guest CattalieChan]

Does your school have a counsuler that's required to keep confidentiality? Can't hurt to ask. Have you tried to explain the differnence between being lesbian and being trans? Do you know anyone that would be nice to you if you came out to them? Not just friends, but anyone at all. Start looking, and you may find one who will see you for who you are.

Amber

[Guest Max101796]

Amber: No, my school does not. Since its a private school it doesn't get any funding from the government, so it's actually struggling just to stay open. & my parents do know the difference between a lesbian & a transsexual. Evan: You may not believe this, but my parents really aren't like that. It's just that, I think my Mom has heard too many scary stories where the kid goes out to meet someone they found on the internet & ends up getting murdered or something. I am aware of the dangers & would never do t

[Guest Max101796]

Evan: I know they're not trying to hurt me. They sorta can't help it. & about the "my little girl" thing, the reason I think they're not protective like that is because my Mom has said that she's had enough. Says shes ready for my siblings & I to move out(I'm the oldest(13) so I feel her pain.). Not sure about my Dad; hes kinda distant(personality-wise). Thats why I havent really told him anything; dont know how he'll react.

[Guest Max101796]

Matthias Blake: I think you're right. My Mom denied it, but I think she's having problems with the transsexual thing. She even suggested that I just be gay instead(since I confessed to her that I like girls), because it'd supposedly be easier. To be frank, that offended me deeply & also tells me she doesnt really believe me. So, she made an almost fool-proof attempt to cut my communications, thinking that would fix the problem. I believe it made it worse.

[Guest Evan_J]

Evan: You may not believe this, but my parents really aren't like that. It's just that, I think my Mom has heard too many scary stories where the kid goes out to meet someone they found on the internet & ends up getting murdered or something. I am aware of the dangers & would never do t

I would not worry about someone I didn't care about getting murdered. But I won't argue that point. I will say my mother has both done and said "horrible" (as far as I'm concerned) things to me, but in her mind she loves me. Some people actually don't know how to love someone. Not in a way that's consistent with the actions of "being loving". And some mothers don't know how to be motherly. But those are handicaps of the parents and not really material unless its something you're bothered over. (**remembers being told as a kid that his mother should've just left him with his father so terrible things could happen to him.....)

And not that it means anything, but I actually did come out as "lesbian" first....horrible it was....she said it was like I died. Twenty years later she got it right about the trans things and said "why couldn't you just be gay". No matter how you'd have done it it might've been bad is what I'm saying. That and "you aren't the only one" to get told these horrible things, and hurt these ways. I'm not tryin to be a preacher for anybody. Just sayin there's peeps who feel your pain.

I hope things get better.

[Guest angie]

Go to Borders or Noble's bookstore,and order a copy of

True Selves,and give it to your Mother to read.That one

book will say more and have a bigger impact,without all

the emotional outbursts,than you are currently capable

of communicating to her with. Let her read and absorb

the case histories of those gone before us. See that it is

not all in your head,you know who you are.

Hugs and good luck young man,

Angelique

[Guest Max101796]

Evan & Angelique: Thank you! I will definatly look into getting that book. Thanks to you other guys(& girls) too. I really needed people to talk to, I was "going crazy" mainly from isolation & loneliness. Thats why I joined chat, but then my mom... you get the picture.

[Guest SouthernBelle]

I guess her therapist must have knowledge of all internet sites and every one that is safe...... Who is this internet genius? I'd like to speak with an internet genius and ask a few questions myself...

The world isn't the safest place, is she going to stop you from going into the world?

Think you need to sit her down, CALMLY talk about what worries her so much about you being on here. Calmly talk about the dangers of being online and show her you're aware of the dangers of the internet and that your careful.

If the real reason she won't let you on here is because it's for transsexuals (Which I have a feeling it is) ask her if she'd rather you go ahead with this stuff alone, without any input from someone who has experienced this too.

But BE CAREFUL, Max... If your Mom is worried that Laura's Playground is not safe, she might be worried that we'll try and trick you (as well as your Mom) in to thinking that it IS safe. Trying to convince her, especially by using advice from people on here might be a BAD IDEA.

Honestly, with the way it sounds that things are going, my advice is to give it time and leave it alone for a while.

Oh and one more thing! Since your Mom thinks that Laura's Playground, specifically is dangerous, you could try asking if her therapist knows of any support sites for the transgendered. I don't know anything about your Mom's therapist, but it is possible that they HAVE heard of a safe outlet for you to receive the support you need.

Hang in there, honey.

HUGS

Belle

[Guest SouthernBelle]

Evan & Angelique: Thank you! I will definatly look into getting that book. Thanks to you other guys(& girls) too. I really needed people to talk to, I was "going crazy" mainly from isolation & loneliness. Thats why I joined chat, but then my mom... you get the picture.

TRUE SELVES is a GREAT book!!!!!!

[Guest Max101796]

Belle: Thats actually what I was thinking. However, whether we talk or not, I don't think she'll ever let me back on, so no chat for me, & I'll have to keep sneaking...& btw, I didn't have to ask her about other support sites; she did it herself.Youth Advocates or something. Heard of it?

[Guest Evan_J]

Actually, if its this organization :

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php...7&Itemid=66

it doesn't sound like a bad organization. Based on the name provided , that seems the most likely org.

They don't sound anti-trans or phobic or anything. If its that organization they actually even do work to try to help young people who face percecution in different countries due to their differences.

Mom could end up learning something that makes this all easier in the long run.