Awful Day

[Guest chngnwnd]

My divorce is not 100% final - someone outed me to my ex and she went balistic. We still haven't sold the house so she came in, went through all my stuff and took all my shoes, makeup, and jewelry. Also, she found out I smoke marijuana occassionally. She is now demanding full custody of the kids and threatening to out me to my employer. Also, she is threatening to out me to my parents before I was ready to tell them.

This sucks. I am totally stessed and pretty depressed. I feel like I am about to lose everything... I wish I did not have to be me right now - this is really hard...

At least I know who I am.

[Carolyn Marie]

OMG, hon, I'm so sorry to hear this news.

What IS IT with ex-wives, anyway?? If they want to leave, why can't they just friggin leave, and not try to ruin your

life on the way out the door (or on your way out the door)?

There is no excuse for petty vindictiveness and cruelty. None. Nada.

You need a good lawyer, hon. Not cheap, but essential. Protect your rights, protect yourself. My heart goes out to you.

HUGS

Carolyn

[Guest Donna Jean]

Oh my.....

Sux is too mild of a word for this!

Well, obviously she's not thinking clearly....

If she outs you to your employer and you lose your job, there'll be no money!

Not to smart!

And if she tries to say that you smoked...just deny it, it's your word against her's, she could of gotten that anywhere...

She is gonna be a thorn in your side...

Lawyer...good one...

G'luck....

Donna Jean

[Guest NatalieRene]

I'm sorry about what all you are going through. It's a tough situation indeed. I agree with the others, you need a good lawyer fast.

The best way to keep her from telling your parents before you're ready is to take the plunge and tell them now on your own terms before she tells them in what will most likely be told in a very mean matter.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Oh baby - I am so sorry! I had about 10th of that happen to me this past Saturday - and I was CRUSHED!

Get a good attorney! You can buy new clothes, but your children are EVERYTHING!

My oh MY oh MY

Lizzy

[Guest Evan_J]

Its all about beatin her to the punch at this point. That goes for the divorce, the kids, AND the parents.

Strike first and hard and have the better atty.

And what in Gods name is with takin the jewelry/clothes? Is she THAT jealous? "I may be leaving you but I'll be darned that you'll look better than me!!!"

[Guest chngnwnd]

That made me smile for the first time today: "is she jealous?" She could be, I'm a size 2 and she's a size 16 now....

[Guest Girl Emily]

Chngnwnd,

I have lost my own relationship with my children through divorce and separation and it is the darkest hell here on earth. While your situation is precarious it is not a forgone conclusion. Now, is not a moment to become isolated and self indulgent. It is a time of action. If you are not seeing a therapist you need to find a way to start. PM me if money is the issue. You also need to stop smoking marijuana and attened as many narcotics anonymous, alchoholics anonymous, and cocaine anonymous meetings as you can fit in to your time not working or with your children. Take a piece of paper with you and have the secretary sign it at every meeting. It is more impressive if they are all on one sheet. From now until the divorce is final you have only four activities that may occupy your time 1. Working 2. Children 3. AA type meetings 4. Gender Therapy. As long as you seek treatment for the drug use and remain sober the Judge will not hold it against you. The same is true for your gender condition. ALL is not lost you will just have to work harder to assure the Judge that you have seen the errors of your way and are now acting responsible. You are in deep hole, but if you start shoveling some steps out you will be OK.

Please, I beg of you to follow this advice. You don't want to go where I have been .

In my prayers,

[Guest Girl Emily]

Chngnwnd,

I would impress upon her that if she takes action to out you to your employer the Judge will not look kindly on the release og private medical information that cam cause you to suffer harm. Not only would he consider the harm done to you but also the danger she places the children in financially speaking. As you still contribute to their financial care.

If you are fired you can file an ADA lawsuit, and a title VII civil rights violation lawsuit for sex discrimination based on gender stereotypes. The ADA suit will need to overcome the exemption against its use by us as unconstitutional legislation discriminating against a group because they are seen unfavorable.

Huggs,

[Guest doodle]

I don't understand what people get out of outing people. I have heard all of this before. I feel for you .

kelly

[Guest Donna Jean]

Outing people is a very dangerous thing to do.....

That's why WE choose whom we out to.

When I came out to an old friend, I asked him not to tell anyone for now because it could put me in danger...

That confused him and he asked "How could that possibly put you in danger?"

When I explained it to him, he was incredulous! "OMG! I had no idea!"

Donna Jean

[Guest viv]

That made me smile for the first time today: "is she jealous?" She could be, I'm a size 2 and she's a size 16 now....

Every cloud has a silver lining Hun. Still ,,,sorry re the bad stuff , hope

that gets better for you . luv,viv

[Paula ult]

I am so sorry this happened, as everyone said get a good lawyer, i agree with Evan, go on the offensive, it is best to hear it from you than your vindictive soon to be ex, who knows what lies she would tell, it is usually the lawyers that stir these kinds of things up by telling them to get as much dirt on you as possible, so they can get them everything. i had to come out to my bowling leagues and friends sooner than i wanted because of a woman i told and she was not accepting or supportive, i know it is not exactly the same but the consequences could have been, your soon to be ex telling the wrong person could put your life or that of your children and even your soon to be ex wife's in danger.

Paula

[Guest Elizabeth K]

When you are treated so unfairly, you get so emotionally hurt it is difficult to get back up and run again. So try baby-steps - one or two tasks at a time, until you can begin sprinting to resolution!

Divorce is a hateful time - the most meek and loving person becomes an evil, devil possesed and vindictive person! This I know - I just got blasted!

Stay strong! Do not sell your soul for revenge sake - take the high moral ground.

Lizzy

[Guest chngnwnd]

I really appreciate all the support I have been getting, this is really hard. I do have some good news.

The ex is calming down a little - no longer threatening to take the kids. I have been working on the paperwork and got help on the settlement agreement. I know she is after as much money as she can get. I have found out that her boyfriend is a coke fiend - not good, but helps me. (it's a small town area - so some stuff just gets around and as a musician, I know a lot of people) I don't intend to use it against her, but it makes her threats less threatening.

Also, I came out to another friend that I was nervous to come out to and she totally accepted me. I needed to come out to her because her brother is a really good lawyer and could help me a lot - also I needed another friend with whom I could be totally honest. She even helped me buy all new makeup! Made sure everything was just the right kind and the exact right shade. It was really nice,,,friends like that are priceless...

I am going to try to talk to an older friend who is also a friend of my parents about coming out to them. I know he will accept me and understands how awkward the conversation will be. I seem to be cutting her off at the pass.

Also, I found out her lawyer is the attorney for her employer who is helping her as a favor - so she is not preparing for a nasty fight, otherwise she would have an expert on divorce and separation as her attorney.

I did do one thing that I am not sure if it was good or bad - her boyfriend had told one of my friends that she will sleep with anyone so I let her know politely and non-judgementally what her boyfriend was telling other guys about her (I know it was the truth - it was someone I know fairly well who is always good to thier word). I told her that she might want to talk to him about it because I didn't think she would want him going around saying things like that.

Still not out of the woods, but I feel a lot surer of myself today.

[Guest ricka]

Sweetie---my ex was pretty vindictive too and she outed me to a lot of our mutual friends and she did hire a hot shot lawyer and got a sympathetic judge who all in effect performed financial SRS on me. But you know what? I in the end she did me the biggest favor by leaving. Not having her in my life was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Hugs, Ricka

[Guest NatashaJade]

I'm really sorry to hear that, dear. I cannot imagine she's out you at work if she is depending on child support or alimony in any fashion. As for the other stuff, divorce is a horrible thing for people to go through and if it's contentious, then it's especially bad. Just remind her that it is about you and her and not to use the kids as weapons. Having been the child of parents who didn't know that lesson, I can tell you it is neither fun nor healthy.

Be well and take care.

luv

Gin

[Guest WastelandBoat]

Haven't been here in a few days, sorry, but.. I hope things are turning out for the better for you..

[Guest chngnwnd]

I though things were starting to look up - but I was wrong...

I got a call from my ex last night. Basically she told me that I agree to all her terms for settlement and she wants the kids (even though sh has ignored them for months on end) or she is going to out me to my employer.

It was such a blatant threat that I feel I have grounds to press charges for extortion - if I wanted to out myself to the world - which I really can't do right now.

I have no idea how to deal with this... this is horrible...I really wish I didn't have to be me right now...

[Sally]

I am so sorry that your soon to be and from what I can tell never soon enough ex is being like this, she is not thinking clearly and from your mentioning her neglecting the children it is apparent that this is her normal way of thinking - not at all.

She is angry and out for revenge for a perceived wrong - to her you deliberately mislead her and used her to have your children - being a bit on the irrational side she is going to try to hurt you.

There is no way to convince anyone to be a better person - it does not seem to be in her, I hope that you can manage to keep your job and your children, I was lucky enough to not have any children do all I have lost is money, my credit rating and an Albatross around my neck.

You will find that we are very resilient emotionally, we can survive virtually anything - I am not as strong a person as many think I am and I have managed to put her out of my mind until I get another notice about my never ending divorce proceedings - her family wants money, the fact that I have none and she drained my retirement fund while still contributing to hers has nothing to do with it - people can be stupid, vindictive and just plain evil but we all have the capacity to be better - DO NOT LET HER TAKE THAT FROM YOU!

You will survive, look at the number of us who have - we are not special just unwilling to stop our transition to becoming a complete person, that is a basic human right that no one seems willing to protect.

We are all here for you.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

Honey.....

Keep track of all calls with her.....outline them for your lawyers use.

Also you don't need to crush her, but, you need to take every precaution to protect your self, your kids and your financial situation!

Hang tough....don't let her steam roll you!

Best of luck!

Donna Jean

[Guest viv]

You get the best possible advice you can afford . Sometimes you got to

fight fire with fire . Turn the other cheek and before you know it a queue

is forming ,,,,you know ???. Is she being egged on by her boyfriend ????

Dollar signs flashing about in his head ??? . Mark your boundaries Hun,,

your financial future and your health will depend on how you handle this.

I hesitate to comment here but ,,,,your children MUST NEVER see you as the

aggressor ,,,get your legal team to do all the hard ball stuff ,,,you remain

passive <and be seen to be the peacemaker ,,the love of your children can

be priceless . I am so sorry you are going through this . The gang"s here for

you ,,,,,luv,viv

[Guest chngnwnd]

This is so hard and I really appreciate the support. Unfortunately, I am not sure what I can afford to do as far as retaining legal counsel. On the plus side, one of my closest friends who I am out to has a brother who is a skilled attorney and has chipped in some advice and all my friends are educated, capable professionals - so I may not have a legal team - but I have friends who can and do help in meaningful ways. Also, a close friend (WB) is an experienced attorney, too - and he is starting to help me out as well - even though I'd settle for a hug from him (too bad my best friend dressed me down this weekend and has forbidden me from going on any dates - she is really annoying when she's right).

I know she does not have a lawyer and I suspect her boyfriend is egging her on - any guy who would have a parent put them over thier child is a total creep... her last boyfriend became a cyber stalker and even called my kids - so she can really pick them...

I just don't understand how she has done so many selfish things and ignored the kids - and now I am the one in trouble in terms of the settlement because of who I am...it is totally unfair.

[Guest Hoslers_wife]

O.M.G.

Do you have a divorce lawyer? I think the best thing to do is beat her to the punch. You may not be ready but I'm willing to bet my salary this month that you would feel better if you have control of how you come out the your loved ones. And as far as your work, yikes. If I were you I would quit smoking pot like yesterday, especially if there are children involved. That is absolutely the most dispicable thing I have heard all year. We will be praying for you and your family.

Love,

Chelsey Hosler

[Guest NatashaJade]

I just don't understand how she has done so many selfish things and ignored the kids - and now I am the one in trouble in terms of the settlement because of who I am...it is totally unfair.

I'm so sorry for you, dear. This kind of thing makes me so angry. I really hope you can get good counsel and get what is best for you and your kids. Don't give up and don't let her win, okay?

luv

Gin