Can You Really Lie To Yourself?

[Guest Kirsty H]

Can I really lie to myself and others? I am at a stage where I am seriously thinking of doing what everyone else wants and would want me to do and that's carry on living life as a boy. I mean I was born that way wasn't I, I know this is probably the cowards way out, but it sure does seem the easiest option. The thing is, I know every so often it will become to much for me. I mean I could ignore my feelings and just live life as a male, but I know this will be very hard at times. But should I try this for the sake of those I love?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Maybe easier in the very very short term? Hiding your true self? You will gradually get more and more self-repressed, I think. I play-acted for a long-long-long time. At first it was not so bad, then it was worse, then it was terrible and I had to have an outlet - dressing as I really am - writing stories abot me as the correct gender - having dreams of myself as a girl. On all levels, mind, soul and body I was female, a girl, later a woman, but in denial because th 'body' looked male

I became shy, then reclusive, then over-compensatiing, then to the point where I had to keep my anger and frustation buried. Sometimes it would all come out and people were astounded! But 99% of the time I lived underground.

Its dark being underground - and lonely in another way - BUT everyone sorta accepts you - you are just a bit weird-seeming to them.

BUT

What if you just accept yourself early and do something about it? You probably will do it sometime in your life, anyway. Its very hard to transition if that is your choice, but really? In the long run is the easier way.

Just me

Lizzy

[Guest]

Hello Kristy,

It's what I've done for 60 years, trying to make the best of an imperfect world. And I'm still trying to decide. But this is just me. I'm more two-spirited than many here.

The decision must be yours. But ask yourself: "Can I live as a male for a lifetime without tearing myself up?" If not, then why wait? The ones who truly love you will still love you anyway - they will get over it, and you'll live a lifetime as someone at peace. I think that's key: If you're at peace with yourself, you're more happy, and you make those around you more happy in turn.

One person's opinion...

I do wish you all the best.

Love, Kat

[Guest Donna Jean]

Can I really lie to myself and others? I am at a stage where I am seriously thinking of doing what everyone else wants and would want me to do and that's carry on living life as a boy. I mean I was born that way wasn't I, I know this is probably the cowards way out, but it sure does seem the easiest option. The thing is, I know every so often it will become to much for me. I mean I could ignore my feelings and just live life as a male, but I know this will be very hard at times. But should I try this for the sake of those I love?

That's a huge part of our pain! Doing what every one else wants us to do...be who they want us to be...,

Being Transgender is a life long affliction when it goes untreated..

Me? Heck, I was a man! Did ALL the man things trying to be what was expected of me...It liked to of killed me.

And you were born that way? A male?

Well, sure. But, birth defects can be fixed.

You'll do what you need to do with this, but the feelings, even if they subside, will be with you for life....

Good luck, Honey....

Donna Jean

[Guest ricka]

Hon---all of us have gone through and periodically experience these kinds of ambivalent thoughts and feelings. In time hopefully we find out that non-acceptance of reality, especially our own inner reality just doesn't work----that is trying to be who we are not. Looking back i don't think I ever really did know what it was to be male. But I can tell you what it feels like to be a woman and to love who I am as a woman. kirsty, trying to live a lie is never the easiest way. In fact it can cost you your life.

hugs, Ricka

[Paula ult]

Kristy,

I tried being the person everyone else wanted me to be fot 56 years, i was not very successful and it almost killed me, but managed to keep things together somehow for those 56 years, looking back i do not know how, i hid Paula from everyone, she came out at different times in my life, i would buy clothes, only to purge many times over the years, finally that bell rang and i had to transition, as the alternative was no so good.

When i told my 89 year old very religious stepfather he said life is to short not to be happy, he got it.

Only you can decide, live your life happy or live your life to make others happy, remember what my stepfather told me, life is too short to not live it happy.

Paula

[Guest AshleyRF]

But should I try this for the sake of those I love?

Love isn't worth it. Trust me, it's WAYYY overrated. I'd rather be beautiful than be loved.

[Guest NatashaJade]

Kirsty,

A lot of us here spent a long time trying very hard to perfect self-deception. You can lie to yourself for years and convince yourself that you are not what you are...for a time. Eventually, though, you have to face the mirror and see who you are and accept it. The longer you wait and the longer you extend the lie, the more difficult it will become to unwind it all. You don't make the people around you who you love happy if you are constantly miserable with who you are. They'll always just wonder what's wrong and never understand.

Be as happy as you can with yourself and those who you love will come to be happy for you. If they are not, then perhaps they are not worth your love.

luv

Gin

[Guest Penelope]

Can I really lie to myself and others? I am at a stage where I am seriously thinking of doing what everyone else wants and would want me to do and that's carry on living life as a boy. I mean I was born that way wasn't I, I know this is probably the cowards way out, but it sure does seem the easiest option. The thing is, I know every so often it will become to much for me. I mean I could ignore my feelings and just live life as a male, but I know this will be very hard at times. But should I try this for the sake of those I love?

Hi Kirsty,

I now feel very strongly that you have to make room for the female and the male inside you. With luck, you may at some point find your balance between the two. Nobody else can tell you what that is; or what you have to do about it. We can only offer you advice based on our own experiences.

I tried for years to avoid facing this. It doesn't work. I held out until I was 56 before seeing sense. I still don't know how much damage I did to myself in that time. I believe I wasted an awful lot of life energy, in effect, fighting myself. I still don't know where my balance is.

I suggest you to start looking for yours as soon as possible.

Hugs,

Penelope

[Guest Evan_J]

Yes, there's what you'll do to yourself.

But what about what you'll do to other people?

The truth is , some people will be hurt if you transition. And some people will be hurt if you don't .

The really messed up part is they likely are the same set of people but don' t realize it.

And they stand to be hurt in the end (watching you be depressed , potentially suicidal, unable to lead a sucessful life as a male, the "embarassment" of your need for psychiatric help should it develope out of the depression, social stigma by association) in the same ways. Just thoughts.

[Guest Princess Elle]

Wow, everybody gave you really good advices. It's pretty much very true that you won't be able to do it forever. You will one day snap if you go through with this. I'm just really amazed of people who held it in for a very very long time, it only took me 16 years until I snapped! Don't worry too much about love, whoever ditch you for this issue are horrible people and not true friends, the ones that stay, are true friends for life. That is love. So, please think very carefully about this.

[Guest Kirsty H]

Thank you all for the advice. I think you are all right, and I think deep down I knew it all along. It's just I'd do anything not to offend or upset others. However on this occasion I just don't think it's possible. Sure things might be okay for a little while, but it will always be there eating away at me. I have decided the best way to approach things is slowly, that way people will slowly see changes and Lear to ajust to/live with them. Breaking them in gently so to speak.

Thanks again for the advice guys and girls. It deadly helps

Xxxx