Just A Bit Curious

[Milly]

I am just a bit curious as to whether or not I am a odd one out. I hear many stories where people try on their moms or sis's makeup but I never really did. Granted in middle school and highschool I did allow my girl friends(not really my girlfriend but friends) put makeup on me or my hair in ponytails or pigtails etc. My parents thought it was weird but never really questioned it. I did try on some of her clothes but I was always too afraid they would come home early. My dad had RSD which basically meant he was in pain all the time so there was always that chance he would come home early and catch me.

Even if he did I don't think it would have mattered. In regards to the makeup thing though, my brother asked me the other day if I ever tried on our mom's makeup and I said no. He asked why and I jokingly said she didn't have my color. I hate to sound weird but I always figured myself as a scheevy metal head girl lol. You know the black makeup and baggy clothes. Pretty much all I wear now is that stuff. So when my mom asked why I never showed any signs when I was a child it got me wondering if I am just weird.

I mean don't get me wrong I love being weird and cooky but I don't know what it is that's bothering me. I just feel like talking at the moment so I guess my babbling here might be unsettling to some Back to the not showing signs weirdness. I may not have played sports but one thing I loved as a teen and still do :3 is paintball. Not going to the fields mind you, that cost too many monies. I just played with my friends in the fields and wooded areas. Video games were and still are a huge part of my life.

So is it really weird that I never really showed any signs like others did? Will this destroy any chances I have to get on HRT in therapy? If I asked this before well let's just blame the forgetfulness on my past habit. Thankfully I have been off it for about 7 days I think? Something like that. yay for me...gawd I suck.

Also dangit still no job >.< This sucks, fi and foo. I can't believe how hard it is to get a nighttime job right now!

[Guest viv]

You know Hun,,I would not be bothered how you were as a child re crossdressing

and make up etc,,no hard and fast rules imo . A few good sessions with a GT will

enlighten you . Above all,,,enjoy your time now ,if it feels good Hun , go for it .

Sorry re the work stuff , hope you resolve that ,,luv,viv

[Milly]

I really hope so, and I did hear about a temp agency that hooks people up with jobs fast so I will be checking them out Tuesday. Here's hoping, though I still do feel so outta place here, I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. Even the human race lol, I just feel so aloof from everything sometimes.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Ashley hon

Don't worry about a thing.... OK?

Work with a gender therapist and if HRT is right for you, you both will know.

Being transgendered is complicated and there is no one way to express yourself.

Now just relax sweetheart

Love

Brenda

[Milly]

Unfortunately I have nothing to do but worry til I can find a job. Hopefully when I call the Quiktrip tomorrow I can schedule a interview or something. I need monies for therapy. But if I transition on the job I might lose said job...therefore losing the monies and then the therapy...

See this is what happens when I have too much dang time I worry about stuff that hasn't and probably won't even happen. <.<

[Guest Evan_J]

Hmmmm.

I think you really answered your own question to a point.

"I always figured myself as a scheevy metal head girl lol"

I don't think it was that you were "not being a girl" so much as that the kind of girl you likely would have been even if you were born in the other body would not have been this imagined "type" your mom and brother have their heads.

Every little girl is not hoping for dresses and wanting to chase butterflies. Some of them don't play in makeup. They like video games and prefer paintball. And they're very much happy at being a girl. I think that sounds like you.

[Milly]

That makes sense, thanks evan! I guess I will have to work on my issues for now. Mainly my self esteem. Thanks for the advice

[Guest mistygirl7]

ashley, like every one said dont worrie much about how your gunna prove that you are tg, they will know. not every pgirl is girly, for example i likw to keep it simple and have fun, jean and tshirt for me, barely make up and i like working on bluiding my car. im just happy that i can be a girl and still do all the things i like to do. but hey im going to cosmetology school in august so hey that will be fun. as for the job it is kinda tough bc the ecomony but you will will get real soon. the GT i refers you to can work around your expensies. good luck hun.

~MISTY~

[Guest]

Hi Ashley,

That stuff worried me too. It took a while to figure out that my role model women were wearing hiking boots, not makeup. It's so much easier when we put down the stereotypes and just try to be ourselves!

Love, Kat