Children

[Guest sarah f]

I was just thinking this morning about my two daughters getting married later in life and realized that they won't have a dad walk them down the isle. If I continue to transition which I plan on doing than I will definately be a woman by then to everyone. It makes me sad to know that and will they still want me to walk them down the isle even though I present as a woman? That is something I have not thought of before today and wonder if anyone else has thought about that or had this come up already.

Sarah F

[Guest Donna Jean]

Sarah, Dear.....

Oh my goodness, Hon....

You have a long time to dwell on that!

First off....many of the women here..their kids still call them "Dad & Grampa" and many wouldn't have it any other way...

By the time your daughter(s) is ready, she may be perfectly happy with you walking her down the aisle as you are...

Let's see what the others say....OK?

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Wear a woman's tuxedo. You will then be dual - the father/mother - everyone will understand.

Lizzy

[Guest Evan_J]

Sweetheart, MANY cis, natal women walk their daughters down the isle. There was a time when that was "unusual" . That time has passed. There are too many other reasons (divorce, death of spouse of course the primary but surely others) that necessitate the parent walking-down-the-aisle be not only mom but sometimes gramma, aunt, godmother even older sister. Your daughters are more likely to be concerned about having the person who has taken care of them than a certain body. The thing to worry about then is your relationship with them.

[Guest ChloëC]

Sarah,

There are so many 'ifs' involved in our lives, and being transgendered we add a lot more on top of those. I'm going to be a tiny bit harsh here so please bear with me.

There is no guarantee your daughters will ever walk down an aisle. They may elope, they may stay single, they may get into same sex relationships, or they may want hugely elaborate weddings. If you stay male, there's no guarantee that you and your spouse will stay together, or your daughters will even want you to walk down the aisle with them.

You can't base your future on a bunch of 'what might happen's'. I can almost guarantee you that if you make some decision now that you think will apply to something that may or may not happen 20-30 years from now, you will most likely end up being either surprised or disappointed. Life has a very funny way of not always meeting our expectations.

Rather then dwell on a single moment that there is no guarantee will actually happen sometime in the distant future, you should be dwelling on making sure you raise your daughters as best you can. Give them lots of love, lots of guidance, lots of understanding, lots of direction, (and discipline when needed!). And hope for them when they become adults that they will make decisions that will help them be happy in their lives.

I have a son who is married and has two beautiful children. They live a long way away. I wish I could see them more often, but that's the way it is. I have two daughters who are intelligent, attractive, liked, hard working and they live close. I don't know if either will ever marry, or have children. But…at this moment, all three are basically happy and they like their lives. As a parent, I couldn't be happier at this moment about what they've become. I have hopes, but I know they may not necessarily come true, so I don't dwell on them.

There are lots of things to think about when one decides to transition, and all these things will have to be addressed one time or another. It's your decision on all of them. You have to decide what's best for you, and how you can make the most of what you decide. No guarantees, but hopefully your love for your children will shine through, and that is what you are giving them more than anything else.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Cris]

Sarah,

I too think about that alot. My oldest daughter is engaged and they are currently waiting till she graduates college in about 18 months. My youngest is just graduating High school so hopefully she will wait till after college. Fortunately she isnt serious with anyone.

My plan is to do some sort of tux for them. maybe one with a more feminine cut, but it is their day and It is something that I want to be able to do for them. They still call me dad, and I am proud to be their dad. After all I spent 40 some years trying to understand me and even though I am on the right path now, I dont see how a few hours of my life for them is going to stress me that badly. Sure I would love to be in a beautiful gown, but it is their day... I just get stuck with the check

anyways.... just my 2 cents. Not sure how long you have to go before that moment arrives, but who knows what you or them will even care about by then.

Cris

[Sally]

Dear Sarah,

Today and tomorrow hold enough challenges for us without worrying about things a decade away.

They will let you know what they want and how they feel - if they truly love you and support you then you are the only one that they would ever want to walk them down the aisle.

Continue your transition and loving your daughters and this may well be a non-issue.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Okay okay okay

I confess. My son is getting married this September. That's under five months away. I am out to EVERYONE on his side, only two on her side. They both told me I can come male or female - it's fine. I am actually full time now and it would be easy to show up in a skirt suit and in heels - I already have them and I wear them well.

But the wedding belongs to them. I would never want to be in the spotlight (many know of me but have not seen me in a while - and not in a dress)

So I have decided to go as I am but in semi-male drag. My hair will be down, gold earrings in, but no real make-up or otherwise feminine appearel. People will understand I am no longer male but I won't be flamboyant. It's the right thing to do.

Lizzy

[Guest sarah f]

Thanks for all the support. It was something that just crossed my mind and probably won't be the last thing I haven't thought of yet.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest miss kindheart]

My daughter is 15, I hope it isn't till after college that she gets marred.

I'm assuming she will ask me to her wedding if and or when she has one.

I surly wouldn't want to ruin her special day.

I think that no matter how I am at that time in the future, I would probably Man-Up for her if I had to for that day.

vanna

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Sarah,

I have two grown daughters as well. They both told me that they are still going to call me dad regardless.

Well, there you go

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest Hoslers_wife]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. We legally are married but were planning our wedding next July. Nick wants everything to be perfect for me but I'm missing one huge factor. A dad. My dad is a drug addict and abusive so we don't talk. And the only real father I had died of cancer earlier this month. What I'm trying to say is I'm sure that your daughters would be honored to be given away by you. Your a great parent and thats the point. I would GLADLY exchange my dad for someone like you. :-( Girls need a daddy. It doesn't matter what gender daddy is.

Love,

Chelsey Hosler

[Guest Donna Jean]

I would GLADLY exchange my dad for someone like you. :-( Girls need a daddy. It doesn't matter what gender daddy is.

Love,

Chelsey Hosler

Oh my......

That's really sweet, Chelsey.....

Really.....

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Guest Hoslers_wife]

Just honest donna.

Sometimes I wish I could speak for the daughters and partners and every other loved one of a trans person. You all worry so much (not needlessly) about the reactions of your loved ones and its terrible. I can't imagine that kind of stress, well, actually yes I can but thats not the point. Being transgendered is not something any of you chose and for the most part none of you want it. I think its dispicable for anyone to pass judgement or treat someone differently because of how they were born. Why don't we just get the white sheets out again and start burning crosses?

Sarah,

If you have loved and raised these girls it is YOUR priveledge to give them away. Not anyone elses and it's something to be fought for. Never give up fighting for your kids. Some people take longer than others to open their eyes and see that nothing has really changed. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Love,

Chelsey Hosler

[Guest Aurora Christy]

I always worried about this myself because I grew up with out a father. My mom had a boyfriend who was a part of our life for 10 years so he walked me down the isle. But we were worried that he wasn't going to make it because he never responded to the RSVP and he lived in Cali and two days before the wedding after we planned to have my mom walk me down the isle, since we figured he wasn't going to show, we got a call from him asking if he could be picked up from the airport friday night before the wedding. So he did end up walking me down the isle, but I would have been just as happy with my mother.

The best thing I can suggest is to ask your daughters when it gets to that point, what they think you should do.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Chelsey

You open up doors here that many of us have closed. That is your uniqueness and it is a true blessing! I remember you posting your step-dad died of cancer. I didn't reply at the time but it really made me sad for you. My parents, both of them, are deceased.

My take from your postings is really strong on this - you are telling us all that we may be transpeople, but we are loved by so many that we originally feel might not do so. That is a powerful message from a wife of a transperson - and to say " Girls need a daddy. It doesn't matter what gender daddy is" drops me to the floor in a puddle.

My two oldest daughters love and accept me unconditionally. They married before I was in understanding of my true condition, so there was no conflict of dressing appropriately for their weddings. My son's wedding? I had to think long and hard on that one. I believe I am doing it right... and he is probably my strongest supporter!

I am not a person that is flamboyant anyway. My identification as female is very much a personal thing, and I dress to be myself, yes. But women make decisions all the time to allow a wedding to focus on the bride and groom - not themselves.

Of course there are glaring exceptions! Grin.

And my former wife will be there expecting the full 'mother of the groom' thing anyway. She has known about my gender problems for 20 years. She is not very supportive, and I quietly laugh - knowing she won't know WHAT to expect. She knows I live full time in New Orleans, though. I am taking a sort of perverse pleasure in not telling her how I will appear - DOES THAT MAKE ME AN EVIL PERSON? Not tooo evil I hope...

Chelsey

That door you opened for me - this reply you made - that my daughters love me (son as well - but you addresed the daughters part)...

THANK YOU, I needed to be reminded.

Elizabeth

[Guest Hoslers_wife]

Well thank you for getting the waterworks going so early in the morning lol. I haven't had a run yet today and I'm already emotional. (I'm a medic with a sherriffs ambulance) I love to be here because I want to remind all of you that you deserve nothing but the best. I wish my husband would have recieved that kind of support from his side of our family but since he didn't I triple up on lovins for him.

I'm glad what I'm trying to say is coming through because sometimes as articulate as I am I tend to have trouble explressing myself if its truely from the heart.

And as far as my step-dad, I'm still at the point where I cry every time I think of him. Heck I cried for an hour becaus eI saw a harley on the freeway and he loved bikes but he fought long and hard and passed in his sleep. I'm happy for him to be away from this world and all of its hate. He was one of those rare pure souls that came here to teach us somehting and thats what he did. His celebration of life is next month in oregon and I can't wait.

I'm gonna go cry in the bathroom now. :-(

Love,

Chelsey Hosler

Chelsey

You open up doors here that many of us have closed. That is your uniqueness and it is a true blessing! I remember you posting your step-dad died of cancer. I didn't reply at the time but it really made me sad for you. My parents, both of them, are deceased.

My take from your postings is really strong on this - you are telling us all that we may be transpeople, but we are loved by so many that we originally feel might not do so. That is a powerful message from a wife of a transperson - and to say " Girls need a daddy. It doesn't matter what gender daddy is" drops me to the floor in a puddle.

My two oldest daughters love and accept me unconditionally. They married before I was in understanding of my true condition, so there was no conflict of dressing appropriately for their weddings. My son's wedding? I had to think long and hard on that one. I believe I am doing it right... and he is probably my strongest supporter!

I am not a person that is flamboyant anyway. My identification as female is very much a personal thing, and I dress to be myself, yes. But women make decisions all the time to allow a wedding to focus on the bride and groom - not themselves.

Of course there are glaring exceptions! Grin.

And my former wife will be there expecting the full 'mother of the groom' thing anyway. She has known about my gender problems for 20 years. She is not very supportive, and I quietly laugh - knowing she won't know WHAT to expect. She knows I live full time in New Orleans, though. I am taking a sort of perverse pleasure in not telling her how I will appear - DOES THAT MAKE ME AN EVIL PERSON? Not tooo evil I hope...

Chelsey

That door you opened for me - this reply you made - that my daughters love me (son as well - but you addresed the daughters part)...

THANK YOU, I needed to be reminded.

Elizabeth

[Guest sarah f]

That is a very sweet thing to say Chelsey. Thank You

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Cris]

Chelsey,

Thank you for that post. It is very touching

Cris

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

One of my friends didn't have a father all growing up. She celebrated mother's day and father's day with her mother and her mother was also the one to walk her down the isle when she got married.

[Guest Hoslers_wife]

What a wonderful idea!!!!!! I've been so wrapped up in everything else I just figured id give myself away. I would love if my mom did tho. I'm gonna go call her now! Thanks :-)

Love,

Chelsey Hosler

One of my friends didn't have a father all growing up. She celebrated mother's day and father's day with her mother and her mother was also the one to walk her down the isle when she got married.

[Guest NatashaJade]

Sarah,

No matter what, I'm always going to be my daughter's daddy. Fortunately, she is so young now that she will know me as I am supposed to be rather than as I should never have been and she will accept me as I am. If she gets married, I would like, as my in-laws did, for both me and my wife to give her away. She is equally ours and, as we no longer live in a society where daughters are property, the ritual of it should be shared by both parents.

But that is a long way away. She'll be three on Tuesday and I'm just going to enjoy the wonder of her.

luv

Gin

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

What a wonderful idea!!!!!! I've been so wrapped up in everything else I just figured id give myself away. I would love if my mom did tho. I'm gonna go call her now! Thanks :-)

Love,

Chelsey Hosler

I think she would probably be honored for you to ask her