Being Trans

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest All,

Never ever underestimate what you are all going through. You all now know that you are transgendered (or even suspect). That is the very reason why you have come here. It is the reason why I have come here.

Being transgendered is something more profound than you may realize...

Transitioning is so complex that I thought I would share with you the many levels of what is happening from my point of view.

Physical:

To reflect in the mirror what you expect is so satisfying. To get there is a journey in itself. What ever it takes to get there is not without a price. Self judgement aside, the hormones, the time, the surgeries, the monetary costs, the questioning are all challenging.

Emotional

You are on this journey and you feel like you are in the sailing in the sea and the land is drifting farther and farther away. What you are holding onto is what you have known eventhough it may not be right for you. You linger to the familiar, but are driven to know the truth. So you sail. When in the sea with no land in site, you begin to doubt. Family members question you. You are in peril. Emotional crisis, but you know who you are... the candle still burns.

Psychological

People, family have known you one way. You are presenting as another way that no one expected. You are in limbo. One of the scariest periods to be in. In this period, the doubts and fears are ever present. You feel like you are walking on quicksand. The core of your being is crying out, but your history fights it. You are confused. You feel alone.

Sociological

You identify with a gender who has a different sociological place in society (today) than what you currently hold. Questions come as to why would you voluntarily change your social stature. Sociological positions are driven by birth... why are you attempting to change that? Again, questions in your mind arise.

Economical

The stark reality that your financial situation is going to change becomes abundantly clear. Either from divorce, job loss, job change, costs of transitioning, all of the above, or more, etc. Your financial situation will change.

Spiritual

Your spritual self-identity is very important. This may come into severe conflict depending upon your religious beliefs. This is a real dilemma that is far deeper than the other sections that I described. Your spiritual wholeness is most important. Being transgendered does not mean that you are without soul. On the contrary, being transgendered means that you are in touch with your soul.

Just my feeble attempts to help and to let you all know that I love you.

With all my devotion

Brenda

[Guest Evan_J]

Brava. [Hands rose].

[Guest Donna Jean]

Thanks, Brenda....

Very sobering, but true...every word.

I think that some of us lose sight of what we're going to have to face and tend to look at it all as a cake walk sometimes...

Especially during that "cruise" mode that is after HRT starts and we actually completely come out and go RLE....

Donna Jean

[Guest NatashaJade]

Great post, Brenda. It's a long tough road for all of us.

luv

Gin

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Brenda - good analysis!

We here at Laura's get caught up in the specialized questions and comments and often fail to address the overall spectrum. It ain't easy being us - MTF. FTM, Androgynous making a decision to partially transition - all that!

IS IT DIFFICULT and COSTLY?

YES - we tend to lose everything to be our true selves

But you left ot something. IS IT WORTH IT?

YES YES YES

My opinion

Lizzy

[Guest Opal]

Wow Brenda!

You have a gift with words! I felt you were speaking from so close to your heart, yet at the same time really laying out the cold, hard facts.

I just can't possibly imagine anyone trying to cope or transition without the love and support found here. You provide Hope !

Big Hugs!

Opal

[JJ]

Often when I read posts like Bernie's I feel guilty and uneasy because I am not going through many of those things.

I almost feel like I am betraying being transgendered because I'm not planning to transition. But I know that it's not right for me. I've really thought long and hard about it. I feel like I should want to transition but I just don't. I'd love to have the body that I always wanted but after a terrible struggle I still wouldn't have it. There is also the fear that I'd lose my female component which I also cherish. So when I read about the courage and struggles everyone is facing I feel bad in a way.

I'm still feeling very happy deep within and still exploring my changing perceptions. Not that I haven't been getting frustrated, annoyed and sad still as well as the ever present anxiety but it's all on the surface. Inside I'm good. Confused by the choices and possibilities but good. Maybe really more confused by what I'm not feeling. I know I am male but I just don't ave that drive to transition.

Emotionally I do feel as if I am sailing away from a dark and blighted land to a place where the sun shines and things are green. And I have taken the things I value most with me. But I don't have a compass-the voices in my own heart and the voices I find here are my guides

Sociologically I'm in a sort of limbo-how far do I want to go? What do I want to change? I don't know.

So here I am-feeling my way one step at a time. Finding out not only who I really am but how I want to express it.

Love you all

JJ

[Guest ~Brenda~]

So here I am-feeling my way one step at a time. Finding out not only who I really am but how I want to express it.

That is what it is all about hon

HUGS

Brenda

[JJ]

That is what it is all about hon

HUGS

Brenda

Thank you-please forgive me for not getting your name right in my post-I seem to be having senior moments today. It's the heat. I'm not old

Hugs

JJ

[JenniferB]

Thanks for your post Brenda. You have a way of clarifying and putting in simple terms the way all transgendered feel.

Love Susan

[Guest My_Genesis]

You are on this journey and you feel like you are in the sailing in the sea and the land is drifting farther and farther away. What you are holding onto is what you have known eventhough it may not be right for you. You linger to the familiar, but are driven to know the truth. So you sail. When in the sea with no land in site, you begin to doubt. Family members question you.

That sounds EXACTLY like what I'm going through right now.

Thank you for the reminder of what so many of us experience.

[Guest GwenMichelle]

Story of my life 'sort of' haha

Very great post, where we All relate to. much thanks

GwenMichelle

xoxo

[Guest Elizabeth K]

JJ

I am talking to you but in reality I am addressing many others here at Laura's.

Transitioning is an "OPTION." Threrapist are clear to say exactly that. Also, how far you go with transitioning is based upon a 'COMFORT ZONE." Again by the therapist's advice and defination.

Brenda's TOPIC and outline of what to expect is for those who reveal they are trans to friends and family. Some of it is applicable to those who transition completely.

Many people here will not go much further in their life than where they are at right now, some will delay and perhaps later come back to reconsider.

WE ARE ALL VALID here! We are all really caught in an impossible condition. We are all the same and at the same time we are all different...

Does that make any sense?

Lizzy

[Guest ChalenAustin]

It's wonderful Brenda, really.

Tear, but SO TRUE!

[JJ]

JJ

I am talking to you but in reality I am addressing many others here at Laura's.

Transitioning is an "OPTION." Threrapist are clear to say exactly that. Also, how far you go with transitioning is based upon a 'COMFORT ZONE." Again by the therapist's advice and defination.

Brenda's TOPIC and outline of what to expect is for those who reveal they are trans to friends and family. Some of it is applicable to those who transition completely.

Many people here will not go much further in their life than where they are at right now, some will delay and perhaps later come back to reconsider.

WE ARE ALL VALID here! We are all really caught in an impossible condition. We are all the same and at the same time we are all different...

Does that make any sense?

Lizzy

Thank you Lizzy!

It makes perfect sense and I know it in my head.

I'm working on making it part of how I feel rather than what I think.

I feel that wherever you are, whatever choice you make IS valid but for myself alone I question. I've always tried to be ruthlessly honest with myself (Ironic given how much I was refusing to see) and finding out I was refusing to acknowledge my very identity has shaken my confidence in my ability to be honest with myself. I think that's behind my unease about not wanting to transition-I want to be very sure I'm not fooling myself again. Not taking an easy way just because it's easier but really doing what is right for me. In my heart I am sure but at the same time .....

So much of what I read and research is entwined with transition. I guess I have always been driven to look for patterns-how things fit together and of course the truth is there are no patterns here in many ways because the spectrum is too diverse. I have to remember that there is no linear progression -no real road map. Just shared support and acceptance as we each struggle to realize our true selves. I once called this terra incognita- and it really is.

And all of those years of not feeling valid to myself sometimes shadow my thoughts and feelings as I work my way through my new realities.

So I thank you once again. Posting helps me confront and organize my feelings and you all keep me feeling accepted and able to explore. I'm really the only one who can validate myself in the end but you all help me to find and stay on the right path.

JJ

[Guest BeckyTG]

Sweet Brenda,

Fabulous post! Thank you so much.

Hugs,

Becky