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A Different Kind Of Problem.

Guest SouthernBelle

By Guest SouthernBelle,
in General Transition Issues

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Guest SouthernBelle

Guest SouthernBelle

Posted
Posted

So here's something I've been facing lately and I don't know what to do about it.

I want to be better than transsexual.

I know that what I just said might seem offensive to many of you; in fact, I am certain that it is offensive to myself. Still, I can't shake it.

I want to help my trans-gendered companions and I feel like family to other transsexuals, but I've noticed that I've been trying to be better.

I'm not really sure why I'm leaving this post. Perhaps I just feel bad and would like to atone for my sin.

LOVE YOU ALL (Promise!)

Belle

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Guest Donna Jean

Guest Donna Jean

Posted
Posted

Belle....

Honey, I'm not sure that I understand your post...

I want to not be Transsexual, too...

I want to leave this phase and just be the woman that I am...

What sin do you want to atone for?

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest SouthernBelle

Guest SouthernBelle

Posted
Posted

Belle....

Honey, I'm not sure that I understand your post...

I want to not be Transsexual, too...

I want to leave this phase and just be the woman that I am...

What sin do you want to atone for?

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

Well, DJ, it's just that I've caught myself on a number of occasions seeing what others on here are doing and thinking and saying and... I've wanted to be better than them.

Them? Ha! Them=me. Get it?

I think I've been picking things about others on here and desiring to be better than that. I think that I've been searching for a way to still not be myself. Is any of this making any sense?

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Guest SouthernBelle

Guest SouthernBelle

Posted
Posted

Belle....

Honey, I'm not sure that I understand your post...

I want to not be Transsexual, too...

I want to leave this phase and just be the woman that I am...

What sin do you want to atone for?

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

FOR EXAMPLE:

I want to be proud of being transsexual, rather than going stealth. I want to find positives about living the life I have lived thus far. I WANTED to transition slowly and gradually, in order to make things easy on my family. I WANTED to work out this master plan so that I could do things BETTER than other transsexuals.

I know that some of the things I said up there don't sound so bad, but the underlying motive is for me to be better than. Better than? Better than transsexuals? But I'm transsexual!

Get it?

I think I'm trying to be better than myself in some kind of weird sub-conscious way. But, in doing so, I have been looking down upon my trans brothers and sisters. That's the sin I'd like to atone for.

How dare I?

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Guest Donna Jean

Guest Donna Jean

Posted
Posted

Ok, Belle....

I understand now....

I think I'm trying to be better than myself in some kind of weird sub-conscious way. But, in doing so, I have been looking down upon my trans brothers and sisters. That's the sin I'd like to atone for.

How dare I?

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest SouthernBelle

Guest SouthernBelle

Posted
Posted

I was in a bad place when I wrote this. I don't think I expressed myself properly.

ROUND TWO:

My whole life, I have been trying to be better than female. I've been trying to be male and I've been looking down upon women (secretly, because I hate sexism). I was totally just jealous, but it's something I did. At the same time, while I saw myself as less than male (not as good as) I tried to do things "better". For example, when I would get lost, I'd ask for directions.

Then, once I realized being trans is OK, I wanted to be better than other TS's.

It has been a pattern in my life.

I have always been trying to be good enough and the route I have taken is to be better than.

Anyway, since three lovely ladies saved me from my deep, dark hole, I feel different. I realize now that there is no better than. We trans are all in the same boat. And, sometimes our boats sink. I am no different, no better, no worse than any of you on here.

THREE THINGS:

1) Please understand. I am anti-prejudice. I once tried to be better than men and better than women and I looked down upon both. I guess I looked down upon the WHOLE WORLD equally, because I wanted to be good enough for this world. Oh, the errors in my ways.

2) I did 'look down upon' other TGs, but I want you all to know that there was never any malice. I guess I've just looked down upon everyone I have ever known and many of those I have not.

3) I'm sorry. That's why I first started this topic, I guess. I wanted to apologize to all of my brothers and sisters on here for thinking I knew better, when in actuality, I just needed love. Like all of you.

I LOVE YOU

Belle

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Sally Gold Member

Sally

Posted
Posted

Belle,

Please do not think that there is anything wrong with wanting to be better - it is all that is preached to us from birth - competition is all that drives most people while cooperation makes the most progress and causes no wars.

Believe me most people want to be better than someone else unless, like me they have massive insecurities and pray to someday become as good as.

It is not a flaw just a conditioned response to competition - winning (being better) is all that counts.

Being trans isn't so bad - it is something that has finally given me an identity.

Love ya,

Sally

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