Future Family Trouble

[Guest KyleMicheal]

I am 15. (almost 16)

I have been dating my boyfriend for over one and a half years. He is wonderful and loving, but he is straight.

I feel like a very masculine person. I like being a guy and stuff. But he sees me as a girl still. He still calls me his girlfriend, not his boyfriend. I am somewhat androgynous, but I feel as though his assessment of me is completely wrong. I feel like he doesn't respect who I am.

I don't know how to ask him to call me by my male name, not my female name without sounding like an a--hole.

When I feel feminine, I feel like some sort of evil force has taken me over and has made me feel like this sick, twisted being that I shouldn't be. I like eyeliner, black lipstick and dressing up gothic. Argh.

My real problem (fear?) I guess is living with myself. And possibly having children with this man. He is not a bad person, I just feel like he doesn't understand me...

Umm, just putting that out there.

[Guest Huff]

I am 15. (almost 16)

I don't know how to ask him to call me by my male name, not my female name without sounding like an a--hole.

My real problem (fear?) I guess is living with myself. And possibly having children with this man. He is not a bad person, I just feel like he doesn't understand me...

couple of ideas to roll around...

first, off I think a person has to be themselves in a relationship. Otherwise, the other person (in this case, your boyfriend) is only in love with the image they have of you. He either loves YOU or he just loves being in love or the security of having a relationship. If you don't be yourself (whatever you feel that is) with him, then you're not even giving him a chance to love you. Maybe he will and maybe he won't, but you won't know as long as you have your 'mask' on.

Second, try not to worry too much about having children yet. In fact, I would highly recommend trying very hard NOT to have children until you are at least out of high school! For today, just be a high school kid who is trying to sort out who they are... be the best 'you' that you can be today and the rest of that future crap (relationships and careers, etc) will sort itself out. If you're anything like me, you'll have to remind yourself of that fact several times a day :-)

MK

[Guest Ryles_D]

Just keep at it. Men (this is just from what I've seen) tend to be more homophobic. I've seen too many "she used to be/at least she's not a dude" for me to expect anything else. I'm not saying guys can't accept it or women are easier to accept it, but I've never heard a girl say "at least she's not a girl" or "she used to be a girl". :/

And then, even if he accepts it, his friend can be the problem. If they find out he's dating a man, well, he's going to get a lot of problems. He'll get called gay, possibly lose some friends, and almost definitely get teased.

I had a male friend that kept asking me out. I told him I wasn't a girl before he did. He never stopped calling me a girl no matter how often I reminded him and acted like a victim that I (his words, which I want to grab and stuff down his throat so hard he chokes) "want" to be a boy, and how it's so terrible that he's fallen for a girl that wants to be a boy and still likes her. Not once was there a "he" or anything at all masculine.

If he ever talks to me again, I'll be wracking my brain for every chance to bring up the fact he's a girl and switch to calling "her" Johanna. Then, my relationship with him is already ruined and I'm rather vindictive when somebody acts like that.