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Guest someone else

I think I can finally post here. I've had some log in issues.

Well I haven't trolled here yet and don't know the lay of the land so to speak... Maybe I know some of you here from other forums. IDK

So introductions:

I'm a 40 year old MTF transsexual. I've self medicated in the past but now I'm finally dealing with my issues. Since last year, I go to the psychologist and I have an endocrinologist. I'm not the most girly girl. I'm more of, "Hey, was that a guy?" (Yesterday) Granted, I don't often attempt to "pass" To me it's just getting dolled up. I've only had issues with that once when I was younger and tried to get away with things like 5' heels and short skirts. I had no idea what I was doing then. Sometimes I wonder if I know what I'm doing now. I don't have any type of social support. I'm attempting to change that. It's me and my fiancee. I am not permitted to talk about the relationship so don't ask. I attempt to respect her wishes. The only reason I bring it up is because I think it is a relevant part of who I am.

I love graphic arts and I have a degree in Multimedia. I'm a huge fan of anime and of special effects. I'm pretty skilled at programming and 3d modeling but my passion is FX and compositioin.

Anyway, Hi!

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Hello, it seems like a lot of our time here is spent welcoming Someone Else - so sorry, I had to say that.

Come on in and have a seat while I get you some hot cocoa and a plate of fresh baked cookies.

Now do take a moment to read the forum rules - there is a link at the top of just about every page - then you will feel more comfortable posting.

You are among friends, more like family really so here you can just be you.

Isn't that what we all want to be?

This is where we all come to be ourselves and to support each other.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Donna Jean

Hello, Honey...

Welcome to the Playground..

I'm Donna Jean.

Gee, that's quite the intro. You, like so many, have had some hard times..Do we ever understand that!

But, you're among friends here..I hope that you get more comfortable..

It's nice to have you...

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest miss kindheart

Hi someone else,

<<hug>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)

We have MTF meetings-Mon & Sat 9pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

:wub: vanna

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

Welcome to the family. :)

I am glad that you aren't self medding anymore that can be dangerous and we wouldn't want anything to happen to you. *hugs*

It's okay to be who you are and if that means not being a girly girl that's fine. :) I am not a manly man and it works just fine for me. :lol:

It's always good to see new faces. :)

Love and hugs

Geo

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Guest someone else

3 mods... yeiks.

Um... I'm not much for rules. I gave up living by rules when I realized that putting on a piece of clothing wasn't going to send me straight to hell. I will attempt to read them in the near future. Not today though, I'm in one of my independent rebellious moods. Hopefully I'll fit right in without the need to oppress. I do understand the need to moderate things here though. I can't stand chasers or pervs. I will avoid things like cursing or berating. I am opinionated and outspoken so I may need a gentle nudge in the right direction at times.

@ miss kindheart

Thanks for the invite. However that time of day is family time that I dedicate to my fiancee and her daughter. Occasionally she does work late so I won't say never.

@ Donna Jean

Thanks for the welcome. I go by Anne by the way. It isn't legal yet, I'm waiting for after the wedding. I can't really say my given name. I operate under a strict privacy policy set out by my fiancee. Someone Else is something I came up with on a whim when I found out my fiancee had been reading my posts at another place. It seemed fitting when I realized that I wasn't the man she fell in love with. I was someone else. Anne is a working name as in I'm still deciding. It's my father's mother's name so I think this name will stick. It comes from Anne Bonnie. If you're familiar with pirates you may know who she was. The middle name I've chosen is Serenity. I've gone by Elizabeth before so if ES or elizabethserenity are familiar to anyone, that would be me.

@ Sally

I want to know if you make coca the good way. I like it half water w/mix and half chocolate milk w/mix. Then I like it topped off with little cute baby marshmellows. Actually I'd prefer some earl grey tea if you have some. Honey, no sugar please. Sugar is just empty calories and since my metabolism dropped I watch the calories.

@ everyone

Thanks for inviting me into your living room and not judging me too harshly. I'm still a scared little girl inside so the warm welcome was greatly appreciated.

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Guest SouthernBelle

I think I can finally post here. I've had some log in issues.

Well I haven't trolled here yet and don't know the lay of the land so to speak... Maybe I know some of you here from other forums. IDK

So introductions:

I'm a 40 year old MTF transsexual. I've self medicated in the past but now I'm finally dealing with my issues. Since last year, I go to the psychologist and I have an endocrinologist. I'm not the most girly girl. I'm more of, "Hey, was that a guy?" (Yesterday) Granted, I don't often attempt to "pass" To me it's just getting dolled up. I've only had issues with that once when I was younger and tried to get away with things like 5' heels and short skirts. I had no idea what I was doing then. Sometimes I wonder if I know what I'm doing now. I don't have any type of social support. I'm attempting to change that. It's me and my fiancee. I am not permitted to talk about the relationship so don't ask. I attempt to respect her wishes. The only reason I bring it up is because I think it is a relevant part of who I am.

I love graphic arts and I have a degree in Multimedia. I'm a huge fan of anime and of special effects. I'm pretty skilled at programming and 3d modeling but my passion is FX and compositioin.

Anyway, Hi!

Welcome to The Playground! You say that you need support? You're in the right place!!

I don't really try to pass either. I just try to be myself. I've spent so many years of my life trying to be male (and trying way too hard) and I just don't want to have to try to be female. A wise woman once told me (very recently) that I am female and that femininity is within me. And that applies to all of us.

You are female.

Give yourself some time and give yourself a break while you're at it. Being trans is hard!! And it hurts!! Thank God for Laura's!!!!!!

LOVE YOU

Belle

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  • Root Admin
Um... I'm not much for rules. I gave up living by rules when I realized that putting on a piece of clothing wasn't going to send me straight to hell. I will attempt to read them in the near future. Not today though, I'm in one of my independent rebellious moods. Hopefully I'll fit right in without the need to oppress. I do understand the need to moderate things here though. I can't stand chasers or pervs. I will avoid things like cursing or berating. I am opinionated and outspoken so I may need a gentle nudge in the right direction at times.

I suggest that you do read the rules before proceeding further. Our rules are in place for the saftey of our members and we enforce them to the letter. Failure to do so will insure that your stay here will be a short one.

MaryEllen

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@ Sally

I want to know if you make coca the good way. I like it half water w/mix and half chocolate milk w/mix. Then I like it topped off with little cute baby marshmellows. Actually I'd prefer some earl grey tea if you have some. Honey, no sugar please. Sugar is just empty calories and since my metabolism dropped I watch the calories.

Of course I make cocoa to order and I always have mini marshmallows - but if you prefer Earl Grey Tea - no problem, I also have 36 other variates so if you want something different next time - just tell me what it is, I probably have it.

You should do just fine - opinions are welcome and you already understand the reasons for the rules so no worries!

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest someone else

I am glad that you aren't self medding anymore that can be dangerous and we wouldn't want anything to happen to you. *hugs*

The last thing I want to be is preachy or a hypocrite. However I have to stress how important what you said is. Self medicating can kill you. I can attest to that first hand. Blood clots are no joke. Get your blood work done and have it done often. I'd recommend every 3 to 4 months at least.

*hugs* back at ya'

I don't want to give the impression that I'm not feminine. When I have somewhere to go I get all decked out. My every day wardrobe on the other hand consists more of t-shirts and shorts or jeans. On those days I don't usually do my hair or makeup. Sometimes I do though. I guess it comes down to the point that I just don't care if I'm flagged as trans. I sort of want people to notice that I'm trans so they actually know a trans person. I want people to know I'm just like anyone else. (Opinion alert) In my opinion stealth isn't helping the trans community. Stealth, to me, is nothing more than conforming and subscribing to the binary gender culture. I guess to make sense of my opinion.... I would rather present myself as female than male however on a day to day basis I generally present as a "normal" white middle class transsexual. I'm an odd bird. :blink: Thankfully though the days of being able to pass as trans are fading.

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Guest Donna Jean

I just don't care if I'm flagged as trans. I sort of want people to notice that I'm trans so they actually know a trans person. I want people to know I'm just like anyone else. (Opinion alert) In my opinion stealth isn't helping the trans community. Stealth, to me, is nothing more than conforming and subscribing to the binary gender culture. I guess to make sense of my opinion.... I would rather present myself as female than male however on a day to day basis I generally present as a "normal" white middle class transsexual. I'm an odd bird. :blink: Thankfully though the days of being able to pass as trans are fading.

Well, Hon....

Many will differ with you on that point...

Me, for instance....

I'm a woman...

My body is transitioning from male to female...the word transition means to go from one thing to another....

I don't want to be clocked, read, made or anything else that gives away the fact that I was male bodied before...

I do understand that the community needs advocates and that in my community where I've lived for 18 years...everyone will know my past...no doubt about that.

And lets not forget that some want to conform to the the binary gender culture...it's the ultimate affirmation for many....

Some feel that's where they were meant to be...

I don't agree with you 100% and I don't dissagree with you 100%....

That's how we are here....we agree to dissagree...

Otherwise there's no discussion!

It's nice to have you, Hon.....

Post all that you like....

HUGGGGGGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest someone else

I can't keep up with the posts.

Thank you so much Belle. For "You are female"

I cried and still am to be honest. Thank you so much. I don't so much need support as I need company. I feel so alone most of the time and no one understands. Everyone near me thinks I'm some kind of, in my father's words, "perverted sex freak." Even my fiancee who is closer to me than anyone thinks it's sexual in nature. That's a huge issue for us right now. I'm having problems letting that go. I'm not sure I can.

OK Mary Ellen. I'll read the rules.

Link me please. I'm having problems reading through the tears at this point. Or don't. I'm sure I'll find them. I'm just a bit flustered at the moment.

Wow Sally you do put out a spread for company. I'd come over but I just put on some water myself. I'm having a green & white blended tea this afternoon. The cookies are pecan sandies with chocolate chips. I only get 2 of those though. <_<

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

The last thing I want to be is preachy or a hypocrite. However I have to stress how important what you said is. Self medicating can kill you. I can attest to that first hand. Blood clots are no joke. Get your blood work done and have it done often. I'd recommend every 3 to 4 months at least.

*hugs* back at ya'

I don't want to give the impression that I'm not feminine. When I have somewhere to go I get all decked out. My every day wardrobe on the other hand consists more of t-shirts and shorts or jeans. On those days I don't usually do my hair or makeup. Sometimes I do though. I guess it comes down to the point that I just don't care if I'm flagged as trans. I sort of want people to notice that I'm trans so they actually know a trans person. I want people to know I'm just like anyone else. (Opinion alert) In my opinion stealth isn't helping the trans community. Stealth, to me, is nothing more than conforming and subscribing to the binary gender culture. I guess to make sense of my opinion.... I would rather present myself as female than male however on a day to day basis I generally present as a "normal" white middle class transsexual. I'm an odd bird. :blink: Thankfully though the days of being able to pass as trans are fading.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. :)

And for real listen to MarryEllen. :) You wouldn't want to get kicked from here and lose the support from us hun

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Guest someone else

Well, Hon....

Many will differ with you on that point...

Me, for instance....

I'm a woman...

My body is transitioning from male to female...the word transition means to go from one thing to another....

I don't want to be clocked, read, made or anything else that gives away the fact that I was male bodied before...

I do understand that the community needs advocates and that in my community where I've lived for 18 years...everyone will know my past...no doubt about that.

And lets not forget that some want to conform to the the binary gender culture...it's the ultimate affirmation for many....

Some feel that's where they were meant to be...

I don't agree with you 100% and I don't dissagree with you 100%....

That's how we are here....we agree to dissagree...

Otherwise there's no discussion!

It's nice to have you, Hon.....

Post all that you like....

HUGGGGGGGS!

Donna Jean

Yes yes... passing is the whole point isn't it. We have more common ground there than you'd think by my post. My approach however, from what I've gathered is... well it's different. I don't want to get into the whole debate over what makes us women/female/whatever. Knowing the anniversary of Stonewall is less than a week away and knowing that I enjoy the fruits of a public awareness that many before me didn't have. I feel a need, as many do, to stand up and say, "Hey, I'm not a freak, I'm not a joke, I'm a human being." I agree totally about the ultimate affirmation. I know deeply that is where I ought to be too but I'm not, I wasn't born that way. In my own way I guess I'm just standing up for myself and affirming that it is OK to be in transition.

OK I'll read the rules this evening. I have to run for now. Thanks to you all for your warm welcome.

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Guest someone else

Rules have been read. It's mostly common sense. I've always been open about sexuality so I may need to tone it down a bit or rather just keep my opinions to myself. I'm a bit surprised that is a taboo subject considering so many, my self included, experience issues of a personal nature while in transition. I don't know much of the issues post transition mostly due to such rules. My mother taught sex education in grade school so I don't have the filter most do when it comes to those types of issues.

Well gotta run.

Stay cool B)

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Guest NatashaJade

Yes yes... passing is the whole point isn't it. We have more common ground there than you'd think by my post. My approach however, from what I've gathered is... well it's different.

Anne,

What makes this so interesting for me, at least, is that there is no strict definition of what we have to do or be. Be as you will and, as one of my favorite philosophers once said, whatever gets you through the night is alright.

Welcome to Laura's! I look forward to hearing your perspective on things.

luv

Gin

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Guest SouthernBelle

Thank you so much Belle. For "You are female"

I cried and still am to be honest. Thank you so much. I don't so much need support as I need company. I feel so alone most of the time and no one understands. Everyone near me thinks I'm some kind of, in my father's words, "perverted sex freak." Even my fiancee who is closer to me than anyone thinks it's sexual in nature. That's a huge issue for us right now. I'm having problems letting that go. I'm not sure I can.

Oh, you're welcome, sweetie. It helped me too to hear that.

But I must say that there is hardly a difference between support and company. Actually, the only difference I can fathom is whether or not your company supports you in your transition. Support is hard to find for the transgendered community and that's why we have Laura's.

You're not a perverted sex freak. I once thought the same thing about myself. And I had reason to believe so. But I'm not and neither are you. You'll be able to let it go in time. Just remember that self-acceptance is the first and most important thing that should happen for you. You are fine just as you are, even if you don't know who you are yet biggrin.gif

KISSES

Belle

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Guest Elizabeth K

I am getting here late - I read the comments and it covers most everything. You DO like to write and that is a big pluss here as you will get a ton of socializing from like-thinking people.

The site is PG-13 because we have young teens here. We want them to feel comfortable and if "mom" is reading over their shoulders she will see we are tame enough for Junior. When you PM others, the rules generally apply but it is in private - so with someone adult, you can better ask questions there in private.

Also - I know - you feel so isolated sometimes. We all do. Our posts are sometimes sparkley and nice, but our hearts can be broken. It is expected that some days will be diamonds - some will be dust. You need to know we are here for you, whatever.

So with the wonderful introduction and responses you have gotten - welcome - you are in the right place. Many of us call it a second home now.

Lizzy

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Guest Emily Ray

Someone else,

Welcome to Lauras. it looks like you are making yourself right at home and thats a good thing. I was in Amphibias Assult to while i was in the USMC. always love to have another marine around.

Huggs,

Emily

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Guest someone else

I started this thread so I feel I need to address each and every one of you who has been so warm and welcoming. If any of you are going to the STLGF this weekend I'd love to meet you. It will be my first meeting so I'll really be reaching out.

@ Gin

I've learned that we are a more diverse group than I could ever have imagined. Before I started talking about things I just assumed that everyone with GID fought it. I had no idea that some people really wanted to transition and approached it with zeal. I can't fathom simply wanting to transition. I started because the only other option was to ventilate the space between my ears. It was a huge step for me, going from, denial to "Hey world! This is who I am."

@ Southern Belle

I already like you. You're right about the difference between company and support. It's mostly semantics, however my thoughts were that I'm not so much in need of help. I'm in need of friends who understand. In fact I'm contemplating a move in order to do so. I'm giving things a shot this weekend though. Maybe things will be OK here. I know I'm not a perverted sex freak, well at least not till you get to know me. I reserve that part of me for my SO. I digress. He thinks, as so many do, that my presenting as a woman has to do with sex. I can't help it that popular culture objectifies women. I'm just being the same as the women I see and know. Mostly I wear jeans or shorts and a polo or a tank. I have one skirt that's above the knee and it's a jean skirt. That's just a wardrobe staple if you ask me. I've found one dress, yes I found a dress to fit (finally), and that hits me at the knee. I know I'm not a perverted sex freak. I'm fairly conservative. Do I know men will look? Yes. I know I look if I see an attractive woman. Is that TMI? Self acceptance was my biggest obstacle, it is odd that you mention it. I've dealt with that less and less but I'm at a spot at this moment where I'm really OK with it. I'm being honest and open, finally, and I really don't care who knows. In fact I'd prefer that everyone know so I can just go about my business. However I'm tired of explaining myself to the curious. It's so daft. Thank you for accepting me as I am. Just to clarify... I know exactly who and what I am. You're intellectually engaging and I can identify with what you're saying. Thank you!

@ Elizabeth

I love the name. That was my first name of choice. Is Beth OK? You are never late here. That's the convenience of the forums. We're here even if we're not. I know all too well that our hearts can be broken. My fiancee, who knew before I asked for her hand, wants me to choose between her and me. I actually had to think about it. Now she wants to compromise, how does one compromise one's self with a clear conscience? Yet because of a broken heart, I contemplate. Thank you for the warm welcome.

@ Emily Ray

I wish I could divulge my duty stations and deployments while in the fleet. I believe that may be against the TOS. I was on an island from 90-92 including the time I spent deployed from the base. It was beautiful there. Before that I spent a couple years on the west coast but I wasn't in AA at that time except for school. I'm always hoping to run into someone I've known in the past. I'm curious how the VA has treated you? It has been a nightmare getting anything covered since being diagnosed with GID. Every procedure and test has to go to the board to be approved since I came out. I was a good marine, a darn good one. I didn't hesitate if someone asked for help. I had their back. Now some poag is telling me I can't get medical coverage without board approval. Sometimes I think I shot the wrong people. I'm almost certain of it. I shouldn't talk about the darkness in my soul though. Civilians don't understand that any more than cisgenders understand transgenders. Semper fidelis, we may not be brothers anymore but I'm still here for you sister.

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Guest ricka

Hello Anne and a warm welcome to Laura's. You are outspoken and I like that! If I have read your comments correctly you are saying that you are transgendered and comfortable in your skin being transgendered as opposed to being a male trying to (appear to) be a female (which does not preclude transitioning to become more feminine.) Sometimes it is difficult to find just the right words to express our feelings, at least that is what I struggle with sometimes, and more often than not someone else on the forum has found the words that express what I am feeling. This is one of the benefits of the forums. Anyway looking forward to learning more about you and to your being a part of our family here!

Hugs, Ricka

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Guest SouthernBelle

If any of you are going to the STLGF this weekend I'd love to meet you. It will be my first meeting so I'll really be reaching out.

What's the STLGF?

@ Southern Belle

I already like you. You're right about the difference between company and support. It's mostly semantics, however my thoughts were that I'm not so much in need of help. I'm in need of friends who understand. In fact I'm contemplating a move in order to do so. I'm giving things a shot this weekend though. Maybe things will be OK here. I know I'm not a perverted sex freak, well at least not till you get to know me. I reserve that part of me for my SO. I digress. He thinks, as so many do, that my presenting as a woman has to do with sex. I can't help it that popular culture objectifies women. I'm just being the same as the women I see and know. Mostly I wear jeans or shorts and a polo or a tank. I have one skirt that's above the knee and it's a jean skirt. That's just a wardrobe staple if you ask me. I've found one dress, yes I found a dress to fit (finally), and that hits me at the knee. I know I'm not a perverted sex freak. I'm fairly conservative. Do I know men will look? Yes. I know I look if I see an attractive woman. Is that TMI? Self acceptance was my biggest obstacle, it is odd that you mention it. I've dealt with that less and less but I'm at a spot at this moment where I'm really OK with it. I'm being honest and open, finally, and I really don't care who knows. In fact I'd prefer that everyone know so I can just go about my business. However I'm tired of explaining myself to the curious. It's so daft. Thank you for accepting me as I am. Just to clarify... I know exactly who and what I am. You're intellectually engaging and I can identify with what you're saying. Thank you!

Ah! Semantics again! What's the difference between friends who understand and help? I would say that friends who understand is more help than I could ever ask for. It is the one thing that has been able to pull me out my trans-depressions.

Well, it's important to note that sexuality has been a part of my life too and probably many others on here. Transvestic fetishism is actually a symptom of transsexuality in the DSM IV (the psych Bible). But I think that that does not mean presenting as a woman is about sex. I've experienced transvestic fetishism in my life, but wearing panties is not longer a thing of sexuality for me. Be careful about listening to what others have to say. Noone understands us. Noone.

It's great to know that you accept yourself, honey! And, of couse, you're welcome!! I accept you, because you are you and that is special. You, too, are intellectually engaging. Here's to future posts in which the two of us can debate about nonsensical topics!!

@ Elizabeth

Is Beth OK?

Beth? lol that's a new one! Most of us just call her Lizzy! Of course, how dare i respond for her?

HUGGS AND KISSES TO YOU

Belle

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  • Forum Moderator

Hello Anne

Welcome! you've found a place to be you and sre everyting and anything you need or want in yoour lihe withh people who wil never judge you and will always be there when you need them.

This has become my real home and I'm proud to share it with you

Hugs

JJ

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    • Vidanjali
      I appreciate this so much and it's one of the reasons why this community feels like home - a rare treasure among the world wide web. 
    • VickySGV
      As far as things being lost on the Web, accidents happen, Just here alone, I have 20,825 posts showing in my number count, but probably only 19K of them are still actually here to view.  There was a change to a new server a number of years ago, and a segment of the data base they were in became locked and could not be transferred to the new drive in the servers we use now.  Why or how that segment of the data base became locked has not been figured out in the time since but at least we know what happened and it was not intentional or aimed at a single element of behavior here.  Data accidents happen with not one single person really responsible for them or for that matter even the computer itself.  Frustrating as all get out when it happens, but it does happen.  Some other electronics I work on as a hobby had their similar problems here a couple days ago because of the Solar Flares, and power outages or dips in voltage can make electronic life miserable.
    • Carolyn Marie
      This is very true, Jani.  The original owner of this site, Laura, and her chief assistants, developed our community rules more than 15 years ago.  They have been modified many times, to take into account changing tastes, mores, technical issues and legal issues.  Sites such as TikTok and X didn't exist then.  Our naughty word filter, as just one example, has been modified many, many times.   On this site, as on most private sites, in order to become a member one must agree to the T's & C's and abide by, in our case, the "Community Rules."  If you seriously violate those rules your membership can be terminated.  So, yes, freedom of speech here is restricted.  Some sites are lax about enforcement, but that has never been the case here.  We guard the safety of members, and your emotional comfort, zealously.  We aren't perfect and sometimes let things get out of hand, or we go too far with restrictions, but those instances are uncommon (IMO).   Every site has different standards.  Luckily, for every interest there are numerous sites and it's usually easy to find one that fits your needs and temperament.  When it comes to the Internet, one size does not fit all.   Thanks for your question, @Ladypcnj.   Carolyn Marie
    • Ladypcnj
      Thanks Jani and Vidanjali, it helps me understand more. 
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