Stuck In Afghanistan Again

[Guest rebeccaanne]

o.k. hope i dont get long winded but here it goes. i am 40 years old, been in the Army 20 years, still active duty. i am on my 4th combat tour between iraq and afghanistan. i am a senior non-commissioned officer, and have a perfect record. i have known i was transgendered since i was around 9 or 10, and i have gone off and on hormones for a couple months at a time atleast 8 times in my career. my last deployment in iraq in 08 i was on them for 3 months and i had great results, i have ordered more this time and hope to be on them longer. i know, self medicating is dangerous, but it helps me cope. i am here, all alone no clothes or things to make me feel like me and it helps. i dont want to retire just yet, but will in the next few years. i guess i am just venting, needing to yell out loud i want to be me. i have never seen a counselor out of fear of losing all i have worked for, i dont contemplate suicide or anything like that, i just hate keeping all this inside me for so long. i am 5'7 now and weigh 175, i know to big, i am losing weight fast here, not to hard with the heat and all, lol. once my spiro and estro arrive, i am hoping it will help shape me even more.

any advice or help i would love, please, i am lonely here and just need some friends i guess. i have read alot of the other posts, and this group is awesome.

well, hope to here from someone

Rebecca

[Guest Penelope]

Dear Rebecca,

You sound like you are on a very lonely and difficult slog. How much longer do you think you can hold the woman inside? Do you have any plans for what she is going to do when you finally let her out?

Being a soldier in Afghanistan sounds dangerous enough without self-medicating on potentially lethal drugs.

Can you make contact with a gender therapist when you are not on combat tours?

I really worry that you are damaging yourself by, knowingly, denying the real person for so many years.

After you have made 5 posts you will be able to contact a site moderator, or anyone else, by PM should you want to discuss things privately.

Keep safe,

Penelope

[Guest Donna Jean]

Rebecca, Honey....

I'm Donna Jean....

I'm a Vietnam vet, so I have some idea of what you're going through....

I want you to be extra careful over there and come home safely...

I'm not too happy about the self medicating and wish that you would contact a therapist and start on the road to getting your HRT "by the book"

Hon, what's your time-line?

How much longer will you be there?

How much longer until you get out for good?

When you get PM privileges please feel free to contact me and I'd be happy to help all that I can. I'm 60 and 17 months HRT....

Be careful, Honey...

HUGGGGGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest Opal]

Hi Rebecca!

Sorry to hear you are in such an impossible situation. Please keep in touch on here as you safely can.

Hugs,

Opal

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Rebecca Anne

I suggest your best course now is to stay with us. We are here at Laura's to support people - and that includes those on the other side of the world. Yes - it's tough mixing a military career with gender dysphoria and I think you will surprised to know it is not that uncommon. You will most probably put in your years and then after you retire, become your ture self. The key is to cope until then - and THAT is what we can help you with.

We don't condone non-supervised HRT BUT we cannot really be judgemental as your circumstances are extreme. PLEASE be careful with those very potent drugs. PM Dee Jay , me or someone else later on that, when you get 5 or more posts. I am age 63 and Dee Jay is a few years behind, but Dee Jay was USAF combat zone for six years. She coped somehow. She is a beautiful T-Girl and a beautiful soul - a good contact for you if you wish.

And she already replied.

My heart goes out to you! It's never easy what we have to do in our lives to work around something that really isn't our fault, yet people seem to hate us for! You need friends that understand... please stay with us.

And most importantly - be safe and come home intact!

Oh my - brave soul, my Rebecca Anne - brave soul!

Lizzy

[Guest Wendae]

Time to retire! 4 combat tours and you are pushing your luck. Taking hormones could eventually affect your health unless perscribed. And lastly it'e time to go before you are embarrased and ruin your career. I was having some serious problems and retired on 20.

[Carolyn Marie]

Rebecca, I am so proud of you for your incredible service to this country. Thank you so much.

We can be your lifeline, hon, so keep communicating with us. You can be yourself here, even if you can't be where you are. It helps, it really does, to find and interact with this community.

Please try to stay safe, and come back home in one piece. There are options open for you if you are stateside, so hang in there.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest rebeccaanne]

Dear Rebecca,

You sound like you are on a very lonely and difficult slog. How much longer do you think you can hold the woman inside? Do you have any plans for what she is going to do when you finally let her out?

Being a soldier in Afghanistan sounds dangerous enough without self-medicating on potentially lethal drugs.

Can you make contact with a gender therapist when you are not on combat tours?

I really worry that you are damaging yourself by, knowingly, denying the real person for so many years.

After you have made 5 posts you will be able to contact a site moderator, or anyone else, by PM should you want to discuss things privately.

Keep safe,

Penelope

Hi Penelope,

I am currently working on my bachelors in computer programming, so i am considering some type of consulting from home maybe for now. i know once i retire with all my experience i could easily land a job for the DoD or gov, but then my desire to transition would be an issue. but of course the money would be great, lol. always dillemas. as far as a therapist, i have contacted one online who is willing to do some counseling with me from here through skype or telephone, so now considering that. i agree i do not like hiding the true me, and it is a hard internal battle i fight everyday. i think i maintain my sanity and focus through sites like this, where i have an opportunity to talk and be me. when you say 5 posts, do i need to have 5 different topic areas, lol or just respond 5 times before i can PM?

well thanks for the reply

Rebecca

[Carolyn Marie]

i know once i retire with all my experience i could easily land a job for the DoD or gov, but then my desire to transition would be an issue.

when you say 5 posts, do i need to have 5 different topic areas, lol or just respond 5 times before i can PM?

Rebecca

Rebecca, please remember that the President changed the rules for Federal employees, assuring that transgendered employees are fully protected.

And yes, five posts of any kind in any forum will grant you access to the PM system.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest rebeccaanne]

Rebecca, Honey....

I'm Donna Jean....

I'm a Vietnam vet, so I have some idea of what you're going through....

I want you to be extra careful over there and come home safely...

I'm not too happy about the self medicating and wish that you would contact a therapist and start on the road to getting your HRT "by the book"

Hon, what's your time-line?

How much longer will you be there?

How much longer until you get out for good?

When you get PM privileges please feel free to contact me and I'd be happy to help all that I can. I'm 60 and 17 months HRT....

Be careful, Honey...

HUGGGGGGS!

Donna Jean

i will be here in Afghanistan another 11 months or so. i could retire now if i liked, i am waiting until i return to decide. i have contacted a therapist and responded to his offer to conduct an online consultation through skype. i know it is dangerous self medicating, i am sorry. also, i tried really hard to fit in, as my unit is very macho and has a reputation to protect, so i worked out with the guys, and i hate it, i have stopped totally other than cardio and pilates, my big issue is losing the unwanted muscles, slimming them down, i have got on a good diet, it is helping, dropped my waist 2 inches and my arms 1 inch, any ideas from anyone on how to get it all off of me? i explained to my unti that my days of the gym are over, and that im to old to do that, in reality, i could out do most of them if i tried, lol. but not anymore, i am trying to get myself ready.

thank you so much Donna

kisses

Rebecca

[Guest rebeccaanne]

Rebecca Anne

I suggest your best course now is to stay with us. We are here at Laura's to support people - and that includes those on the other side of the world. Yes - it's tough mixing a military career with gender dysphoria and I think you will surprised to know it is not that uncommon. You will most probably put in your years and then after you retire, become your ture self. The key is to cope until then - and THAT is what we can help you with.

We don't condone non-supervised HRT BUT we cannot really be judgemental as your circumstances are extreme. PLEASE be careful with those very potent drugs. PM Dee Jay , me or someone else later on that, when you get 5 or more posts. I am age 63 and Dee Jay is a few years behind, but Dee Jay was USAF combat zone for six years. She coped somehow. She is a beautiful T-Girl and a beautiful soul - a good contact for you if you wish.

And she already replied.

My heart goes out to you! It's never easy what we have to do in our lives to work around something that really isn't our fault, yet people seem to hate us for! You need friends that understand... please stay with us.

And most importantly - be safe and come home intact!

Oh my - brave soul, my Rebecca Anne - brave soul!

Lizzy

i hear it every day, the hate for people like me, it amazes me how close mided alot of people can be. i like to see people as they present themselves, if you are true, and kind, i accept you that way. i really am glad i found this site, and the responses are extremely helpful. i am currently back from patrols, so it is easy to write now, but when i do go, i go for like 5-7 days then back. so to all the girls, if i dont reply soon, i am out on missions. i come back, keep to myself, and catch up here or on my group site i created. i am hoping to try and help others, or be helped, lol. i just hate all those groups that turn into porn sites or spam magnets. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NNYTransgenderResourcePlace/ my site by the way. well got to get some lunch, 110 here today, lol.

Bye Bye

Rebecca

[Guest rebeccaanne]

Rebecca, please remember that the President changed the rules for Federal employees, assuring that transgendered employees are fully protected.

And yes, five posts of any kind in any forum will grant you access to the PM system.

Carolyn Marie

really, that is good news, i could easily see myself landing an advisory job with all my experience here and in Iraq, but i bet they would want me back over here, lol. well, we will see when i return, what options are available. i will return here often, i promise, i now look forward to the communications here to start and end my days, makes me feel good inside, and not so alone

Rebecca

[Bulldog1948]

Hi Rebecca,

Welcome aboard. I know that you will make a lot of good friends here. We are one big family- no squabeling,cussing and such allowed. The mods do a great job of patrolling the site and don't take a guff from anyone.

Anyway, we've got a grandson over there. He's a Capt in MI. So, it's hard to tell just exactly where he's at or what he's doing. You know how that can go.

You take care now

Mike[bulldog]ASA

[Guest Gina9223]

Would you like to use a life line?

Hi Rebecca,

Just so you know, your not alone. When I say that I really mean it.

Wanna be #8 for 2010?

Right now I know of several Trans people in the war zone. For ex-military who are trying to earn the money to transition. Just so you know, once your past 18 years you are in sanctuary and it becomes Gosh darned near impossible for anyone to take anything from you. I know someone (who is in Afganistan) who has a few contacts with civilian gender therapists that do work on line and by phone. That is an option but you do have to pay out of pocket. I know of a few that have managed to 'come out' to military therapists and get to remain in position. That used to be rare but seems to becoming a bit more common. I think a thread I posted is still up on a sticky here. Read it. Got any questions? Ask me, I think I've heard all of them so far. When you start forward planning for your transition out of the military I'm good with that too.

(HUGS) and good luck,

Gina

[Guest rebeccaanne]

Would you like to use a life line?

Hi Rebecca,

Just so you know, your not alone. When I say that I really mean it.

Wanna be #8 for 2010?

Right now I know of several Trans people in the war zone. For ex-military who are trying to earn the money to transition. Just so you know, once your past 18 years you are in sanctuary and it becomes Gosh darned near impossible for anyone to take anything from you. I know someone (who is in Afganistan) who has a few contacts with civilian gender therapists that do work on line and by phone. That is an option but you do have to pay out of pocket. I know of a few that have managed to 'come out' to military therapists and get to remain in position. That used to be rare but seems to becoming a bit more common. I think a thread I posted is still up on a sticky here. Read it. Got any questions? Ask me, I think I've heard all of them so far. When you start forward planning for your transition out of the military I'm good with that too.

(HUGS) and good luck,

Gina

hey girl, yes please contact me with the info for the therapists.

Love to hear more from you, e-mail me, lets chat. add me to your list of in the warzone transgendered, lol. good to hear about the sanctuary, i have been in 20, so i imagine at most, i would just have to retire, which i dont want to do yet, but if forced, whatever. maybe it would be my boot in the donkey to get going. well hope to hear from ya soon.

Rebecca

Edited July 2, 2010 by Zolrek
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