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Hello! I Guess It Is Time.

Guest HazelEyes

By Guest HazelEyes,
in Introductions Forum

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Guest HazelEyes

Guest HazelEyes

Posted
Posted

Greetings to all.

I have been lurking here, and the web, reading up, searching etc. I figured it was time to introduce myself, as I just informed a semi-close but very understanding friend of mine about the real me. I do not know how else to describe it.

I do not know where to start. I guess, it started in my childhood. I can remember my mother finding me in her garments, etc. I have and had few close friends growing up. One best friend from age 1 till my 3rd grade year in school, and i have really a few close friends now, less than 5 i keep in constant contact with. I was pretty much alone most of the time if not with my childhood friend who lived nest door. Listening to the radio, building with Legos, GI Joe, Transformers(1st generation). etc. My parents were both school teachers at local HighSchools. Both have/had Multiple degrees, Also both aquired their Masters Degrees in their subjects they taught.

That is about where the similarities end. My mother and father are complete opposites other wise. Mother, was the type that spoke w/o thinking how she spoke, and was impulsive, Obama Voter so i say Liberal (democratic), Megalo-maniac of sorts in control working 14 hours a day to this day and loves it, i think she submerses herself in work to make up or to ignore other things. My Father, was quiet, patient, logical, anylitical(sp), very well read, conservative Republican. I could go more in-depth but i hope this sets an image. Basically i was genetically Bi-Polar. I had as most of friends call it a very Brady Bunch Raising, golden rule, moral ethics, proper manners. etc.

I was a shy, insecure, goofy, nerdy, kid growing up who as i have always felt and have been told am just a little bit wonky so to speak. I was bullied throughout my schooling, or just ignored. I was the band and choir geek as they called it. In a small school where team sports ruled. I was Mis or properly diagnosed with Passive ADHD back in my early childhood. I say Mis diagnosed because recent studies have shown, that a high percentage of children in the early 80's that were diagnosed with ADHD of varying forms, should have been tested for Bi-polar disorder. They thought at that time Bi-polar was not a disorder that could manifest itself in children, so it was dis-regarded.

In 05 i went and sought out a shrink, and counselor. I described why i came, and they then asked series of questions etc. The end result: Hyper-cycling passive aggressive Bi-polar, with General Anxiety, General paranoia, and Passive ADHD. I am proactive in taking my medication for all of them. I have not to this day, revealed any of my sexual, gender issues, as i am unsure as to how that will change my life. I plan on discussing the topic with my counselor on my next visit.

I am not sure where i fall in all this. I love to dress as a classy lady, i love the clothing, the fabrics, the endless possibilites of outfits and accesories. I also have kind of learned that i think and comprehend things more in the female sense than male. I find myself wishing i had the body of a female, the nose, the hair, neckline, etc. I am not how ever physically attracted to men. Although, i have messed around orally on and with another male, it was a close friend of whom i spent a lot of time around etc. I am still highly attracted to females, and most recent to note, a non-fully post-op transgendered male to Female. The slang term that immediately comes to mind is She-males or im guessing the proper name is Transexual.

I have seriously considered, electronic hair removal of entire body, as i have been fully shaving or nairing every inch of my body for the past 10 years or more. Feminization of my teeth, face, etc. I also have been seriously considering hormone therapy etc.

This Holiday weekend the close female friend and I went out shopping for a few things. That i had not yet obtained. Main things, A long haired, decent quality wig, skirts, tops, some new undergarments and lingerie, stockings, and of course eye and face make-up, finger nail polish etc. I had a blast, i was a bit nervous at first but as the day progressed i got more comfortable and stopped worrying about how it looked when checking out, and shopping for clothing etc. She even mentioned that she noticed me visually getting more comfortable. It was a long day, we started at noon and got home around 11pm. "

In closing, i am not exactly sure what classification i fall under, i just know i belong here. Any thoughts, Questions, statements, etc. Feel Free. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

O forgot one thing. I have kinda took a liking to the name "Holly".

I have hazel eyes, brown hair, fair skin, with warm skin tone. I dont know what else to say. Thanks glad to ber here. I hope to learn and grow a lot from and with all of you.

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Guest sarah f

Guest sarah f

Posted
Posted

Welcome to Laura's Holly. When you have a chance take a look at the forum rules aka terms and conditions at the top of the site. I look forward to seeing more from you.

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Guest HazelEyes

Guest HazelEyes

Posted
Posted

Thanks Sarah.

As always, and from being a member of many other forum sites, i thoroughly read and understand the guidelines and such.

A couple of things i might have forgot to mention. I am 32, i did have a stent lasting almost a decade of excessive, heavy social illegal drug use of any and every substance possible. I HAVE NOT NOR EVER USED A NEEDLE though.

I ended up literally walking away from it all, with no relapse, no 12 step program, no support group, no family etc. I have been clean and sober now for coming up on 6 years in august.

Another point. I only have one or two make friends, all my other close or non close what i consider closer to me friends are all female if you need a number to compare for a ratio lets say 2 male friends VS. about 15 female friends.

My family moved after my 3rd grade year, and the only immediate friends i made were the 3 girls living next door to us. So we would get together and best as i can sum it up play house etc.

I have always related, befriended, been highly respected and respectful to women. I don't know. If i ended up the way i am due to environment, behavioral, or what.

I am also not very comfortable with having a male counselor, doctor, shrink etc.

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

Guest Donna Jean

Posted
Posted

Well, good morning, Hazel Eyes!

Welcome to the Playground.

I'm Donna Jean...

Is that you in your avatar? If it is, you look amazing....

Come on in and have a seat...I'll get you some cookies and a hot cup of coco...

Then you can just kick off your shoes and relax...OK?

Now, I'd like to ask you to be sure to have a look at the forum rules...there's a link at the top of most pages...It says “Terms & Conditions..

And, we moderate this site to keep it safe for everyone..

So, just relax and enjoy....

It's so nice to have you!

Huggs

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest HazelEyes

Guest HazelEyes

Posted
Posted

Well Thank you, Donna. I am soo happy to be here.

OMG!!!!!!! I SOO WISH I COULD SAY THAT is ME.

She is absolutely gorgeous.

It is just a random pic i found on the web. It was a pic from an advert i think. But it is my natural hair color and eye color. I need a tan though.

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  • Forum Moderator
JJ Gold Member

JJ

Posted
  • Forum Moderator
Posted

Hi-Holly is it?

You have found the perfect place to explore who you are and how you feel.

We love to share and answer questions plus there is just a lot of information. I knew I was transgendered when I arrived here, but that was all I knew. Here I have found out what that means, and found a level of love and acceptance and support that has allowed me to find out who I really am and how I really feel.

So get comfortable and enjoy!

Hugs

JJ

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  • Root Admin
MaryEllen Gold Member

MaryEllen

Posted
  • Root Admin
Posted

Hello Holly,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. :)

MaryEllen

Link to comment
Guest kelise

Guest kelise

Posted
Posted

Welcome Holly. It's nice to meet you.

I tried to gather enough from your post to help you a little with your "classification" issue. Obviously, a Gender Therapist is going to be better qualified to help you with that.

Would you say your interest is more in the clothes or the body? How do you feel when you look at yourself naked in ther mirror. Typically, crossdressers only find interest in the clothing women wear, while transsexuals are mostly interested in making their body match their insides.

Don't worry about the attraction issue. Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity are totally separate things. I'm 3 years full time and getting ready for surgery, and I am a complete lesbian with a GF of 8 months.

Also, the term "She-male" is not slang, it's porn. Most people find it offensive, so I certainly would avoid reffering to yourself as one. It's just an all around ugly word.

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Guest Opal

Guest Opal

Posted
Posted

Hi Holly!

Welcome to Laura's! It is nice that you decided to post and tell us a bit about yourself. Yes, depending upon your counselor's experience with gender issues, he or she may want to refer you to a Gender Therapist who specializes in Transgender therapy.

That is wonderful that you have a friend who goes shopping with you! Hope you both can go out often to shop, even if it is to just window shop.

Hope you will continue to post with us as you are comfortable in doing so.

Hugs,

Opal

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

Guest miss kindheart

Posted
Posted

Hi Holly,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)

We have Cross Dressers meetings -Tues 8pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

:wub: vanna

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Guest HazelEyes

Guest HazelEyes

Posted
Posted

Welcome Holly. It's nice to meet you. Thanks Kelsie! a pleasure to meet you as well. =)

I tried to gather enough from your post to help you a little with your "classification" issue. Obviously, a Gender Therapist is going to be better qualified to help you with that. I have taken the (i forgot the long acronym for it) gender identity test thing, What ever you call it.

Only online however, and i have also taken a few MENSA IQ tests online as well. I forget what my exact scoring was on the Gender test.

my scoring on the MENSA IQ TESTS were averaging at about 120.

Would you say your interest is more in the clothes or the body? To answer this one: Both the clothes, and Body. Albeit. If i had to pick one BODY!!!

How do you feel when you look at yourself naked in ther mirror. Answer: Excessively over critical. Would want to change a lot of things.

Typically, crossdressers only find interest in the clothing women wear, while transsexuals are mostly interested in making their body match their insides.

Don't worry about the attraction issue. Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity are totally separate things.

Wow i thought they some how were tied together, although now that i actually think about it. Logically it makes perfect sense.

I'm 3 years full time and getting ready for surgery, and I am a complete lesbian with a GF of 8 months. I shall say congrats to you and you S/O. I hope all goes well with the procedure.

Also, the term "She-male" is not slang, it's porn. Most people find it offensive, so I certainly would avoid reffering to yourself as one. It's just an all around ugly word.

Thanks for the Insight i shall refrain from using that terminology.

Hi Holly!

Welcome to Laura's! It is nice that you decided to post and tell us a bit about yourself. Yes, depending upon your counselor's experience with gender issues, he or she may want to refer you to a Gender Therapist who specializes in Transgender therapy.

That is wonderful that you have a friend who goes shopping with you! Hope you both can go out often to shop, even if it is to just window shop.

Hope you will continue to post with us as you are comfortable in doing so.

Hugs,

Opal

Thanks Opal. Greetings and salutations to you as well. I was excessively nervous for many years before last week. Something was just screaming inside me to tell someone. So i found a friend of mine i went to HS with and we shared some fun times together in choir and in school in general.

I Dared not tell my closest 3 friends with whom i contact everyday, i tried feeling them out about these types of issues, and i just did not think they were at present time IMO, able to properly handle what i was going to tell them. The Friend i told is close to me, she knows who i am, type of person my character humor, etc. She is openly excepting of all types of people and she herself had an odd childhood, far worse than mine.

The Shopping expedition, we went on, Like i mentioned, took almost 12 hours. I ended up spending about $450 dollars saturday. LOL. I am a clothes junkie even as a male. I have a bigger selection of clothes (male) than most every female i know. They have seen my closets, armoire, and dresser and told me so. I shall mention the possibility of a refferal within my Network of insurance. thanks for the tip.

Hi Holly,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Well thank you Vanna, the pleasure of meeting you is all mine. Such wonderful people here. =)

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one. ON this note, I access the internet on an iMac G5 USing SAFARI 5.0 or what ever the latest version is.( the white face model approx. 5 years old.)

I tried creating a user acct. last night, and it just would not work. The page froze up, and just would not let me. I have read the chat help., the rules the web disclaimer, contact for help section etc..

I tried to click the link to contact Karen? albeit i can not send her an email as i do not know how to de-activate my iMac's Default iMail system and use my registered Email acct with this site.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)

We have Cross Dressers meetings -Tues 8pm est, and you are welcome to attend. I would love to attend, however i work 4pm-Midnight, m-f. So unless there is a sturday or sunday session,

We all look forward to seeing you. Thank you again and as i do hope to be seeing more of all of you too.

:wub: vanna

Also would like to thank Jean, Gin, and Mary Ellen for the warm welcomes and hello's

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Guest RachaelAnn

Guest RachaelAnn

Posted
Posted

Thanks Sarah.

As always, and from being a member of many other forum sites, i thoroughly read and understand the guidelines and such.

A couple of things i might have forgot to mention. I am 32, i did have a stent lasting almost a decade of excessive, heavy social illegal drug use of any and every substance possible. I HAVE NOT NOR EVER USED A NEEDLE though.

I ended up literally walking away from it all, with no relapse, no 12 step program, no support group, no family etc. I have been clean and sober now for coming up on 6 years in august.

Another point. I only have one or two make friends, all my other close or non close what i consider closer to me friends are all female if you need a number to compare for a ratio lets say 2 male friends VS. about 15 female friends.

My family moved after my 3rd grade year, and the only immediate friends i made were the 3 girls living next door to us. So we would get together and best as i can sum it up play house etc.

I have always related, befriended, been highly respected and respectful to women. I don't know. If i ended up the way i am due to environment, behavioral, or what.

I am also not very comfortable with having a male counselor, doctor, shrink etc.

Welcome to Laura's Holly. I like everyone else look forward to getting to know you.

Like you, I too lost many years to drug use, but I did take the needle. But thankfully it was only once.

Anyway, Crack open your favorite soda, kick back and we'll se what's on TV while we wait for Sally to bake a fresh batch of her delicious cookies! Have fun Girlfriend!

Rachael

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Guest HazelEyes

Guest HazelEyes

Posted
Posted

All posts are moderated.

http://www.lauras-pl...p?showtopic=524

Welcome to Laura's. THanks Zolrek. i am used to posts being moderated etc. I just didn't realize that almost no one is online, when i am awake and functioning lol.

Welcome to Laura's Holly. I like everyone else look forward to getting to know you.

Like you, I too lost many years to drug use, but I did take the needle. But thankfully it was only once. Wow, well glad to have you here with us, and good to know that, i am not alone, i didnt think i was alone in my history just good to have it validated. I aqquired most of my mental disorders from my heavy heavy drug use

Anyway, Crack open your favorite soda, kick back and we'll se what's on TV while we wait for Sally to bake a fresh batch of her delicious cookies! Have fun Girlfriend!

Thank you and pleased to meet you RachaelAnn. I'm actually a coffee snob lol, and im enjoying a cup of fresh coffee as we speak. i do not drink much soda, if i do it's DRpepper maybe one or less a day. Thank you for the offer though, the cookies do sound good.

Rachael

Welcome to the family. :)

*hugs*

*hugs* thanks Lee-Asher i hope to make a lot of new friends here.

Lee

Welcome Holly!

Hope you enjoy this site as much as I have. Darius, thank you for the warm welcome,. From what i have seen so far i think i shall.

Darius

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Guest HazelEyes

Guest HazelEyes

Posted
Posted

I also, find it intriguing that the forum uses the pure elements found in the Periodic Table, to identify its newer members, from its veteran members. =)

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Guest Zolrek

Guest Zolrek

Posted
Posted
THanks Zolrek. i am used to posts being moderated etc. I just didn't realize that almost no one is online, when i am awake and functioning lol.

I'm normally the only mod who's constantly(unless I'm on a "break" from Laura's) on during the latest hours of the night. At lest I have been for the last 2 years I've been modding. Thankfully, other mods will pop on randomly during the night as well to help out. We all try our best to approve posts as fast as we can.

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Guest Donna Jean

Guest Donna Jean

Posted
Posted

I also, find it intriguing that the forum uses the pure elements found in the Periodic Table, to identify its newer members, from its veteran members. =)

Cool, eh?

Donna Jean

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Guest HazelEyes

Guest HazelEyes

Posted
Posted

I'm normally the only mod who's constantly(unless I'm on a "break" from Laura's) on during the latest hours of the night. At lest I have been for the last 2 years I've been modding. Thankfully, other mods will pop on randomly during the night as well to help out. We all try our best to approve posts as fast as we can. It's all good, no worries here. just getting use to the new site and its lil intricacies.

Cool, eh? If ya do not mind how did the creators of the site come to the decision to use those. It's definitely

Donna Jean

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

Posted
Posted
*hugs* thanks Lee-Asher i hope to make a lot of new friends here.

I am always available if you ever need anyone to talk to about anything :)

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