Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hello! I Guess It Is Time.


Guest HazelEyes

Recommended Posts

Guest HazelEyes

Greetings to all.

I have been lurking here, and the web, reading up, searching etc. I figured it was time to introduce myself, as I just informed a semi-close but very understanding friend of mine about the real me. I do not know how else to describe it.

I do not know where to start. I guess, it started in my childhood. I can remember my mother finding me in her garments, etc. I have and had few close friends growing up. One best friend from age 1 till my 3rd grade year in school, and i have really a few close friends now, less than 5 i keep in constant contact with. I was pretty much alone most of the time if not with my childhood friend who lived nest door. Listening to the radio, building with Legos, GI Joe, Transformers(1st generation). etc. My parents were both school teachers at local HighSchools. Both have/had Multiple degrees, Also both aquired their Masters Degrees in their subjects they taught.

That is about where the similarities end. My mother and father are complete opposites other wise. Mother, was the type that spoke w/o thinking how she spoke, and was impulsive, Obama Voter so i say Liberal (democratic), Megalo-maniac of sorts in control working 14 hours a day to this day and loves it, i think she submerses herself in work to make up or to ignore other things. My Father, was quiet, patient, logical, anylitical(sp), very well read, conservative Republican. I could go more in-depth but i hope this sets an image. Basically i was genetically Bi-Polar. I had as most of friends call it a very Brady Bunch Raising, golden rule, moral ethics, proper manners. etc.

I was a shy, insecure, goofy, nerdy, kid growing up who as i have always felt and have been told am just a little bit wonky so to speak. I was bullied throughout my schooling, or just ignored. I was the band and choir geek as they called it. In a small school where team sports ruled. I was Mis or properly diagnosed with Passive ADHD back in my early childhood. I say Mis diagnosed because recent studies have shown, that a high percentage of children in the early 80's that were diagnosed with ADHD of varying forms, should have been tested for Bi-polar disorder. They thought at that time Bi-polar was not a disorder that could manifest itself in children, so it was dis-regarded.

In 05 i went and sought out a shrink, and counselor. I described why i came, and they then asked series of questions etc. The end result: Hyper-cycling passive aggressive Bi-polar, with General Anxiety, General paranoia, and Passive ADHD. I am proactive in taking my medication for all of them. I have not to this day, revealed any of my sexual, gender issues, as i am unsure as to how that will change my life. I plan on discussing the topic with my counselor on my next visit.

I am not sure where i fall in all this. I love to dress as a classy lady, i love the clothing, the fabrics, the endless possibilites of outfits and accesories. I also have kind of learned that i think and comprehend things more in the female sense than male. I find myself wishing i had the body of a female, the nose, the hair, neckline, etc. I am not how ever physically attracted to men. Although, i have messed around orally on and with another male, it was a close friend of whom i spent a lot of time around etc. I am still highly attracted to females, and most recent to note, a non-fully post-op transgendered male to Female. The slang term that immediately comes to mind is She-males or im guessing the proper name is Transexual.

I have seriously considered, electronic hair removal of entire body, as i have been fully shaving or nairing every inch of my body for the past 10 years or more. Feminization of my teeth, face, etc. I also have been seriously considering hormone therapy etc.

This Holiday weekend the close female friend and I went out shopping for a few things. That i had not yet obtained. Main things, A long haired, decent quality wig, skirts, tops, some new undergarments and lingerie, stockings, and of course eye and face make-up, finger nail polish etc. I had a blast, i was a bit nervous at first but as the day progressed i got more comfortable and stopped worrying about how it looked when checking out, and shopping for clothing etc. She even mentioned that she noticed me visually getting more comfortable. It was a long day, we started at noon and got home around 11pm. "

In closing, i am not exactly sure what classification i fall under, i just know i belong here. Any thoughts, Questions, statements, etc. Feel Free. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

O forgot one thing. I have kinda took a liking to the name "Holly".

I have hazel eyes, brown hair, fair skin, with warm skin tone. I dont know what else to say. Thanks glad to ber here. I hope to learn and grow a lot from and with all of you.

Link to comment
Guest sarah f

Welcome to Laura's Holly. When you have a chance take a look at the forum rules aka terms and conditions at the top of the site. I look forward to seeing more from you.

Link to comment
Guest HazelEyes

Thanks Sarah.

As always, and from being a member of many other forum sites, i thoroughly read and understand the guidelines and such.

A couple of things i might have forgot to mention. I am 32, i did have a stent lasting almost a decade of excessive, heavy social illegal drug use of any and every substance possible. I HAVE NOT NOR EVER USED A NEEDLE though.

I ended up literally walking away from it all, with no relapse, no 12 step program, no support group, no family etc. I have been clean and sober now for coming up on 6 years in august.

Another point. I only have one or two make friends, all my other close or non close what i consider closer to me friends are all female if you need a number to compare for a ratio lets say 2 male friends VS. about 15 female friends.

My family moved after my 3rd grade year, and the only immediate friends i made were the 3 girls living next door to us. So we would get together and best as i can sum it up play house etc.

I have always related, befriended, been highly respected and respectful to women. I don't know. If i ended up the way i am due to environment, behavioral, or what.

I am also not very comfortable with having a male counselor, doctor, shrink etc.

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

Well, good morning, Hazel Eyes!

Welcome to the Playground.

I'm Donna Jean...

Is that you in your avatar? If it is, you look amazing....

Come on in and have a seat...I'll get you some cookies and a hot cup of coco...

Then you can just kick off your shoes and relax...OK?

Now, I'd like to ask you to be sure to have a look at the forum rules...there's a link at the top of most pages...It says “Terms & Conditions..

And, we moderate this site to keep it safe for everyone..

So, just relax and enjoy....

It's so nice to have you!

Huggs

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest HazelEyes

Well Thank you, Donna. I am soo happy to be here.

OMG!!!!!!! I SOO WISH I COULD SAY THAT is ME.

She is absolutely gorgeous.

It is just a random pic i found on the web. It was a pic from an advert i think. But it is my natural hair color and eye color. I need a tan though.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi-Holly is it?

You have found the perfect place to explore who you are and how you feel.

We love to share and answer questions plus there is just a lot of information. I knew I was transgendered when I arrived here, but that was all I knew. Here I have found out what that means, and found a level of love and acceptance and support that has allowed me to find out who I really am and how I really feel.

So get comfortable and enjoy!

Hugs

JJ

Link to comment
  • Root Admin

Hello Holly,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. :)

MaryEllen

Link to comment
Guest kelise

Welcome Holly. It's nice to meet you.

I tried to gather enough from your post to help you a little with your "classification" issue. Obviously, a Gender Therapist is going to be better qualified to help you with that.

Would you say your interest is more in the clothes or the body? How do you feel when you look at yourself naked in ther mirror. Typically, crossdressers only find interest in the clothing women wear, while transsexuals are mostly interested in making their body match their insides.

Don't worry about the attraction issue. Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity are totally separate things. I'm 3 years full time and getting ready for surgery, and I am a complete lesbian with a GF of 8 months.

Also, the term "She-male" is not slang, it's porn. Most people find it offensive, so I certainly would avoid reffering to yourself as one. It's just an all around ugly word.

Link to comment
Guest Opal

Hi Holly!

Welcome to Laura's! It is nice that you decided to post and tell us a bit about yourself. Yes, depending upon your counselor's experience with gender issues, he or she may want to refer you to a Gender Therapist who specializes in Transgender therapy.

That is wonderful that you have a friend who goes shopping with you! Hope you both can go out often to shop, even if it is to just window shop.

Hope you will continue to post with us as you are comfortable in doing so.

Hugs,

Opal

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

Hi Holly,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)

We have Cross Dressers meetings -Tues 8pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

:wub: vanna

Link to comment
Guest HazelEyes

Welcome Holly. It's nice to meet you. Thanks Kelsie! a pleasure to meet you as well. =)

I tried to gather enough from your post to help you a little with your "classification" issue. Obviously, a Gender Therapist is going to be better qualified to help you with that. I have taken the (i forgot the long acronym for it) gender identity test thing, What ever you call it.

Only online however, and i have also taken a few MENSA IQ tests online as well. I forget what my exact scoring was on the Gender test.

my scoring on the MENSA IQ TESTS were averaging at about 120.

Would you say your interest is more in the clothes or the body? To answer this one: Both the clothes, and Body. Albeit. If i had to pick one BODY!!!

How do you feel when you look at yourself naked in ther mirror. Answer: Excessively over critical. Would want to change a lot of things.

Typically, crossdressers only find interest in the clothing women wear, while transsexuals are mostly interested in making their body match their insides.

Don't worry about the attraction issue. Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity are totally separate things.

Wow i thought they some how were tied together, although now that i actually think about it. Logically it makes perfect sense.

I'm 3 years full time and getting ready for surgery, and I am a complete lesbian with a GF of 8 months. I shall say congrats to you and you S/O. I hope all goes well with the procedure.

Also, the term "She-male" is not slang, it's porn. Most people find it offensive, so I certainly would avoid reffering to yourself as one. It's just an all around ugly word.

Thanks for the Insight i shall refrain from using that terminology.

Hi Holly!

Welcome to Laura's! It is nice that you decided to post and tell us a bit about yourself. Yes, depending upon your counselor's experience with gender issues, he or she may want to refer you to a Gender Therapist who specializes in Transgender therapy.

That is wonderful that you have a friend who goes shopping with you! Hope you both can go out often to shop, even if it is to just window shop.

Hope you will continue to post with us as you are comfortable in doing so.

Hugs,

Opal

Thanks Opal. Greetings and salutations to you as well. I was excessively nervous for many years before last week. Something was just screaming inside me to tell someone. So i found a friend of mine i went to HS with and we shared some fun times together in choir and in school in general.

I Dared not tell my closest 3 friends with whom i contact everyday, i tried feeling them out about these types of issues, and i just did not think they were at present time IMO, able to properly handle what i was going to tell them. The Friend i told is close to me, she knows who i am, type of person my character humor, etc. She is openly excepting of all types of people and she herself had an odd childhood, far worse than mine.

The Shopping expedition, we went on, Like i mentioned, took almost 12 hours. I ended up spending about $450 dollars saturday. LOL. I am a clothes junkie even as a male. I have a bigger selection of clothes (male) than most every female i know. They have seen my closets, armoire, and dresser and told me so. I shall mention the possibility of a refferal within my Network of insurance. thanks for the tip.

Hi Holly,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Well thank you Vanna, the pleasure of meeting you is all mine. Such wonderful people here. =)

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one. ON this note, I access the internet on an iMac G5 USing SAFARI 5.0 or what ever the latest version is.( the white face model approx. 5 years old.)

I tried creating a user acct. last night, and it just would not work. The page froze up, and just would not let me. I have read the chat help., the rules the web disclaimer, contact for help section etc..

I tried to click the link to contact Karen? albeit i can not send her an email as i do not know how to de-activate my iMac's Default iMail system and use my registered Email acct with this site.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)

We have Cross Dressers meetings -Tues 8pm est, and you are welcome to attend. I would love to attend, however i work 4pm-Midnight, m-f. So unless there is a sturday or sunday session,

We all look forward to seeing you. Thank you again and as i do hope to be seeing more of all of you too.

:wub: vanna

Also would like to thank Jean, Gin, and Mary Ellen for the warm welcomes and hello's

Link to comment
Guest RachaelAnn

Thanks Sarah.

As always, and from being a member of many other forum sites, i thoroughly read and understand the guidelines and such.

A couple of things i might have forgot to mention. I am 32, i did have a stent lasting almost a decade of excessive, heavy social illegal drug use of any and every substance possible. I HAVE NOT NOR EVER USED A NEEDLE though.

I ended up literally walking away from it all, with no relapse, no 12 step program, no support group, no family etc. I have been clean and sober now for coming up on 6 years in august.

Another point. I only have one or two make friends, all my other close or non close what i consider closer to me friends are all female if you need a number to compare for a ratio lets say 2 male friends VS. about 15 female friends.

My family moved after my 3rd grade year, and the only immediate friends i made were the 3 girls living next door to us. So we would get together and best as i can sum it up play house etc.

I have always related, befriended, been highly respected and respectful to women. I don't know. If i ended up the way i am due to environment, behavioral, or what.

I am also not very comfortable with having a male counselor, doctor, shrink etc.

Welcome to Laura's Holly. I like everyone else look forward to getting to know you.

Like you, I too lost many years to drug use, but I did take the needle. But thankfully it was only once.

Anyway, Crack open your favorite soda, kick back and we'll se what's on TV while we wait for Sally to bake a fresh batch of her delicious cookies! Have fun Girlfriend!

Rachael

Link to comment
Guest HazelEyes

All posts are moderated.

http://www.lauras-pl...p?showtopic=524

Welcome to Laura's. THanks Zolrek. i am used to posts being moderated etc. I just didn't realize that almost no one is online, when i am awake and functioning lol.

Welcome to Laura's Holly. I like everyone else look forward to getting to know you.

Like you, I too lost many years to drug use, but I did take the needle. But thankfully it was only once. Wow, well glad to have you here with us, and good to know that, i am not alone, i didnt think i was alone in my history just good to have it validated. I aqquired most of my mental disorders from my heavy heavy drug use

Anyway, Crack open your favorite soda, kick back and we'll se what's on TV while we wait for Sally to bake a fresh batch of her delicious cookies! Have fun Girlfriend!

Thank you and pleased to meet you RachaelAnn. I'm actually a coffee snob lol, and im enjoying a cup of fresh coffee as we speak. i do not drink much soda, if i do it's DRpepper maybe one or less a day. Thank you for the offer though, the cookies do sound good.

Rachael

Welcome to the family. :)

*hugs*

*hugs* thanks Lee-Asher i hope to make a lot of new friends here.

Lee

Welcome Holly!

Hope you enjoy this site as much as I have. Darius, thank you for the warm welcome,. From what i have seen so far i think i shall.

Darius

Link to comment
Guest HazelEyes

I also, find it intriguing that the forum uses the pure elements found in the Periodic Table, to identify its newer members, from its veteran members. =)

Link to comment
Guest Zolrek
THanks Zolrek. i am used to posts being moderated etc. I just didn't realize that almost no one is online, when i am awake and functioning lol.

I'm normally the only mod who's constantly(unless I'm on a "break" from Laura's) on during the latest hours of the night. At lest I have been for the last 2 years I've been modding. Thankfully, other mods will pop on randomly during the night as well to help out. We all try our best to approve posts as fast as we can.

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

I also, find it intriguing that the forum uses the pure elements found in the Periodic Table, to identify its newer members, from its veteran members. =)

Cool, eh?

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest HazelEyes

I'm normally the only mod who's constantly(unless I'm on a "break" from Laura's) on during the latest hours of the night. At lest I have been for the last 2 years I've been modding. Thankfully, other mods will pop on randomly during the night as well to help out. We all try our best to approve posts as fast as we can. It's all good, no worries here. just getting use to the new site and its lil intricacies.

Cool, eh? If ya do not mind how did the creators of the site come to the decision to use those. It's definitely

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James
*hugs* thanks Lee-Asher i hope to make a lot of new friends here.

I am always available if you ever need anyone to talk to about anything :)

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 222 Guests (See full list)

    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Ivy
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Ashley0616
    • SamC
    • EasyE
    • Vidanjali
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,033
    • Most Online
      8,356

    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Newest Member
    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. afraid of self
      afraid of self
    2. Chaidoesart
      Chaidoesart
      (14 years old)
    3. Faith57
      Faith57
    4. Joyce Ann
      Joyce Ann
      (70 years old)
    5. Kelly21121
      Kelly21121
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      Our government is huge and could, and probably should, be streamlined. But we are living in 2024, and not the late 18th century.  The founders did provide for updating the Sacred Constitution.  And it has been done on occasion.   There is a lot going on, and I don't want to be a single issue voter.  But I feel that it is being forced on me as a matter of my survival.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      How about if we get back on topic?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Many women my age wear their hair super-short, and I don't really have a need to have it long.  Longer in places where I can't grow it, if it is long  No aspirations to be a supermodel here.  The mustache would have to go before the wig comes if I ever did that.  I am threading a narrow path.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Not all evangelicals condemn people for being trans.  Some evangelicals are even trans.   He can pray for you all he wants, that is fine.  I will personally take all the prayer I can get.   It sounds like he has been reading or listening to John McArthur or the SBC.  Not much you can do. Pray for him.
    • Ashley0616
      It'll come in waves with hormones. I have noticed that when I apply a fresh patch and the next day comes I feel euphoric and towards the end I feel really bad and dysphoria kicks in. I still feel body dysmorphia of what I have and can't wait till SRS
    • Abigail Genevieve
      One month here. Huh.
    • Vidanjali
      "entries from “citizens who have changed their gender” will not be considered"   Considering that trans people don't "change their gender" but rather may or may not transition to some extent to affirm their gender, this rule seems superfluous. 
    • Ashley0616
      They make supplements for hair growth I have been using one for four months and it is now at 6" long when I had nothing before. Although I take more than the pills. I take growth spray, oil, and a supplement that is added to a drink. My hair is very healthy. Unfortunately it's very curly so it'll take longer to grow 
    • Timber Wolf
      What's normal?🤪   Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾😁
    • Timber Wolf
      That's a toughy to say. But I do know that it's an area for improvement with me. I can get pretty down on myself sometimes. I guess I have to remember that I'm human just like everyone else, not perfect. And that's okay.   Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾🪻
    • Willow
      Good morning    On this date in 1972 it was a Saturday. I  made a pledge to love and honor my wife and keep her forsaking all others.  I have kept those vows and here we are celebrating our 52nd anniversary still together.  Still caring for each other through sickness and in health.  Still sharing our lives.   Other than that, it’s another day near the beach.  80 and mostly sunny.     I found a ‘17 GMC Acadia yesterday I want to take a look at.  It’s a bit more than I wanted to spend but it’s doable. Only 69k miles on it, with the low mileage I put on cars these days it probably won’t ever hit 100k if I do beget it.  Low mileage now is  likely because it was a leased car at some point. Those usually get pretty good care and not a lot of miles.  It would be similar in size to my Ford, 7 passenger seating but a more basic trim which is fine.  It only has a 4 cyl engine so potentially rather under powered for a relatively large SUV.  The ford has a 4.0liter 6 which is a bit large for cars these days.  Instead of full time all wheel drive, it apparently has 4 modes, 2, 4, sport (what ever that is, I presume it’s over drive turned off) and anti slip.  It’s probably not going to happen but I am keeping my eyes open for a good deal. The old Ford is just that, an old worn out Ford.  Since I bought the Ford I’ve only put about 10k miles on it in 6 years.  My daughter once had an Acadia, top trim package.  When she was driving back and forth to work close to 100 miles per day and going to Philadelphia every week another 500 or more.  For her the miles added up fast.   still keeping my eyes open.  This is about the right age and size but I was hoping to spend about $2000 less.   Other than that I hope to meet with my minister today about paper topics for my class submission.   Other than that Monday is laundry day so I’ll be doing several loads of laundry today.     I put on a neutral gel nail polish last night.  I tried this before, however, I don’t believe I correctly understood the how to get a good result so I was more careful this time.  All I want it’s to give my bpfinger nails enough strength to grow out just a little and stop tearing.   Well, I need to call to make an urology appointment.   @Birdiei was born in Ohio and until Lamda Legal sued them you could not get a sex change on a birth certificate for any reason.  Now you can.  In South Carolina a name change requires $300 and a form filled out and filed with the clerk of courts.  But a gender change requires a birth certificate with the new gender listed.  I am hoping they will permit gender X eventually but right now the state is too Red to do any such thing.   Willow      
    • KymmieL
      I have the problem, that I see myself at 3 maybe 4 on the list. I don't have the self love that I should have.   What does it mean to you?   Kymmie
    • Birdie
      Seems the stuffy day-centre has swapped out Psychiatric Services and therapy to the local BSA hospital. BSA works closely with the local university and is much more gender accepting than the day-centre. The day-centre's psychiatrist wanted to treat me for gender dysphoria by correcting it. 🙄   I logged into MyChart app at the hospital and updated my preferred name (Birdie) and preferred gender marker for them to use.  I'll try and get a referral for gender therapy at the hospital as well.    Nevada is my place of birth and I found out changing the gender marker on my birth certificate there only requires a letter from a licensed therapist, but a name change still requires a court order.    Changing the gender marker to female would at least be one step in the right direction, then I could renew my ID to state female instead. 
    • Charlize
      But as the beach boys sang : "I wish they all were California girls".   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Charlize
      Of course the is a normal.  It is a setting on my washing machine.   Hugs,   Charlize
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...