Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
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By MAN8791 · Posted
Mine was Hatshepsut, an Egyptian pharaoh who had to carry herself as a male in order to rule. I was completely facinated by her as a student. -
By Willow · Posted
Well it was a good day at work I got everything done I needed to do. My audits came out right and everything. I had to fix the printer on one pump. It wouldn’t cut the paper and needed two parts replaced. The District Manager left us Thank you bags, Murphy Bucks and candy. We can use Murphy bucks to buy things in the store, or pay for gas. I guess next week the Area Manager will be around to check on things. He would be the next layer higher. Well my eyelids are starting to get heavy, time for a nap.thats the only thing about opening the store it definitely causes me to need a nap. -
By Vidanjali · Posted
Interesting point. I was raised Catholic and was intensely intrigued by the lives of saints. Similar to your obsession with Mulan, I was particularly drawn to Joan of Arc, a 15th century saint who took on the guise of a man to lead the French army to victory over the English in the Hundred Years' War. Later, she was sold out by the Burgundians to the English who brought multiple charges against her as a heretic, including claiming she could communicate directly with God (which undermined the church's authority), and wearing men's clothes. At one point, while imprisoned, she was made to dress in women's clothes, which she did, but was later found again in men's attire which she said she preferred. She was eventually burnt at the stake at age 19. Rather gruesome tale, but not atypical of the stories of Catholic martyrs. -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
I just read something a FB friend posted about guilt. I am changing it somewhat for here. There are things you should not feel guilty about because they are not wrong. Being transgender is one. People like to send us on guilt-trips about it, intentionally or unintentionally. There are things you have actual guilt about whether you feel guilty or not. If you murder someone, you may not feel any guilt. The FEELING of guilt can be widely separated from objective guilt. All of us need to train ourselves to not feel guilty about things we are not guilty of,, and to feel guilty about the things we are guilty of. It is not easy. -
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By Vidanjali · Posted
Good news. That just means you're normal! Understand that thoughts leading to thoughtlessness is a VERY high ideal. Those who aspire to that may spend their entire life working on it and only ever glimpse momentary stillness. In fact, I'm reminded of a story which was relayed to me recently about a yogic master who was interviewed and asked - In deep meditation, how long can you sustain a still mind before another thought creeps in? You may expect the master to reply hours or perhaps even days. His answer - 7 seconds. The thing is, as long as you're operating with a human brain, thoughts will go on. In Bhagavad Gita chapter 6, verse 34, Arjuna (who represents every individual) complains to Lord Krishna (who represents the Higher Self), "The mind is very restless, turbulent, strong and obstinate, O Krishna. It appears to me that it is more difficult to control than the wind." Such is the nature of mind. The difference, though, is in learning gradually to not identify with thought, but rather to become the dispassionate witness of thoughts, like clouds passing in the sky, or often more poignant a simile, like high speed trains rushing by. -
By Jamey-Heather · Posted
It's very warm here in the Willamette Valley after a couple of weeks of rain. So I thought I'd get springy 🥰🥰🥰 -
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By RaineOnYourParade · Posted
As a guy with a mom constantly throwing around "she/her", I feel you. I think trans people in general hold ourselves to an impossible standard to be more girly or manly. There are some people who look or act a lot like the opposite gender, even if they're completely comfortable in their AGAB. That thought helps comfort me sometimes. If being a man was a set of boxes to check off (beyond the obvious chromosome things), I'm sure there'd be plenty of cis guys that would suddenly find themselves no longer being guys. It can be hard when it feels like evidence is stacked against you, but you don't have to be a certain way to turn into a guy. Some people will make it sound that way, but you're already a guy, regardless of how you look or act. After all, men don't look or act one way. Moving on from that, your mom'll probably (unfortunately) be an issue until you're able to put some distance between yourself and her. Finding a good group of people that support you and your identity can help some -- even if you can't stop her from misgendering you, the more people that you find that respect you can sometimes make it easier to drown out that voice. I wish you the best of luck <3 -
By RaineOnYourParade · Posted
Dang, this post started a loooooong time ago :o I'm not the most masculine guy, and I would be way too terrified to talk about any desire to be a boy tbh. Everyone said I was girl, I was told I had girl parts, all that, so I figured there was no other option, even if I wanted to be a boy. So, I basically masked the few remaining "signs" I would have after taking away some stereotypical guy things. I was a bit of a tomboy, but I didn't mind wearing fem clothing, and I was seen as just that -- a bit of a boyish girl. Though, one internalized sign I did have and never talked about was my obsession with Mulan. A girl who got to go and be a guy. She got to hang out with the guys, eat and sleep with the guys, act like a guy, learn the same things the guys in the movie did. I thought every girl would be jealous of that... apparently not, lol -
By RaineOnYourParade · Posted
It depends what you consider "rich". "Rich" as in there's plenty going on in there? Yeah, sure. Doesn't mean it's high quality junk. There's a lot of complicated stuff I'm still working on sorting out, so even if I've got a lot in my inner life, it's such a mess that it looks more like a hoarder's den than the nice, temple-like space a "rich inner life" makes me think of. Then I'm definitely doing something wrong with thinking haha 😅 My brain is physically incapable of not thinking about something. I can focus on one thing if I try really hard or if it's a specific interest of mine, but I have to keep thinking on it, otherwise my brain just starts jumping around. If I leave my brain alone, it sometimes jumps to some stuff that kinda scares me, so I don't think my thoughts will ever go to silence Great minds think alike, I suppose! :D -
By Ivy · Posted
I will add, Sometimes it's just a look of recognition from a woman, say like in a coffeeshop, store, etc. that helps me feel like I do belong. I don't get that recognition from men anymore - and don't miss it. -
By Ivy · Posted
I wanted to say this too. One thing that is hard for trans women is not having had the girl's socialization growing up. A lot of the time we just don't know how to act, and that shows. For myself, sometimes I hold back maybe more than I should out of fear of seeming "creepy." Acceptance varies. Some women are quite accepting, others less so. I usually wait to be invited to participate. I don't want to push myself on anybody. These days I don't have much interaction with men anyway. Perhaps my seeing men as "other" gets picked up on by women. I don't know. I seem to fall back on "it's complicated." I think when you understand what women go through in this patriarchal society it helps to understand better. As trans women, we do get some of this as well, but most of us didn't have to grow up with it. Over time, and even pre-transition, I've developed a very feminist view of our society. (Also raising 6 daughters helped a bit.) But that is a whole other subject. -
By Vidanjali · Posted
I spend time reflecting on this too. I do so in terms of transcending mind. I study Vedanta, mystical yoga philosophy, under guru's guidance. The mind-body complex is spoken of where "mind" is further parsed as ego, mind, intellect, unconscious all interacting with each other. It is said that one's real Self is soul and from a transcendent point of view, soul is not individualized, but One. It is through the illusion of ignorance we experience a world of multiplicity. Soul reflected through conditioned mind projects our seemingly subjective experience. When our unconscious is steeped in negative impressions, the ego is inflated. That inflated ego influences intellect which is the faculty of discernment, reasoning, and will, to direct the mind to project the negativity it believes is true. Negative experience of the world creates further negative impressions in the unconscious and thus a vicious cycle occurs. But likewise we are able to exert self-effort to control the mind, break that cycle and plant seeds of positivity in the unconscious by doing good practices in many ways. It is said that mind is the cause of bondage and release. My guru once said if your thinking lead to more and more thinking, then there is something wrong with your thinking. But if your thoughts lead to thoughtlessness, then you are on the right track. That is, one can do many things with the mind - make the mind one-pointed, make the mind distracted, or make the mind so still that it negates itself. That is a taste of bliss. So, do I have a rich inner life? I would say I do. But that was not a given; I aspire for it. It requires persistent effort and patience. And the term "rich" is not literal. Lord Jesus said, blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. By this, "poor" is also not meant literally. Poor in spirit is the state of cessation of ego and attachment - there is no "me" or "mine". In that state the kingdom which is Absolute Bliss is attained. -
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