How Would You Handle This Scenario?

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

This is just, I don't know, weird I guess. Let me set the scene: my 14 year old niece send me a friend request a few months ago. I of course added her because she's my niece and I figured, hey, maybe she's more accepting of me than my sister tells us. So that's all fine and dandy. Then recently one of her best friends (also 14) sent me a friend request. I had never met this person before so I ignored it. The next day she sent another friend request and a poke. So I figured, alright, I'll add her but anything childish or negative I'm deleting her. Well I don't really care about her status updates on Facebook so I chose to hide them.

Today I get this message from her:

why are you ignoring me, we're friends

So I wanted to set the record straight so I wrote her back:

Chelsea, I've never met you. I know you're good friends with my niece Cameo and probably her mom (my sister) but that's about the only connection.

and then she wrote this....

do you have a pee-pee, and can you come over cameo's house so i can meet you?

So naturally my main questions are:

1) would you go through the motions of explaining what being TS? (after all, at 14..isn't that the parent's responsibility?)

2) would you do anything at all? (should I just ignore the email)

3) would you still be friends with her?

Like I said, she's 14....

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

After some brief discussion I decided to go ahead and unfriend her from Facebook as well as block her.

[Guest Hildagard]

The fact that she's interested in meeting you means she's not hating on you, or atleast thats what I gather. However, this sounds more like you need to have a talk with your Niece about what she's been telling her friends. As far as explaining TS? Its best someone who knows what it is does it, otherwise you get all sorts of bad things thrown in the mix like she-males he-she's boobdickers and all those offensive terms. It'd be better to have it explained on your terms, one that allows for more acceptance and tolerance.

At 14? She should be mature enough to know the difference between whats right and whats wrong, whats appropriate or not, and those sorts of things.

Probably didn't give much help as to what to do, but there's a little insight for ya.

Love, Hilda.

[Guest sarah f]

After some brief discussion I decided to go ahead and unfriend her from Facebook as well as block her.

Lizzie, I think this was probably the best way to handle it. Even if you did try to explain to her, it could have got ugly on there and you don't want to hurt your niece.

I would however have a talk with your niece about what she is saying to her friends about you.

[Guest Donna Jean]

and then she wrote this....

do you have a pee-pee, and can you come over cameo's house so i can meet you?

Lizzie...

This would be the deal breaker for me...

Maybe if she were just a little more mature and could understand things better...

But this just reeks of morbid curiosity ...

Just my opinion!

Donna Jean

[JJ]

Hi Lizzie

Whie 14 year olds have the intellectual capacity to handle information about being trans they are very often at perhaps the worst age when it comes to maturity. Hormones alter teen brains and thinking patterns and at 14 many have not developed the social skills necessary to hande those changes. It could be this child is genuinely curious but if so she would probably have worded her question differently. More likely she was baiting you and worse would have followed. I do beieve that it would be a good idea to talk to your neice and your sister about what happened and why you unfriended your neice's friend.

No matter how curious this little girl may be how can it be appropriate to mention genitalia in an e-mail to someone you've never met?

Sorry you had the negative experience but you handed it very well

Hugs

JJ

[Paula ult]

So naturally my main questions are:

1) would you go through the motions of explaining what being TS? (after all, at 14..isn't that the parent's responsibility?)

2) would you do anything at all? (should I just ignore the email)

3) would you still be friends with her?

Lizzie,

1) it should be the responsibility of the parents but we all know all the misinformation out there, it would be better to hear it first hand.

2) you might have talked to your sister and Cameo about it before blocking her, she does sound curious.

3) i think it depends if it is just curiosity or not, at that age it probably is.

If your sister is accepting, your niece probably is too, her friend asking that personal question i could see a 14 year old asking, kids these days are pretty uninhibited, she may have been wanting to asking if you had srs yet but did not know the word, i would definitely talk to your sister and niece about this and explain why you unfriended and blocked her friend.

I have a Facebook account, whenever i get someone that wants to be a friend i go to their page and see if we have friends in common, if there are i add them, if not i do not add them, that happens frequently.

Paula

[Milly]

Oh my, that kind of question would have floored me lol. I think you handled it well, explaining it to her could have caused all kinds of drama with her parents etc, then back to you via the facebook page. Just not worth it when she has google at her fingertips and they teach kids how to use that early on in school.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Lizzie - you did the only ethical thing you could, because you are an adult and she is underage. Technically you could be considered a male preditor, although you certainly were the 'victim' in this case and haven't ever been male in your life.

Whenever I get into that situation - even a HINT of impropriety with someone underage - I RUN RUN RUN. No explaination is really needed to her - because instead of discouraging her, she would have probably considered that as a continued opening to talk some more.

This way - if her mom or dad came on, they would see you as shutting down things down immediately! Also - I am suspicious of ANYONE who gets personal and is underage. Could a Federal Officer be testing me? Big Brother and all... a touch of caution is best, in either case.

Lizzy Two

[Guest KimberlyF]

I think you did the right thing. And I'mmall for education but not in this format. And I could see her parent(s) getting peed followed by a headline about a crossdresser talking sex with a 14yo.

Kar

[Guest lvmyftm]

Unfriending and blocking was the smartest choice there. Any further contact or explaination and you could have the cops at your door.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Also - I am suspicious of ANYONE who gets personal and is underage. Could a Federal Officer be testing me? Big Brother and all... a touch of caution is best, in either case.

I highly doubt it was a Federal Officer since I was nosey and looked through her pictures and saw pics of her with my niece at, like, a school dance I remember she went to. and at the mall.

Plus, especially in those "To Catch a Predator" shows, wasn't it the adult who was the instigator?

We also discussed it would be pointless mentioning this to my niece because most likely my niece would find her friend's behavior hilarious. Not going to mention it to my sister, either. I think the best course is what I did. unfriended her. blocked her from future contact, and then vent about it online.

[Guest Donna Jean]

I think the best course is what I did. unfriended her. blocked her from future contact, and then vent about it online.

Absolutely!

Glad that you resolved it, Liz......

Huggs

Donna Jean